What do you wish a bf supporter in hospital had told you/done?

[FourArms]

I'm coming towards the end of my bf peer supporter course, and soon I'll be volunteering on the postnatal wards at our local hospital.

So... if a bf supporter had been available in your hospital, what would you have liked them to have done/told you/showed you?

I was v.lucky with DS1 and DS2. Although there were slight issues with both (c/s with DS1 and a spell in NICU for DS2) they were both v.easy to bf and it came very naturally to us all from feed one. We did have problems once we were home, so I have a lot of experience with these, but not much for problems in the early days.

Any thoughts will be gratefully received!

I was very lucky, both my kids were very good at breast feeding.

What i would wish for is more information on

• nutrition i.e. is it ok to drink/eat coffee, wine, garlic, what foods might increase milk supply (fennel tea)

• nipple care except nipple cream (used wet fennel tea bags over night in the bra works wonders for example)

• hand and pump expressing

• when it is a good time to give an occasional bottle of expressed milk? at some point most babies don*t take a teat anymore...

not to put so much pressure on myself. I had a terrible time trying to breast feed, i was writing for advice on here, i had a midwife at my house for a few hours, i had the health visiter at my house for a 2 hours, i had had NCT breast feeding classes before the baby was born. I TRIED SO HARD. But couldn't breast feed, i battled for 7 weeks constantly in tears angry at myself and angry at my baby. What was meant to be a positive binding experience i honestly feel contributed to my post natal depression. When i finally gave up i felt a complete failure and i'd let my baby down. There was such emphasis on 'Breast is Best' that i felt like by giving up and not BF i was poisoning my baby with formula and hadn't given her "the best start in life." I'm angry at the pressure there is to BF.

that a few days after the birth, when your milk comes in that you may sweat loads and have a raised temperature and palpitations, and that this is not some swine flu type bug that you need really strong antibiotics for, like my midwife told me, then my baby was very ill from the meds in my breast milk that wasn't safe for babies!

Have thought of another v important thing that a BF supporter did for me first time round - loaned me nipple shields for an inverted side, but also with the advice that I shouldn't use it for too long otherwise DS1 would get too used to it. Worked brilliantly and I BFed for nearly a year - have heard of some women thinking they can't BF because of an inverted nipple and so they need lots of encouragement and practical advice.

the whole thing has become so pressured - my MW was so calm, and constantly praising my v tired efforts - it willed me on - my advice is to keep the language fun, and about discovery, connection and reassurance - less technical, less stats = less stress ?

From experience 2nd time round - give a few tips for making it easier but not too many and don't suggest to a brand new mum that she doesn't have enough milk - the mw this time kept telling me that I had loads of colostrum and DS was feeding brilliantly so we just needed to get latch perfect. So much more reassuring.

Keep saying how well mums are doing - it makes a huge difference. DS now exclusively bf and 22 weeks. DD excl bf for 4 days when I couldn't get any help to latch her onto my enormous mega boobs and stopped.

Tell you that all women and breasts and babies are different shapes and sizes, so positioning advice is only that - you have to find what works for you and it's why there's so much contradictory advice out there.

Find some way to explain the difference between hurting in a normal way and hurting because something's wrong - I kept complaining that it was hurting and being reminded that was normal - turned out it was thrush.

Have nipple shields to hand. I was advised that I should try some but the hospital 'wasn't allowed to provide them because we're baby-freindly' wtf... Turns out no local chemist sold the buggers either so I never had the chance to try.

Tell you where to get help once you leave hospital, ie lists and opening times and phone numbers of all local milk cafes, bf cousellors, etc, in a handout.

Mention that actually there's a room down the corridor with a sofa and telly for comfy bfing. I spent most of nights 2 and 3 in hospital on the sofa watching Bollywood movies and getting the hang of bf in my own time, and it was great - no-one else ever came in!

Actually the bf advice I got was pretty good, trying to let me start en route to postnatal ward (but ds stopped breathing instead), suggested that I just give it a go every time he's awake and incorporate it into cuddling him, and on day 2 reassuring me that as he'd fed a few times, maybe he just wasn't hungry and not to worry until at least the evening, just keep offering. And on days 2-3 lots of mws and docs were happy to take time to watch bf (paediatrician finally managed to catch him in the act and gave a few suggestions). Seemed I was the only woman out of about 40 on the ward to be trying to bf at all so they were delighted to actually have a beneficiary for their training!

