What do you wish a bf supporter in hospital had told you/done?

[FourArms]

I'm coming towards the end of my bf peer supporter course, and soon I'll be volunteering on the postnatal wards at our local hospital.

So... if a bf supporter had been available in your hospital, what would you have liked them to have done/told you/showed you?

I was v.lucky with DS1 and DS2. Although there were slight issues with both (c/s with DS1 and a spell in NICU for DS2) they were both v.easy to bf and it came very naturally to us all from feed one. We did have problems once we were home, so I have a lot of experience with these, but not much for problems in the early days.

Any thoughts will be gratefully received!

My DD struggled to feed for the first week. She was born on the Monday, home Thursday without breastfeeding being established properly.

I was really stressing about her not feeding but a lovely MW on the Sat reassured me that I didn't have to bottlefeed; a syringe could be used. I relaxed after that (ended back in hosp on the Sun due to not much weight gain and jaundice) syringe fed her after expressing and that was it we were off! DD was on the 98% after that and I fed her until she was 22 months.

What a rewarding job you will have, good luck with it all and thanks in advance in case I get you next time!!

I was told that dd was 'dozing off' when I was feeding her and not taking enough milk at her feeds. I was getting very agitated about not being able to feed her and she keptlosing weight.

The advice at the time was to 'strip off her babygrow and wake her up. She's too warm and comfortable..' This was horrible and imo unkind.

It upset dd and I a LOT and I gave up on BF. Dd would scream and was cold and v unhappy.

This was 10 yrs ago though, so I'm not sure if this is still given as advice, but I hated it and it stopped me continuing.

To check for tongue tie routinely. I only found out after I gave up b-fing as me and DS were both crying at every feed .

I think the best thing you can do is to listen to the new mums, they will be so happy to have someone interested in them and now things are going. As you already know from your training, peer supporting is about being a knowledgeable friend not to solve problems.

I wouldn't even try to get involved in the mixture of mismatched advice these ladies will be already getting. Sadly the mothers will believe the midwives over a peer supporter mum any day, even if you are right and they are not

It would be very useful if you could get a collection of all the details for the local breastfeeding support groups and all the national breastfeeding telephone helplines numbers together on a handout and make sure each mother gets a copy when you visit.

Maybe add useful websites as well, like Kellymom and Mumsnet of course

So in that way, they have a way of independently checking the advice they have been given. Which won't result in bad relations between the midwives and the peer supporters.

Our local mums group (with peer supporters) is trying to get into the local hospital and the midwives are concerned about the peer supporters attempting to undermining their advice and giving out solutions especially when this might conflict with the medical situation for the mother concerned.

That if the baby has thrush (white patches) in his mouth then that's almost certainly what is causing the agonising burning pain in breast when bf and that it can be treated easily.

The cowman in our village finally explained it to me when he popped in to ask after the baby.

Thanks a bundle NHS, not one of your finer moments

worst advice was being told it only hurts if the latch is wrong.

It bloody hurts for the first few days even when the latch is right, or it did for me anyway, both times (kept worrying DD (my first) wasn't latched on properly as it's not supposed to hurt, with DS (second) I just knew it hurts...!) I was utterly determined to b/f & very nearly gave up with DD because of this.

Best advice was from my lovely community midwife - explained feeding on demand means it feels like you are feeding nearly all the time for the first few weeks & when it was tough in the early days to "give it a fortnight" by then it wasn't perfect, but I knew we'd be okay, she gave me the confidence & support to keep going (virtually nil support in hospital other than m/w grabbing my boob & sticking it in DD's mouth...) Thanks to community m/w support I ended up b/fing DD for 18months

Also being shown different positions to feed in, I used "rugby ball" in the early days both times as I found it much easier to get a good latch first time,

i agree about the fact that even though DS had a good latch and was feeding well- I did suffer with sore nipples- but then I had never experiences someone sucking on them nearly 24hrs a day! This no pain thing is just misleading IMO. To be told you might have some pain, but it gets better- would be sensible. I went on to feed him for 10mths.

To think about the convenience aspects of it for the long term; what kept me going through the expressing for 2 weeks whilst DS was in SCBU was not the thought of how good breast feeding was for us both (I'm ashamed to say) but the thought of, in 6 weeks time, being able to roll over and feed him in the night without having to get up and prepare bottles.

I would echo the post above...it is worth telling people about mumsnet. Seriously, I would have stopped breast feeding in the first couple of weeks had it not been for the information and support on this site and I really mean it.

What I read on here gave me the confidence to continue when i was being told by all and sundry to give formula to help with weight gain and to give me a break from the constant feeding.

