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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

why should i be made to feel bad for still bf ds

362 replies

mehdismummy · 20/04/2008 14:08

i am so so sick of getting strange looks off people because i still bf(2.3years) i dont bf in public and he only really has it at night also sometimes if he is tired or upset. He is a happy healthy contented little boy(see pics) and it really annoys me when you encounter negativity. My gp and health visitor are both guilty of the look. The final straw which started this rant was when my boss(i use the term loosely) said i should not still be feeding him. This is all because i tell him i cant go and get pissed because i bf. Anyone want to join an extended bf thread?

OP posts:
Original poster
mehdismummy · 22/04/2008 19:18

congrats mae. When i am not about ds takes water. It only seems to be when i am about he develops a milk fetish!

OP posts:
minster · 22/04/2008 19:37

MaeWest hi! That's exactly what I'm feeling when I feed ds - it isn't really painful but I'm definately more aware of his teeth!

Pg symptoms are beginning to kick in now - I'm knackered by 7o'clock.

Original poster
mehdismummy · 22/04/2008 19:40

oh congrats to minster too

OP posts:
milou2 · 22/04/2008 19:54

Hey, my ds1 used to say 'mulk' too! I'm not that sentimental, but seeing that familiar word is good.

Original poster
mehdismummy · 22/04/2008 20:01

its not so much the word but the i massive great grin he gives me when he just about to suckle!

OP posts:
twinklelittlestar · 22/04/2008 21:22

Hi i've been reading this post for the last couple of evenings and it's been good to see so many mums are breastfeeding their toddlers etc. I am bfeeding my dd on cue and she's now coming up to 16 months and still feeds v frequently day and night. Which has also meant that I don't go out in the evenings etc unless I take her with me.

I am hoping to let her self-wean even if that means continuing until she is 4/5 etc I think. However, I am also thinking about having other children in the future so it's also been really helpful to read some of the posts here by mums who are bfeeding while pregnant and also tandem feeding/planning to tandem feed as this is what I also plan to do.

Because I didn't know anyone else personally who has breastfeed this long I have been looking for books to help me understand what to expect and to not feel so alone etc. I have recently read 2 good books you might already know which are about extended breastfeeding: The drinks are on me:everything your mother never told you about breastfeeding by Veronika Robinson 2007 and Mothering your nursing toddler by Jane Bumgarner 2005.

One of my concerns is my dd still feeds frequently through the night and also feeds to go to sleep (we co-sleep). Does anyone else have this experience and how have they managed when the next baby comes along?

LuXander · 22/04/2008 22:41

My dd is only 12 months but I'd like to join the junior league! I bf my son until he was 18 months, but I weaned him off so that he'd sleep through the night (it was 10years ago and I know more now). I plan to feed dd until she self weans, which could be a long while because she really loves her milk!

lackaDAISYcal · 22/04/2008 22:48

wow medhismummy.....great thread.

And topic of the day on the homepage as well

sadly I threw away my feeding bras today (well, tbh, sad to be not feeding, but actually glad to see the back of those fetid stained and misshapen bras ). DD has refused feeds from me for the last few days (I was only feeding her a couple of times a day anyway), I think due to things changing during the course of my pregnancy.

Never mind, baby three due in November will be BF for as long as he/she needs it.

I'll come back to this thread then

PinkTulips · 22/04/2008 22:57

This thread is a joy to read

Like many others here i never imagined feeding anything other than a tiny baby, in fact when preg with dd i was hoping simply to feed for a few days and see how things went from there. But even through the pain of those first few weeks (and there was pain!) i couldn't imagine not feeding her and us both enjoying that bond. I had intended to wean at 6 months as that was 'the norm' but dd turned out to have a cows milk intolerance so i kept going. In the end she lost interest at 12 months when i was about 10 weeks pregnant with ds.

