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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

DH very unsupportive towards breastfeeding

107 replies

Applefruitcake · 28/02/2025 23:02

Has anyone else dealt with something like this? My dh has been really unsupportive throughout my breastfeeding journey. When ds was smaller, everytime he would cry, dh would say that its because of my milk and that i need to give him formula instead. For reference, ds was never really a fussy baby and only had colic symptoms a handful of times. He would police what im eating and tell me not to eat certain foods (and i obliged so i dont get blamed later on). We had a lot of issues with latching early on and I started off exclusively pumping. Dh made fun of me saying ds 'doesn't like my boobs' Then once we transitioned to nursing only, he kept on telling me that ds isn't getting enough milk eventhough there was no evidence to support that and tell me to give him a bottle of 'real milk'. Then once he reached 6 months, dh kept telling me I can stop now, ds doesn't need breastmilk anymore. Then told ds "you're too old for boobie now" (at 6 months!!) It's gotten to the point that I hide in another room when I'm breastfeeding so he doesn't make any comments.

I have tried to tell him that these comments are hurtful, but every time he says I'm being too sensitive and then starts again a few days later. I don't know if it's just him being over-protective of our ds (we're first time parents) or its some kind of jealousy. I was ideally hoping to let ds self-wean but the comments will only get worse as he gets older. I don't really know what I'm hoping from this post, just a rant and looking for support elsewhere I guess..

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 01/03/2025 20:30

OneWaryCat · 01/03/2025 17:46

FFS, this is not a reason to end the relationship. He needs a good firm bollocking and educating, not kicking out when she has a 6 month old baby. Honestly, this place!

Er yes it is. You must have incredibly low standards.

He's making disparaging comments to his partner who is trying to feed her baby. Putting her down constantly and so much so she is having to hide feeding the baby from him. What planet are you on?

arethereanyleftatall · 01/03/2025 22:53

FFS, this is not a reason to end the relationship. He needs a good firm bollocking and educating, not kicking out when she has a 6 month old baby. Honestly, this place!

FFS, yes it is. Raise your bar. Yes she's detailed how he behaves in only one situation but from that you can see how vile his character is which will play out in every scenario.

mathanxiety · 02/03/2025 04:05

Applefruitcake · 01/03/2025 11:34

Wow! Thank you everyone! I didn't except so many responses, still reading through them. Thankfully other family members are supportive although hardly anyone in my family has breastfed so not much practical support. Ironically breastfeeding is the norm in dh family

This is not about breastfeeding though.

It's about him jealous of your achievement in growing another human being, delivering a baby into the world, and feeding that baby so well that you now have a healthy baby almost ready for solids.

It's about jealousy of the attention you're giving to the baby.

It's about jealousy of the attention you received while in the hospital and from family and friends when you were pregnant and in the newborn phase.

This man is not a mature adult. He's a bottomless pit of neediness, a man who cannot stand not to be the centre of attention in the relationship.

AllTheNaps · 02/03/2025 05:55

1990s · 01/03/2025 00:40

This is REALLY awful behaviour OP. Breastfeeding is hard enough. I'd be seriously considering ending the relationship. He is showing you he doesn't respect or support you.

This

OneWaryCat · 02/03/2025 07:19

arethereanyleftatall · 01/03/2025 22:53

FFS, this is not a reason to end the relationship. He needs a good firm bollocking and educating, not kicking out when she has a 6 month old baby. Honestly, this place!

FFS, yes it is. Raise your bar. Yes she's detailed how he behaves in only one situation but from that you can see how vile his character is which will play out in every scenario.

We don't actually know that at all though. It's all based on assumptions.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/03/2025 07:39

It's not @OneWaryCat, it's based on his character. No one pleasant would ever say any of the things he's said to her about BF.

comoatoupeira · 02/03/2025 07:43

mathanxiety · 02/03/2025 04:05

This is not about breastfeeding though.

It's about him jealous of your achievement in growing another human being, delivering a baby into the world, and feeding that baby so well that you now have a healthy baby almost ready for solids.

It's about jealousy of the attention you're giving to the baby.

It's about jealousy of the attention you received while in the hospital and from family and friends when you were pregnant and in the newborn phase.

This man is not a mature adult. He's a bottomless pit of neediness, a man who cannot stand not to be the centre of attention in the relationship.

Insightful 👌

Londonismyjam · 02/03/2025 20:14

comoatoupeira · 02/03/2025 07:43

Insightful 👌

I agree. The comment by #Mathanxiety wins this thread.

Londonismyjam · 02/03/2025 20:15

@mathanxiety

mrssunshinexxx · 03/03/2025 03:58

Breastfeeding can be savage I've ebf 3 children currently got a 4 month old this one's actually been the hardest re admitted to hosp cos of weight loss when newborn my husband advocated for me so hard told them we wouldn't be supplementing with formula so what was plan b hired me a hospital grade pump within 24 hours sterilised it for me probably 8 times a day

Honestly I've never said this on here but I'd consider ending a relationship over this
You are making the ultimate sacrifice choosing to BF he should be honouring that and helping you no end in any way he can even if that is only in words of encouragement

mrssunshinexxx · 03/03/2025 04:01

@AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring presuming you aren't that educated on breast feeding? The WHO recommends bf upto and over age 2 due to all it's benefits
Not to mention minimises risk of mother and baby getting certain types of cancer in later life if that isn't a reason to do it as long as possible , what is?

