I want to give up BF

[RGPargy]

Hi all

DD is now almost 18 weeks and has been exclusively BF. But now i'm just feeling so tired and fed up and am sick to the back teeth of feeling embarrassed if i happen to be out and need to feed DD or if FIL happens to be round when i have to feed her, which results in him (and DP) going out the back or something until DD has finished feeding.

I'm just not enjoying it anymore because DD will whinge towards the end of feeding on Boob1, she whinges while i sit her up for a burp, and continues to whinge until i put her on Boob2. When she's had her fill of Boob2, she will again whinge and i have to stick a dummy in to placate her and finally when she's quiet she'll burp.

During the times DP has given her EBM, she wolfs it down and doesn't whinge in the slightest!!

Anyway, I know FF doesn't equal sleeping through, but i think i'm going to try DD on a bottle of formula tonight because she's feeding every 2 1/2 to 3 hours even at night and quite frankly i'm exhausted from it.

I've given her four months worth of the best, although i had planned to get to six months before putting my BF halo away and turning towards FF (easier for MIL for when i go back to work in 2 1/2 months).

Sorry for the ramble, i just need to sound off. I'm just feeling so fed up, especially as i dont feel that DD is enjoying being BF and i'm not particularly enjoying it either!

rgpargy - just seen this and read some of the posts. Misdee's advice is excellant. THey are so nosey at this age, ds2 is now 15 weeks and being whiney at times on boob (usually when i am feeling impatient or stressy) and also he keeps spinning his head round to see what is going on without letting go of nipple (ow). It is a phase though, i keep telling myself that as bf ds1 till 12months and plan to feed ds2 till whenever he doesnt want it.

It could be she is building up your supply again and if you give her formula your body wont make up the supply as it hasnt been stimulated to. Dont let your FIL dictate how you feed baby. I would strongly advice no formula in the house as it could undermine your confidence in your ability to nourish your baby.

You have done a brilliant job dont give up xxx

ooohh misdee preg? Congratulations how far (sorry for hijack)

Thanx for the link Misdee. Bit pricey tho aren't they?!! I could probably just go out and buy a beady necklace instead, eh?

i can send you my spare one if you want? if i can find where dd1 put it as she was wearing it last week lol.

Awen, about 8-9weeks now

Hi Awen!

It's not FIL who dictates how to feed DD. It's my sheer embarrassment at feeding in front of him. He couldn't give a stuff if i fed in front of him or not as MIL fed DP til he was 2.5 years old! I'm just really embarrassed about feeding DD in front of other men, including DS!!

Misdee - that would be FAB, thank you!! I will return it, of course.

awww RG, i felt a bit like that with dd1+2, but with dd3 i just whapped them out wherever. i had one of the porters cooing over dd3 at the hospital and stroking her head when i was breastfeeding her lol.

email me your address (my hotmail address, cant get on msn), and will get it sent ASAP.

lol Misdee.

Thanx misdee, will do that now.

I'm off to bed now, thanx again to everyone for their replies and reassurances.

xxx

have found both of them, surpirsingly enough, but my butterfly one is more worn, and i think needs re-wiring (cheaper than a new necklace), so will be sending an amber one, which is very pretty. keep it as long as you need to hope you get on with it

sorry rg teach me for reading too fast. I feel more confident in feeding ds2 than ds1 infront of others. You are doing such an amazing thing though

Fantastic misdee I am all broody again already, hoping to ttc again in december! LOL at the porter stroking babys head. I have had MIL right up close have a good old looksie and cooing. Was a bit but then thought how sweet she was and felt all proud.

Thanx Misdee and Awen

After having a really long think and discovering the new ways that you have to make up formula these days, i've decided NOT to give up BF. I will try and express a little each morning, just the once, and then i will hopefully have a small supply of EBM that i can use if i go out and dont want to feed in public or if PILs come round and i dont want to banish FIL to the garden lol. I have work mates coming round on Sunday and dont want to feed in front of them so i will keep expressing this week until i have enough for two or three feeds. So far i have enough for almost two so i'm not too far off. If i dont have any EBM then i will just use a carton of ready made formula, but that will be as an emergency/last resort thing really.

As people have reminded me, 6 months is only 8 weeks away and then she will be trying foods anyway. I think it's worth hanging in there deffo. I'm not sure what will happen when she gets to six months as i will be returning to work at the end of July but for now i'll just play it by ear. Who knows, she may still be a BF baby while i'm working 2 days a week!!

Thanx for all your encouragement and advice everyone. I truly appreciate it.

Hi RGPargy. I had a real low with bf at around 18 weeks with both mine. I started ds on solids around that time (that was the advice then), but pushed through with the bf with dd. She's now six months and feeds for 20mins max five times a day and once (sometimes twice, depending on teeth/colds) at night.
It turned out they had major growth spurts around that age. I posted on here thinking about ff, but not really wanting to, and I was urged to stick with it. I'm so glad I did. 6 months really is a whole different stage.
Misdee - thanks for the link for nursing necklaces, and congrats on your pregnancy!

Thanx for that Phlossie. that's encouraging.