Main problem wasn't bf-specific but that I was on a drip and catheter and ds was put in a cot out of my reach, and when I called mw told me they 'weren't allowed' to pass me a baby (wtf2!). Luckily I had a terp with me who did do. And a bonkers mw who turned up at 2am when the terp couldn't take the smell any more as I'd been lying in diarrhoea for 4 hours, and her reaction to me saying "I haven't been given my painkillers, I've been lying in shit since 10pm, but hey, at least I've managed to bf twice for about 10 minutes each [burst into tears]" was to say "If you haven't bf for at least 15 minutes each time, it doesn't count!", slam the door and walk off. [wtf3!!]

Luckily at this point the terp announced she used to work in a nursing home, broke open a cupboard and decided to clean me up, and then two cheerful cleaners came in, got everything clean, and took some time to basically tell me I was wonderful and me and baby would figure stuff out and it was only day 1 and things would get better (I couldn't understand their words but got the general gist).

Their help was probably the most important of the lot. Not being neglected at night when women are particularly tired, low, and worried is vital, IMO.

The best thing that happened to me in hospital was the midwife saying I could take my DS into bed (she gave me a bed guard) and just let him suck for hours if he wanted to. I did this and I think he learned how to get milk out pretty quickly so weight loss was never a problem, which meant I didn't need to worry about giving formula top ups.

BFing was not pain free for me for more than a month though - best advice that sorted out my cracked nipples was to shove him towards the breast from the shoulders, making sure I was bolt upright. And we also found a big chunky orthopaedic V-pillow which was 1000 times better than useless flat bfing pillows that force you to bend down towards the baby, or to make a wobbly stack of cushions to balance him on.

I had a lot of help in hospital - but mainly from the nurses in the neonatal unit (my son was born at 35 weeks by caesarian because of IUGR).

I really thought because of how early he was and because we weren't together that my attempts at breasfeeding would be doomed but it was not like that.

I had a maternity assistant who showed me how to express colostrum by hand (this was about 9 - 10 hours after the caesarian). She had a knitted boob that she used to demonstrate with and she stayed with me, collecting the colostrum with a syringe and correcting me on how I was expressing for the first attempt. I had trouble getting more syringes off people on the maternity ward after that - but when I found out where they were kept there was no stopping me.

My baby was started on formula - down a nasogastric tube - but they always added my colostrum and later on my milk to it until he was exclusively on breast milk.

When he was a little bit bigger I was encouraged to start breastfeeding and got as much help and support as I needed - loads of different types of chairs and cushions. The nurses never touched my boobs without asking but they were really attentive and didn't mind showing me again and again. I guess because there was one nurse between two or three babies, they had more time to help than the midwives would have. The midwives never seemed to have any time for me. I was in for 12 days after delivery as well, because there were some issues with my liver function but I hardly saw a midwife. The HCAs and maternity assistants were good though and there was the odd good midwife but so many of them were just never there - and there was one who was actively a complete bitch and made me cry (she told me she was going to discharge me but then when she realised she couldn't because of my blood results she told me she was going to chuck me out of my single room and put me back on a shared bay with five other women, all who had their babies with them - luckily that didn't happen but the thought of it made me hysterical).

Anyway... I'm going off the topic.

The neonatal nurses helped me with the latch. Early on he was so small and weak he'd fall asleep after a couple of minutes sucking but the time he stayed awake got longer and longer and by 11 days post partum he was exclusively breastfeeding and we got to take him home one day shy of 37 weeks. His weight gain was better than expected on my milk alone and I do put that down to the excellent help I received from the nurses.

Please do tell women who have early babies or babies in the neonatal unit that they can still breastfeed even if they don't start until a little bit later.

Twice I didnt produce milk even though I was told that there is no one who cant bf! Both times my breasts didnt change nor fill.

I had a very emotional and upsetting time first time my poor boy was STAVING and the bf police came around from all corners to show me the techniques which I was doing correctly. The MWs at hospital should of spotted this. I nearly threw my boy out of the window as he was screaming so much. My husband (farmer) thought that breast was the best and keep bossing me into it.

Plus I had 2 C sections and would say that this didnt help with the milk producing hormones.