Mumsnet really saved me from stopping BF and now my daughter has been exclusively breastfed to almost 6 months despite reflux and failing to thrive and all because of mumsnet.

I wish someone had told me that some babies just don't 'get it' straight away! I thought it was down to me but DD was (still is) a reluctant feeder! Took 5 days in hospital before she would latch at all let alone properly. 5 days of hand expressing & syringe feeding & we got there in the end (ish)! Thank God for the amazing student MW's who sat with me even through the night & through the tears to sort it out!

Another vote for trying different nipple creams. Lansinoh did nothing for me either & I had really sore/cracked/bleeding nipples! . DD had a good latch but used to stop & start alot & it made me really really sore.

Would definitely have liked to be told that babies may well feed for 1 hour or more and that this is not unusual - just go with the flow and relax.

We had a bf class as part of our antenatal classes, which seemed sensible at the time but as soon as I had a baby to actually do it with it seemed like the most pointless class ever. It would have been great to have had the same class in the hospital that new mums could have gone to with their new babies on their first day. I know this would cost lots of cash as it would mean having a class every day but it would be brilliant.

Good luck.

i wish there had been a BF supporter on the postnatal ward either time I've been in (once three years ago, and once a month ago)!

I wish someone had told me the first time round that it's OK to admit defeat - I BF for three weeks then my milk literally disappeared, leaving DD1 crying with hunger and me crying in despair. No matter how hard and long I tried, I couldn't get the production up, but felt terrible when I had to start mixed feeding. The same thing happened this time - I'm clearly only designed to produce milk for three weeks!

Sounds like a brilliant thing you are doing OP. I hope it goes well.

That it would feel like someone was taking a blowtorch to the side of your breasts around Day 3, but a pack of frozen peas held to the side would help get you through.

That your nipples "toughen up" after a few weeks.

That if you can get through the first couple of months it makes your life so easy in so many ways!

Best advice that helped me:

• that both you and the baby need to learn to BF - it is NOT the most natural thing to do and you both need to learn to do it... however you need to take the lead.
• how to touch on the side of the baby's mouth to see if he's hungry or not
• a picture of a baby with good positioning, taken from mum's perspective, then the mum can place this where her boob is and see what it should look like.
• also when babies are early, give them extra support to make sure they are not given formula from a bottle. DS2 was born at just under 36wks so I was under a lot of pressure from the midwives' 3-hourly screenings of his blood sugar that it should not dip too much otherwise they'd have to give him formula. I was adamant that that shouldn't be necessary as he did have a sucking reflex and my milk should come in in the normal timeframe (despite him not having the fat reserves that full term babies have). If I had known any less about nipple confusion I would have given in to the midwives pressure and could have jepardised our BF future. (he's now 3 wks old and has already put on a pound and a half [smug gold top emoticon])

Sorry, haven't had time to read the whole thread, but IME:

1. That it is actually fairly unlikely you won't make enough milk for your baby
2. That BF babies feed A LOT and don't necessarily go 3 hours between feeds, because a BF is about so much more than just food
3. That the amount you can express often bears little relation to the amount of milk you are producing

I second what bebejones said. Sometimes you (the mum) are doing everything right, but the baby is just not cooperating. It's not always your fault if bf doesn't go to plan.

My DD has never wanted to feed from birth and even now at age 2 she still doesn't like eating. I firmly believe this is part of her personality and not because of anything i did or didn't do.

Also I was told a baby will always wake when it's hungry - not true! My newborn DD went 9 hrs without waking up and I totally panicked after being given this wrong advice.

With my DS I wish I'd been given more encouragement generally. I had an em cs and because he wouldn't settle on night 1 I was told to give formula as my milk wasn't in and would be delayed because of my cs.

I was too shot to argue but regreted it later. I cold turkeyed him off formula as soon as we got home but ended up mix feeding after about 8 weeks as I was advised by HV's and in laws that I had supply issues as DS was pretty high maintenence and wouldn't settle.

With hindsight I know that was probably bollocks and DS was just a high maintenance baby. I wish I had mumsnetted more in those days.

With DD who is now 6 weeks with whom I left the hospital I have had a different experience. She managed perfectly well without formula until my milk came in - mainly because I did little but feed and cuddle her for my first few days. She is still exclusively bf'd - no "supply issues." Rather the opposite in fact.

Oh yes, you could also advise people that a 5 minute feed can sometimes be perfectly adequate. They don't have to be a regulation 15/30 minutes.

So many good points on here. I think the main for me is not to say to the mother: 'If it hurts you're doing it wrong'. There was so much talk about bf being the most natural, easy etc. before I had my baby. Any problems that may arise were treated superficially and as far from normal.

