Anyone else prepared to admit that they didn't b/f just because they didn't want to ??

[IllegallyBrunette]

Just wondered really.

I have 3 dc and didn't breast feed any. I was 19 when I had dd1 and was asked by a midwife if i'd be breastfeeding and I said no. There was no argument or discussion, that was that.

When I had dd2 at 34 weeks she had to be tube fed. I offered to express milk for her but was told i needn't bother.

With ds, again I didn't want to but even if I had it would have been hard as he was supposed to be on phototherapy 24/7 for a week.

I think the attitude towards ff mums on this forum by some bf mums is disgusting. I would never dream of saying anything against any mum for feeding her baby by whichever way she chooses, yet some of the comments on here like 'formula should only be available if there is a proven medical need' are just awful.

I personally think the obesity arguement is topic of the moment. The point is for almost all reasons it is best and thats why quite frankly you should do it.

If you are looking for a pat on the back Ib because you didnt then I am afraid I cant give you that but as many have said on here you should have the courage of your own convictions and be happy with the decision you have made.Im sure your Lo's are gorgeous

I thought I vaguely remembered that....and yes it would be interesting to see if that is part of the issue!

OMG...as I am reading through this thread I am getting that pins and needles feelings in my nipples and my milk is now leaking and dd2 is fast asleep, may need to wake her now to ease my pain...Yup, I can see why B/f can be a nuisance too lol

I am amazed by some of the attidues on here.........How can BF not be the best? How were babies fed before FF was invented ?

Surely its like saying IVF is the best form of sex............LOL !

I don't think 'not wanting to' is an acceptable reason not to try breastfeeding. As a parent the list of things I don't want to do but that are best for my children is a bloody long one - and I get on and do it.

I also think that the ready availability of formula and the marketing of bottles and bibs and sterilisers and warmers all seeks to undermine breastfeeding. I think that the fact that when we give our children dolls we also give them bottles undermines breastfeeding. I think the stress that is laid on weight gain and general baby size undermines breastfeeding and I think the stress that is laid on routines and how long baby is sleeping for undermines breastfeeding.

The ONLY thing we can do to counter all that is to say that breastfeeding is the way your baby was designed to be fed. That is a simple fact. It's not a fact some people want to hear and I don't think people should beat themselves up about the choices they have made in the past but everytime we muddy the issues by talking about how formula feeding is ok and it's everybodys choice and do what feels right - we are ignoring the fact that breastfeeding is how human babies are designed to be fed - and it is that need that should be paramount.

lecohen...now the leaking really is unpleasant....must admit, that with es I had that much milk and the combination of him being a rather sicky Baby and me leaking all over the place was what made me stop bf with him....now, if I had appropriate advice and guidance back than, I possibly would have continoued bf...but hohum...that is just an aside

"How can BF not be the best? "
As NL says, BF is just the way babies were designed to be fed. Saying it's best puts it up there in the league of parents who read their DCs Shakespeare and only ever feed healthy food. Not to mention never touch alcohol and always eat their 5 a day. Maybe not unattainable but not for most of us who just make do. But BF isn't like that!

That's the parents never touching alcohol. As I said, I'm far from a perfect mother but I've managed to stop 20mo DS from hitting the gin just yet.

lololol

someone mentioned how they felt ff was easier with other kids around.....personally I found ff a real faff with es....and bf was so much easier, even though ys and ms are only 21 month apart....and ms is a rather lifely kid....but bf was still easier, tbh...

Thanks fairlady, I can relate as have SO much milk and my dd keeps falling asleep and not emptying them out enough...I try to wake her but when she has had enough, there is no persuading her.

I have pumped after feeding once (dd2 will be 4 weeks tomorrow) as I was that uncomfortable but I am really not interested in doing it too often as fed up of it from dd1 but hey ho, needs must.

Yay, she is awake, gonna go and offer her a boob, (to relieve my pain) will catch up with this thread later

i think as long as a person understands the risks its up to them, however i dont think alot of people truely understand the risks.
but if they do and they make an informed decision it is their business

lecohen, tere are ways to reduce milksupply....but am not sober enough to write it correctly down....but, might be worth putting a thread out on the bf/ff board and maybe someone like hunker is around to help!

I am more than happy with the desicion I made thank you, and certainly wasn't looking for a pat on the back.

And yes my children are gorgeous, don't have 2 heads or anything

i did not bf either of mine

i had awful pgs,hyperemesis,spd and in hosp most of time.

by the time they were born, i had nothing left to give

i have never regretted it and respect all choices

I have loved bfing so much that I feel really sad when I read that someone didn't try at all,its a big thing to miss out on (but then i also feel sad that I didn't have a vaginal birth).I do feel that its maybe a bit selfish,to not even try? I can understand giving up,I had a hellish first six weeks and luckily enough support to keep me going,but I don't get the not even trying thing.We are mammals and mammals feed their young milk,it is our nature to do it and ff is quite peculiar really,in an animal context.I would encourage everyone to try for a few weeks at least.

Message withdrawn

Hi everyone, what an interesting thread

I think that women should definitely be entitled to say they don't WANT to breastfeed. It's a bit like admitting they used an epidural by choice, to avoid the pain of labour (as far as possible). It seems to me, by reading these threads, and through my real life experiences in these things, that women often have to give horrendous, detailed explanations of difficult births (leading to epidurals) or problems in bf (leading to quitting). But women are not martyrs, they should be entitled to make choices (even unpopular choices) & they shouldn't be asked to give reasons for their choices (as long as they don't affect others). Personally I've tried hard to breastfeed, and am still bf-ing my 5 month old, and I never have felt I need to justify my choice to anyone- and believe me, in certain circles breastfeeding is also not acceptable & lots of people (e.g. family) have put pressure on me to stop bf-ing because 'my baby needs thicker milk'. So this kind of justification required can go both ways.

