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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

who *isn't* ashamed to admit using formula?

635 replies

LookingForwardToSummer · 30/04/2008 11:42

feeling crap after reading the 'exclusive breastfeeding' thread! i find bf really hard and have set myself the target of 5 months, i intend to feel very proud that i went that long and then use formula happily! i can't be the only one! all the stats show low bf rates - so where is everyone?

OP posts:
HereComeTheGirls · 01/05/2008 06:35

My DD has low muscle tone, which was not diagnosed until she was 8 months. I tried for 3 months to get her to latch on, with lots of support, and she just couldn't. I then expressed MOST of her milk for 11 months, had intended to do it for a year but I got sick and just couldn't face it any longer. I ended up with bad PND because of the strain of the constant expressing and trying not to give her any formula, while dealing with her other problems.

So yes, the other thread did upset me, when I read things like "I will not give my child any formula unless i DIE before it is weaned" etc, and other general smugness. It's all "lets big up ourselves as we have managed to breastfeed". Well others who end up giving formula have probably had it even harder through being in difficult situations. I see people who are able to exclusively breastfeed as fortunate and sometimes having it EASIER than people forced to mixed feed!!!

HereComeTheGirls · 01/05/2008 06:36

Because my DD has special needs, I suppose the other thread comes across to me a bit as "isn't it wonderful I manage to breastfeed my normal healthy child". It feels a bit like rubbing my face in it when I wanted to so much

harpsichordcarrier · 01/05/2008 07:30

Here Come the Girls
I appreciate your feelings about this, but from any perspective the other thread is not rubbing your face in anything. it isn't about your experience, but about other people's experience.
I think it is very sad when women cannot be pleased for other womens' experiences and ^prie but have to characterise justifiable pride as "smugness"
Also, many successful breastfeeders have struggled just as much, and have had very difficult times. to describe women who have succeeded with bf as "fortunate" and that they "had it easy" is just a generalisation - they might have, or they might have been through absolute hell. why not just be pleased for them?

if someone really wants to have a natural birth and ends up with a section instead, despite all her efforts, is it reasonable for her to say - "I don't want to hear about your birth story, it is just smugness on your part, you all must have had easy births, you should never talk about it because you are just rubbing my nose in it"?
I am that woman (twice over) but I don't think it is the right way forward to eny other women pride in their achievements because it might make someone feel bad, tbh.

quaranta · 01/05/2008 07:32

not smug but tricky to avoid a lot of very strong feelings being expressed given so many women's experiences here.when you want to breastfeed and you can't. yes, much much worse things happen to many people in life but there is something terrible for many people about not being able to feed your baby yourself, IF you want to.

i did my best would have loved loved loved to have done more but nothing would come out. found it an awful awful feeling. i could not have had more support to help me breastfeed and less to help me accept the painful feelings around giving my child/ren formula. or both of them would have starved. not proud or a victim. just sad. still. actually the best thing that happened to me was posting here. i have a print out of 33 mumsnetters wonderful wonderful words of support and encouragement which i have from the night i had to accept with ds2 that there was no way he could survive on what i could produce. i was in agony with bleeding nipples and crying my way through no milk coming out. ( and had been for 3 weeks.i have kept it to give to him in case he ever asks why i only managed til 6 weeks so he knows just how much i tried and how sorry i am.

HereComeTheGirls · 01/05/2008 07:38

I didnt say they WERE rubbing my face in it, just that my face FELT rubbed in it, maybe I should have made that clear

HereComeTheGirls · 01/05/2008 07:40

I suppose I was just trying to show the other point of view and why some people might find that thread very uncomfortable. Incidentally I had a horrible, horrible birth too, and do find it uncomfortable when people rave on about their wonderful "natural" births. Maybe you are just a bigger person than me

HereComeTheGirls · 01/05/2008 07:44

Anyway i deliberately held back from posting on the other thread, I probably should have held back here too!

throckenholt · 01/05/2008 08:12

I am not ashamed to admit using formula - I have told the story numerous times here - but might little darlings would not latch easily.

I mainly expressed for them - but formula made the crucial extra difference. I didn't choose it that way - but it isn't an issue now (5 years + down the line).

Life happens - you have to deal with what you get. No point in agonising over it.

It is sad when people take things so personally and get very upset thinking comments are directed at them. This is an open forum - hardly anyone knows anyone else on here so comments are rarely meant personally - and anyone posting here should try and keep that in the forefront of their minds.

sarah293 · 01/05/2008 08:31

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throckenholt · 01/05/2008 08:35

DD was born brain damaged which was my fault. If I'd had a c-section like I'd had before she would be ok.

NOT your fault. There is no way you could have know that you would be the unlucky one.

