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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

DH very unsupportive towards breastfeeding

107 replies

Applefruitcake · 28/02/2025 23:02

Has anyone else dealt with something like this? My dh has been really unsupportive throughout my breastfeeding journey. When ds was smaller, everytime he would cry, dh would say that its because of my milk and that i need to give him formula instead. For reference, ds was never really a fussy baby and only had colic symptoms a handful of times. He would police what im eating and tell me not to eat certain foods (and i obliged so i dont get blamed later on). We had a lot of issues with latching early on and I started off exclusively pumping. Dh made fun of me saying ds 'doesn't like my boobs' Then once we transitioned to nursing only, he kept on telling me that ds isn't getting enough milk eventhough there was no evidence to support that and tell me to give him a bottle of 'real milk'. Then once he reached 6 months, dh kept telling me I can stop now, ds doesn't need breastmilk anymore. Then told ds "you're too old for boobie now" (at 6 months!!) It's gotten to the point that I hide in another room when I'm breastfeeding so he doesn't make any comments.

I have tried to tell him that these comments are hurtful, but every time he says I'm being too sensitive and then starts again a few days later. I don't know if it's just him being over-protective of our ds (we're first time parents) or its some kind of jealousy. I was ideally hoping to let ds self-wean but the comments will only get worse as he gets older. I don't really know what I'm hoping from this post, just a rant and looking for support elsewhere I guess..

OP posts:
parietal · 28/02/2025 23:11

Your dh is being an idiot.

Tell him to go read the nhs guidelines on the best ways to feed a baby and to stop making things hard for you.

Hyperquiet · 28/02/2025 23:18

I'm sorry op that's unkind and difficult to deal with

BlueMonkeyChewing · 28/02/2025 23:34

What a cunt

sanityisamyth · 28/02/2025 23:43

He's an utter twat. There's not enough breastfeeding support out there, without your partner being deliberately negative. Ignore him OP and carry on doing an awesome job for your baby x

jackstini · 28/02/2025 23:50

He is rude, unsupportive and ignorant

Keep feeding as long as you want and if self weaning is what you are comfortable with then absolutely do it

Remind him that WHO advice is to continue breastfeeding (along with solid food) until at least 2...

1990s · 01/03/2025 00:40

This is REALLY awful behaviour OP. Breastfeeding is hard enough. I'd be seriously considering ending the relationship. He is showing you he doesn't respect or support you.

WellsAndThistles · 01/03/2025 00:59

He's jealous of the baby 'owning' your boobs for what nature intended rather than being a play thing for him. He sounds like an immature bellend.

endofthelinefinally · 01/03/2025 01:04

What a horrible, ignorant man. I am sorry you have only discovered this now. You are doing your best for your baby. Keep on keeping on. I guess you will have to start thinking about your marriage going forward. Do you have any other support?

Sillysausage2 · 01/03/2025 01:19

Your husband is an absolute dick.
you are literally feeding your baby the best thing they can have.
your a feeding the baby from your body, saving him all the time of washing and sterilising bottles, never mind the price of formula! Tell him to jog on 😂

NuffSaidSam · 01/03/2025 01:21

Sorry OP, it's because your husband is a terrible cunt. That must be very hard to deal with. Look after yourself and get out as soon as you can, certainly before your DS is old enough to be damaged by his behaviour.

RedToothBrush · 01/03/2025 01:47

Ditch him. Carry on breastfeeding.

Problem solved.

IHatePumping88 · 01/03/2025 01:51

That's horrible, you've done amazing to breastfeed in spite of that. I constantly say this to everyone, I would not had been able to breastfeed without my husband's support! He helped me so much, especially in the early days, making sure latch was ok, getting me glasses of water etc.

I worry this is a sign of a bigger problem. If he's so immature about feeding his infant, how is he like the rest of the time????

YourGoldHedgehog · 01/03/2025 02:05

I’m sorry OP that sounds so hard to deal with. Brestfeeding is so hard in itself I know every feed I was feeling like I was doing nothing right and I struggled to get a latch for ages. After 10 months it was formula (my lifesaver!). I wish your DH was a lot more supportive and understanding. It’s sounds very stressful.

Itisbetter · 01/03/2025 02:05

I think you are married to my mother! Just tell him he is wrong and breastmilk is the best option for ds until he is at least two It’s horrible but not something you need to engage with.

Miaowzabella · 01/03/2025 02:13

Tell your husband your breasts are not his personal property, whether or not you use them for feeding your child.

Meadowfinch · 01/03/2025 02:20

Op, you've married a selfish, ignorant, bullying, jealous lowlife. I'm sorry but start planning your exit because any man who would behave like this to his wife & baby, is not going to improve.

tothelefttotheleft · 01/03/2025 02:20

It can't be overprotection as breast feeding is best for your baby ( obviously if you can).

Pallisers · 01/03/2025 02:24

This must be so difficult. I see that you have tried to explain to him that you are doing your best for your child but he just doesn't seem to get it.

May I suggest that the next time he makes a comment about your breastfeeding you stand up and say very loudly (shout if you feel like it):

Fuck off you stupid ignorant fucker I don't give a fuck what you think about how I am feeding my child.

Then sit down again and resume whatever you are doing.

Geppili · 01/03/2025 03:08

This is mentally abusive behaviour. Your husband is an immature and coercive prick.

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 01/03/2025 03:54

I personally would say 6 months is way beyond breastfeeding age but that's just my own opinion. HOWEVER he is certainly being unkind about it and sounds like he needs to grow up.

The thing to remember though, is that he does have a right to comment on it. Obviously it's your body so you get the final say but when I had my DC, I made a point to make sure I took his input into consideration on everything as the baby was his too. He didn't push his agenda onto me like your DH is doing (my hormones would've had him running for his life!!) but I still considered his thoughts.
If your DH is concerned that your baby isn't being nourished sufficiently then surely he has a right to at least a proper discussion on it? Included in that would be a discussion on his approach to matters....!

mathanxiety · 01/03/2025 04:04

It's jealousy.

This isn't a nice man at all, OP.

I wish you well, but I don't think this man is cut out for a relationship.

mathanxiety · 01/03/2025 04:05

Geppili · 01/03/2025 03:08

This is mentally abusive behaviour. Your husband is an immature and coercive prick.

Yes to this.

You are hiding while feeding your baby to escape the abusive remarks.

This is heartbreaking.

OldChairMan · 01/03/2025 04:17

Jesus, these men. Absolute lowlifes.

This is intolerable, OP. I'm so sorry. You need to be safe with your baby, whether that means him leaving or you staying with family.

Aoppley · 01/03/2025 04:42

He is jealous of the baby and his behaviour is disgusting.

Breastfeeding benefits not only the baby, but you as well. Babies who are breastfed have a reduced risk of infectious diseases such as diarrhoea, chest and ear infections. Mothers who breastfeed have a reduced risk of heart disease, diabetes, and breast and ovarian cancer. The risk of breast cancer is reduced by 4.3% for every 12 months of breastfeeding. It can also reduce the risk of some childhood cancers.

Why would your DH not want that for you and your baby, if you're able to do it? I breastfed mine till they were 2.5 and weaned naturally. If you want the same for yourself, you should be able to have it without the person who's meant to support you getting in the way!

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