i can't go on with breast feeding, it's been 16 WEEKS now and there's still no click and she's STILL TINY

[Aitch]

i saw a wee three week old baby the other day, just feeding and feeding. no clawing, no grabbing at the breast and yanking it out of her mouth, no unlatching, just chomp chomp om nom nom thanks mum. and it made me cry.

so i think i might have to jack it in.

hi aitch.
sorry haven't been catching your threads.
DS1 didn't latch on properly until 8 weeks and was losing weight.
What's been going on until now?

Oh Aitch, I am so sorry you are not finding it easy. I have no pearls of wisdom for you but I am sure someone will be along who has It is so unfair that this is not as easy as the adverts seem to portray. I have been where you are myself and I know just how truely heartbreaking it is.

Hey, 16 weeks is GREAT, it's an achievement, it's brilliant. If you really feel like that, then don't be disheartened, be amazed that you managed it for so long.
Good job.

Sorry if that seems flippant, but I mean it. Anyone who struggles and yet still keeps going is worthy of a lot mroe repect than someone who doesn't.

(((hugs)))

I'm new around here so not up to speed with where you are up to with things. Have you had a bf expert observe a feed in RL?

Oh Aitch . I don't know the ins and outs of what's been happening but I really feel for you. Is she gaining weight at all and do you sense that she's healthy? Are you being pressured to stop b/f? Your description sounds so so familiar (different cause obviously).

Aitch
no answers but kisses from me
do you feel like this a lot of the time or is this a bit of a blip?
you are extraordinary to have done this you know

Aitch, you've given it your best shot. If breastfeeding is making you cry at sixteen weeks then I think you should feel proud you kept it up for this long.

Could you make mixed feeding work, perhaps?

Oh my love
Have you read Pixiefish's blog? She had similar issues. She was helped tremendously by a lactation consultant called Sharon Breward who has just been awarded an MBE for services to breastfeeding.How bloody fab is that?? (Pixie lives me near)

Here
Pixie's blog
She quote the wonderful Sharon extensively.

You're doing great.She doesn't have to be a big butterball.Mine weren't and it never occured to me to think it was odd.

Aitch - is there any underlying reason for the flailing i.e. tongue tie? I'm sure you've looked into breastfeeding support, have you had any good advice about improving the feeding experience?

Don't know enough to give sound advice. Only ds was a real pickle at feeding in comparison to dd. She fed like a trooper but had bad colic, so seemed to feed ALL the time because she wanted comfort and I was happy to help.

DS didn't have full tongue-tie, but does have a short tongue and a smaller chin, so I think he was more frustrated than dd. It did improve once he was bigger and it didn't hurt. But he was never really really up for a feed and started biting terribly when he was about 10 months.

I didn't have concerns about weight gain though.

Poor you Is really traumatic.

she's only 7 and a half pounds, at 16 weeks. i'm tired of going to the bfing support group and hearing people going 'oh darling you've put on A POUND you clever thing' and dd2's put on three ounces.

the paed was nice and supportive but did look at the ground and say that doing it for the first three months was the most important.

it's not martyrdom, i promise, but i just feel that things are getting worse rather than better. at the same time i think 'what if i give up and it would have clicked the next day?'. and it's so seductive, leaving the house with just my tits, not fucking around with bottles... if i could only make it work.

will look at the blog, moony. thanks all.

Is there anything here that might help?

www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/baby/fussy-while-nursing.html

I had a battle to feed ds when he was, and night times were always especially hard .

i wouldn't mind if she did feed all the time. it's the opposite. she doesn't feed enough. someone told me that a sleeping baby won't refuse a nipple... bollocks.

i wouldn't mind if she did feed all the time. it's the opposite. she doesn't feed enough. someone told me that a sleeping baby won't refuse a nipple... bollocks.

Sorry to hear your struggling Aitch

16 weeks? Wow! You've given your little one a flying start and should be really proud of yourself!

There could be other reasons that your dd isn't gaining. Have you had your latch checked? Has your dd been checked for tongue tie? Are you letting your dd feed as often as she wants? How often are you feeding your dd?

I really hope you manage to get it sorted Aitch, I know how heartbreaking it is to give up before your ready, OTHO if you are ready to stop, you have given your dd 16 weeks of fantastic breastmilk which is absolutely fantastic!!