Ayomi · 01/05/2008 08:36

I have a four day old gorgeous little girl who I was determined to breastfeed.
Turns out after ventouse delivery she wouldn't suck. I couldn't get her to the breast at all, although she was rooting and making all the moves she cried every time we tried to latch. Add to this flat nipples, a reluctance to suck on a nipple shield even and I ended up in floods of tears with a jaundiced, dehydrated day old baby.
So we cup fed formula. Baby responded within 12 hours. She now feeds really well, is a good colour and we are home.
I admit I felt a bit defeated, (not even able to express colustrum so don't think it would have ever been easy), but it was so much more important for me to be able to feed my baby than worry what i was feeding her with iyswim.
So I'm determined not to be ashamed - and I know I tried. Even Bf councillor was stumped!
Sorry long post but wanted to get it off my chest

HereComeTheGirls · 01/05/2008 08:40

Ayomi - well done for coming to a decision you are happy with. There is no need for you to be ashamed. I was in your situation, and I have to say if I was in the same situation again and my DD wouldn't latch on, with hindsight, I would have gone on to formula straight away too, I spent far too much time beating myself up about it and expressing milk which was so stressful. She would have had a much happier mummy and a more relaxed start if I hadn't been going through all the stress of struggling to feed and expressing for months and months!!

HereComeTheGirls · 01/05/2008 08:43

Riven - it is not your fault, lots and lots of people have homebirths and you were truly doing what you felt was best for you and your baby

yurt1 · 01/05/2008 08:47

I formula fed ds3 after a week or so of exclusive bfeeding and some weeks or moths (can't remember) of mixed.

I didn't feel guilty about it at all. I had a whole set of circumstances that individually probably wouldn't have spannered bfeeding but in the end did. Choice was baby not getting enough milk or formula. Funnily enough I chose to sup with the devil.

Ayomi · 01/05/2008 08:53

I spent the next day pumping, hand expressing, trying to feed etc and got.... nothing. Not a drop.
I had absolutely great support the whole time but it was heartbreaking. Am still pumping away in the hope milk will come in but nothing yet.
Thank you HereComeTheGirls - most people seem to think I gave up to quick .
Nice to see some kind words.

Riven - you can't blame yourself. We can only do what we feel is right at the time - and it usually is! You were just terribly unlucky

throckenholt · 01/05/2008 08:56

one thing I think is often missed by the professionals is that many babies don't have the suck reflex and don't develop it for a few weeks.

The problem with that is that no-one tells the mum - and often she is struggling to deal with a baby not feeding and feeling a complete failure. If the suck reflex was explained and how it can develop later, how you can express, or formula feed or combine and still keep trying breastfeeding until that reflex gets going - it would save so much stress and angst.

I can honestly say no-one ever mentioned it to me - yet I had 3 babies (one at 38 weeks who took 4 weeks to breast feed, and 35 week twins who I never got to latch on because life was just to busy becuase I was epxressing and had a toddler to deal with as well). When I found out about it later it made sense - and I realised if I had known about it before I would have been much more relaxed about eventually getting feeding to work.

AitchTwoCiao · 01/05/2008 09:09
AbricotsSecs · 01/05/2008 09:11

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AbricotsSecs · 01/05/2008 09:11

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AbricotsSecs · 01/05/2008 09:13

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tiktok · 01/05/2008 09:37

Ayomi, your baby is only four days old. If you wish to breastfeed, then you do not have to think it's all over....getting the right help to fix the issues you are describing can happen today. Ventouse babies can take a little while to get going.

If you don't want to explore this further, then of course that's your decision.

But it's a big MYTH that once you start ff there is no way back.

Post here again if you want details of what you can do to get this help.

tiktok · 01/05/2008 09:39

throckenholt, it's only pre-term babies that don't have a fully developed sucking reflex - and this can be a real issue, I agree. It's not that they can't suck, but the co-ordination of breathing, sucking and swallowing is not fully formed.

Term babies shouldn't have a problem with this.

HereComeTheGirls · 01/05/2008 09:42

My DD was born at 36 weeks AND had low muscle tone, so I suppose with hindsight, i should have been more prepared for the fact that breastfeeding might not work!

youngbutnotdumb · 01/05/2008 09:42

I tried BF literally twice but couldn't get DS to latch on and midwifes were useless and said if you just give him formula to get him started useless info but thats what I did. TBH I dont see anything wrong with formula I quite happily fed my son from birth to 12 months and he grew he's healthy and strong and to me that means it's good enough for us.

oiFoiF · 01/05/2008 09:43

Me

Formula kept my dd alive whilst in scbu as breastfeeding was impossible

ds1 was mix fed for various reasons

and Formula has helped me carry on breastfeeding ds2 for 8 months now

have no idea why i should feel guilty