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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

DH very unsupportive towards breastfeeding

107 replies

Applefruitcake · 28/02/2025 23:02

Has anyone else dealt with something like this? My dh has been really unsupportive throughout my breastfeeding journey. When ds was smaller, everytime he would cry, dh would say that its because of my milk and that i need to give him formula instead. For reference, ds was never really a fussy baby and only had colic symptoms a handful of times. He would police what im eating and tell me not to eat certain foods (and i obliged so i dont get blamed later on). We had a lot of issues with latching early on and I started off exclusively pumping. Dh made fun of me saying ds 'doesn't like my boobs' Then once we transitioned to nursing only, he kept on telling me that ds isn't getting enough milk eventhough there was no evidence to support that and tell me to give him a bottle of 'real milk'. Then once he reached 6 months, dh kept telling me I can stop now, ds doesn't need breastmilk anymore. Then told ds "you're too old for boobie now" (at 6 months!!) It's gotten to the point that I hide in another room when I'm breastfeeding so he doesn't make any comments.

I have tried to tell him that these comments are hurtful, but every time he says I'm being too sensitive and then starts again a few days later. I don't know if it's just him being over-protective of our ds (we're first time parents) or its some kind of jealousy. I was ideally hoping to let ds self-wean but the comments will only get worse as he gets older. I don't really know what I'm hoping from this post, just a rant and looking for support elsewhere I guess..

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 01/03/2025 05:07

He sounds like a right arsehole

withsexypantsandasausagedog · 01/03/2025 05:16

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 01/03/2025 03:54

I personally would say 6 months is way beyond breastfeeding age but that's just my own opinion. HOWEVER he is certainly being unkind about it and sounds like he needs to grow up.

The thing to remember though, is that he does have a right to comment on it. Obviously it's your body so you get the final say but when I had my DC, I made a point to make sure I took his input into consideration on everything as the baby was his too. He didn't push his agenda onto me like your DH is doing (my hormones would've had him running for his life!!) but I still considered his thoughts.
If your DH is concerned that your baby isn't being nourished sufficiently then surely he has a right to at least a proper discussion on it? Included in that would be a discussion on his approach to matters....!

She said six months, not 6 years. Of course it is not beyond breastfeeding age. How ridiculous.

EternallyUnsurprised · 01/03/2025 05:32

If this was me I'd be tempted to bite back. Mock him for his ignorance and breastfeed for as long as possible.

Lottie6712 · 01/03/2025 05:47

His behaviour is vile and really weird. I've breastfed both of mine and I found it rewarding etc etc - bit it's hard work! My DH is endlessly supportive, so I can't imagine having the additional challenge you're facing. He sounds really childish. I would ask him point blank why he's being so unsupportive, ask him to stop, and then leave the room every time he says something unhelpful. I'd also think about leaving him if he continues being so controlling and not listening to you for much longer....

doodahdayy · 01/03/2025 05:48

I haven't breastfed either 2 of mine but your husband is being horrible and abusive. Your baby doesn't like your boobs? What a nasty thing to say. He should be supporting you. I can imagine he says stuff like that in other aspects of life too? I'd leave him if you're in a position to

doodahdayy · 01/03/2025 05:49

He's probably jealous

doodahdayy · 01/03/2025 05:53

I bet if you were unable to breastfeed he'd have picked at that too

Lottie6712 · 01/03/2025 05:58

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 01/03/2025 03:54

I personally would say 6 months is way beyond breastfeeding age but that's just my own opinion. HOWEVER he is certainly being unkind about it and sounds like he needs to grow up.

The thing to remember though, is that he does have a right to comment on it. Obviously it's your body so you get the final say but when I had my DC, I made a point to make sure I took his input into consideration on everything as the baby was his too. He didn't push his agenda onto me like your DH is doing (my hormones would've had him running for his life!!) but I still considered his thoughts.
If your DH is concerned that your baby isn't being nourished sufficiently then surely he has a right to at least a proper discussion on it? Included in that would be a discussion on his approach to matters....!

