What do you wish a bf supporter in hospital had told you/done?

[FourArms]

I'm coming towards the end of my bf peer supporter course, and soon I'll be volunteering on the postnatal wards at our local hospital.

So... if a bf supporter had been available in your hospital, what would you have liked them to have done/told you/showed you?

I was v.lucky with DS1 and DS2. Although there were slight issues with both (c/s with DS1 and a spell in NICU for DS2) they were both v.easy to bf and it came very naturally to us all from feed one. We did have problems once we were home, so I have a lot of experience with these, but not much for problems in the early days.

Any thoughts will be gratefully received!

pictures of a good latch would be good.

non conflicting advice from every tom dick and harry mw and hv

the information that it's ok not to bf if you are in serious pain from a section

that the first few days of collostrum are all actually a baby needs in order to coat the intestines and to get their immune system sorted out.

explainations on what a babymoon is

that if the baby is screaming with hunger and nobody is getting any sleep that it's ok to give a bottle of formula or five

the most important thing is that the baby is fed and the mother is recovering from what may be a difficult birth, not driven to insanity through lack of sleep and recurrent mastitis and GUILT

I did have a bf supporter come and see me, in fact straight after the birth, to help my latch dd on. That was fantastic, although I do think some of her words were not the wisest. DD latched on fantastcially but was taken away to be weighted etc. The problem i had was that she wouldn't go back on! I gave birth at 11:20am by 4am she still hadn't had another feed and the mw on the ward weren't that bothered, it was only when i buzzed and got a different mw she was fab and helped me try again. Then suggested pumping a little to give her some energy, by 8am she was latching on and didn't stop for nearly 9 months. I think they need to not only spend time with the mums to get that first feed but checking how its going after that as well.

Two big things for me:

1. I had a pretty awful birth and a lot of epidural top ups. As a result, my legs were numb for hours on the post natal ward. A breastfeeding supporter came round and asked if I wanted to come to a breastfeeding group. When I said I couldn't move she said 'oh' and wandered off. So my big thing would be to actually sit with and help women who can't get out of bed.

1. On a similar note, when people did try and help they grabbed my boob, shoved it at DD and walked off. That does not help you learn how to do it yourself! Also, please don't leave women who can't move in that position and forget about them!

To explain to me in words of one syllable that demand feeding is also about getting supply going. I thought it would be better to get a 'routine' going.

I thought you could simply choose to breast feed. Was most confused when I had supply problems.

I'm honestly not stupid either, but it was bizarre looking back. I could weep at my stupidity.

DD2 had to have some formula as I was unable to feed due to some tests they were doing on me. This was day2 or 3 and I found out on day 12ish when the HV took over from the MW that I could have carried on feeding once the m,eds had left my system.

My baby went straight to SCBU, and I found it really hard to get any bf support as the midwives on the ward weren't interested as my baby wasn't with them, and the SCBU nurses were largely only focussed on DS - giving him breastmilk wasn't their priority.

Someone who knew what the recommendations were about how to get going without direct feeding would have been great - where to get the containers from, how to hand express, when I could start pumping and how etc etc. I always remember that the first time I really saw DS, almost their first question was what formula I wanted him to have - no explanation of why and how to make this only his first feed, then begging people on the ward to help me express

I gave birth in a Baby Friendly hospital and got loads of support. One of the really useful things I was shown was what it looked like when it was going right - ears moving as he sucked - and what it looked like when it was wrong - dimple in his cheek meant he was only sucking the nipple. This gave me confidence in what I was doing and to spot when it wasn't right and fix it for myself because otherwise I couldn't tell. Also, if the baby was dozing off, to gently rub his fingers which would start him feeding again.

Being actually given a leaflet to read while feeding might have been useful. I know there was one with all the other stuff we got given, but I didn't really have the energy to sort through all that at the time.

Will look into what sort of literature we get issued with. I know we give a DVD out round here, but that's not much good in hospital. I'll have to find out if there is a leaflet in the Bounty pack or something that I could search out for ladies. We have leaflets for our organisation, but I'm not sure if they have pictures.