Ds is going to be 21 months this week and still happily feeding morning and night (and during day if he's upset and asks but tbh he rarely does) he calls it 'mama mik' and is an extremely happy toddler, people comment on how confident and outgoing he is so i obviously haven't impaired his social skills too much

I don't tell many people but am quite happy to let people know i still bf if it comes up in conversation, and thanks to MN i have a huge arsenal of facts and figures to bombard anyone who dares raise their eyebrows at me.

I've no idea how long i'll feed ds for, until he's ready to stop i suppose. I can't imagine feeding him at 2, but then i couldn't imagine feeding a toddler at all until it happened!

Original poster
mehdismummy · 22/04/2008 23:01

well twinkle you not alone at all. And daisy dont you go anywhere we still need your advice too. Perhaps others reading this will now not think its so bad to keep feeding! My ds use to feed to sleep but now goes down without it. Sometimes he does though and i tell you there is not a better feeling in the world than watching the lo you have nursed since newborn pull off and look contented. When i watch him suckle it makes it all worth it

OP posts:
theUrbanNixie · 22/04/2008 23:01

thought you were going to bed Mehdismummy??

theUrbanNixie · 22/04/2008 23:02

(sorry for hijack )

Original poster
mehdismummy · 22/04/2008 23:04

pink. I am told the same about ds! He is actually feeding now!

OP posts:
Original poster
mehdismummy · 22/04/2008 23:06

i was then his lordship woke up! Nice of you to pop in on this thread!

OP posts:
Renaissancewoman · 22/04/2008 23:12

People just shouldn't have an opinion on this. Its up to you and your child. Problem is that extended breast feeding has become fairly rare in UK and so people see it as strange and therefore develop an opinion that it is wrong.

Just lifted this from WHO guideline document aimed at Europe with slant towards eastern europe "Breastfeeding should preferably continue beyond the first year of life, and in populations with high rates of infection continued breastfeeding throughout the second year and longer is likely to benefit the infant." The reference to infection seems to refer to general illness.

So many women I know see bf as some kind of sentence - they serve their 6 months and then they are released. They take the view that they have done what is required and thats that. I think huge health benefits from carrying on not only for kids but must be good for mum too because its what nature intended,its the way our bodies are designed to work. I bf for as long as I could, to 15m for 1st/DD and 20m for 2nd DS. In both cases I stopped because I felt extremely exhausted by continuing even with
a single feed a day.

Don't think onepost above is right when she says that at 2yrs immune system is fully functionning. Isn't it notorious that under 5s get loads of bugs cos they are stilldeveloping immunity. I thinkmine have far less illness than average and I put this down,inpart to bf.

But it doesnt matter what anyoone says it you and your child that are the only ones to have an opinion on this. And if you get the look from a HV/GP type I'd definitely sugest to them that you thought they were supposed to be non-judgmental and encouraging on bf in order to increase UK's alarmingly low rate and maybe they need to reassess their facial expressions as imagine the looks they give to someone who is really doing something to disapprove of!

bigmouthstrikesagain · 22/04/2008 23:12

I don't think any one should feel awkward about 'extended' bf-ing - but I know I do despite myself.

I have been feeding for over 3.5 years non-stop my ds stopped at 22m but I fed throughout pregnancy with dd (now 2) and tandem fed for a couple of months. I am now pregnant again and due in Oct.

I rarely feed dd in public now as she is far from discreet, the last time was on plane home from Canaries a couple of months ago. It is great that I can still feed dd and we co-slepp to aid this but I feel that other people are judgemental, and I never discuss my feeding with women at Mum and toddlers etc. - I remember a month or so ago there was a long group convo about the price of formula and different bottles etc. and I realised I could not contribute as I have no idea how much formula costs and haven't used a bottle for years - I did not want to say this though as I thought the other women may think I was judging them in some way - or at least think me a bit weird.

When I had my first child I had it in my head that you 'had' to bf for 6m then use formula until you intro cows milk at 1 year - like it was the law or something - until bf is once again considered the norm - women will continue to believe that.

