What do you wish a bf supporter in hospital had told you/done?

[FourArms]

I'm coming towards the end of my bf peer supporter course, and soon I'll be volunteering on the postnatal wards at our local hospital.

So... if a bf supporter had been available in your hospital, what would you have liked them to have done/told you/showed you?

I was v.lucky with DS1 and DS2. Although there were slight issues with both (c/s with DS1 and a spell in NICU for DS2) they were both v.easy to bf and it came very naturally to us all from feed one. We did have problems once we were home, so I have a lot of experience with these, but not much for problems in the early days.

Any thoughts will be gratefully received!

After five days (in hospital) of trying to get BF established I wish she'd told me to not feel bad about going onto formula.

DS had no suck reflex, I had flat nipples and next to no milk.

In fact, strike that - I wish the bf counsellor who I saw ante-natally had raised the subject of flat nipples instead of insisting that there was no physical impediment to any woman breast-feeding. If instead of being all 'happy-clappy breast-feeding-is-bliss' the bf lady had been straight up about the difficulties which some women encounter with BF it would have made the first three months of motherhood a hell of a lot easier.

Am very pro breast feeding but to find out that I couldn't do it because of something which I could have (at least partially) remedied had I known about it was gutting.

I was incredibly lucky - I had a dream home birth with no drugs, a very supportive and BF-savvy midwife and my best friend who's an experienced breastfeeder stayed with me for the first 24 hours and gave me the confidence that I was doing it right. I also had - and still have, three years later - a very, very booby baby who took to it like a pro. We couldn't really have had a better start at it and I'm still hugely grateful, I wish I'd been told about cluster feeding, though, and that he'd want feeding at least hourly around the clock for the first week or two. From talking to other new mums, I've learned that most aren't told that a lot of the initial pain, even with a perfect latch, is the tissue behind the nipple stretching and won't last for ever. I was lucky in that I'd read about it, but one friend of mine was close to giving up because of this pain simply because nobody had told her what it was.

I wish someone had told me that if a baby is gaining weight steadily, it doesn't matter how long she spends on the breast.

I tied myself in knots about that fact that DD would not feed for more than 5mins at a time. the midwives/hv were insisting that she needed a good 20 min feed. I ended up switching to formula.

With hindsight, I can see that DD was thriving on breast milk (never lost her birthweight and even crossed a centile) but I was too nervous and sleep deprived to work that out.

Please remember to...

SPEAK VERY SLOWLY

I had to get the mw to repeat everything at least 3 times before it entered my head

and I agree with the posts about it not mattering if things don't happen at first. Took at least 12 hours before either of mine were interested.

spiderlight - is that true about the tissues behind the nipple? no one told me either - I did keep at it and now its fine but that is really interesting - doe sthis mean that it will not hurt as much with baby 2? or is it only if you are still bf baby 1?

OP - what an excellent thing you are doing, I keep thinking about doing this myself as I had such a dreadful time in hospital.

After being in labour for 48 hours and then having pethadine (NOT my birth plan!) both me and DD were exhausted & suffering the effects of the birth.

I was told off for not waking her on the first night to feed her, when I had been assured (as a new Mum), she would wake if she wanted feeding. This resulted in jaundice.

I also had my boobs manhandled into DDs mouth

I was led to believe BFing was "the most natural thing you will ever do as a woman" - this was and still is, frankly, bollocks! It's bloody hard and made a million times harder with conflicting information, hospital staff who claim to be 'BFing Experts' and are 23, if a day & have no kids!

I was not told that babies need to 'learn' how to feed too - my DD didn't open her mouth properly for the first 3 weeks so it was all very painful.

I did persist with BFing, with support from an excellect local BFing support group.