I've learnt a lot from the course, so very worthwhile doing it (although I think my bf days are over now ). I hadn't realised how v.imp the early hours are to the overall success of bfing. In retrospect I was lucky to be able to bf DS2 so easily since I didn't hand express for the first 12 hours or feed directly for 24 hours. I think having recently fed DS1 for 22m saved us there. I also wasn't aware of the hard/soft palate areas of the mouth, and how you have to get the nipple right into the mouth so the baby sucks using the soft palate rather than the hard palate which is what causes the pain for mum.

I promise not to abandon c/s mums..... I was one of those with DS1 and I can well remember the agony of DS1 crying and not being able to ask anyone to get him for me. I did it myself and the strain made the healing process much longer.

I'm really excited about doing it now. I've spoken to a few existing peer supporters, and they seem really really positive about the role, so hopefully the relationship between the medical professionals and peer supporters is a good one, and I'll be able to make a bit of a difference.

I wish there had been someone like you on the postnatal ward when I had DD. I had a lot of trouble getting DD latched on, mainly as she had one very flattened nostril and needed to see the ENT specialist a few times before we left.

My ward was really busy and noone spent any longer that five minutes trying to help me get DD latched on. More support and time would have been invaluable.

I was able to express colustrum using the ward's electric breastpump, but it was in major demand so it was hard to keep expressing as often as I would have liked to to encourage supply - you'd have just got going and someone would be coming round looking for it and harrumphing about how long you'd be. More equipment would be so useful, and information on hiring it too.

When I got home I was mix feeding for a few weeks, expressing milk with a manual pump and topping up with formula. It was only after two weeks and a few visits to the breastfeeding drop-in clinic that we finally got the hang of it. It would have been very easy to give up and I'm not suprised many women do when support is so patchy.

You're doing a brilliant thing and I hope it goes really well for you and the Mums you help.

You sound like you will do a brilliant job fourarms. Good luck and enjoy it.

I wasn't actually a section, 'just' a nasty back to back and forceps, but it would have been lovely to have someone like you who understood the immobility, so thanks for the promise not to abandon the stranded!

Honestly? I wish I'd been warned quite how much it can hurt, and quite how difficult it can be. I felt that I was told for months about how wonderful it was, and then as soon as I found it difficult I was actively encouraged to give up. In the event I didn't, but I think a bit more honesty about the negatives would have helped me.

confusedfirsttimemum sorry - didn't refer back to your post properly when I was posting.

Do you think if someone had told you that it could hurt and is difficult and that those feelings may continue for a few weeks that you'd still have been as keen to carry on? Or would it have reassured you that you weren't completely abnormal and doing something wrong?

I liked the idea upthread about revisiting your plans at 6 weeks when it has all got a bit easier. When I was asked in labour if I was going to bf, I said yes, I'd like to and I will try. The MW said, if you want to, you can and you will. That did empower me to quite a large extent. I'd read a lot about problems you could have, but her statement gave me the courage that I could overcome the problems. Another helpful thing I read somewhere was never quit bfing (or anything) when you've had a bad day. Wait until you've had a good day, and if you still hate it, then quit. When you're already low, it's easier to think that FF might be the salvation and easy path you desperately need. I suppose that advice is very similar to the 6 weeks advice really.

Oh don't worry. Not sure I made it clear. I wasn't picking you up on it, just thanking you for the promise!

I like your ideas about six weeks and bad days. I am lucky to have found breastfeeding pretty easy, but there are friends of mine that that would have helped.

Also, trying not to talk about "trying to breastfeed". I hear so so many women saying that: "I'm going to try and breastfeed". I think it's a bit sad. It implies such a fear that they will fail. I suppose what I mean is, you don't say "I'm going to try and run the London marathon". Sure, it's difficult and you might no make it, but you go in with a positive mindset... That tied in for me with what your midwife said.

FourArms I really hope it goes well for you, I'm sure it will.

