Anyone else prepared to admit that they didn't b/f just because they didn't want to ??

[IllegallyBrunette]

Just wondered really.

I have 3 dc and didn't breast feed any. I was 19 when I had dd1 and was asked by a midwife if i'd be breastfeeding and I said no. There was no argument or discussion, that was that.

When I had dd2 at 34 weeks she had to be tube fed. I offered to express milk for her but was told i needn't bother.

With ds, again I didn't want to but even if I had it would have been hard as he was supposed to be on phototherapy 24/7 for a week.

I think the attitude towards ff mums on this forum by some bf mums is disgusting. I would never dream of saying anything against any mum for feeding her baby by whichever way she chooses, yet some of the comments on here like 'formula should only be available if there is a proven medical need' are just awful.

The thing that kept me going when learning to bfeed dd1 was the fact that my mother had done it - twice! If she could do it I knew I could do it - and that is what I mean by support at the most basic level - an impetus that you can do it. Example is so powerful - I am hopeful that the fact that my older daughters have seen me bfeed their sister will encourage them to bfeed in due course.

Access to counsellors etc is important as is support from partners - it would probably help if paternity leave was long enough to get feedingn well established. I also think the emphasis on weight gain leads to lack of confidence on the part of mothers.

I tried to bf dd1 managed a week before dh stepped in because he couldn't cope with seeing me so upset and we choose to ff as i found it very painful and would be in tears while feeding her.

With dd2 i manage 3 days as before i found it bloody painful. Also my milk never came in.

Now dc3 is due in 10 weeks and again i will try for the first few days, but i am under no illusion that i will find it it to painful so will ff.

I am beginning to think that BFers are like vegterians expect/demand you to respect thier choices but they have no repesct for you choices.

lizziemun - I don't think you ff because of pain does represent a 'choice' actually - it represents a decision forced upon you because of circumstances. Did you have access to a breastfeeding counsellor or group to support you. Had you had any ante-natal advice on breastfeeding? Had anybody ever said that honestly - first time round it hurts when you start but with baby correctly positioned that it will stop hurting after a short time? Have you any friends or family who have successfully breastfed? Good for you for giving it a go with your third child - all the best for that.

I have to say that hand on heart, I would think badly of somebody who had a baby and didn't put it to the breast once. Unless there was some physical or deep rooted psychological reason. I think if you have a baby you do owe it to at least give it the colostrum which is so beneficial in the early days.

After that, I do respect the right of parents to choose whether they will FF or BF. I do think that a happy mother is a crucial thing for all concerned, and FF probably does less harm than an unhappy mother. I hope that the long term benefits that DS1 got from bfing outweighed the short term misery I went through getting everything established. Like labour though, this is quickly forgotten, and feeding DS2 was much more straightforward as I'd learnt all the tricks by then.

lizzie - formula feeding because of distress and pain on breastfeeding is not a true choice. The scales are tipped way over to the ff side!

Breastfeeding can hurt, but it does not have to. As a breastfeeding counsellor, I very occasionally meet mothers for whom bf hurts no matter what I can suggest and help them to do...but it is very occasional. In my exeperience, the vast majority of mothers can breastfeed pain free.

If you want to give bf another go, talk to someone now. Find out what you can do to minimise difficuties - self-attachment (where the baby latches himself on) may be useful to know about, for instance.

There is judging going on all the time regarding feeding - many breastfeeders are undermined by criticism of their choices, too

I got as far on this thread as reading bf nazis.

These threads always end up the same.

I respect people's choices to bottle feed if they wish too. However, I'd always encourage people to try BF because to be honest, once the babies and I got the hang of it, it was soooo much easier. No bottles to make, no listening to a crying baby while bottle was heated etc, never getting caught out without milk. Yes, it meant that DH couldn't do the night time feeds but I used to wake up anyway, and I wasn't ready to go out for the evening without them before the point where their feeding/sleeping pattern was more predictable. I am very pro BF but wouldn't judge those who choose not to.

oh, and I think there isn't enough honesty about how difficult and painful it can be in the early days, so a lot of people give up thinking they can't do it IME. A friend of mine went to hell and back to continue BF when I was pregnant with DC1. She got through it and never looked back, which kept me going when I had problems. but think I woudl have felt like a failure in the early days if I hadn't seen her experience first hand.

i BF my DS for 6 weeks and he was slow to gain weight.

DS2 is due in 8 weeks and I will prob BF him for 6 weeks and then go onto FF. I am looking forward to having my body back and feeling like a real person as opposed to a cow. Thats how it made me feel. it was lovely and bonding etc but it was really important for me to have my own identity after he was born. if that makes sense.

we loved FF. DH fed him regularly and it's lovely for bonding. He never has a bottle without cuddles and is a very secure happy adn confident little chap. He's 13mths old and his health is great. he eats anything, is really sociable and before i fell pregnant with DS2 I was pleased to get my body back and get my figure back.

