I want to give up BF

[RGPargy]

Hi all

DD is now almost 18 weeks and has been exclusively BF. But now i'm just feeling so tired and fed up and am sick to the back teeth of feeling embarrassed if i happen to be out and need to feed DD or if FIL happens to be round when i have to feed her, which results in him (and DP) going out the back or something until DD has finished feeding.

I'm just not enjoying it anymore because DD will whinge towards the end of feeding on Boob1, she whinges while i sit her up for a burp, and continues to whinge until i put her on Boob2. When she's had her fill of Boob2, she will again whinge and i have to stick a dummy in to placate her and finally when she's quiet she'll burp.

During the times DP has given her EBM, she wolfs it down and doesn't whinge in the slightest!!

Anyway, I know FF doesn't equal sleeping through, but i think i'm going to try DD on a bottle of formula tonight because she's feeding every 2 1/2 to 3 hours even at night and quite frankly i'm exhausted from it.

I've given her four months worth of the best, although i had planned to get to six months before putting my BF halo away and turning towards FF (easier for MIL for when i go back to work in 2 1/2 months).

Sorry for the ramble, i just need to sound off. I'm just feeling so fed up, especially as i dont feel that DD is enjoying being BF and i'm not particularly enjoying it either!

hey your doing so well you know,
it took me 4 months till it started to get so much easier for me, perhaps it will soon all click into place for you too? i hope so. are you co sleeping at night?

why not instead of giving ff tonight wait till 20 weeks when ds has had his last of the early jabs ?
then see how you feel then.

You don't have to give up completely if you don't want to. Mixed feeding can work well and might be the answer for you.

Thanx lionbeast. We are not co sleeping. DD is in her own room as she out grew her basket and we dont have enough room in our bedroom for the cot.

As for the jabs, DD is having her final set of early jabs tomorrow, so she'll be 18 weeks.

Soup - i'd love to just give her a feed at night or in the morning or something like that. Thing that i'm concerned about tho is that when she DID have a bottle of EBM every night (for bonding purposes with DP) she started to fuss during the day because she wasn't getting the milk fast and/or she had to work harder to get it!!

I always understood cosleeping to mean they're in your bed, not just in your room

tis def the easiest way to do night feeds

could never cosleep! i'd squash her!

I just want to say well done for getting as far along as you have with exclusive bf. You've done great. Don't beat yourself up over your choice if you decide to ff. You've given your LO a wonderful start to life.

Main thing is..contented mum makes for a contented baby.

Thanx Betterhalf & horseshoe. Doesn't stop me feeling guilty every time i see the word "breastfeed" tho.

Why should you feel guilty? If you want to stop, then stop. You've done great to get to this point.

I feel guilty because there's nothing PHYSICALLY stopping me doing it, same as i feel guilty for not working, even though i'm on mat leave, but i KNOW that's just daft....

You have done a fab job getting this far

As Soupdragon says you could try mixed feeding if that suits you

Dont feel guilty!!

I suggest you start with mix feeding, and if DD prefers the bottle, take the cue from her and go completely across to FF?

Either way you've done great to get this far with bf, no guilt necessary, infact no guilt even if you'd ff from the start!

Do what is right for you two!

Thanx, i think i'll start with mixed feeding. Might give her a bottle of formula tonight before bed and see what she makes of it.

It could just be that your flow is perhaps not fast enough for her...hence the whingeing...or maybe somehow shes taking in too much air when feeding and has a tummy ache which would also mean whingeing...and burping! I also found that it took about 4 months to really get the hang of breastfeeding...its a doddle now and I so cant be bothered with making up bottles and things so Im glad I stuck with it!
Please dont feel embarrassed about feeding your little one in public...Im sure people would rather have a quietly feeding baby than a screaming one! I know its hard at first...I tend to just time my trips around feeds...or Im at baby friendly places like playgroups anyway.
It would be a shame if you gave up before your 6 month goal, especially if youre already feeling guilty! I think mixed feeding is a good idea, as you can always go back to full bf if you changed your mind. You may find that your dc sleeps better at first on formula, but it may not last as her system gets used to it! I found this the first time round when I switched from bf to ff...I thought it was great that he was suddenly sleeping through, but it wore off after a while!
Perhaps giving a bf counsellor a ring and discuss the whingeing thing...they are brilliant ladies and really friendly!
Hth!

I second what mumof2pixies is saying re: seeing a bf counsellor.

Also - do you want to give up altogether or introduce a bottle here and there and see how you feel once you have a bit more 'headspace'?

I'd take it slowly if I was you. You can try mixed feeding... and remember that some time in the next few weeks you may begin to think about weaning. BF feels very different once you introduce other drinks and your baby is eating solids - it's a lot less intense.

Hi RGPargy

your dd is still looking remarkably like mine, we even have the same wee pink t-shirt!

anyway sorry to hear feeding is not going well. i am very up and down with it too and change my mind every day. we're at 17wks and most feeds are a bit of a fight, she's flailing around, scratching, coming off to look around etc. then just as i'm about to give up we have a "good" feed, and I'm all for it again!

