Page 51 | Breastfeeding till the age of 4 - what do you think?

alux · 31/07/2005 21:37

breastfed yesterday in Starbucks that was shoulder to shoulder with people as the weather o/s was crap. I sat there and knew exactly what I would tell anyone who commented. I am also shy about a lot of silly things but as far as feeding my baby goes, I don't care. I will feed my baby wherever whenever she is hungry.

Have not yet had any negative comments but had one middle age woman in debenhams look all shocked. silly moo.

when I took dd for her shots at 3 mo. the nurse turned around all amazed and pleased to see me feeding dd. she commented how rare it was to see anyone in my area b/f.

ruty · 31/07/2005 21:37

i suppose the problem on tv is you can only do that if the actress has given birth in real life and is lactating. Usually it will be a baby who is not the actress's baby and it would be quite hard to fake breast feeding! Would be nice to see it tho. I had a horrendous experience with a midwife who was supposed to help me breast feed. Don't want to go into it now but it was the most traumatic thing, far worse than the 40 hour labour and emergancy caesarean.

hunkermunker · 31/07/2005 22:14

Serah, I think that some women do imagine negative reactions, both to bottlefeeding and to breastfeeding. When you feel self-conscious about something, you do feel as though everybody is looking at you.

Some people can be vile to women who are feeding their baby, whether breast or bottle

I think that for some women, the idea of getting their breasts out in public is too much, and I can understand that viewpoint, especially when we live in a society where boobs are only things that appear on page 3 and are sniggered over or openly ogled - and lots of women feel they are "for their husband" and "for sex".

Personally, I think found that I wasn't embarrassed to feed, although I had wondered about it before I had DS. But I figured that I wanted to breastfeed, I wanted to go out and I'd probably better get used to the idea that I was going to feed in public - so I did. Most of the time, nobody noticed - I have had one man crane his neck to get a better look at what I was doing(!) and seriously disapproving tuts from old ladies in Debenhams, but I have also had some positive comments, which is lovely.

Tipex, I have also had the same experience - I have never said anything that could be construed as "anti-bottle" in RL, yet people seem to think they can say whatever they like to me re breastfeeding. I handle it differently depending on who is talking to me - from scathing to sympathetic

serah · 31/07/2005 23:06

has anyone had any negative comments from peers or those younger - or is it all from the "older" generation - again, a generalisation.

I wonder, if any "embarrassment" is caused by not measuring up - and by that I mean the same as the general discussions women have about being too fat, too thin, breasts too big/too small - too whatever is not fashionable at the moment.... the same that applies to most aspects of life.

In so much as I see that that applies, I can't see attitudes changing at any great rate.

hunkermunker · 31/07/2005 23:13

Yes, the majority of the comments I've had have been from people the same age or younger than me. In the main, older people have been very supportive.

misdee · 31/07/2005 23:16

i dont honestly notice people around me when i am feeding dd3. my parents laugh as dd3 has a habiot of gripping the edge of my top and lifting it so more flesh is showing, but its only flesh so why worry.

hunkermunker · 31/07/2005 23:22

LOL, Misdee! DS used to do that! I wasn't worried about showing flesh, or even the odd nipple flash frankly. If people knew what I was doing and still looked, that was their business!

misdee · 31/07/2005 23:23

dd3 is very nosey so has a habit of popping of my boob mid feed for a look around, more people have seen my nipples that i dare to think about

but if men can walk around topless, then why should a quick flash of my nipples be any different. mine look better anyway

serah · 31/07/2005 23:24

Great attitude to it Misdee. I actually walked round recently with a top on that had mysteriously been pulled over my left partially bra covered breast - no idea for how long - just thought "bugger it".

Have to admit I am amazed it is peers and younger that scoff HM. I always thought it was my mums generation that "disapproved" of a public display ()

We are are own worst enemies - someone has already said this - but in so many aspects of our lives, baby/work/socially it is untrue (but if only it were)

suedonim · 01/08/2005 01:10

I honestly can't see how not having greetings cards depicting bottles can make bottle-feeding mums (of which I was one, myself) feel guilty. My pov is that sending a card that displays such a strong image (there was nothing else, it wasn't part of the usual bottles/toys/bibs/nappy pins picture) is also sending a powerful message. It absolutely leapt out at me from the shelf even though I was actually looking for New Home cards! The more I've thought about it, the more I see the card's concept as inappropriate and could easily be misconstrued as judgmental by the recipient, in a way that I don't think people feel re disp/reusable nappies.

If I'd received that card as a struggling-to-bf mum, my confidence would have been undermined even more and I'd think that the sender was being unsupportive and saying that I might just as well ff because I was making a cr@p job of bfing. If I had been a bottle-feeding mum, given that most mums who stop bfing do so reluctantly, I would have suspected someone was making a rather nasty jibe because I had stopped bfing and used formula instead. I guess that's why the card made me feel so uneasy.

bobbybob · 01/08/2005 06:57

Older farmers wives of the sort that deliver their own children have always been my greatest supporters. The people who think I am weird are my age and have a steriliser on their benchtop.

tiktok · 01/08/2005 09:40

WWB, did the incident you are referring to happen in the UK? If so it is illegal. I have never heard of this happening here, ever. Things are bad, but not that bad.