SMA was my savour my son was a huge feeder and second time I started formula first to see if the milk would kick in but it didnt.

Far to much emphasis on BF its weaning when it all goes wrong. Even though I would of loved to do it for a few months to bond better. My point is that some women just cant to it.

PS both my boys are healthy, Son 1 been to the docs twice in 4 yrs and son 2 never been so genes have a lot to do with it.

Ask the mother when she comes round from birth if she wants to bf or ff and if she wants to bf tell her what assistance is available in the hospital and what facilities there are. The whole topic was never really brought up and it was only towards the end of my stay in hospital did I learn about the breastfeeding clinic held a few yards down the corridor from me!

Sorry- haven't read the whole thread but I had a blood transfusion with DS and it was sited in the crook of my elbow. No one told me BFing would be loads easier when I could bend my arm. Seems obvious now, but when it's your first DC and you're in shock/ not feeling that well you don't think of these things!!!

I wish it had been suggested to me that I could give DD a little formula because my milk didn't come in till day 4 (probably because I'm diabetic), by which time I hadn't slept at all for 3 nights solid because DD fed non-stop (the MW on the ward never suggested I feed lying down) and my nipples were very badly damaged by that time - one nipple had what can only be described as a deep laceration down one side - it was like it was being ripped off. It was excrutiating and my poor DD was STARVING. I then battled with ductal thrush for three months after and I'm convinced it was because my nipples were so badly damaged initially. I wish someone had said, look it's ok to keep her hunger at bay with a bottle of formula until your milk comes in. It never occurred to me.

Sorry - I haven't read all of these posts, but for me it was useful when I found out (from kellymom) that formula top ups don't need to be a permanent thing and they don't mean the end of breastfeeding. You can wean off of formula top-ups. I did so successfully.

Also, to give it 6 weeks to get a routine going.

The other thing is to remind mums that if (god forbid!) their child gets ill and doesn't feed for a few days to use a pump to keep supply up (my dd had bronchiolitis at 4 weeks old and was admitted to hospital, my supply went down, so they gave her top-ups, which I then managed to wean her off of!)

Good luck with the new role FourArms!

I read the OP but don't have time to read the full thread so sorry if repeating (although i guess repetition is a sign that it is something lots of us experience so worth you knowing!)

1. Nobody, not even the NCT BFC whose class I attended, told me that the "bf babies feed roughly every 3 hours" doesn't necessarily apply until they are several weeks/months old. I genuinely thought DS should only be feeding 8 times a day, so I think I spent ages in the first month trying to find a cause for his crying when in retrospect it's obvious that he was hungry, and it really didn't help me establish my bm supply well in the early weeks. It makes me sad that his crap weight gain, and the stress I then got from HVs, would probably have been helped if I'd just been told to feed, feed, feed.

1. Similarly, nobody (not even the aforementioned NCT BFC!) mentioned cluster feeding. I would never have tried to put my 2 week old baby to bed at 7.30-8ish in the evening and suffer the heartache of not being able to settle him and thinking we were rubbish parents if somebody had only told me that feeding for hours on end in the evening was pretty normal in the early weeks.

1. That if a midwife just tried to squeeze your nipple (ouch!) and shove your breast in the baby's mouth before walking away then this is not legitimate or adequate breastfeeding help and you shouldn't feel bad about asking for someone else to come and assist.

1. That slow weight gain is not a problem at all if your baby gains regularly and has plenty of wet and dirty nappies, is alert and is meeting all milestones. I cried every time I came out of the HV clinic for the first 3 months of DS's life as he fell down the percentile charts (despite gaining a steady 3-4oz per week)

I breastfed for a year in the end, with the help of a bottle of formula each day, but I think I could have exclusively breastfed if I had had advice on all the above both before the birth and then from midwives and HVs. At least I know for DC2, who is due in Sept

My DD had a serious medical problem when she was born and required surgery, and tube feeding for nearly 3 weeks - so it was very hard to get her bfing, but we managed in the end.

The single most helpful thing was that nobody in either of the two hospitals we were in even suggested giving her a bottle of formula, even though the feeding issue was the only thing preventing her from being discharged. They just kept saying to keep trying, and encouraging me that we'd get there in the end, and they were right. I'm still bfing her at 9 months old and its the most wonderful thing I've ever done.