RG making up bottles etc puts me off every time I have an "i'm giving up" moment too!
can i ask how much your dd takes from a bottle for a normal feed? i need to get dd to start taking a bottle soon.
good luck with continuing to bf - maybe we'll be back on here in 6mths time saying we don't want to stop!

fwiw i got a nursing necklace and dd just pushes it out the way, human flesh obviously feels better to scratch at

Hi RGPargy, I'm really quite relieved to see this thread and people in it saying that they have daily battles with themselves about giving up bfing - that's just what I'm like and have been from the beginning (ds is 11 weeks). I am waiting and waiting for the time when bf-ing reaches the fabled 'easy' stage. First the midwife said after 3 weeks it will be easier, then i read quite a lot of posts on mn saying 6 weeks, then 3 months, now I see 4 months!!! On the odd occasion that my ds seems to have a really good, comfortable feed, it feels great to bf, but most of the time it's a bit of a nightmare to be honest. At the moment we are in the middle of a 'crying all day unless on the boob' phase, which I am assuming is a growth spurt. I feel resentful of the constant feeding and crying and the fact only I can do it. My muscles are all aching tonight because I have been so tense all day with the constant feeding and/or holding him, pacing around with him etc. When this is all over, I will once again like bf-ing til the next growth spurt etc! I am holding out til 6 months and he has started solids and if I am still not enjoying it, may give up then. The way I see it, once they are having food, the demand for milk should go down, and I will hopefully only have to feed 2/3 times a day. Anyway, sorry for the ramble - your post just struck a chord, and I just wanted you to know that there are other people out there who are not necessarily enjoying bf-ing or have 'cracked it' yet. Well done for getting so far... when I think about it, I am proud of myself too for persevering, it's really not been easy!

Hi peggotty...Im sorry youre having a tricky time with bf at the minute! I bf my ds until he was 6 wks and then switched to formula (I am still bf dd who is 8 months and will start to wean her to a bottle when she is one...or maybe longer! Im loving it!) Anyway, my point was going to be that I still had feeding problems with ds even though he was on formula and in alot of ways it was worse because I didnt have the boob to comfort him! Sometimes when bf it seems that all they want is boob and its never ending, and youd give anything for someone else to come along and be able to soothe them successfully...but boy was it hard work when ds was on a bottle and was screaming for no apparent reason! I had no back up plan or secret weapon, i.e boob action!
Hope it gets easier soon for you!

Hi mumof2pixies, I can totally understand what you mean about a 'back up plan' of the boob - that is one of the things that keeps me going with bf-ing!! Plus he gets fed to sleep at night - you can't really do that with a bottle can you? And night feeds in general are so easy and quick, no faffing about with bottles (i ff my dd). I think I sometimes 'blame' bf-ing iykwim, for problems that are not necessarily caused by it i.e ds being quite a fussy/whingy baby. Can I ask if you found it easier once you'd introduced solids to your dd?

Hiya...I totally know you mean about blaming breastfeeding! But I felt so guilty about stopping bf ds that Im really making the most of it this time around!
I have to say that I havent noticed any difference since shes started solids! Sorry, its probs not what you wanted to hear! But we are Baby Led Weaning (no purees, finger foods from day one)...so she doesnt have alot, just as much as she can entertain! But then again, if she wasnt on any solids she may feed constantly, if you kwim? Bf isnt necessarily difficult for us anymore, I love the convinience of it and shes really quick at feeding now! The only problem I have is holding her attention long enough to have a good feed if other things are going on...but sometimes that just means she wont go a full 3 hours till the next feed as she hadnt had enough at the last one!
(dd is also fussy and whingy! But shes getting better! i think shes just quite a high maintenance baby!)

Yeah b/f isn't easy at times and it is easy to blame bf-ing for stuff when yes from experience with dd1 even after starting ff still had fussy/whingy baby. With both mine it definitely got easier once solids introduced/6 months mark. What kept me going was thinking I can go for another week and also once solids started you will be b/f gradually less in the day/public. B/f is great for comforting them. Well done you guys for going as far as you have.

aaaargh no I didn't want to hear that but never mind, it's better I know the truth!! At the moment (well before this growth spurt, if that's what it is) ds was feeding every 1.5-2 hours during the day - can I expect the length of times between feeds to get a little longer after weaning (please say yes please say yes!!)

And rgpargy, sorry for my blatant hijack!!

Rgpargy and peggotty - I would just like to add you are not alone (though I am only at 12 wks tomorrow) I keep going around in circles of love/hate the whole BF thing, and I was determined this time around to BF so feel very tired/sad when I am in a fed up mood.

Wow, great replies! Will reply to you all tomorrow as i'm off to bed now.

We're doing BLW (mixed with some mushy stuff like weetabix) with 6.5mo dd, so she doesn't eat a massive amount. But she does only feed about 5-6 times a day and 1-2 at night.
I love that I have been able to use boob to calm my babies when they're upset, get them back to sleep at night as well as feed them - it's so easy and convienient. They're have been times when I've felt a little claustrophobic about the constant connection, but it's such a brief amount of time really. I certainly haven't resented having the best ever excuse to sit, read a book or play on the internet, not do any house work and cuddle my lovely baby! In fact, I was quite sad when those hour-long feed-snooze-feed cycles ended with dd.
I've found that 6 months is a bit of a milestone anyway - dd has just got so much more sociable and switched on and uses other ways of communicating her needs other than crying. I think most new parents muddle through those first 6 months in a bit of a bleary haze, and then emerge from the haze to start to really enjoy their babies. Feeding, along with everything else, suddenly becomes a lot easier.