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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Childminder demands I stop breastfeeding

111 replies

Acr07 · 04/04/2024 15:10

Hi, I'm after a bit of advice. I've been sending my daughter to the childminders since she was a year old. The childminder happens to be her auntie as well. I've breastfed since birth and she in now 3.5 years old. Yes I know she's probably too old but she only has it at night before bed. Doesn't demand it at the childminders or anything. But today, she has said I NEED to stop as they're trying to teach her how to be more grown up and they associate BF with being a baby. Surely it's our choice when she's ready to stop, and nobody else's business of it isn't affecting her day to day? I've said that she will stop in hwr own time, but she keeps saying it needs to be now. She is my partner SIL and even though I've said something, she doesn't listen. Can she demand I stop?

OP posts:
PutOnYourRedShoesAndLetsDance · 04/04/2024 15:15

Definitely not.. no one can demand what you do with your own child.
I breast fed mine until they were five.. like you on a night before bed.
They are now 40 and 32.. with their own children and careers .
Very intelligent and it never effected them.

NuffSaidSam · 04/04/2024 15:17

No, of course she can't.

It's none of her business as either a childminder or the child's aunt.

TTPD · 04/04/2024 15:17

Absolutely and completely none of her business. And of course she can't demand it.

WonderingWanda · 04/04/2024 15:18

Er...get a new childminder. It is entirely up to you. She is projecting her own opinions here which is totally unprofessional.

Menomeno · 04/04/2024 15:18

Of course she can demand it, it’s her right. It’s also your right to tell her to fuck off and keep her nose out of things that have nothing to do with her! Let her demand. Don’t be swayed. Your child, your rules.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/04/2024 15:19

Get a new childminder. She’s way overstepping and it’s none of her fucking business. Why would you even entertain someone else telling you what to do with your breasts or your child? And she’s not too old.

Readingtheworld · 04/04/2024 15:19

She cannot demand you stop. That is up to you and your DD. You BF for as long as DD and you are happy to, it is no one else’s business and at this point not anything to do with being a baby, as you know. I know quite a few people who BF pre schoolers, we only talked about it as people who did it, it is generally frowned upon in the UK sadly.

MumChp · 04/04/2024 15:19

Move your child ASAP. None of her business.

heartbrokenof · 04/04/2024 15:19

PutOnYourRedShoesAndLetsDance · 04/04/2024 15:15

Definitely not.. no one can demand what you do with your own child.
I breast fed mine until they were five.. like you on a night before bed.
They are now 40 and 32.. with their own children and careers .
Very intelligent and it never effected them.

You bf kids that were at school?

Singleandproud · 04/04/2024 15:20

No one can demand what you do with your own body. Children naturally stop BF in their own time. Left to their own devices some children choose to do it until 7 or so when their teeth and mouth development changes but generally those children who continue to that level of extended BF have additional needs. My daughter finished when all of her milk teeth were through around 3 years and that's a perfectly normal age.

Is she treating you / your DC different as you are family?
I'd be very concerned she was telling her it's babyish etc and that may well extend to other areas too.
I'm sure there are pros to having your SiL as your childcare but I think I'd move her and get some separation.

waryandbored · 04/04/2024 15:21

Get a new childminder! How dare she!
I had similar when DS was just 1. Our childminder said he was too attached to me and required too much adult attention in her setting (her and 2 members of staff). She said I should stop breastfeeding and start to leave him when he cried. I remember her saying ‘I suppose you go to him whenever he cries?’
She made me feel dreadful about it (FTM) and really made me question that I’d done things wrong with him. We put him into a nursery and never had any issues. I breastfed until he was 2 and a bit, and I’m very glad that I did.

Mammma91 · 04/04/2024 15:22

Outrageous to demand you stop breastfeeding. Your body, your child, your choice! Also, it’s not at the hands of the childminder or nursery to teach your child to be ‘more grown up’. That’s your choice

Anewuser · 04/04/2024 15:25

How does she even know? Presumably you told her.

Either find a new child minder or tell her you’ve stopped - surely she wouldn’t know?

