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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

DH very unsupportive towards breastfeeding

107 replies

Applefruitcake · 28/02/2025 23:02

Has anyone else dealt with something like this? My dh has been really unsupportive throughout my breastfeeding journey. When ds was smaller, everytime he would cry, dh would say that its because of my milk and that i need to give him formula instead. For reference, ds was never really a fussy baby and only had colic symptoms a handful of times. He would police what im eating and tell me not to eat certain foods (and i obliged so i dont get blamed later on). We had a lot of issues with latching early on and I started off exclusively pumping. Dh made fun of me saying ds 'doesn't like my boobs' Then once we transitioned to nursing only, he kept on telling me that ds isn't getting enough milk eventhough there was no evidence to support that and tell me to give him a bottle of 'real milk'. Then once he reached 6 months, dh kept telling me I can stop now, ds doesn't need breastmilk anymore. Then told ds "you're too old for boobie now" (at 6 months!!) It's gotten to the point that I hide in another room when I'm breastfeeding so he doesn't make any comments.

I have tried to tell him that these comments are hurtful, but every time he says I'm being too sensitive and then starts again a few days later. I don't know if it's just him being over-protective of our ds (we're first time parents) or its some kind of jealousy. I was ideally hoping to let ds self-wean but the comments will only get worse as he gets older. I don't really know what I'm hoping from this post, just a rant and looking for support elsewhere I guess..

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 01/03/2025 07:13

I think this is crazy and he is being abusive to you

He is jealous and pathetic.

Leave him! Run!

LyricalGangsta · 01/03/2025 07:55

He sounds an absolute bellend 🤷🏼‍♀️

Probably jealous "his" boobies are being used for their intended purpose

DustyLee123 · 01/03/2025 07:57

How on earth do you have sex with such an idiot?

Msmoonpie · 01/03/2025 07:59

Are you afraid of your husband ? Or rather of his behaviour towards you ? Walking on eggshells ?

rainbowstardrops · 01/03/2025 08:44

I didn't breastfeed but if my husband had said anything like that to me, I'd be telling him in no uncertain terms to fuck right off!
Is he as awful as this at other times too?

An89 · 01/03/2025 09:38

Pallisers · 01/03/2025 02:24

This must be so difficult. I see that you have tried to explain to him that you are doing your best for your child but he just doesn't seem to get it.

May I suggest that the next time he makes a comment about your breastfeeding you stand up and say very loudly (shout if you feel like it):

Fuck off you stupid ignorant fucker I don't give a fuck what you think about how I am feeding my child.

Then sit down again and resume whatever you are doing.

Agreed. Don't let him take your confidence away

doodahdayy · 01/03/2025 09:52

Mumof2girls2121 · 01/03/2025 06:45

breastfeeding is important at the beginning but I also think that feeding time is a lovely bonding time for both parents.
Which is why I chose to mix feed BF and formula to allow husband that lovely bonding time too.
why not pump during the day instead of BF now the child’s bigger?

Why would she pump for this nasty man? It doesn't sound like he wants to help and bond. It's just a way to upset her when she's vulnerable.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/03/2025 09:57

Sometimes, in one example of behaviour, you can get a clear understanding of character. This man is unpleasant, cruel, unsupportive, nasty, ignorant. No husband is a good relationship would EVER say or think any of the things he does. Get your ducks in a row op and leave this vile man.

appleen · 01/03/2025 09:59

BlueMonkeyChewing · 28/02/2025 23:34

What a cunt

This.

lovelydayIhave · 01/03/2025 10:00

RedToothBrush · 01/03/2025 01:47

Ditch him. Carry on breastfeeding.

Problem solved.

This op 100%!!

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/03/2025 10:03

I’d divorce him for saying “boobie”.
I’d divorce him for the undermining, bullying, cruelty, his ignorance and his abuse.
No he is not protective of your baby. He’s a jealous, nasty bastard.

Borris · 01/03/2025 10:11

Sounds like my XH (note the ex -he got worse with time)

nepobaby · 01/03/2025 10:14

He is abusive. Denying your baby what's nutritionally best and making you retort to the bedroom away from him to feed.

What a horrible man. Please see a good example to your child by leaving. He's awful 😢

nepobaby · 01/03/2025 10:16

By the way you've done amazing breastfeeding for this long. I just couldn't do it and I applaud every mum who managed to crack it. You and your baby deserve so much better.

I'd print this thread off and show it to him. Leave it on his desk.

RedToothBrush · 01/03/2025 10:36

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 01/03/2025 03:54

I personally would say 6 months is way beyond breastfeeding age but that's just my own opinion. HOWEVER he is certainly being unkind about it and sounds like he needs to grow up.

