I want to give up BF

[RGPargy]

Hi all

DD is now almost 18 weeks and has been exclusively BF. But now i'm just feeling so tired and fed up and am sick to the back teeth of feeling embarrassed if i happen to be out and need to feed DD or if FIL happens to be round when i have to feed her, which results in him (and DP) going out the back or something until DD has finished feeding.

I'm just not enjoying it anymore because DD will whinge towards the end of feeding on Boob1, she whinges while i sit her up for a burp, and continues to whinge until i put her on Boob2. When she's had her fill of Boob2, she will again whinge and i have to stick a dummy in to placate her and finally when she's quiet she'll burp.

During the times DP has given her EBM, she wolfs it down and doesn't whinge in the slightest!!

Anyway, I know FF doesn't equal sleeping through, but i think i'm going to try DD on a bottle of formula tonight because she's feeding every 2 1/2 to 3 hours even at night and quite frankly i'm exhausted from it.

I've given her four months worth of the best, although i had planned to get to six months before putting my BF halo away and turning towards FF (easier for MIL for when i go back to work in 2 1/2 months).

Sorry for the ramble, i just need to sound off. I'm just feeling so fed up, especially as i dont feel that DD is enjoying being BF and i'm not particularly enjoying it either!

HI RG... just wanted to offer some solidarity as am going through a similar thing (although with slightly more hysteria my end than yours, it seems... well done for holding it together) with a skinny wee girl who doesn't want to feed and a dwindling supply as a result.

Am also currently battling whether to continue BF and take whatever steps to re-establish my dwindling supply (however stressful/ time consuming/ difficult they may be) or just accept the status quo and go over to bottles.

It's just such an emotional thing... I had no idea...

No advice whatsoever to offer, just posting to say that you're not alone, and there are at least two of us sobbing our hearts out this evening and just wanting to do the right thing.

Big, soppy, damp, hug...

db
xx

Hi RG

You poor thing! Just read the whole thread start to finish, you are having a total nightmare! If bfing helplines aren't for you I don't know who they are for!

My DS is 15 weeks and bfing him has been wonderful from the start. Don't know if that makes me an expert or just makes my advice plain irritating , but I really hope the following is helpful to you!

First I just want to say congratulations for persevering, you really are a wonderful mum. But I can't count the number of times you've used the word "guilty" about yourself. Give yourself a break!!!! Apart from the fact that you have done nothing wrong and have nothing to feel guilty for, as Starlight says feeling uptight is just the worst thing for your supply. (This is one problem I have had - since 1970s bfing maniac mil caught me expressing for DH to give so I could go to the pub, and muttered under her breath about it being "unnatural", I've hardly been able to express at all!).
Can I suggest you read "What Mothers Do" by Naomi Stadlen? I found this a really helpful read when I first went on ML, it helped me to feel fine about the slower pace of life of new motherhood and let go of any expectations that I would acheive much other than bfing in the first few months. But for heaven's sake if you read this don't let it make you feel guilty about going back to work! (lots of the mums cited are sahms).

Second, I read somewhere that if you need to up your supply the best thing to do is to just go to bed with your little one for 48 hours and give them the run of your boobs for that time. As you don't like BFing in public , and could really do with a break by the sound of it, this might work for you! I've done this a couple of times if things were getting stressful and it's really helped me reconnect with my DS. I think if the sucking is almost constant it doesn't matter which boob you offer, dd will get to the hindmilk anyway. But once your supply increases and feeds become further apart, make sure dd is on each boob for at least 20 mins so she can get the hindmilk, this will fill her up better and create less wind.

Thirdly, I looked into Elimination Communication a while back (very early potty training - see www.diaperfreebaby.org/). While I wasn't inspired to catch my baby's every piddle, learning the signs that DS was peeing was really useful to the bfing. I realised that when he kicks, grizzles and pops off just after starting to feed he is usually having a wee. Whereas before I was whacking him on the back and walking him around the room, now I just hold him upright and talk to him until he's done, and on the boob he goes again. Sometimes it is wind and it takes ages for him to settle, but often just having a little break helps!

Anyway all the best RGPargy, keep us posted on your progress!

Rodfor xxxxxxxxxxx

DB - glad i'm not the only one with puffy eyes tonight hehe. Sounds like we are going through the exact same thing! DD just guzzled a 5oz bottle and went out like a light, bless her. I also had no idea it was so emotional!

Rodfor - thanx for your post, it's very informative! I have decided to just go with the flow and not beat myself up or feel guilty if DD turns towards the bottle more. Hopefully she'll still take a feed from me in the early hours and first thing in the morning tomorrow, as she's normally too sleepy to notice that it's not coming out as fast as she would like I did have this sort of problem before, after DP started giving her a bottle of EBM every night and i had to stop it in the end! After a couple of days, all was well again. However this time around she's that little bit bigger and smarter and if she's hungry she wont go to sleep!

Whatever the outcome, i have had a fabulous 19 weeks of feeding DD. I have been incredibly lucky to have been able to feed DD without a single sore nipple and only a very mild case of mastitus, which i was able to ward off very quickly. I am proud of how i have fed DD so far.

