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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Am I the only mother on the planet who CHOSE bottle-feeding?

343 replies

CottageChicken · 26/04/2009 05:27

I read extensively, did lots of soul-searching, and decided breastfeeding just wasn't something that was the right path for me and DC. Consulted DP who wanted a very active role in the feeding and supported 100%, we did 50/50 on all feeds from Day 1. Most people have been great about it, but of course there are the Breastfeeding Nazis and just general disapproval stares.

Did anyone else actively choose not to breastfeed? I don't regret my choice at all but it would be nice to hear from others.

By the way - mine are very happy, rarely ill, well-adjusted babies before you ask how many ear infections they've had, as more than 1 random person on the street has done .

OP posts:
pagwatch · 26/04/2009 19:34

I agree with the notion of admitting you are judgemental and rude being meaningless unless you then attempt to stop or mederate that behaviour.

It reminds me of people who say " I speak my mind" with great pride. I often think 'actually no- you are just gobby and rude'.
some people don't know the difference and see rudeness as a virtue as if it is a sign of strength of character.
Actually real strength of character is more often displayed through self control -far more admirable

MarlaSinger · 26/04/2009 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LackaDAISYcal · 26/04/2009 19:40
piscesmoon · 26/04/2009 19:45

I still think it comes from insecurity. If you are happy with your choices you just quietly get on with it-you don't try and justify it by starting threads or telling other people they are 'wrong'.

purepurple · 26/04/2009 19:52

I agree piscesmoon
As I said before I FF both of mine, my decision.
I was happy with my decision then and I still am now, because there is nothing I can do about it now is there? DS is 19 and DD is 12.
If I was in the same position now I might choice differently, but I really couldn't say for definite.

RockinSockBunnies · 26/04/2009 19:52

Nope - am definitely not a superior mother. And, on the contrary, I'm very interested in breastfeeding. I've also never said anything outwardly to a woman bottle-feeding, so clearly there are other women out there who think similarly to me but who are more verbal about their opinions.

In response to some other points on this thread, I really don't think much of the notion of female solidarity. Why should I automatically support someone else's views simply based on gender? This isn't a feminist issue IMO.

Also, I don't buy in to this whole notion of being free from judgement. IMO, half of what's gone wrong with society stems from the permissive liberalism of the past five decades.

ilovemydogandMrObama · 26/04/2009 20:12

Even if one believes in 'permissive liberalism of past 5 decades' how does this enter into the b/fing debate?

I'm interested.

LackaDAISYcal · 26/04/2009 20:15

sockbunnies, I think you are confusing being verbal about your opinions with being downright rude and offensive.

...but if dressing it up as being forthright makes you feel better, carry on.

MrsMattie · 26/04/2009 20:21

'I really don't think much of the notion of female solidarity'.

What a charmer!

ManicMother7777 · 26/04/2009 20:46

My self-esteem is completely shattered! Not only did I not bf my eldest for very long, but I also have been known to wear jeans with black boots, and white linen trousers with a thong.

An obstetrician in today's Sunday Times says ?There is not enough difference between breast milk and infant formula to make a fuss about it.?

LackaDAISYcal · 26/04/2009 20:58

The obstetrician is clearly as mad a hatter.....his/her business is delivering babies and they should leave the nurturing of babies once they are born to the people who know what they are talking about.

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 26/04/2009 21:02

Here is the article:

www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/article6169478.ece

FaintlyMacabre · 26/04/2009 21:04

Article here

LackaDAISYcal · 26/04/2009 21:12

I think that article should merit a complete thread on its own. I am shocked, horrified and fascinated in equal measures

ManicMother7777 · 26/04/2009 21:13

Bf is great when it works and you're happy with it, for me it was a nightmare with ds1 and I gave up after 2 weeks and I was distraught - but quality of life for whole family improved dramatically when i gave up, and we all got some sleep. I bf ds2 for a year - until he got teeth, and I thought it was a wonderful experience.

Thing is you can read all the evidence and statistics, but people will go with the evidence of their own experience, and quite honestly, when I think of all my friends and family over the years and all their dcs, a mix of intelligence and illnesses etc all of which seem to bear no logical relation to bf, I can see this obstetrician's point.

StarlightMcKenzie · 26/04/2009 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LackaDAISYcal · 26/04/2009 21:34

manicmother, the social and economic aspects of BF vs FF aside, that statement is just wrong; of course there is a difference between something that our bodies produce in order to nurture our infants and something that has been scientifically modified to make it digestible and palatable to our infants.

