If you have an arsey comment about breastfeeding

[SunglassesPolarBear]

come and say it here please, let's get them all out in the open and in one place.
So far today I have seen a comment along the lines of "don't know why you bothered" to someone who was please to have reached 6 months of excl bf, and an incredibly rude and unhelpful comment on a thread started by a woman who was worried that her supply would be affected by her DH giving their 10 day old a bottle of formula. Snotty comments (whether to bfers or ffers) are NOT WELCOME on those sorts of threads, so go on, offload here.

Oh, before we start, some myths I'd like to bust:

• Improved health outcomes of bf babies are not down to social class - that has been accounted for
• People bfing past 3 weeks / 6 months / a year are not doing it just for their own sakes
• It's not only OK to bf in public "if it's done discreetly"

erm..sure more will come up

treedelivery - were you talking antenatally or postnatally when you said you were abused for asking if someone was ff or bf?

You can still avoid asking immediately after the birth. The baby and the mum are together, skin to skin, as they should be if all is well, immediately after the birth. You can be murmuring how nice it is for the baby to be so close and to feel so cuddled....point out the early feeding cues the baby will be making. Just talk about 'feeding' and then assess if the mum really wants to ff instead. If she is clear she doesn;t want to bf, then of course you can help her with the bottle.

It is done like this in some places.

Riven and Jacksmamma: ABetaDad said some daft things about women who breastfeed 'feeling' they were doing something better for the baby. He also put in some unobjectionable, uncontroversial other stuff. He was rightly flamed for the daft stuff, but pretends he was flamed for the non-daft stuff

Idontbelieveit, which hospital? I would have been really shocked, as all my visits to children's outpatients have been to see how my babies were doing after initial feeding problems and I've always fed them there - ds1 FF, ds2 BF. My hospital is supposed to be pro-breastfeeding but I had to fight for the right kind of support to succeed 2nd time round, and most hospitals which claim this kind of thing have a really long way to go.

I'm in no position to judge anyone's method of feeding her child, whether choice or otherwise. I do feel judgemental towards people who make really nasty comments, and to health professionals who sadly have much to learn.

hey Tiktok - just generally, as with all rants.

I think on the postnatal side of things generally, but I also find the antenatal discussion a challenge. Also parentcraft, I am aware of trying not to be seen as pushing bf when talking about its benefit - but it sells its self really. I don't want to all
alianate ffrs, but at same time would like to feel the ff decision was based on knowledge not assumption and marketing.

Haven't been personally abused btw, just sensitive as a new mnetter and a bit [shocked] at some posts [opinions and experiences] I suppose.

Am also in general midifery rethink hell, so just ignore me. Just ranting and feeling sorry for self.

..want to allienate [sp]...

Tiktok - thanks! I got confused... happens frequently... Also thanks for popping into my sore boobies thread.

Tree - I've lurked on some threads you've been on, so I may have a general idea (as much as you can without a face to face chat with someone), but how come you're rethinking midwifery?

(If this is a hijack, I apologize in advance... if you want to tell me but not here, you could pop into the 7th Heaven Tea Room...)

Jacksmama - Oh you know. Stuff. I'll never be able to please all the people all the time, and it really matters with birthing. Becasue I am noe of 'them' and I want to be either 'us' or 'me'. Because I can't help my colic riffen 3 month bubba so how on earth can I help anyone else

Thank you Jacksmama. I was thinking of starting a 'support for health proffs who had a bad day' thread

Sorry op. As you were.

Where were we?

....because...one...

One handed typing [bfing at mo]

you're right Daisy, this has definitely gone tits up! was meant to be an offloading ground for people about to tell a bfer that feeding past 6 months was disgusting, or to tell a ffer that she hadn't tried hard enough. Wasn't meant to be an invitation to think up new, insulting stuff!
Anyway, threads evolve and this one certainly has a life of its own!

Sorry op. Certainly not a rant zone for me. Can't think of a suitable arsey comment either.......

no, it happens, i wanted a rant, i had it and the thread moves on. I'm not the thread police (just enjoy wearing the uniform )

Picture on profile of uniform wearing antics?

