At the risk of people thinking, oh god here we go again, I want to post my twopenn?orth? I spent nearly the whole evening last night and until 2:30am last night reading this thread, and finished reading it this morning, which is why I just have to post my own thoughts, esp as there have been a few people who have posted having not read it and have come across as sounding very misinformed and ignorant! I am so sorry it?s so long, but I don?t want to post brief sentences that give people the wrong idea, plus I want to explain fully anyway.
I have found it fascinating and have learnt a hell of a lot. I would like to answer the statement somebody repeatedly made: ?I don?t understand why somebody would want to stop bf?. I felt the opposite way round by the time I was weaning dd!
Before I read the entire thread, I was of the ?it?s unnecessary? and ?it?s weird? group and have since learnt that I was wrong to be feeling like that. I don?t think I can even remember why I felt like that but I do want to try and explain, unlike some other posters on here! I guess the usual bugbears of ?they?re not a baby any more?, ?I?d feel weird feeding a child who could come up and ask in words?. One thing that hasn?t yet been mentioned and which bothers me a little is that a four year old might remember bf when he/she is an adult. If I had been bf at that age and remembered it now, I think it would disturb me a little, and if I was a man even more. I could be wrong ? perhaps it would have given me an even healthier attitude to the whole thing! You?ll want me to explain why?just the idea of a having a memory of sucking on my mum?s boobs weirds me out (sorry that doesn?t really explain why either!). I don?t think it has anything to do with feeling uncomfortable about sex, body image etc; I have had lots of training in one of my jobs around sexuality and attitudes to it etc, and my mum is very enlightened and open about the whole thing, so I think I have a healthier attitude than most to the subject. I also think perhaps it is something to do with my idea that a child needs to gradually become more independent from their mother as they get older, and for me personally 4 years old feels too old to still be dependent in that way.
This thread has also given me a lot of insight into why I weaned when I did, and why I might have been wrong to. DD was finally fully weaned at 14 months. I too had been informed, I forget where from, but somebody?s mention of the What to Expect books springs to mind ? they have been my bible ? that bf was of no benefit after 1 year old. I have a mother who was very supportive of bf and HVs were always very flattering when I was seeing them once dd reached a year. But after dd was a year old, when people said ?Well done! Not many people bf for that long?? I was actually feeling the opposite, that I was being weak finding it hard to wean her off it. At the time, I believed it was what I should be doing, and given the support I had around me for bf, I have no idea how that idea implanted itself so strongly in my mind, other than what you have all been talking about. I remember, either after dd was fully weaned or when she was only feeding morning and night, feeling very depressed and suddenly realizing one day that it was because I missed the afternoon bf/snoozes we used to have together and knowing instinctively that she missed it too, and now I am feeling a bit that I weaned her that early. NB I found it hard to wean her because of her hankering for it, not because I didn?t want to wean her myself.
However, I also acknowledge that for my own sanity I couldn?t have continued for much longer. I found it very draining and invasive. DD was a frequent feeder and always very, very clingy, and it was very hard to believe that would get easier before I cracked up, though I am very pleased to have been informed now of how different it is feeding a toddler. I am a lone mother and was concerned that dd shouldn?t be too dependent on me (I know, you?re probably thinking why shouldn?t she be, esp at this early age? I think the answer to that has to do with my own terror of the enormity of the responsibility I have towards her), and I (possibly incorrectly) felt that her clinginess and my frustration with it was fed into by the continued bf. I was also so, so happy once she was weaned because my relationship with her felt completely different, closer and more bonded, ironically. I was suddenly able to cuddle her without her hankering after the breast, I suddenly felt like she wanted me for me not for my breasts. I know this is my own problem or perception and is probably, again, incorrect (I?m sure many of you will be thinking, your breasts are you!) but that is how I felt. I had begun to resent being used as a milk machine and given that was how I felt, it probably was best I weaned her, because as many of you have said, as long as both mother and child are happy with bf, by all means continue! I wasn?t entirely happy? but I can also see now that perhaps another reason I wasn?t entirely happy was because of what had been knocked into me by today?s culture.
Plus I was able to hand her over to babysitters (mostly my parents) and have some time to myself/time alone with my boyf, which I very much needed and I believe dd needed too, tbh. She has flourished since being weaned, much more confident and independent and secure, and though of course I can?t say this is because of being weaned (more likely to be because of the very cosy first year we had together), it does feel like it sometimes. I can?t imagine we would have the relationship we have now if I was still bf?ing her. I know, I know, I?m sure we would! As an aside, she is still addicted to her cup of milk and the fact that she is indicates to me that had I not weaned her, she would still be bf?ing as often too ? and that I really could not have coped with for this long! That?s just me, how I feel?hats off to those of you who did cope/will cope.