Stressed and breast feeding!!!!

[JordTyler]

Hi there. Where to start? Ds is 4 weeks to day and i want to give up!! which would be alright if i didn't desperatly want to breast feed! I'm worried what he's getting, about his latch, has he got nipple confusion from dummy. I'm just getting negative thoughts every day and can't get rid of them. To top it all i don't have supportive partner! I know that i need to belive but i just can't shift bad bits. Only actual problem i have is ds will not feed from 1 breast for more than 10 minutes and then refuses to go back on, but will be swapped, i think its to do with flow but not sure. Maternity assistant thinks he's not comfy cos i don't use any support? Anyone have any ideas at all, about anything!!

Have you sore nipples? Can be a sign of a bad latch.

Feeding for just ten minutes on each side could well be perfectly normal. As babies get older they become faster (more efficient) at breastfeeding.

What is it in particular that you are concerned about?

Firstly, you are doing so well to have got to 4 weeks, especially if your partner isn't giving you much support.

Have you been in touch with any of the breastfeeding helplines? They are staffed by very well qualified counsellors who will be able to talk you through some of your worries and even put you in touch with someone in your area who will come and see you.

Alternatively, is there a Babycafe near you, or a Surestart group?

The fussing on the first breast is probably down to the flow slowing, you are right. There is no harm in swapping him onto the other breast - having 3,4,5,6 sides at a feed is more than fine if you are following his cues as to when he's done. Lots of babies get cross when the initial let down stops and don't want to wait for another one to start.

You don't have to use support, if you are comfy holding him then chances are he's fine too.

Hang on while I find links to all the support I mentioned, unless someone has beaten me to it.

Thats just it, i don't know! I think its partly cos he is tiny, still not over 7 lb and certain people planting negative things in my head. I got asked the first week if i thought i had "enough in there for him" not from my parner, all though he hasn't said any thing positive, AT all which is upsetting me.

ok jord it must be going well if you have got to four weeks. you say not over 7lb, but what was birth weight?

i will ask the questions the wise usually do so that you can answer them in advance.

how often is he feeding? are his nappies wet and how often? poo?

why and how much are you using dummy?

P.s not sore, have been told latch fine and that he's a good little feeder which i think he is. First born never learnt the art and i only lasted 5 days, which is why i so desperatly want to do it this time, plus not allowed any more so viewing it as last chance thing. sorry to go on but don't really have anyone to tell all this to.

My DS only did 7 minutes at a time so I wouldn't worry about 10 minutes. You are doing really well, I found it hard for the first few weeks too, I am sure a lot of people do. Why is your partner not supportive?

NCT 0870 444 8708
LaLecheLeague 0845 120 2918
Assoc. for Breastfeeding Mothers 0870 401 7711
Breastfeeding Network 0844 412 4664

Babycafe

Hi there. I have a DD aged 5 weeks so am at the same stage as you. She is also a bit similar in that she will feed from one side for what seems like a fairly short time, then stop (and maybe burp!) but not want more from that side (even though there is some there) but will feed from the other side. Is that what your DS is doing? Anyway, as far as I know this is okay so I wouldn't worry.
As to his size, I guess he might just be naturally small?

right. will go 3 hours after having fed for an hour or more on and off. having wet nappies and only poos every other day but has 2 that day. using dummy cos partner doesn't deal well with him being upset when he has fretfull times. thanks for all replys so far, feels better to explain in words what i'm thinking.

Feel really pleased with yourself and don't listen to the negativities of other people. My Dd is 18mos and I'm winding the bfing down now, but I'm already missing the day time feeds and know I'll miss it all when it stops My Dp thought I should've put her on formula when she was 6 months old until I carefully told him of the positives for continuing...so, don't feel down about it.
La Leche League are very helpful if you have problems, I've called them several times(and don't panic if a man answers, it's likely to be their Dh! their helpline number is 0845 120 2918. Good luck and keep up the good work.

Much sympathy here You've done fab getting this far. If he is having plenty wet and dirty nappies he is fine.
Hows his weight gain?
If you have got a poor latch you will probably have sore nips- use lansinoh cream and contact an NCT BF consillor who will be able to help. Just go to their website for number.
10mins may be perfectly adequate but sometimes I found if my dd has trapped wind she comes off, wind him and try again.
I would use a pillow when you can or try crossing your leg - the one on the side you are feeding over the other to rest him on. If you aren't comfy it can affect the let down/flow.
If you think supply is the issue you can try expressing after feeds or when he is asleep to increase it.
Its really hard at first but it will get better.
Don't expect miracles- with dd1 I wanted 4hrly routine and complete structure which knackered my bf. Feed whenever he wants at this stage. My dd2 is now 13wks and has only just started getting into a pattern. You will look back in a year and realise how quickly he has grown
Drink plenty.

The best piece of advice I was given on here was 'your body was clever enough to grow your baby, it's certainly clever enough to feed it'.

Did most of the people you know ff? I think it does make it harder if you don't have anyone around who has bf successfully because they don't really understand how bf works, hence comments such as 'are you sure you've got enough?'

Kellymom is a great site for finding out the facts about bf and use MN to get the support you need if you're not getting it in RL. No one on here will ignore you if you need help.

I'm still bfing my 17mo after giving up with my first 2 dcs thanks to all the advice on here. You will do it, we'll make sure of it .