Babies need breast milk or formula up to a year old according to the NHS. (And the advice for breastfeeding is for as long as you and baby both want to, while the WHO advises to breastfeed up to 2 years if you can). How on earth is 6 months beyond breastfeeding age?? I'm currently breastfeeding my second and she is just 6 months and breastfeeding is now pretty breezy and quick. I'd hate to follow advice to move to formula for no good reason with all the different challenges it might bring, e.g., faff with bottles or the risk that it might take time to find a brand of formula that agrees with the baby. Nothing wrong with formula if that's your choice, but breastfeeding is objectively more beneficial for babies (antibodies, etc.) - so why on earth should OP stop if there's no problems? She doesn't mention anything like the baby having poor weight gain. By the sounds of it, the man she's married to doesn't sound like he's going to be volunteering for all the night feeds and washing and sterilising all the bottles by how charming he's been up to this point...

doodahdayy · 01/03/2025 06:00

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 01/03/2025 03:54

I personally would say 6 months is way beyond breastfeeding age but that's just my own opinion. HOWEVER he is certainly being unkind about it and sounds like he needs to grow up.

The thing to remember though, is that he does have a right to comment on it. Obviously it's your body so you get the final say but when I had my DC, I made a point to make sure I took his input into consideration on everything as the baby was his too. He didn't push his agenda onto me like your DH is doing (my hormones would've had him running for his life!!) but I still considered his thoughts.
If your DH is concerned that your baby isn't being nourished sufficiently then surely he has a right to at least a proper discussion on it? Included in that would be a discussion on his approach to matters....!

Why on earth is 6 months beyond breastfeeding age? I didn't breastfeed but find that a ridiculous comment. Babies diet in the first year is to be mostly breast milk or formula. Why would she change now?

NameChanges123 · 01/03/2025 06:06

What's the rest of your relationship like - because I'd be surprised if he was fine in other areas of your life?

He's a grade A wanker.

IHatePumping88 · 01/03/2025 06:13

@AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring what the fuck are you on about? How is 6 months beyond breastfeeding age? They're still so little and having just as much milk as at 2-3 months. And breastfeeding is much easier at this age, they're so much quicker and more efficient, fuck switching to formula at this point. She's done the hardest part of breastfeeding.

Aoppley · 01/03/2025 06:19

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 01/03/2025 03:54

I personally would say 6 months is way beyond breastfeeding age but that's just my own opinion. HOWEVER he is certainly being unkind about it and sounds like he needs to grow up.

The thing to remember though, is that he does have a right to comment on it. Obviously it's your body so you get the final say but when I had my DC, I made a point to make sure I took his input into consideration on everything as the baby was his too. He didn't push his agenda onto me like your DH is doing (my hormones would've had him running for his life!!) but I still considered his thoughts.
If your DH is concerned that your baby isn't being nourished sufficiently then surely he has a right to at least a proper discussion on it? Included in that would be a discussion on his approach to matters....!

What an ignorant stupid comment. Do you also have other stupid opinions that go against NHS/WHO advice and current research?

It's absolutely fine to formula feed. You don't need to spout strange ideas about breastfeeding to justify your choice.

user1492757084 · 01/03/2025 06:29

How old is your DH? He sounds like a teenager.
He is too immature to undestand that mamals breast feed.
Did you receive any leaflets from ABM that you can share?
He needs a list of all the benefits of breast feeding.

Take DH to a Maternal Child Health Nurse visit when next your child has a weigh in. Ask your nurse to advise of how he can support you to breastfeed.
Don't tolerate his ignorant rudeness.

Practise saying -
You clearly feel uncomfortable seeing me breast feed. Please leave and go and do something productive.

Don't insult me about breast feeding, please go and clean the bathroom.

I know best how to feed my baby; how about you go and cook some mashed pumpkin to freeze in ice blocks.