As for the research about obesity, IQ, bonding etc. I'm a psychologist myself & even though I completely accept breastmilk has many benefits- especially having to do with antibodies & immunity- I seriously doubt the research on all these wide, complex issues like IQ & obesity. This is a huge discussion & perhaps this forum is not the best place to get into this, but just to say that 'science' is not one thing, undisputed by all, there are many different types of science & many different types of research, & 'controlling' for this or that is not necessarily a protection against bad research. To be honest, I fail to see how formula feeding can be convincingly linked to obesity, the research quoted has lots of holes in my opinion, but as I said, this is a different discussion.

On the other hand, I agree with what Penthesileia wrote. Formula feeding can be a real problem in countries/areas where sterilized water is not easily acquired. Also, disgust for the female body (and breasts used for feeding) is another very real underlying reason many people choose not to bf. I don't blame anyone for making that choice, motherhood is hard enough to be forced or guilt-tripped into doing something without feeling comfortable about it (after all that's a sure way for an unhappy baby). However, these attitudes & ideologies should be worked on, on a society-level, and perhaps they might explain the strong views held by many breastfeeders (like myself) who find themselves having to hide when feeding in public etc.

Finally, someone said 'breastfeeding is the completely natural choice' and is 'best for baby'. I disagree with both these phrases. What is natural is very debatable, especially in 2009 when we use technology for all sorts of things (health issues included). Also, what feels 'natural' for one mother may feel completely 'unnatural' to another, leading to breastfeeding in some cases being just wrong to particular mother-baby couples. So no, bf is not always 'best for baby', nor is it always 'natural'. And women should NOT be asked to justify their choices either way.

Maria - I don't really think comparing breastfeeding to an epidural really stands up as a comparison. Pain in labour refers only to the woman who is entitled to relief of her choice. An epidural has no long lasting consequences to the baby. The decision to breastfeed or not has longlasting consequences both for mother and baby - remember there is scientific evidence to demonstrate that breastfeeding protects the mother's health as well as the baby.
Furthermore you say people shouldn't have to give reasons for their choices unless they affect others - well choosing not to breastfeed does affect another person - your baby. This is a very serious decision to make - which should be made with all the information and support at your disposal. I just don't think that's happening now because formula feeding is so much of the norm.
I think you are absolutely right that sometimes breastfeeding mums have to heavily defend that position - because our society basically undermines breastfeeding - particularly over the long term.
Regarding what is 'natural' - yes we use technology for all sorts of things - but only when it's better then nature. The composition of breastmilk is still not fully understood I believe - therefore we cannot improve on it by technological means.

Northernlurker: ok, I take your point that epidurals are different than ff. However, there actually is some literature that tries to prove that epidurals have 'long lasting consequences on the baby' (personally I'm completely unconvinced by this literature). Some of this I read before giving birth- I seem to remember it was published by a midwife association, but don't remember the details. What I was trying to point out is that women often feel having a 'natural' labour is better & feel they need to explain why they were led to an epidural (giving gory details of pain etc) while in reality they are perfectly entitled to want a pain-free labour if it's available. Of course, knowing all the pros & cons of epidurals (or formula feeding for that matter) is great, it leads to informed choice, and there's no choice that has only pros & no cons.

With respect, I disagree that breastfeeding is always best for the baby. It's best provided the mother feels ok breastfeeding. If not, it can lead to a depressed, exhausted & irritated mother, which can in turn affect the baby. I would of course agree that it's best 'in general' but not all situations are created equal, and each family has to be understood in the specific circumstances with which they're struggling. I fail to see breastfeeding is best & more natural when we're talking about a mother who (for various reasons) feels breastfeeding is definitely not for her.

I think Maria's observation that - effectively - 'for "nature", read "culture"' (ie. whenever someone goes on about how natural something is, you should automatically look for the cultural influence behind that statement), is valid, but only insofar as many women (via men, much of the time, I'm afraid), have so internalised modern culture's simultaneous sexualisation of the female body (thus making boobs about sex & men, rather than feeding babies) and general distaste for female 'fluids', that what is demonstrably a natural function (and Maria, you don't have to be right-on to argue that producing milk from breasts is 'natural' - after all, we're mammals...), has, in effect, in our society, become unnatural.

So, Maria, you're right that, if a woman feels this way (because society has led her there), it does feel unnatural to her.

I never actually said it was 'best' only that it is the way babies are designed to be fed. Saying breast is best actually implies other choices are ok and that in my view is part of the problem. Acceptance of ff as a norm undermines breastfeeding. Acceptance of pain relief does not undermine birth - that baby's comingn out - one way or the other!

It is simply not true to say that breastfeeding leads to a depressed, irritable and exhausted mother as you implied - lack of support leads to those things - and that's the crux of the matter.

I chose not to bf both of mine too, it was a joint decision as DH wanted to be involved from the start, he did all the night feeds, I was completely happy with my decision and my kids are fit and healthy, I was ff as were my brothers and sister so I didn't have a problem with it and still don't

Northernlurker: I never said breastfeeding leads to a depressed, irritable & exhausted mother in all cases. It never did in my case! But I know for a fact (and you must know that too) that it does lead to exactly that in certain cases.