I find that my happiness and mental health go hand in hand with how i feel about my body and when i'm breastfeeding i feel all saggy and fat so i'm not happy.

everyone is different.

hercules...hadn't read the whole thread.....but, why doesn't it surprise me that the word bf-nazi was mentioned....that and militant bf'er are on my most hated words list....

lilolil - that is very interesting what you say about seeing your friend ultimately succeed helping you to perservere. I really think that example is so, so important. I had a neighbour once who struggled with breastfeeding following a difficult c-section. I was the only person she knew who had breastfed - what was everybody else telling her - (her mum, sil etc) 'put her on the bottle - it's easier' It's very hard to stand up to that sort of pressure without some sort of example to inspire you.

I respect a woman's right to make and INFORMED choice. Unfortunately, many women's choice is taken away from them due to lack of support when they encounter problems etc. They feel that they have no alternative than to FF which isn't a choice at all. Many woman also base their 'informed' decision on the formula companies advertising/friends/family/society in general rather than scientific studies that show the true risks of formula. The number of formula related illnesses and deaths even in developed countries is frightening. Hence the reason for campaigns to promote 'safer' ff in addition to those promoting breastfeeding.

There is a lot more to being obese than whether or not you were breast fed. As someone else has already said it has more to do with what they are fed and what eating habits they are taught by their parents. As one of 4 who were all BF our obesity has more to do with the genetics of our parents than being BF.

I'm not disputing that BF has many benefits for baby, but I think that the whole obesity thing is crazy. TBH I'm quite skeptical about this claim and if the Govt are that concerned about obesity there are loads more things they could be doing that would be more effective.

When I have children I don't know whether I will FF or BF. I may try BF but that depends on how I feel when they are born. If it doesn't work for whatever reason I will NOT feel guilty about it. I agree with Fourarms that FF does less harm than an unhappy mother. And as someone else already said, FF gives others such as the father the opportunity to feed baby and bond too.

IMO there are a lot worse things that mothers can do to their children than FF them - you only have to look in the paper to realise that. I assume that the reason the mums on this site are on here is because they are good caring mothers who want the best for their children and just because they make different choices (BB or FF, natural birth or elective CS, etc) they should not be judged.

They are doing plenty. BF is one of the factors.

Can someone please explain why they are prepared to believe a link between smoking and lung cancer but not bf and obesity?

(Severity of effect excluded)

There's about to be a national obesity program iirc. Locally, PCTs are introducing exercise plans. Healthy eating advice has always been around.

Is it just me or anyone find it odd that men have to bottlefeed in order to bond with their babies?

I don't know....DH used to love giving DS a bottle and it was definitely one of the ways they bonded. Feeding your child is a bondong experience, especially since they do little else other than eat, poo and sleep (and babies are very similar).
I used to also sit between his legs on the sofa when I was feeding DS sometimes so we could both see him / stroke his cheek etc, he used to like that as well.

They don't have to bottlefeed to bond with their babies but it provides another opportunity for them to, which can be especially hard if the father works long hours.

I would argue the govt aren't doing enough about obesity from what I've seen. No amount of BF is going to combat the fact that unhealthy food on the whole is cheaper.

I believe the link between lung cancer and smoking because of the chemicals that are in cigarettes. Besides I would assume that they've been looking into that for a lot longer than the BF and obesity stuff.

I don't think DH bonded any less with DS because I bf him. DS had Daddy-time on lots of other occasions - he used to love falling asleep on DH's chest, DH used to give him a bath, play with him or even just cuddle him while I had some time for me. I don't think men need to be involved in feeding to bond with their babies - there are plenty of other opportunities for that.

Exactly stealth - one of the first good feelings that babies get is from a full tummy so naturaly they will associate the person feeding them with that feeling.

How long would they have to look into it before you'd be convinced?
Also, the make up of bm and formula are different - that's the analogy to the chemicals. BM changes as its needed. (I'm sure you know all this, just countering your points )

Did no-one notice my anti man joke?
Well it's not funny if you have to explain it!

sorry missed it but just saw it now - and very true

I'm not saying that BF isn't better but just don't get how they can prove the obesity thing unless they compare babies as they grow who all have same diet etc.

But if you had a mother who wasn't eating properly to get all her nutrients how can she pass on all the nutrients the baby needs through BF?

lol stealth...I saw it and if I was drinking a cup of tea would have spluttered all over my keyboard....

I have to say that the whole ff gives fathers an opportunity to bond never convinced me.....the only reason I felt feeding was bonding was because I bf'ed....once changing to bottles it just became a chore....and one that dh didn't particularly got involved with anyway....

you bond when you cuddle and play....you can do that no matter which way bubs is fed....