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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Anyone interested in an 'extended' bfers support thread?

834 replies

lilysma · 01/02/2009 11:14

Not sure what I mean by 'extended' exactly - maybe it's a self defined thing?

I define myself as an 'extended' bfer because I hardly know anyone else bfing a child as old as mine (DD is 26 months) and feel the need to discuss some issues with people also doing this and wonder if anyone else does??

Anyone up for an informal support thread on this?

OP posts:
Original poster
lilysma · 28/05/2009 09:42

Thanks for the reassurance, cantsleep and maygirl. I guess I have an over-inflated sense of my own importance . DD is a real mummy's girl and DH is hoping that she will bond with him more if I get out of the way

OP posts:
jumblies · 28/05/2009 10:31

Hi guys,

I've been on this thread before but you probably wouldn't remember as it was months ago now. I have also changed names for the mo as am newly pregnant. If it is hell feeding DD at the moment as everytime she latches onto my supersensitive nipples it feels like someone is attaching crocodile clips to them [ouch emoticon]

lilysma I always thought DD would be distraught if I didn't feed her to sleep (as that is how she goes to bed) and thought if I wasn't there to resettle her at night she wouldn't settle for anyone else (DH didn't do the nightimes for obvious reasons) However on the few times I have stayed away overnight and when DH has had to put DD to bed without me, she is fine. She is even ok if my mum does it.

They use their own methods which seem to work for them. If I tried them though she would be screaming blue murder for my milk

whomovedmychocolate Can I ask how did you juggle the morning and to bed feeds between your newborn and DD. I still feed DD to sleep and when she gets up in the morning and for any naps she has. Is this still doable after the baby comes or should I try and rejig when she feeds? She is an incredibly early riser about 5.30am so I am thinking that the baby would probably still be alseep at that time so I could do her morning feed then feed the baby after. However its the bedtime routine which is bringing me out in a nervous sweat...

This is all hypothetical as she may selfwean beforehand esp as my milk supply seems to be dropping but somehow I doubt she will.

Can't remember who asked but I don't feed in the night anymore and DD will resettle without a feed very quickly but I don't cosleep so I imagine it is easier than if I did.

Hope everyone is doing well.

FairyLightsForever · 28/05/2009 10:39

Lilysma,
My xp takes DD off to his parents overnight now and she's fine- better than if he settles her when she knows I'm in the house. She just accepts that if I'm not there she doesn't feed.

ChairmumMiaow · 28/05/2009 13:21

How old were your LOs when you first left them overnight?

I'm starting to think I'd actually like to go away overnight, but really can't see how I would manage it when he's still feeding at bedtime and at least once at night (hopefully he'll go back to this once these teeth are out!)

BouncingTurtle · 28/05/2009 13:52

Hmm yes been thinking about the whole bed time feed thing, it would be great if DS could manage without it once in a while. I don't feed him to sleep but I do feed him before DH puts him down in his cot.

jumblies · 28/05/2009 18:49

I feed DD to sleep but if I have to go out earlier than her bedtime my Dh puts her to sleep. He uses various methods but they usually play together on our big bed, he reads her a story and then they flop about till she is tired then he puts her in her cot and she goes to sleep...not sure how it works tbh as she would never do this with me

Honestly they just accept that you aren't there so they won't get milk, its odd but true. Don't worry!

Original poster
lilysma · 28/05/2009 21:00

Thanks for the positive stories everyone. I think its not just the bf I'm worried about but that she's such a mummy's girl ( and I link this to the bf but this may be a mistake). DH has put her to bed many times and she accepts no milk then and no mummy (but this one slightly less). She's never got up in the morning without her milk though, and if DH tries to take her she screams blue murder. Hopefully it will be different if she knows I'm not there .

I think I'm worried about her thinking I'm gone forever and this scarring her for life, but I don't know why really as she goes to nursery (starting was very traumatic ) and has been left in the day with DH, granny etc. Hopefully I underestimate her resilience...