Here are a couple of helplines that may be able to help:

breastfeeding network - Tel 0844 412 4664

Assoc of BF mothers- Telephone 020 7813 1481

la leche- Tel 0845 120 2918

I hope someone can help ...good luck.

you know, i only went to bf support groups when it all worked perfectly well with DS2.
With DS1, i couldn't bear to hear how much weight all the others had put on either.

i'm trying to think if anyone gave me advice at the time that helped and i can't think of anything. so maybe there isn't any.

go get some sleep.

I presume you are sure it isn't tongue tie aren't you? Or do you think her sucking reflex has never really kicked in? What's she like with bottles, and does she hurt you when she feeds? Sorry for all the questions.

Oh Aitch

Honestly, how many days/weeks have you been hoping that the next day will bring fresh promise?

If it you've had 16 weeks of hoping that the feeding will "click" I sympathise - because breastfeeding is really seductive when it goes well.

I hope that moondog's blog link helps you. But if you need people to say how well you've done in persevering this far, then I will join those ranks and say well done.

Have you tried any formula at all with your dd? If you have and she was happy to take it, then that is one worry about giving up on breastfeeding off the list - the fear that it won't make a difference.

Good luck

hiya aitch, sorry your feeling down

how old is dd corrected now? is she sleepy/alert but not wanting feeding?

(((hugs))) I cross-posted with you, so have only just seen your point about weight gain.

My ds lost 20% birthweight and took a long time to regain it. I SO remember that feeling of desperately wanting bf to be normal... wanting to no longer suffer the pitying looks of others, wanting my baby to be the one piling the weight on etc etc. I remember feeling cheated by the NHS posters of bouncing 5 month olds with smiling mothers feeding anywhere they liked without pumps, pillows, etc etc. It was horrid and demoralising and ds was skinny.

There were a few things I found that helped. One was taking things one day or one feed at a time and resolving never to make an important decision until daylight.

Another was attending bf support groups as often as I could.

In the end we got there. In the end there was no more pumping, domperidone, topping-up or anything. We just beastfed and then later there were solids too. But it took a long time and was tiring and I found it lonely. I wondered if I was doing the right thing, if he would be skinny forever... but now, at 3.5 years, he's healthy and no-one would know we ever had these problems.

I don't know if hearing our story helps at all.

Sleeping babies will refuse to feed - ds certainly did. The upside of that (I suppose ) was that he didn't sleep much and with coaxing and distraction he tolerated feeds.

Weirdly (or perhaps not) he is appallingly picky now he's 3.

Aitch - you have been an inspiration to me and DD with all BLW, I feel as a long term BFer I should be able to help you. However, I am no expert and 16W at 7.5 lb is not big. What was her birth weight? I know she was early but my memory fails me

BFing is tough, no doubting it, in fact if I have no 2 I am seriously considering being more relaxed about FF as BFing all the time was hard work - but rewarding in the end.

I am still feeding at 2 + years but part of that is due to you. BLW was a natural progression for DD from being demand fed BM. You are a real star, and if you need to top DD2 up or go to FF then so what? - you are following her needs and supporting her development in the best way possible for you X

HOW LONG, grendle...? i just need to know how long i need to put up with this... she's 10 weeks corrected, by the way.

actually, dd has had near enough 8 oz of formula tonight and has now conked out, i think she's making the decision for me.

i've stopped pumping, not actually sure i can bear to do it again if it will just prolong the agony. i would if someone could guarantee me that it would work out.

the thing is, ladies, we're talking about feeds here as if that's what she's doing.

what actually happens is that i squeeze my floopy breast in the direction of her breast, she latches on, sucks a few times, comes off, goes on, repeat, comes off, cries, switch breasts, repeat, switch breasts, repeat. maybe when she's been switched for the fifth time she'll stay on for five minutes then conk out. maybe she'll scream. the whole times she'll have a fist full of my breast in her hand and be yanking it out of her mouth, or she'll push away with her wee arms. i've swaddled her but tbh that is starting to feel a bit abusive...

i can't believe that i'm so SHIT at this again.

Aitch, have you had a LL person round to the house?
I had probs with dd after having had a perfect time with DS. It was very different being at home, I felt, with someone clever watching very , very carefully without any distractions. In the end it was a positioning thing (and I sooo knew about positioning, I thought). MW, HV, and BF counsellor from elsewhere hadn't spotted it.

It was also v reassuring to hear no tongue-tie etc.

And also, as everyone has said, bloody well done so far.

thanks cmoc. she was 4lbs 1oz. the paed isn't madly panicked but he does want me to get her kept an eye on. it's just that the feeds are getting worse, not better.