The thing to remember though, is that he does have a right to comment on it. Obviously it's your body so you get the final say but when I had my DC, I made a point to make sure I took his input into consideration on everything as the baby was his too. He didn't push his agenda onto me like your DH is doing (my hormones would've had him running for his life!!) but I still considered his thoughts.
If your DH is concerned that your baby isn't being nourished sufficiently then surely he has a right to at least a proper discussion on it? Included in that would be a discussion on his approach to matters....!

Wow.

This is very anti science.

It's no where never 'too long'. That's just bullshit.

RedToothBrush · 01/03/2025 10:38

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/03/2025 06:30

Formula is also breastmilk, just not made for babies. I breastfed my dd until she was 2.5. My milk was tailor made for her.

Hmm.

It's really not.

Applefruitcake · 01/03/2025 11:34

Wow! Thank you everyone! I didn't except so many responses, still reading through them. Thankfully other family members are supportive although hardly anyone in my family has breastfed so not much practical support. Ironically breastfeeding is the norm in dh family

OP posts:
Lottie6712 · 01/03/2025 12:11

Mumof2girls2121 · 01/03/2025 06:45

breastfeeding is important at the beginning but I also think that feeding time is a lovely bonding time for both parents.
Which is why I chose to mix feed BF and formula to allow husband that lovely bonding time too.
why not pump during the day instead of BF now the child’s bigger?

But the baby is old enough that they'll be eating solids soon - can't the dad bond with them that way (besides all the other ways possible, e.g., reading, playing, bath time etc. etc.) instead of pushing OP to stop breastfeeding?

Dolambslikemintsauce · 01/03/2025 12:36

Personally it would see me bf until dc starts nursery....

Applefruitcake · 01/03/2025 17:22

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 01/03/2025 03:54

I personally would say 6 months is way beyond breastfeeding age but that's just my own opinion. HOWEVER he is certainly being unkind about it and sounds like he needs to grow up.

The thing to remember though, is that he does have a right to comment on it. Obviously it's your body so you get the final say but when I had my DC, I made a point to make sure I took his input into consideration on everything as the baby was his too. He didn't push his agenda onto me like your DH is doing (my hormones would've had him running for his life!!) but I still considered his thoughts.
If your DH is concerned that your baby isn't being nourished sufficiently then surely he has a right to at least a proper discussion on it? Included in that would be a discussion on his approach to matters....!

I understand your point but there is nothing to suggest that baby is not nourished enough. He is healthy, gaining weight, meeting all milestones and seems content in between feeds. I have tried to give him bottles after nursing, but he refuses. I am open to discussion but he hasn't mentioned any specific reasons for concern.

OP posts:
Didntask · 01/03/2025 17:27

DustyLee123 · 01/03/2025 07:57

How on earth do you have sex with such an idiot?

This. What a foul and unattractive man he is. I'd take my baby and my boobs elsewhere, forever. Misogynistic prick.

LeopardPants · 01/03/2025 17:44

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 01/03/2025 03:54

I personally would say 6 months is way beyond breastfeeding age but that's just my own opinion. HOWEVER he is certainly being unkind about it and sounds like he needs to grow up.

The thing to remember though, is that he does have a right to comment on it. Obviously it's your body so you get the final say but when I had my DC, I made a point to make sure I took his input into consideration on everything as the baby was his too. He didn't push his agenda onto me like your DH is doing (my hormones would've had him running for his life!!) but I still considered his thoughts.
If your DH is concerned that your baby isn't being nourished sufficiently then surely he has a right to at least a proper discussion on it? Included in that would be a discussion on his approach to matters....!

Absolutely ridiculous comment. She's doing her best for the baby by continuing to breastfeed as per all the other PPs. No idea why you think six months is too old! And her husband sounds like he's being a total, unsupportive twat about it. If baby is happy and gaining weight then there is no argument at all for switching to formula (unless she wants to, obviously).

Well done to OP for doing an amazing job! Breastfeeding can be stressful enough without having to put up with stupid comments from your husband! Good for you and make sure you continue as long as you want to.

OneWaryCat · 01/03/2025 17:46

1990s · 01/03/2025 00:40

This is REALLY awful behaviour OP. Breastfeeding is hard enough. I'd be seriously considering ending the relationship. He is showing you he doesn't respect or support you.

FFS, this is not a reason to end the relationship. He needs a good firm bollocking and educating, not kicking out when she has a 6 month old baby. Honestly, this place!

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 01/03/2025 18:30

Six months is beyond breastfeeding age? 😳😳😳

OP I think you just need to take a hard line from now on and tell him that you are not interested in any comments regarding breastfeeding. You have educated yourself through NHS and other resources and you fully understand what is right for you and DS and he needs to either support it 100% or take a back seat on this until you and DS are ready to stop.

What an arse 😊

1990s · 01/03/2025 19:35

FFS, this is not a reason to end the relationship. He needs a good firm bollocking and educating, not kicking out when she has a 6 month old baby. Honestly, this place!

From what she's written he's very much showing her who he is by his actions. She's HIDING in her own home to feed her baby.

As I said, he's not supporting or respecting her.

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