OP posts:
FairyLightsForever · 28/05/2009 21:59

Chairmum, DD was almost 2 the first time she went away overnight without me... [slightly overprotective emoticon!]

mawbroon · 31/05/2009 11:47

My ds is 3.7yo and we still haven't been apart overnight.

ommmward · 31/05/2009 17:43

I've not left an under 4 overnight. Over 4s yes, but not under.

Not due to any particular plan, just a sense of when the various family members involved would be able to cope cheerfully

Original poster
lilysma · 01/06/2009 21:16

Okay, I'm not feeling quite such a freakishly controlling/overprotective mum now...

OP posts:
ChairmumMiaow · 03/06/2009 21:06

I'm hoping that DS will go away with his auntie and cousins next easter, when he'll be about 2.3 - we get to have a break knowing he will be having great fun

He loves them all and if he'll settle for anyone other than DH and I, he will for them, but I do worry about how he will be at bedtime / during the night. He's down to 1 feed a night when well, and if he doesn't night wean himself before about xmas, we shall encourage him to! I just worry about him going to sleep!

Of course we've got quite a while before it becomes an issue, but I do worry already!

jumblies · 03/06/2009 22:31

I've left dd overnight twice but both times I've put her to bed before I've left and have come home by the morning so that she can have a feed in the morning. She slept through both times. Therefore it has not impacted on her routine at all.

My mum has babysat for Dh and I on a few occasions whilst we go to the cinema/dinner and she always manages to get DD to sleep without milk but she has often woken up around 11ish when we get home and I sometimes feed her back to sleep. My DH has looked after DD on a few occasions whilst I have gone out for dinner with friends etc and he also manages to get her to sleep.

I think the most challenging night for DH was when I caught flu and DD was still waking in the night and he didn't want to wake me up to resettle her ( I was zonked to the world) So he took her downstairs and gave her a cup of milk and then held her for 2 hours singing songs till she fell asleep in his arms.

The funny thing is that I've never left DD alone during the day for longer than a couple of hours and that is rare. I once left her unavoidably for 5 hours and it felt really strange. I guess it must be the same for night separation if you cosleep.

llareggub · 03/06/2009 22:39

I haven't posted here for ages but thought I'd check in to say that DS1 has self-weaned at 2.7 years without too much distress. I suspect that he lost the ability to feed as it became quite painful which originally I put down to having a newborn as well. He increased his feeds significantly after DS2 was born, and 4 weeks after the birth his feeds tailed off and now he has nothing.

I feel very pleased and proud that we made it this far, and a small part of me is relieved that I no longer have to tandem feed. A much larger part of me is quite happy to DS growing up and leaving the baby years behind. I wish I'd marked our last feed though. Because it happened so easily I didn't know his last feed would be his last!

BouncingTurtle · 04/06/2009 08:26

llareggub - yey for you and ds

Ds has still be demanding to sleep in our bed. I don't mind nearly as much as DH does, as I quite like snuggling up with the small one Well except when he decides to snack for an hour.
He was so funny yesterday morning though. I was lying on my back, so he lifted my pyjama top and helped himself, then he was done he pulled my top down again Very considerate of him I thought!
Last night he woke up and instead of pulling at my top, he pointed very firmly at his beaker of water. Now we always take a beaker of water up with use for him but he always refuses it. However last night when I gave him it he guzzled it I actually went a refilled it, buthe didn't want anymore but lay down, and grabbed the beaker! I folded the spout down (one of those Asda sippy cups)and he refused to reliquish it I had to take it off him when he was asleep!

PuzzleRocks · 04/06/2009 08:38

llareggub - Thanks for your post, I was about to ask about tandem feeding. DD1 (25 months) was previously down to her bedtime feed but has increased her feeds since DD2 (7 weeks) was born. I assume that this is a passing phase.

mawbroon · 07/06/2009 20:59

Haven't posted for ages, but no change here.

DS is now 3.7yo and showing no signs at all of giving up ever.

I have resigned myself that ttc isn't going to work until he's weaned.