Please say nothing negative about breast feeding. That is rude and undermining. Could you stew two apples, please DH, for his snack?

If you were breast fed for longer, DH, you might have the brain power and the good sense to show admiration for my efforts.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/03/2025 06:30

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 01/03/2025 03:54

I personally would say 6 months is way beyond breastfeeding age but that's just my own opinion. HOWEVER he is certainly being unkind about it and sounds like he needs to grow up.

The thing to remember though, is that he does have a right to comment on it. Obviously it's your body so you get the final say but when I had my DC, I made a point to make sure I took his input into consideration on everything as the baby was his too. He didn't push his agenda onto me like your DH is doing (my hormones would've had him running for his life!!) but I still considered his thoughts.
If your DH is concerned that your baby isn't being nourished sufficiently then surely he has a right to at least a proper discussion on it? Included in that would be a discussion on his approach to matters....!

Formula is also breastmilk, just not made for babies. I breastfed my dd until she was 2.5. My milk was tailor made for her.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 01/03/2025 06:33

He sounds fuxking vile and I bet he's controlling in other ways. Stop pandering to him. Tell him quite bluntly that if he doesn't shut the fuck up you'll be filing for divorce.

Justleaveitblankthen · 01/03/2025 06:34

"Real milk" FFS
The one from another species does he mean? 🤨
I wouldn't have time for him OP.
He's a jealous, childish twat.

Mumof2girls2121 · 01/03/2025 06:45

breastfeeding is important at the beginning but I also think that feeding time is a lovely bonding time for both parents.
Which is why I chose to mix feed BF and formula to allow husband that lovely bonding time too.
why not pump during the day instead of BF now the child’s bigger?

sanityisamyth · 01/03/2025 06:50

Mumof2girls2121 · 01/03/2025 06:45

breastfeeding is important at the beginning but I also think that feeding time is a lovely bonding time for both parents.
Which is why I chose to mix feed BF and formula to allow husband that lovely bonding time too.
why not pump during the day instead of BF now the child’s bigger?

You got the impression he wants to be involved?! Why should she pump (which is considerably harder than just latching baby on) when he's rude and difficult?

sanityisamyth · 01/03/2025 06:51

There are other ways he can bond with baby. Nappy changes. Bath time. Playing games. Reading books.

yogpot · 01/03/2025 06:54

Your husband is an abusive piece of work, and I bet he’s controlling you in other ways.

Any chat about breastfeeding meaning other people can’t bond with your baby is also full of shit. Plenty of ways to bond with a baby that don’t compromise breastfeeding. If mum wants to breastfeed, that should always be supported.

As for the extremely ill informed commenter who reckons 6 months is well past the breastfeeding age, it’s no wonder women struggle with breastfeeding. The ignorance on display is astounding.

Nothing wrong with formula feeding, at all, but my god do we have to make such a Herculean effort as a society to discourage breastfeeding?

This must be so hard and I hope you get to have the feeding journey you wanted with natural weaning. Try to stand your ground, although I suspect that’s probably harder than it sounds. You’ve done absolutely amazingly to stand up for yourself and your child like this.

NameChanges123 · 01/03/2025 06:59

@AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring

🙄

RaspberryVelvet · 01/03/2025 06:59

RedToothBrush · 01/03/2025 01:47

Ditch him. Carry on breastfeeding.

Problem solved.

Agree 100%
He can have contact when OP stops breastfeeding.
In her own sweet time.

Incakewetrust · 01/03/2025 07:02

Dump the bastard.

BendingSpoons · 01/03/2025 07:12

He is trying to pressurise and shame you in to stopping. I am very pro breastfeeding where possible. (Mine both self weaned when much older). I do think some women put huge pressure on themselves to feed at all costs, which can lead to a baby losing weight or a mum really struggling. In these cases a partner gently suggesting adding some formula would be a good thing. Unfortunately in your DHs case, he just seems to not like it and is pushing any (irrelevant) reason for you to stop, even when you have asked him not to.

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