Original poster
mehdismummy · 22/04/2008 23:26

i have no idea how much formula is! And bf was and still is a joy for me ! One of my closest mates and fellow mumsnetter always makes me so proud because she will feed her ds(15 months) anywhere and does not care what people think. We all need a bf best friend! Its gonna replace the gay best friend!

OP posts:
RuthChan · 23/04/2008 00:35

I BF my DD for just over one year and then moved her onto cow's milk.
I am very proud of the fact that she has never drunk formula in her life despite my MIL's constant demands that I should change her to it at 7 months.

I finally decided to stop as we were starting to think about DC2 and my period didn't return until after I stopped BFing.
When DC2 is born I will probably happily BF for longer, but I suppose that's something I will decide for myself at the time.

I too think women should feel free to BF for as long (or as short) as they feels right for them.

mawbroon · 23/04/2008 09:50

I attend LLL meetings for older babies and toddlers once a month. The group is of course open to anybody who wants to come, so often there are a lot of mums of tiny babies who come for help and support. Sometimes they can't hide their surprise/horror/whatever at the fact that I am "still" feeding ds at 2.6yo. I wonder if a lot of people who "only" fed for a short while imagine that I have gone through 2.6 years of feeding every two hours, sore nipples, night wakings etc etc.

I used "" round "only" because we mustn't lose sight of the fact that it is fantastic if a baby gets any breastmilk at all. I sometimes feel a bit awkward talking to new mums about it because I worry that I might sound patronising. It's not a "how long have you fed for then?" competition, but I am aware that I have to be very very careful about what I say so that I don't make somebody else feel like it is. I am doing peer support training at the moment, so hopefully they will address this issue too.

PinkTulips · 23/04/2008 10:31

well said mawbroon, it's such a minefield discussing bf-ing with new moms or moms who diidn't feed a baby before but are now trying with a subsequent child. trying to convey that any bm at all is better than none and give advice and support without coming off patronising and a bit militant is extremely difficult.

how did you get into the peer training? it's something i'd love to do but am living in rural ireland and have no idea how to get into it

twinklelittlestar · 23/04/2008 12:12

Yes mehdismummy great to know i'm not alone!Makes me feel a little less 'weird'IYKWIM! Mawbroon I would love to attend LLL meetings however, early on I rang my local contact and she said that she no longer held meetings in this area. It's such a shame as I would have loved to have met up with like minded people.

Most of the mums i knew from my antenatal classes etc were breastfeeding but all to schedule and stopped mostly at 6 months (but not all). Just wanted to speak to someone who was feeding on cue and thinking about longer term feeding.

BionicEar · 23/04/2008 20:58

I bf my little girl until she was 2yrs. I only stopped as felt she was losing interest, and I was due to have an op which meant I wouldn't have been able to bf.

by the time she stop, I did combine bf with formula and also cow milk, but she was still bf 1st thing and last thing at night, and also when needing a comfort feed.

It was hard to keep going, as so many were about it, but had support of DH and SIL so that helped. Am glad I stuck to my guns and ignored those who critised as felt it was what was best for my daughter and me. She a happy healthy toddler now, and still loves her milk, but just cow milk these days!

LouLou99 · 23/04/2008 21:12

i bf until 14mths. mainly stopped as was trying for another one and thought stopping might aid conception. Does it? little boy was in hospital for a night at 13mths. got strange looks from the staff when i suggested i bf him when he was really distressed. (was usually just morning and night by them). don't think they were expecting that at all. will probably go on longer next time though, if child is in agreement.

chickenmama · 23/04/2008 22:26

I've read a few posts on this thread and will read more when I have time... just wanted to say hi to you all - I'm currently bf my 22 month dd and plan to do so until she wants to stop (which doesn't look like it will be any time soon as booboo is her absolutely favourite thing! )

AuntEm · 23/04/2008 22:34

I didn't plan to, but BF both DCs for over 2 years. They loved it so much and it was no big deal for me, so why not? It always made such a lovely peaceful end to their day. Now I've come over all misty eyed and nostalgic about it... Don't let anyone make you feel weird!