LaughingCat · 03/03/2025 04:37

Good god, just when I think I've read about every flavour of twat, another comes along.

I think you’re doing an amazing job, OP, in unnecessarily difficult circumstances. You definitely shouldn’t have to put up with this. Tell him that when he exclusively takes on feeding responsibilities, then he has a say. Until then he can stfu with his nasty little comments.

Honestly, some men 🙄

Dolambslikemintsauce · 03/03/2025 08:24

The beauty of mn. If you miss one thread about a cunt there's always another one on the way....

arethereanyleftatall · 03/03/2025 08:46

Dolambslikemintsauce · 03/03/2025 08:24

The beauty of mn. If you miss one thread about a cunt there's always another one on the way....

😂 depressingly true.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 03/03/2025 14:47

Dolambslikemintsauce · 03/03/2025 08:24

The beauty of mn. If you miss one thread about a cunt there's always another one on the way....

Honestly it makes me despair for mankind tbh

PumpkinSparkleFairy · 05/03/2025 12:02

I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this OP.

I’ve had a really tough time BF my baby - as in surgery for breast abscess rough, ugh - and DP has been incredibly supportive. I was determined to carry on BF despite so many issues and DP did everything he could to help. Luckily we’re EBF with no problems at 4 months now with no plans to stop (bonkers to see a PP suggesting 6 months is too old for BF, what on earth 😂).

I’m impressed you’re still BF your baby - it can be tough to enough without your partner behaving so awfully 😢 Hang in there!

Applefruitcake · 06/03/2025 13:51

PumpkinSparkleFairy · 05/03/2025 12:02

I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this OP.

I’ve had a really tough time BF my baby - as in surgery for breast abscess rough, ugh - and DP has been incredibly supportive. I was determined to carry on BF despite so many issues and DP did everything he could to help. Luckily we’re EBF with no problems at 4 months now with no plans to stop (bonkers to see a PP suggesting 6 months is too old for BF, what on earth 😂).

I’m impressed you’re still BF your baby - it can be tough to enough without your partner behaving so awfully 😢 Hang in there!

That sounds so tough, well done for making it through!! Honestly it has gotten so much easier now that we've switched to only nursing and he's eating solids. It doesn't make sense to stop now as another poster mentioned since he would still need to use formula instead.

OP posts:
kalokagathos · 06/03/2025 15:06

So much cheaper and no UPFs in formula + polluting the planet with packaging/ energy producing it.

Applefruitcake · 20/03/2025 11:16

Arghh I'm TIRED. So yesterday he told me again that I need to give ds two bottles of formula a day because he "read it online". I asked him for the link several times, he finally sent me a generic weaning guide then admitted he made it up 🙄

OP posts:
Itisbetter · 20/03/2025 11:42

Tell him he’s a tosser with a weird anti-breastfeeding agenda.

ShouldIEvenBother · 20/03/2025 14:44

Applefruitcake · 20/03/2025 11:16

Arghh I'm TIRED. So yesterday he told me again that I need to give ds two bottles of formula a day because he "read it online". I asked him for the link several times, he finally sent me a generic weaning guide then admitted he made it up 🙄

Oh OP. What an emotional turn off for you this must be, having to deal with him and his weird behaviour over this.

Is he jealous - there's certain things only a woman can do....

endofthelinefinally · 20/03/2025 14:45

I am sorry you are married to such a jealous, controlling man. He doesn't sound husband or father material. I would worry about someone who is prepared to lie about his ignorance rather than actually educate himself by reading well researched, easily available information. Parenting with a man like this is going to be very hard.

BellissimoGecko · 20/03/2025 14:50

Urgh, he’s a dick.

ask him out right, is he jealous that the baby has access to your boobs?

Because that’s what it sounds like.

What an ignorant, unhelpful, unsupportive prick.

I hope this isn’t indicative of how he acts in the rest of life, but I fear it might be…

arethereanyleftatall · 20/03/2025 15:02

Applefruitcake · 20/03/2025 11:16

Arghh I'm TIRED. So yesterday he told me again that I need to give ds two bottles of formula a day because he "read it online". I asked him for the link several times, he finally sent me a generic weaning guide then admitted he made it up 🙄

What do you want anyone to say op?

You went out of your way last time to deliberately ignore every person who told you precisely why you get zero support.

Of course you’re tired. That’s what being married to a cunt and pretending all is fine will do to you.

WhatFreshHellisThese · 20/03/2025 15:07

@arethereanyleftatall l agree with all of this. He's a dickhead with weird and controlling ideas. Why would he change and why ask for advice but not heed it?

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