I BF until my DD was 8 mo - I only stopped because I couldn't keep up with expressing when I went on a course - too stressed and upset

That a small baby will find it harder to latch onto a hugely engorged breast than a bigger one (DS1 was 5lb14) and that nipple shields can really help with the latch. My mum brought them in but the MWs were really reluctant to let us use them. We were also repeatedly told by the MWs and NCT to "get him off" the nipple shield ASAP. Wonderful HV though, said "he'll stop when he's ready". And he did, after 6 weeks when he could manage the latch by himself.

Rugby ball position is really useful with a small baby too.

Apologies for not reading all the pages before posting this but feel it's important to emphasis that those with inverted nipples can breastfeed with help.

I have totally inverted nipples & had been warned by my mum (who also has them) that it could cause me problems with breastfeeding. I mentioned this on both my NCT & NHS bf-ing courses and was told by both "not to worry & they would sucked out by the baby". I invested in some nipple shields (I recommend Medela) just in case & did need them! My nipples did come out during feeds but even after 22 months of feeding went flat again in between feeds.

I was disappointed that no-one bothers to mention inverted nipples on my courses or mentioned that there are ways to help. Why does no-one look at your breasts until the baby has actually arrived & is crying for a feed?

DD also had tongue tie & I know of several friends who gave up bf-ing due to 'destroyed' nipples & only later found out that their child had tongue tie too.

I feel that bf-ing advice in this country is a strange mix of 'idealisation' and 'nagging' - it should be easy / perfect and everyone can do it but things like tongue tie & inverted nipples aren't checked as a matter of course so people feel like failures rather than getting the help they need. I was also told off by at least one health visitor for continuing to use the shields as they "weren't a natural part of bf"!

I was determined to bf & had been warned by my mum in advance, otherwise I don't think I would have been able to keep it up for even a few days, let alone the 22 months I eventually managed & thoroughly enjoyed.

Good call GraceK - couldn't agree more. Was stunned that the whole nipple issue only came up after the fact - with a bit of advance warning everything could have been different. (Still feel a bit bad for my poor nips - always thought they were perfect until it came to BF )

I think its helpful if people tell you its is hard and can be sore until you get the hang of it. you already feel overwhelmed, tired lost and useless so anything that boosts your confidence is great. Most of all that it will take ages, that babies feed for hours so get comfy and make the most of sitting still.

A consistent message, as a new mum you are often told to trust your instincts - but in those first few days (weeks, months,years!) you barely sleep and everything is very overwhelming, you just want someone to tell you the right thing to do. I was in hospital for 4 days after the birth of my son and I must have got a different response from at least 6 different health proffessionals in regards to breast feeding. I also agree with som of the other posts that some showed little interest and were very critical and just made you feel like a failure if baby did not latch on straight away. Luckily all turned out fine for us, once I got home my midwife was very supportive and helpful, but I have friends who gave up BF because of the 'support' they had in hospital.

Also wanted to agree with Grace K - I too have flat/inverted nipples and was given a nipple shield by one of the nurses in the hospital - which was a great help. However the response by some of the other nurses was that these were the devils tools! I have successfully been BF for the last 5 months using the nipple shield and baby is putting on weight well with no problems - but until I returned home and spoke to my midwife this caused a lot of stress.

I had my boob pushed in his mouth. Breastfeeding specialists never came back, mum to mum never got in touch.

I did however have a very kind midwife help me and explain the sucking process of my baby, which made the whole process much easier.

Things I would liked to have been told in the early days.
1, That it does get easier as both mum and baby bond.
2, That milk coming in is painful but only lasts for a few days.
3, That the sounds, sight or even thought of your baby will cause let down, so breast pads required all the time.
4, That boobs are strange things and pain it opp boob is normal while feeding.
5, Breasts will not always be hard when full (8 weeks + I thought i was drying up!)
6, That you must drink drink drink during feeding and even inbetween
7, That night sweats are common and you are not going mad!!!!
8, Where feeding welcome areas are and how to feed discretly in public.

Hope this helps.

I was also taught to flick the nipple which helped me latch on. Best tip for new mums.