Well done for deciding not to beat yourself up!!! Like I said you are doing a brilliant job. Whatever you decide I think that's the most important thing.
All the best RG xxxx

Just wanted to add another message of support really!
I ff my ds1 for only 8 weeks in total. With ds2 he is 15 weeks and mix fed. I have to say it is working brilliantly for me now. We were really sticky with bf to start with (constant feeding), and I was going to stop at 4 weeks again. My HVs were great this time (last time they made me feel a cr*p mother for thinking of ff even though my son was not gaining any weight at all - this just had the opposite effect and I just gave up and felt a failure). The minute that they said I was OK to mix, pressure lifted from me. I now bf all day, but offer 2 bottles of formula at 5.30pm and 8.30pm. This is great as dh can feed ds2 at bathtime. Nightfeeds are then from 1am ish and I pick those back up until the next night. This has not only given me back sanity, but ds2 is happier at night and I am sure that I can make it until 6 months now. I certainly would not have done without changing to this system. I figure that 'giving in' twice a day is better than going mad and just giving up one day altogether. Also, DS1 gets some time without having to watch ds2 guzzle all day from me. I have been planning to move to more bottles for the last two months, but by taking it a day at a time, giving a couple of bottles and getting less stressed about it all things seem to be heading happily to the 6 month mark.

Thanx rodfor.

Stairs - your story is encouraging. I'll be happy to get to six months by mixed feeding too and it's only about 5 weeks away!

I'm off to bed now with my puffy eyes and snotty nose lol. Tomorrow is another day and i will (hopefully) be feeling much more positive about the whole thing.

Morning everyone. Just a quick update.

DD had a 5oz bottle at about 10pm last night in the end. She woke up at 1.45am and again at 7.30am and fed from me reasonably well both times. I'm going to try and make her last 4 hours between feeds so that she will be very hungry and will feed well again and also so that my supply will build up a little more in between feeds. If it works, it works, if it doesn't then oh well, i'll give her formula.

I know i haven't quite reached six months, but lots of people give up waaaaay before now so i think in any event i've done well to exclusively BF to this point!

RG, of course you'll do what makes you feel most comfortable and confident, and that's fine, but leaving four hours between bf 'so the milk can build up and the baby will be more hungry' is the opposite of what needs to happen to ensure a good milk supply and full baby

Milk does build up, short term, between feeds, and you get a 'fuller feeling', short term, but in the medium and longer term the result is less milk....why? Because full breasts signal to the body to make less milk (for a technical explanation of why this happens, see kellymom or just ask here and I will answer). Long gaps - and four hours is a long gap - between feeds means milk production slows down; short gaps means milk production speeds up.

In addition, full breasts means the milk is proportionately lower in fat. Again, just shout and I will explain all this in more detail.

Most babies simply cannot manage to go four hours between breastfeeds in comfort. It is normal for them to feed more often than this, even at night, and some babies (not all) will go longer with formula because it is less digestible and stays in the tummy for longer. But physiologically speaking, this is something mothers use when they are mixed feeding, to try to get a longer gap at night (it doesn't always work!).

I'm not saying this to undermine what you want to do - that's your decision - but to clarify the way that your intention (to make more milk and to keep your baby happier on breastmilk) is less likely to happen with your plan....and to make an informed choice, you (and anyone else reading this!) needs to be aware, I think.

Best of luck whatever you do!

titok, Callum still feeds every 2-3 hours, and i never feels 'full' is that because I feed so often?

Ah, i had my suspicions about this actualy tiktok. I will try and get her to feed more often and see what happens.

SGK - yep.

Feeling full is not good for bf. I mean, it's fine if everything else is fine, and some women always feel full before a feed - no big deal. Feeling full is the sign that your body has already started to say 'WHOA!!' to the production line!

It's also common for the full feeling to disappear as bf gets established. This is fine and not a sign the milk has gone. Established bf leads to the fat in the breasts being replaced with milk producing and storing tissue which means less full breasts, and a sign the over-production of milk (common in the first weeks) is no longer happening.

I wish I had a penny for every woman who thought that leaving the breasts to feel full before feeding was a good thing to do - and that babies ought to be made to wait so they will be hungrier. Both of those are massive myths and can lead to breastfeeding misery.

One might reasonably ask why midwives don't set the record straight on this, and indeed why some perpetuate the myth in the first place

sometimes Callum wakes at 5am, sometimes he doesn't, if he doesn't then I get that full feeling, but otherwise they aren't

Hi everyone

So far today we have been very much back on track. DD has been feeding well and has been going 3 hours between feeds, rather than 2 1/2 hours (her doing, not mine!).

I am wondering if yesterday all kicked off because of the lack of milk i got from expressing and therefore was panicking about it all for the whole day, which DD picked up on and the stress filtered through to her, which made her feed more, etc etc etc.

TikTok - thanx for the info re breast fullness. That's reassured me as i dont often feel full at all!

Starlight - I dont feel pressure to continue to BF, i would just hate to give it up now and then regret it later. Better to try to continue and give the odd bottle of formula rather than give up completely, eh?

Thanx Starlight!

Thanx to everyone for your brilliant advice, huge shoulders, big ears and well wishes.

HI RG... Really glad to hear things are going more smoothly and are back on track BIG (lslightly less damp but still pretty soppy) hug from me.

Am also feeling slightly more 'can do' this evening although still undecided as to my course of action - but I'll continue that on my oown thread rather tahn hijack yours

Keep it up and keep the faith!

db
xx

Hi db, big soppy hugs back to you too.

Glad you are feeling more positive tonight. It makes such a difference doesn't it. Keep your chin up and i hope it works out for you. I'll keep my eye on your thread too.

xxx

Hi Starlight.

Had another good day today. DD fed fairly well again today, although some feeds didn't last very long. I didn't stress about it tho and just thought that if she's hungry again, she'll soon let me know.

She wolfed down another 7oz bottle tonight before bed too - what a little piglet!