I hadn't thought of what Sabire said - good point - not long till weaning and then maybe it'll be different?

Also, quite a few people have said 4mths was a turning point...I really hope so!

THB the main thing keeping me going is that I would feel so sad about stopping - don't know why! If you feel bad re the formula could you express and give more EBM bottles?

BUT - if you want to stop, stop, and don't feel bad about it, you've done brilliantly to get this far, there is some figure about how many % of women who start bf-ing get past 6wks - it's not many.

Mumof2pixies - I did wonder about the flow too, but when she pulls off at the start of her whinge-fest, she has milk in her mouth and it dribbles down her face! Particularly on Boob1 as that's her favourite side. As for feeling embarrassed, well i'm afraid that i always will because i'm a big girl anyway and trying to maneouvre my norks into a feeding position at the best of times is a task in itself lol. It's interesting what you say about the FF effect wearing off tho. I'll bear that in mind!

Sabire - I dont think i do want to give up altogether. I just want DD to stop whinging when feeding and then i wont feel so bloody useless! As for weaning, it IS only 8 weeks away isn't it, which isn't long at all in the scheme of things.

Caz10 - hello! I've yet to see a pic of your DD for proof of this likeness! You also shop in M&S then? We are very much alike y'know. I do change my mind every day too and it annoys me! Yesterday for instance, during her first feed of the day, she stopped feeding, looked at me and gave me a beautiful smile and then carried on feeding. It melted my heart, i tell you! It made it all worth while! But she's not done is since. Perhaps 4 months IS a turning point. Like you say, alot of people have said so. I would also feel sad about stopping, which is probably why i've been rambling on and on and on in this thread (sorry!).

I would ideally like to give DD bottles of EBM when i'm out or when i've got company but i find expressing a hassle because only Boob1 normally provides the best result and i dont want to end up lopsided Plus i only get between 1 and 2 oz every pump so i would have to plan for people dropping round or me going out with military precision, which isn't always practical.

Perhaps i should just express on a daily basis and stock up for when i go out or when someone drops round. I have two or three girls from work coming to see me on Sunday and tBH the last thing i want to do is BF in front of them! How awful!!!

I didn't give DD the formula in the end. I had forgotten (subconsciously perhaps??) to steralise a bottle so i just didn't bother and gave her my boob instead.

Sorry for my rambling everyone.

It's really truly OK to stop BF if you feel you want to! Formula won't do any harm, but stressing out definitely does.

I cried and cried when I stopped BF and of course it was awful at the time, but you will get past it and trust me, if you feel relief in doing so (along with guilt) then FF is the right decision, for you.

I wish there was a way to avoid the guilt when stopping BF - at any time - try to focus on what good you can do for your baby instead of seeing it as a failure. Cos it's not.

Thanx lilquidditchkell

RG, well you know and you know i'm also a big girl (a lot bigger now than when you last saw me).

i only breastfed dd1+2 for 6-8 weeks before switching to formula.

i did however feed dd3 till she was over two years old. i did co-slee[p periodically with all 3 dd's, and more with dd3. i never squashed any of them.

with regards to big norkage (i wont even reveal my currant cup size, but i am getting on to rival jordan i think ), i found feeding lying down was better, plus, if company pop round, tell dp to make you a drink whilst you go rest on the bed feeding, always a good excuse IMO.

is it possible dd is currently going through a growth spurt, hence the feeding every few hours? has she ever gone longer between feeds?

could a breastfeeding necklace help? dd3 loved to fiddle with my b/feeding neckalce, and it stopped some of the fussing and flailing arms.

This age is awakward as babies are so darn nosey now.

oh and when i made dd3 stop a few months after her 2nd birthday i still felt really really guilty i think i felt worse than when i switched with the other two.

Please see a breastfeeding councellor. I nearly stopped if it had not been for the local breastfeeding support group and the information they gave me which helped me make an informed decision. I am so glad I carried on after the 3 awful months at the start.

Hello Misdee!

I do quite enjoy feeding laying down but normally only do it for the first morning feed when i bring her into my bed as DP has normally gone to work by then.

Not sure about growth spurt, but she used to feed every 3 hours, then every 4 hours and now is back to feeding every 2 1/2 to 3 hours. She does go longer at night mostly tho. So if i put her to bed at 8pm, she'll normally wake any time between 1 and 3, so that's 5 hours, but then after that she reverts to 3 hourly again. A BF necklace sounds good. Where do you buy them?

I think i might just express daily first thing to get a good stock of EBM for when i go out or have visitors. If i have no stock i will go to formula for the very very odd occasion, which i'm sure will be ok, especially if it keeps me more positived about BFing.

I did wonder if the guilt ever eased off and clearly it doesn't!!

How is your pg progressing? Congrats again, so happy for you!

nursing necklaces dd3 is a 'fiddler' and was attached to this, and now adore taggie blankets. she complains if i put her pillow in the pillow case the wrong way round as she can find the taggie then lol.