Also nipple cream does work and cracked nipples can heal

I BF my DS for 4.5 months exclusively and then phased it out by 6 months, and I hated BF! I wish I didn't meet so many BF nazis and had someone tell me, if the mere thought of BF makes you sob - stop it now.

Saying that I will still give BF a shot with baby 2, whenever that happens, but I will be less worried about giving a bottle here and there if needs be.

Listening and offer the alternative to breats milk!
I fully understand the value of breast milk but boob feeding isn't for everyone and having that 'look' MW give you at the mere mention of formula, only throughs up more guilt!

Having endured an episiotomy and unable to sit proper (oh, makes my eyes water just thinking about it!)and having a few problems with feeding, my MW suggested I sit and have babe in the rugby ball position.... yep thanks!

Wish I had been told my boobs would ache so much it makes you cry, no matter how many cabbage leaves you stuff down there!

I breast feed for 4 weeks then expressed... what a huge difference to me, my relationship with partner who could feed and most importantly to the wee one. She even got top ups of formula.

She's now 4 months old, still mixed fed and thriving. My back ache can vouch for that!

Wow! We've made discussion of the day!

I've done a bit more research now on tongue tie, there are some really good photos available on the internet. Interesting that sometimes a more severe tie is less of an impediment to bf than mild tongue tie. So just because a baby's tongue tie isn't really severe doesn't mean it isn't hindering their ability to bf.

I think having had thrush/mastitis myself, I can advise a bit about those issues, and can also recommend silverettes that StarExpat mentioned. I found them to be fab too!

I don't really know much about nipple shields, have never really used them. I did have some 'just in case' but never tried them. Good to know there are different types though, and will investigate local sources for them in this area. Will also look into the latch assist product, hadn't heard of that.

I said up the thread that I'm pro-bf, but not a bf-facist, and wouldn't try to foist my ideas onto somebody who wasn't interested. I believe the MWs will point us in the direction of women who are actively wanting to bf and who require some help.

I've still got another couple of weeks before I'll actually hit the wards, but I'll be back to update you all on how it goes!

This might sound quite shallow, but a bit of info on nursing bras would be good too. I have a big chest on a small frame and I hated that at the time when my boobs were full, sore and the heaviest they had ever been, there only seemed to be these flimsy cloth 1950s-shaped bras available. As well as being unsupportive, they give you a very peculiar shape. This didn't bother me in the early weeks when you're in a baby bubble and you tend to hide under hoodies and bulky jumpers anyway, but when the weather got warmer and I felt like I wanted to be 'me' again, I was so concious of these oldly shaped packages that sprawled sideways under my armpits that I felt I couldn't just wear a t-shirt up top (and I'm not usually vain about how I look!). It meant that each time, I got about three months into breast feeding then I really had to push myself to carry on through the uncomfortableness and self-consiousness.

Then this time, finally, with my fourth and final baby, I discovered websites like hotmilk and that Mothercare have started doing padded t-shirt bras that add extra support and let boobs be - well - boob shaped!

Just thought this might be worth discussing with mums who are a few weeks in, to see if they have found the best bra for them, so that no minor details become the reason why they stop too soon!

The lovely book "The Food of Love"!! Wish I had read it before rather than after the birth!

I don't know where you're based but I think there is probably more pressure to get babies feeding, any old how (e.g., with formula) in order to achieve discharge if the hospital is a particularly busy one. I definitely got that sense where I had my DD 2 years ago. And that was in a hospital supposedly working toward the Unicef standards.

As a peer supporter, would you have any scope to influence midwives and update their knowledge in the hospital/ setting? If so, that would be enormously helpful - IMHE they have very variable knowledge about BF.

Also, I really wish someone had told me that even if you find yourself giving formula, even for weeks, you can start BF again: true, it takes some effort, but for most people it is completely possible (at least from a physiological perspective) with the right support.