If you do feel nervous on the ward, I think listening is the key rather than rushing into speaking... I'm sure you would, anyway. If you hear what the mothers have already been told, you can build on that, rather than giving them the 13th different set of advice they have had in the past 24 hours [scream]

Time to listen calmly and be with you while you try is what the midwives don't have enough of. Though some of them do seem to actively aim to ruin the whole setup... remembering the delightful lady who appeared without warning, stood silent and stonefaced at the end of my bed for 10 seconds watching me attempt my 2nd ever feed, and said 'He can tell you find it uncomfortable, and that's why the milk isn't coming down.' And disappeared again, never to be seen again.

The grabbing boob and shoving into baby's mouth was actually preferable to that, although equally useless - at least it was an attempt to engage with the situation.

I do wonder what the hell midwives' bf training can be, they vary SO much. I had some lovely ladies too, but they had so so little time.

I would have liked to have been told that "it's hard at first" means (for me) the first six weeks! I thought it meant for a day or so. I would have realised that I was normal and not doing it wrong.

We had a breastfeeding counsellor in our hospital and she was brilliant.

not said 'if the latch hurts then it is wrong'. it is such a rubbish mantra and i dont know why it is put about so much. it hurst at first. your nipple isnt used to being sucked on for the greater part of every day. it just hurts. then it gets much much easier. that would be real rather than the other stuff that is put about which puts people right off!

"I asked for help and just had my boob shoved in dd's mouth - Great!

In the end I used the pictures in the Bounty book and sat in hospital with it open on the bed - It worked a treat."

That was my experience (first time around) too!

I wish I had known;

1. It is NOT always a natural process for Mum or Baby

1. Babies have different sucking styles - DS1 was very aggresive (even with a bottle he would glug the whole thing down in seconds) DS2 is sllllllooooooooowwwww and takes forever! I worried so much that DS2 was latched on properly & feeding enough as he never seemed to stop & DS1 was more "wham, bam thanks Mam" (I suppose that is what is called an efficient feeder)

1. mix feeding can cause all sorts of problems unless your supply is very well established (at 6 wks my supply wasnt)

There are also so many mis-conceptions and out-dated opinions about BF, left over from previous generations of being told Formula is best.

Also like the true horror of child birth, no one actually tells you just how difficult & hard it is to BF in those early weeks... Wish I had been a bit more prepared for that!

Don't grab my boob without asking.
Don't ignore my DH.
Don't tell me that one day a child who is not bf will sue in the court of Human Rights as they are being abused.

I appreciate this thread because the woman who "helped" me in hospital did all of these things, and certainly did more harm that good. Later on I heard a number of other mothers who had also been in the same hospital say they had had similar experiences.

Learn to recognise Tubular Hypoplastic Breasts www.sonic.net/~mollyf/igt/ in case you come across a pair. I wish one of the many many HCPs I had seen knew what they were.

I was in Spain and wasn't given any help or advice at all...apart from one nurse saying - "he's quite fat anyway so I wouldn't worry about whether your milk has come in or not for at least 3 days" - spurious advice but weirdly reassuring. Anyway, luckily it all worked out fine - BUT, it would have been helpful to know:

1. just because you can't squeeze your boob and jet out loads of milk the minute your baby is born does not mean HE is not managing to get something

2. that newborn babies take aaaaaaaaaaaages to feed

3. that all that stuff about "left boob right boob, make sure you empty one before you start the other" is really not that big of a deal (I got very stressed by this - how the heck are you supposed to know if it's "empty" or not?!)

4. that as long as your baby has wet nappies, he/she is getting fluids, i.e. milk (our baby was not a very sicky baby - when he was sick on day 3, I was DELIGHTED to see that he had, in fact, been getting some milk into him...)

Echo what others said....Noone explained that BF babies feed and feed and have no set pattern at the start. I thought it would be like bottle feeding and a quick 15 mins and a gap of 4 hours between feeds.

Once someone explained the notion of feed on demand and the fact that feeds can last up to 45 mins or more, I just relaxed about it.

The one peice of info I wish I had been told was how much extra fluids I would need. I started off feeding DD not taking any extra fluids and then got really dehydrated.

I wish someone had told me that I should gently break the seal with my finger when I want to unlatch a feeding baby. With dd I just used to puuuuuuuuuuuuull her off when the bad latch got too painful to bear, and it hurt so much.