I had horrible first three weeks of breastfeeding and crying from pain. Every time a mw or hv looked at the latch they said it was perfect, yet my nipples were in shreds. DD kept loosing weight, too, I still don't really know what went wrong. Had to top her up with formula - more tears and guilt thinking I'd let my baby starve when she gulped the first bottle in seconds.

Went on to pumping and bottle feeding for a few weeks to heal and I count myself lucky that this managed to keep up my supply. Happy to say we're back to exclusively bf now at 13 weeks.

I picked up a point about Kamillosan on here and it was brilliant - Lansinoh didn't work for me.

Good luck, I think what you're doing is great.

1. that bf hurts when you start but it gets easier.

1. nipples get sore at the start but once they have healed it prob wont happen again.

1. that in the early weeks you need to eat/drink alot.

1. that if your family/in laws/anyone else tell you in the early days that you are feeding the baby too much (as in on demmand) that you are entitled to tell them to fark off!

agree with other posters that lansinoh is rubbish - makes you stick to your bra and rips a bit more skin off.

I had a terrible time breastfeeding, DD was born by unplanned C section, they gave me morphine without telling me and I'm convinced that caused some of our problems?

So this is what I wish I had been shown/told: -

How to latch on properly so my nipples weren't shredded to bits.

To ignore the midwife when she told me to give her 'formula' as I was shattered and so was DD, this didn't help and made things worse?

That having several different midwives/HC assistants telling you several different things is confusing?

That a BF counsellor should be available to all women on the PN wards so you can get off to a good start.

I can honestly say I ruined the first three weeks of my DD life by torturing myself about how crap I was at BF, I so wish I had paid for someone to come to my house to sort us out as it still makes me so sad that I gave up. I this also contributed to my PND and my marriage break up

So my advice is if you have set your heart on BF get yourself down to the NHS BF clinic or similar or if you can afford it pay for someone to come to your house.

OP your doing a fantastic thing and so wish someone like you had come along to see me when I was on the PN ward xx

mummytowillow I'm so sorry

I haven't read everyone's replies but I would like to contribute because I think my experience was rather different to what other people have reported. I'm sorry about the length of this, but it comes from very strong feelings.

I had a home birth and fantastic support in the community. I found the midwives helpful and a maternity support worker came round every day for 3 weeks to help me. I visited every local bf clinic going. When DD was 1 week old she was diagnosed with tongue-tie and we paid a private lactation consultant to sort it out, being assured that she would latch on instantly once the tie was snipped.

NONE OF IT WORKED. I expressed every 2 hours round the clock. I did the biological nurture thing. Bathed with her. Cup-fed. Syringe-fed. Tried nipple shields. You name it.

My DD showed typical signs of what has subsequently been described to me as rabbit-in-headlights syndrome. She just froze every time she got near my boobs. I still don't know why. Perhaps someone shoved her on too roughly in the early days. No idea.

All this while, I was given more and more and more advice, techniques and, technically, encouragement. I say technically, because I was so exhausted and anxious that I was having panic attacks every time DD woke up and I hardly left the house because of the expressing regime. To be told in this state that I should persevere until she was 16 weeks old was really not a good thing.

The BEST thing that happened was when a HV/bf counsellor took one look at me, crying and shaking, and ordered me to take a holiday from the constant expressing (still doing it, but less frequently) for a few days and enjoy my baby.

Writing all thi down still makes me tearful now (and that's after some brilliant support from an NCT bf volunteer to help me process my feelings of guilt at not having bf!), and DD is 8 months old, thriving and gorgeous. I feel a total failure because of all the rhetoric, no outright propaganda, that I HAD to keep trying, that it's natural and best and so on and on and on.

So, to answer your question, FourArms, I wish I'd had support in the form of being told that formula is not battery acid, that my DD will not automatically grow up to be obese/allergy-ridden/delinquent because I couldn't breastfeed, and that sometimes even if you try your absolute utmost, it doesn't work. Good luck with your work, it's a wonderful thing you're doing, but pleasepleaseplease don't become one of those militant bf mafia types!

mummytowillow - I can relate so much to what you say.
I was told at 3 AM by a midwife, "shall we just give her formula"? because I was crying and struggling with the bf. I felt so devastated, it wasn't what I wanted. We actually submitted a formal complaint and got an apology from the hospital.

Failing to bf put an enormous strain on our relationship, and switching to formula I felt like a failure and an outsider in my NCT group (who were all bf).

I spiralled down and down with depression and ended up in a mother and baby unit for 3 months.

It just so wasn't worth it. I wish I hadn't put myself under so much pressure.