No one told me how hard it would be..... and how my boobs would get man handled lots!!! It's no good having any inhibitions - as I felt that every health professional wanted to have a feel of my boobs - (although I am sure that wasn't really the case!)

I love the breastfeeding counsellors who are helping me; thanks for volunteering to do this.

Personally, I hate breastfeeding and am far happier expressing but the thought of getting more than 2 hours sleep a day is enough to keep me persevering! The thing that helps me most is reassurance that I am doing ok, that my technique is good, that it is normal for the baby to want feeding every hour, that 'it doesn't hurt if you're doing it properly' is a myth... My confidence was shot to pieces by the midwives on the postnatal ward (being told that I was "starving" my tiny, sleepy, jaundiced baby was the final straw - I agreed to formula feed just to get out of hospital as fast as I possibly could) and anything positive is a bonus.

Something that would really help is for dads to be given advice too if possible at the same time as the mum. Last week I had been trying so hard to establish breastfeeding, was incredibly close to giving up because I was/am so sleep-deprived, sore and useless-feeling and my DH thought that the kindest option when he found me fast asleep and the baby screaming would be to give DS formula. It really wasn't helpful as it made me feel like a failure and made it so much harder to keep trying when there seemed to be such an easy way out. It also made for some very stinky nappies until DS got it out of his system!

For the first two weeks, I wasn't 'allowed' to breastfeed DS as he kept failing the blood sugar tests and was so tiny (combination of pre-eclampsia and 'emergency' induction at 37 weeks = 5lb 2oz) and sleepy that we needed to know exactly how much milk he was getting. In hospital, they really pushed the formula but I was determined to breastfeed and so spent all day and night trying to express enough colostrum to meet the guidelines for how much milk a formula-fed baby should be getting. Obviously I wasn't making enough, hence the 'starving' comment and the formula top-ups. No one told me that the amounts I was being told to feed him were inappropriate for the situation or could give me any idea of what I really should have been aiming to express and feed. So that information would have been great too...

Sorry haven't read whole thread, but I think the most important thing is to try to get across to expectant mums (as positively as possible) exactly how hard it will be. I felt that my antenatal classes just talked about the benefits, without explaining how hard (but worthwhile) it would be. Even in hospital after the birth, I felt that I didn't get good advice.

When my DD was feeding round the clock, I didn't think 'oh this is normal and will only last a few months'. I thought 'I'm doing it all wrong, baby can't be feeding properly, I will never ever leave the house again!'. With DC2 I didn't have any of this anguish, because I was expecting the constant feeding, sore nipples, mastitis!

I also think it is very difficult when you are getting contradictory advice from midwives: I had one saying that I should feed constantly if that was what baby wanted, one who said I should ensure 1.5hrs minimum inbetween feeds, and another who suggested topping up with formula to stop the constant feeding. I didn't know whether I was coming or going! But it can't be all bad as I exclusively bf DD until 6m and finally stopped bf when she was 12mo.

that it can bloody well hurt for weeks even when you ARE doing it right. there's nothing more depressing than being given the advice 'if it hurts, then the baby isn't latched on properly' - which seems to be a myth propogated by the BF nazis who don't want to scare women off by warning them that yes, it may be six to eight weeks before your nipples are tough enough to bear the constant suckling.

also, just spread the word that it's absolutely OK to sit around on your bum for the first couple of months and just do nothing but breastfeed if that's what makes you both happy. nothing worse than having a sinking feeling of guilt that you should be doing 4 hour feeding schedules.

What I could have done with was more support when I returned home from the hospital- I had no problems there but it all changed when I got home. i wish I had been warned about things that were normal- eg dd shaking her head to and fro at the nipple to get the milk to come out- milk spurting out (and what to do with it). I really felt on my own when I got back. The health visitor kept speaking to me as if my brain had been removed and telling me evrything was normal ( which it probably was but a little bit of warning wouldbe useful)