He has a new cousin, and he has renamed his teddy bear after her and breastfeeds her regularly. it is very cute.

jumblies · 08/06/2009 10:55

Mawbroon sorry if you've already been down this route but can you try the nightweaning first and see if you start ovulating regularly then. Would hate to see you give up breastfeeding completely if it isn't necessary.

Hope you don't mind me suggesting it. I know you've tried nightweaning in the past but if you are thinking of giving up then maybe you could try this step first then move on to cutting out the day feeds as well if thats what you have to do.

He sounds like a lovely caring little boy. I love it when DD feeds her dolls (has only just started doing it)

nappyaddict · 08/06/2009 11:02

mawbroon do you still feed your DS when out and about. I think that is lovely if you do. I remember you saying you still did when he was 3.2 So many people give up when their DC are 2 ish, because they think they are too old to feed in public which is quite sad. Have you ever had any funny looks or comments?

mawbroon · 08/06/2009 11:34

Oh gosh, I maybe didn't word that post very well. I am not planning weaning him to ttc, I am just resigned to the fact that I prob won't get pg until he's finished.

We are now down to morning/night with no milk overnight at all. He gets milk through the day if he needs it, but there are quite a few days where he doesn't have any in the daytime at all. And often at bedtime he is so tired that he has a couple of glugs on one side before passing out exhausted!

He can't be having much volume of milk at all, yet it's still stopping me ttc, so that is why I have just accepted that I prob won't get pg until he is finished. I am knocking on a bit though, so I am not sure what I will do if he doesn't show any signs of stopping at all. For all i know, he could feed until he's 6 and I don't have that long to wait for a second. Otherwise I wouldn't have minded at all.

And yes, if need be, we feed out and about, but tbh it doesn't happen very often any more. He is 3.7yo now, and we have never ever had a negative comment.

mawbroon · 08/06/2009 11:38

Sorry, I also meant to say jumblies, that regular ovulating isn't the problem. I ovulate every month but my luteal phase is just too short for implantation. Saying that, it has stretched from about 8 days away back at the beginning of ttc and now it is 12 or 13 which is sort of borderline.

I have worked out that if I am not pg by November then DS will be at school before a new baby would be born!!

jumblies · 08/06/2009 12:30

Sorry I misunderstood Mawbroon. I was actually thinking it was probably more likely to be a luteal phase issue. I think its nice if you have a baby when the other goes to school, you will be able to spend quality time with her/him

I am very worried that DD will feel pushed out and jealous about the new baby and that I will not be able to stretch myself to meet both their needs

nappyaddict · 08/06/2009 12:54

Mawbroon they say if you want to avoid jealousy issues then a 4 year gap is the smallest you can get away with because they understand that mummy has to deal with the baby and they are old enough to help etc.

Can you remember the last time you fed in public and where?

Also out if interest what's the strangest place anyone has ever fed?

mawbroon · 08/06/2009 13:22

Hmmm, last time in public. I really would have to think about that because I do it so automatically!

The last time I remember was with my sister in a cafe. Her baby was just a few days old and we were sitting feeding together! Her baby is now 6weeks old, so we are talking just a few weeks ago. I have probably done it since then, but honestly can't remember!!

Most unusual place, well the place wasn't unusual, but one day ds was pestering and pestering for milk while I was busy chopping veg. I told him he could have milk, but would have to stand on the wee stepladder whilst I chopped the veg. He really did want milk that much and trotted off to get the wee stepladder!

I've just remembered, I fed him in the cooking/eating area at the campsite when we were away a fortnight ago because he had fallen off his bike and hurt himself.

splishsplosh · 10/06/2009 20:07

A woman at playgroup today asked the woman running it if she'd seen a programme where a 4 year old was being breastfed - she said "it's disgusting" - the woman running it just said, well everyone's different, but this other woman repeated her view about 3x. I'ma bit ashamed to say I didn't challenge her. Though I suppose before dc, I too might have thought it slightly strange. But I don't think I'd ever have thought of it as "disgusting"

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