It is illegal for hospitals to get free formula, too. They have to negotiate round the market rate. This has been the case for many years now.

However, I suspect (if this was in the UK) that it was a rep from one of the 'give away' packs, acting unprofessionally, nevertheless.

dinosaur · 01/08/2005 10:10

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WigWamBam · 01/08/2005 10:15

tiktok, it was in the UK, just over 4 years ago. I don't know which company the rep was from but it was certainly a formula company; my friend ended up with several samples of made-up formula and a handful of money-off vouchers. I thought it was illegal too, but that doesn't seem to have stopped him.

madmarchhare · 01/08/2005 10:45

I think youre right dino, my experience was that I bottlefed and when I was at a friends house feeding ds, there was a whole conversation going on in the kitchen, that I was unaware of at the time, as to why I wasnt breast feeding. You really cant win.

dinosaur · 01/08/2005 10:49

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spidermama · 01/08/2005 11:01

Dino I sympathise. I used to make a point of smiling or giving a supportive look to any woman breast or bottlefeeding her baby. It's a lovely thing which makes me smile.

I stopped because so often the woman would glare at me as if I were being nosey or judgemental.

Isn't it sad that there's so much tension around the subject of feeding our young, not matter how we do it?

madmarchhare · 01/08/2005 11:03

fgs! The whole thing is just crackers really when you think about it. Women make a decision for whatever reason and then other women have a go.

Happy Bithday dinoboy!

madmarchhare · 01/08/2005 11:04

spidermama, I used to do that, but have stopped now

dinosaur · 01/08/2005 11:04

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Roxswood · 01/08/2005 19:46

I never felt uncomfortable feeding my little one in public until she got to be over about 10 or 11 months.

Now I know I am not imagining the disapproval as all of it that I have encountered has actually been verbal.
Muttered comments from a bottlefeeding Mother at the next table in a cafe "She shouldn't be doing that in here, its disgusting!" (While she popped a chip in the mouth of a baby definitely no older than four months)
My Grandma saying every time I see her "so when are you stopping then? You'll have to stop sometime you know and it will only get harder for her the longer you leave it"
My Mum telling me that she thought it was just wrong to keep feeding her now she's not a baby anymore, she just doesn't need it and I'm just not letting her grow up.

Oh please, as if I could stop her growing up even if I wanted to. And as for it getting more traumatic to stop breastfeeding thats exactly why I intend to continue until she weans herself. Can't tell my grandma that though, she really would have a fit if she thought we'd still be going at three.. or four

The funniest thing I've encountered are the looks of pity I get when I mention that she still feeds every couple of hours day and night, and how everyone seems to want to tell me how I can stop her. They should know me better than that, I mean I'm not the kind of person to keep doing something if I didn't want to.

Sorry to ramble on, but I'm experiencing lots of hostility suddenly that I never had earlier on in our breastfeeding relationship.

I too have noticed though that its socially acceptable for bottlefeeding Mums to talk about breastfeeding negatively and yet we're labelled as breastfeeding police if we even talk about it positively let alone mentioning any of the negatives about bottlefeeding. Is this because people feel sorry for bottlefeeding Mum's and are afraid to make them feel guilty? Or is it because we secretly find it amusing to hear all the completely inaccurate claptrap some of them come out with..

Oh dear I'm in danger of generalising, and I don't really intend to. Just thinking of a specific person I know who tells me all the time that actually bottlefeeding is better for the baby and all the breastfeeding Mums are going to discover they've wasted their time soon

Tipex · 01/08/2005 19:55

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WigWamBam · 01/08/2005 20:00

My mother-in-law on breastfeeding: "I don't know why you're bothering dear, why do you think scientists spent millions of pounds on developing formula if we were meant to breastfeed?"

She's as mad as a snake though ...

hunkermunker · 01/08/2005 20:05

Have also heard "They wouldn't sell it if they'd not made it better than breastmilk"!!!

spidermama · 01/08/2005 20:12

Roxwood I'm so sorry that people have felt free to make such negative comments. Poor you. Well, poor them really. So out of touch with their entire species! I hope you won't let it put you off.

Just to give you an idea, by babies have all self weaned, very gradually and easily, at slightly different times.

dd1.. stopped regular feeding by 3.5
ds2.. stopped somewhere between 2.5 and 3
ds3.. stopped at around 2.5
dd4.. Still feeding at 6 months

I've never had to say 'No. Milk is for babies. You can't have it any more'.
I have, however, said, 'No. Not at the moment. You'll have to wait until we get home/I've finished cooking/I'm ready ...etc,etc' I don't think anyone would be expected to demand feed a toddler. TBH I haven't even noticed the transition from BF to no longer BF with any of them.

Tipex, my reaction to the notice in the Dorset cafe would've been defensive too. It would seem to me they're trying to make sure bf doesn't take place amongst the other paying customers, but rather behind closed doors.
I certainly wouldn't be able to leave my other three kids to go upstairs and bf the baby.