I did get quite a lot of help with positioning and latch too, which helped, but mainly it was the moral support that did it.

Wow! Thankyou for all of these fantastic posts! There are common themes to many of them, and I have read and digested each one.

I will do some more research on tongue tie as although we covered it in the classes, I don't know what it 'looks' like.

I'd be interested to know how you get a baby off the breast

DS2 is OBSESSED. He is 13 months and still feeds loads.

He doesn't eat much - just small snacky things like bits of fruit, cheese, rice cakes, biscuits, toast (and the odd yoghurt).

Loathes bottles (had about 4 in his entire life) - although he will drink a bit from a cup.

I love feeding him and know it is doing him good. But part of me wishes I'd given him the odd bottle when he was very little (like I did with DS1) as it is a bit draining (in every sense of the word).

My first experience was 8 years ago and I too had cracked and bleeding nipples by the time I left hospital. However, I was very determined and lived on painkillers to help me through. Worked very much on the 'take it one day at a time' mantra (sometimes one feed at a time). Best advice I was given by NCT advisor was on getting myself relaxed and comfortable, with my feet raised a bit - it made all the difference. Had a fantastic weekly BF support group run by midwives which I attended religiously. Lanolin made all the difference for me, which I was put onto there. Found with dd2 that it all worked brilliantly from day 1, but I still went to the support group each week just for company and other general support and advice.

Just shown me how to latch on properly, rather than what the midwives did, which was grab my nip and stuff it into my babies mouth

mslucy - my ds was the same didn't really start eating properly til 14 months. i rememeber 16 months was the worst - a million feeds a day and night. i did dr jays night weaning at 18 months it was gradual, but he was still obsessed. finally stopped at 22 months, but still now it is 'cuddle mummy's boobies!' all day and all night long!

mslucy At 12m DS2 was only really bfing, wasn't having any solids due to severe refux. The only thing that got him started on bottles was seeing a friend with one - he then wanted one too.

However, at 33m he was still feeding all the time. Ten times + per day. No sign of cutting down on number of feeds, wanted feeding anywhere and everywhere. I went cold turkey. I know it's not the ideal, but it was absolutely fine in the end, and was definitely the right thing to do for me.

At 13m what are you looking to do? Wean, or reduce the number of feeds?

Haven't read the whole thread.
But, BF Counselor for sure. Get one in advance of delivering the baby.
And
Silverettes They saved my cracked, bleeding, damaged and thrush magnet nipples within just a few days of getting them in the post (when ds was 16 weeks ). I htink they should sell silverettes in hospitals ... and in tesco, sainsbury and waitrose. A must have. If more people had these from the beginning I bet more would keep going for longer. They are that good

Oh Lordy. I wanted a home vbac and to bf after failing the first two times. I had another cs and was so determined I was like a dog with a bone. This was a problem. I was too determined.

If someone had said that being home in a warm bedroom, to lay naked next to my naked baby, on our sides, or her on my chest, just enjoying being together and let her find her own way, when she wasn't overly hungry, then that would have helped. Help with cup feeding initially too. Support with other domestic chores too so that I didn't feel hurried...to perform...to be an instant earth mother. Just time alone, not worrying about visitors or school runs or toilets being cleaned. Just support in other ways. I'm gutted I didn't have that kind of advice rather than shoving my boob in her mouth and frustratingly willing it to happen and therefore her natural reaction was to sense my anxiety. Four months of expressing and I still feel a failure three years later.

That it's ok for the baby not to feed straight away (like 12 hours or even more) - the midwives started getting funny , but I just listened to the bf supporter who said it was fine. And it was fine.

That it can be really sore, even with a good latch. My sister fed 4 for a year, but it was still sore for weeks while her skin toughened up. the latch is of course essential, but it doesn't fix everything for everyone. and the main thing - it will stop hurting given time (and a good latch)

That stressing about it can make things worse. Try really hard to relax - don;t write everything down, don't get into a stress about how long they are feeding. And be aware that yhou will pretty much be stuck to the sofa for weeks - and that is normal, so prepare for it and you will be in with a great chance of succeeding

The biggest thing I can say though is to physically show how to latch on. take the mums hands and latch the baby on. There is nothing more stressful than knowing all the theory and still not being able to get your boobs/the baby to behave like they should - and I knew all the theory in great detail!!!