He may be getting overtired as well. Mine did this because she fed so often. Try to make sure he gets plenty of fresh air and sleep, even if it means rocking or patting at this stage. The more tired they get, the worse they feed I've found, so they take less, feed more often and it becomes a vicious circle.

sounds totally normal to me-my baby did this too and is still feeding happily and nice and chub at 13m.I think you are doing brilliantly to be keeping at it without support,(which seems to be the key difficulty for you)Breastfeeding can be tricky and worrying in the first couple of months but you will get more confident,really!My first was a month old before she got back to her birth weight and other people can make you nervous about your supply,but you sound as though your baby is doing just fine and I agree with previous posters that a bit of support from someone like a la leche counsellor would be great for you.I found them just brilliant when I had problems and I have been feeding now for 3 and a half years with only a few weeks off between one stopping and the next birth.You sound like a lovely kind mum and you are doing great,stick with it girl!

Try to explain to DH that its your babies way of communicating and crying will not harm him if he is consoled and reassured. Sometimes they just cry because they need to.
If he cries more in the evening try giving infacol or similar before his first evening feed, because it could be colic.

If you feed on demand you will have enough. My dd2 was 10lb and is ex bf, now 13wks she is 16lb 6oz!!!!LOL

When he's fretful, do you try to bf him before giving him the dummy? Ideally he could do with feeding more often than every 3 hours at this stage, if he will.

The fact that he is only pooing every couple of days may be a cause for concern, you really want him to be pooing at least once every day, probably more. Has he always been like that or is it a recent change? I don't want you to worry more but it could be a sign that your supply could be a bit more plentiful.

A bfc would be the best person to talk this through with, definitely give the helplines a call in the morning if you can. If nothing else they will be able to reassure you a bit.

Thanks every 1. great advice. gonna get positive tommorrow, stuff what every1 think. Will pop back tommorrow aswell, let ya all know how we are. thanks again all of you. Natalie xx

Jordtyler - I wanted to stop bf most days for the first 6weeks maybe even more.. But now ds is nearly 1 and we are still bf, if you want to bf I'm sure you will stick to it..

If you are worried about not having enough milk maybe you could try expressing some if you ever have a minute as that really helped my milk supply go up. (even tho when I expressed in the beginng I only got 1-2 once)

Also drink lots of milk or milkshake as itwill help you produce more milk..

All babies drink differently, maybe he can empty the breast really quickly and move on to the next..

If you are not getting enough support at home mumsnet is always very supportive day and night. Also ask your health visitor about local breastfeeding groups where mums meet for advice..

Good luck, I'm sure your are not doing half as bad as you think you are x x

Any type of fluids can be drunk, it doesn't need to be dairy. Just make sure you don't get dehydrated.

you are doing well. bravo. just continue like this.
Get as much rest as you can and just feed on demand rather than using a dummy.

In my humble opinion the partner who can not cope with a fretful 4 week old is a much bigger worry.
What next?

your parter may not be supportive because he's out of his depth? He probably wants to be able to help, but doesn't know how!

the more bay suckles the more milk you'll produce. Just remember this simple rule of supply and demand.
If you use the dummy, you interfere with that.
Leave the dummy for when YOU are desperate for a break after baby's been latching on non stop.

Also remember there will be growth spurts every now and then (typically 4-6 weeks) and you must let baby suckle little and often to increase your supply to new needs.
Typically that will be every 1 to 2 hours for a few days. This often leads us to think we do not have enough milk.
Just let nature regulate supply and demand by feeding on demand.

relying on the dummy to soothe a hungry baby will only create a vicious cycle where baby will cry in frustration/soothe with dummy/only to wake up a short while later hungrier.

take care of yourself and just sink into your baby's rythme. it's still very early days.

Jord - there is nothing wrong with you or your breastfeeding or your baby's feeding. Everything you have posted here shows everything is normal - I am assuming your baby is thriving and the issue is 'negative thoughts' as you say, and nothing more...start listening to people who will give you confidence (not maternity nurse who tells you the baby isn't comfortable 'cos you don't use any support - sheesh).

I'm a bit concerned here because while everyone is being supportive there is a lot of stuff here you can ignore! You don't need to increase your supply or drink more or get rest or express or anything like that ....because what you are doing now is just fine

(mummyrayjay - hope you won't mind me pointing out that milk and milkshakes does not help produce more milk )

I would add that if you can get out and meet some other bf mums it will really make all the difference. I went to a post-natal exercise class, and met some fab ladies (we are still good friends now, and our kids are going to school). It really gave me confidence to feed in public, when there wasa crowd of us doing it!

I'm not an expert, but I'm bf'ing no 3 now and know how scary it can be- even with no 3 I fretted a bit about whether he was getting enough! He did wehat you are describing, and I swapped breasts when he wanted to. He is a total chubby chubster now at 7 mths, and still hardly seems to feed much/ for any length of time. And I know it is frowned upon to use a dummy, but I did with all mine and it didn't seem to confuse them at all, and it actually helped me keep on bf, as I was nearly giving up with no 1, due to being a human dummy for 8 solid hours every night. You just have to have faith! I have tiny boobs (although better when bf !) and have had lots of people questioning my ability to bf a baby, but I have done it, and you will too!

Difficult when you don't feel you are getting enough support from your partner. My DH seems to get a bit embarassed when I feed in public (I've actually known him to stand in front of me like a human screen!!) and it's maybe a wee bit outside his comfort zone, but he has gotten more used to the idea- especially the fact that it saves us money and means he doesn't have to do night feeds (although it is still his job to get up and pass ds over to me!!) Maybe your partner just feels a bit weird about it, and a bit left out, but he will get used to it, hopefully, and as baby gets older he will be able to interact with him in other ways (DH is still scared of them when they are that small! Takes him a while to feel comfortable with the dc when they are tiny!) I hope this helps somehow.