Tree and Tiktok, I would have really appreciated being asked about how I wanted to feed as part of my antenatal appointments, second time round. This time, the health professionals said they wanted to make sure that things were better for me than first time round, but they weren't keen to talk, or more importantly, listen, to my views on that in a lot of cases.

Really? So did they ask at all? Or just not listen to the answer? We have a knack on theat second one.

ABetaDad - I think the difference is, I can see breastfeeding is better. You can't argue with that really. But formula is also fine. So it comes down to an individual choice, and what might be better for a particular mother, child, family may not be as simple as just picking the nutritionally superior option.

Breastfeeding being nutritionally better can allow some mums to feel smug and superior about their choice though - just as some will be smug about never letting their children watch TV or always cooking from scratch or whatever else.

elkiedee - good practice would be to discuss infant feeding, and in the course of the discussion, obviously the mother's preference or previous experience could come up. Asserting a choice is not banned

What is to be avoided is a ticky-box 'breast or bottle?' thing, and when the mother says 'bottle', to start a (possibly intrusive) persuasion thing.

Good, well-trained HCPs should not find any of this beyond them!

(Sorry you're having a bad time, BTW, tree )

(am not really tiktok, not at work and dd2 is alive and relatively very well - thanks though. Mustn't rant when others have real problems afterall. So a from me overall)

About the good practice - iyo what is the best action when the preference is to ff when asked. To offer teaching on making feeds, or offer more information on the topic? It's so hard to know what people know. Or don't know. I try to see every contact between me and a mother as an oppurtunity to engage in meaningfull exchange. There are so few contacts now, with the appt schedule, that time and oppurtunity are short indeed.
Am imagining an antenatal clinic here, my natural habitat.

Back towards the topic of the thread, I wouldn't describe them as arsey comments, but I don't understand why so many people, including health care professionals, think that a big at birth baby is more likely to "need" formula. This and other statements (the exceptionally hungry baby, not enough milk - when milk supply hasn't actually been assessed in any meaningful way - aren't simply made up by mothers as excuses - they're things I was told was the cause of my problems by lots of people including doctors, midwives and nurses - all health care professionals whom I should be able to trust.

It's all about choice isn't it? Happy mums and happy babies? If you 're not happy with BF or try it and don't like it then don't do it!
Oh and IMO bottles, aside from SMA Gold, are for Pinot Grigio.

my previous post may have been a bit hurtfull.
But people to put too much stress on formula or breast yes breast milk is better but there are many reasons not to chose it. I may have bf but I smoked during last pg and am 30 weeks now and still smoke there are many problems caused by that. Back to the mcdonalds joke my son prob has 2 a week and I don't feed him as healthly as I should. SO I may have bf big deal. There are many other things I have done which are not the healthiest. If I hurt any one I am sorry.

Formula is the equivalent to feeding your baby a diet of only crisps and chocolate apparently. Or so I was told by someone in the facebook group.
I replied that...no it isn't, if you want an analogy, BF is like a 'perfect' diet, perfectly balanced, no processed food, organic, etc etc. FM is like someone who usually gets their 5 a day but sometimes only eats toast all day, who has the odd ice cream or takeaway. Ok, good enough, but not perfect. Although this woman then agreed, she asked why I would want to put it like that because it might make more women FF and the way she put it was more off-putting

It does upset me when I read about the health risks of FM because I really had no choice but to mix feed, then fully FF. However.....my boy is a bouncing, happy, well attached, healthy little porker and I don't believe has suffered from it. I also believe that FF can be the right thing if BF is making the mum miserable. And there are mums who don't want or need more support - they just hate BF......I don't believe they should just 'suck it up' for their baby's sake, another opinion I have heardf expressed around the place.

Totally agree, Kat2907. Bf my DD (1st baby) was a continuous 7 week nightmare from which we were both glad to escape. She is very healthy whereas my second baby, DS, was exclusively breastfed for 4 months and gets every bug going and takes ages to throw them off. Probably just an anomaly but I don't feel guilty either way. If I had continued to BF, especially the first time, I would have ended up with raging PND but after I accepted that I wasn't able to be perfect, I was so much happier.

Tree, I think you should start a thread for health professionals who've had a bad day... or who've occasionally had enough and want to change jobs - I'd join!! I had a few days last week that made me consider becoming a waitress... or grocery cashier...