ManicMother7777 · 26/04/2009 21:53

He didn't say there isn't a difference, he said there isn't enough of a difference to make a fuss about it.

Life's a balance isn't it? I choose to drive a small car which statistically isn't as safe as probably a land rover. So I am no doubt putting my dcs at risk by not doing what's best for them.

These people that judge mothers for not bf and feel sorry for their babies, do you drive the stastically safest car, and live in the statistically safest town?

I get weary at the absence of perspective in these arguments.

jellybeans · 26/04/2009 21:56

That article is sad. Makes me sad when women would rather 'use' their breasts 'for their men' than for their babies that they are there for! Of course breasts sag, its normal for anyone as they get older or have big boobs. It's not an abnormailty as cosmetic surgeons would have us believe!

jellybeans · 26/04/2009 21:56

That article is sad. Makes me sad when women would rather 'use' their breasts 'for their men' than for their babies that they are there for! Of course breasts sag, its normal for anyone as they get older or have big boobs. It's not an abnormailty as cosmetic surgeons would have us believe!

RockinSockBunnies · 26/04/2009 22:07

ilovemydog - I suppose I connect the permissive liberalism to the breastfeeding debate most strongly in that there appears to me to be an increasing trend to not ever judge others. For example, I've just had a quick look at this thread in chat here where the posters were leaping on the poor OP for expressing an opinion that 40 or 50 years ago would be wholly justified and supported by other people.

It seems as if nowadays no-one has a right to judge on any subject that a few decades ago would be clear-cut. People won't judge teenage pregnancies or the 'underclass' where generation after generation live on benefits, but will be quick to shout 'snob' where legitimate comments and concerns might be made about people in society.

Furthermore, there's a 'me-me-me' current in today's society, where individualism is rife and to be justified at any cost. IMO, this links into the breast/bottle feeding debate, whereby mothers justify the choice of bottle-feeding as something 'convenient' for them to do, that ties in with their lifestyle and suits them down to the ground and nevermind about the health risks.

Not sure if that condensed op-ed piece illuminated the issue or not, but thought I'd respond best I could in limited space.

Manicmother - yes, life is about balancing risks. But surely one tries to minimise any risks to the best of one's abilities by striving to be as good a parent as is possible. So, for example, feeding the most nutritious food to your children that you can prepare, reading as many books on the subject of parenting, trying to ensure your children go to the best schools, have the best education and achieve the best possible things in life?

ilovemydogandMrObama · 26/04/2009 22:34

Well, guess I'm one of those women you would be judging.

DS (13 months) was b/f exclusively until he was 6 months and was still being b/f when he was 12 months. He was an extremely sick boy and was admitted to Children's Hospital due to severe anaemia (blood transfusion severe). He was so ill that finally he was nil by mouth until they worked out what was causing him to be so sick. He had a severe cow milk protein intolerance/allergy and is still being tested for a range of other issues.

Although his Paediatrician said it was OK to try b/fing him again after being dairy free for a period, if he was still sick, then we would need to discuss alternative strategies.

So, rather reluctantly, DS is on a hyperallergenic formula where the amino acids have been split by NASA and is one of few one that he can tolerate.

Most moms I know would rather breast feed, and the ones who aren't seem to have gotten some rather false information about weaning. weight gain etc

I think your viewpoint is rather superficial. The reason so many women rely on healthcare professionals is that their own mothers probably don't have experience of b/fing themselves, so it will take a few generations to get the experience back on track.

rasputin · 26/04/2009 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MavisG · 26/04/2009 22:53

Rocks, 'a 'me-me-me' current in today's society' - this doesn't ring true to me at all in ref to feeding or any other aspect of motherhood - mothers do their v best for their children, as Standanddeliver pointed out (and I think you agreed) earlier.

I don't think there's anything genuinely selfless about nurturing your own children. Helping others with their babies - like the LLL volunteer who helped me, like Tiktok, who's helped me and many other lurkers as well as those she's dealt with directly - that's selfless, that's contributing to society.

RockinSockBunnies · 26/04/2009 22:59

ilovemydog - Uh, no, am not judging you in the slightest and a little confused as to why you'd think I would be. I'm also unsure as to where the healthcare professionals element fits in to all of this.

Anyway, I'm sorry that your DS has been so ill and hope he's soon on the road to recovery