It’s none of her business and she probably thinks she can overstep the mark because ‘she’s family’.

Medschoolmum · 04/04/2024 15:27

No, it isn't at all appropriate for her to tell you to stop.

Sounds like you need to find a new childminder, unfortunately.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 04/04/2024 15:29

To me there is two major points to your post

  1. BF - do it in your own time and either ignore CM or change CM
  2. The fact they are trying to teach her to be grown up jumped out at me - in education/teacher world that means a child is babied and immature for their age. Is there any truth to that statement?

And before anyone jumps down my throat- The concern with kids being immature for their age is other kids their age tire of their immature Antics and their social and friendship groups are effected

but no drop the BF when you are ready

dizzydizzydizzy · 04/04/2024 15:30

None of her business! Firmly tell her that you will continue as long as you see fit and you're not discussing it again.

Lindy2 · 04/04/2024 15:32

You are the parent not her.

She's overstepping the mark here. I doubt she would have said it to you if she wasn't your child's aunt.

It makes absolutely no difference to her and the care she gives as a childminder, that you are choosing to still BF. Your child will not remain a baby because of it.

I'm guessing the family have been talking about it amongst themselves. For some reason some people think they have a right to comment about breast feeding choices.

Nevermindtheteacaps · 04/04/2024 15:32

I'd remove my child from the care of someone so stupid to be honest, she will be a bad influence on your child

hockityponktas · 04/04/2024 15:35

Wow she absolutely has no say on whether you breastfeed your child or not! It also has no relevance at all to being babied.

However, the being more grown up thing is very important to listen to. Can you offer your child more opportunities to get some independence? Putting on own shoes, coat, doing tasks for themselves, building confidence and resilience. Be good to have a think about whether you are unintentionally babying your child? (In other ways, nothing at all to do with feeding!)

trampoline123 · 04/04/2024 15:35

It doesn't sound like she was demanding you stop but more giving advice. She had the right to do that, and you have the right to refuse.

If you can't agree, get a new childminder.

Gorgonemilezola · 04/04/2024 15:39

'Can she demand I stop?'

Well obviously not.......
How does she know you're still bf?

Fundays12 · 04/04/2024 15:53

No she can't demand it but I am wondering reading if she has noticed your child is very babied and she can see it's causing an issue in age and stage approiate development and is trying to express this as a concern but its come out wrong.

Personally I think 3.5 years old is to old to breastfeed as at that age children should be starting to be taught skills in preparation for nursery or reception which some kids start at 4. Some of those skills include proper eating habits so kids are able to sit down and eat snacks and lunch with there peers. Is your child eating ok in the day time or are they not hungry because they are taking in lots of calories breastfeeding in at night? Sleeping patterns are very important to at that age. Are they waking a lot at night too feed and is it having a detrimental impact on them the next day? Is your child to tired to do much or learn properly?

I work with kids and would be a concerned if a 3.5 year old i cared for was exhausted daily from breastfeeding at night or going hungry in the day because they had consumed lots of calories at night breastfeeding or if they were showing signs of delays due to being babied. If none of that is relevant then it's not the CMS business and she has over stepped the mark massively.

fuckityfuckityfuckfuck · 04/04/2024 15:54

heartbrokenof · 04/04/2024 15:19

You bf kids that were at school?

Show quote history

Natural term weaning for humans is ~7yo, around the time they lose their baby teeth (or milk teeth - clues in the name!) because the mouth shape changes slightly making it difficult to latch effectively.

The shock shouldn't be for bf school age children which is biologically sound. The shock should be for paying for milk from another species, and feeding it to our children.

Passthepickle · 04/04/2024 17:03

OP it’s entirely normal - can’t even be arsed reading above but am sure some will be saying you must be babying your child or that they will have weird food or sleep habits blah blah blah.
Then anyone with either lived experience or any knowledge of bf will just shrug and laugh at the idea that there is any connection between maturity and bf. Stop when you are ready. It most certainly has nothing to do with your childminder but she isn’t alone in presuming it to be peculiar and not managing to keep her prejudice hidden.
Your minder is exposing enormous ignorance and is worryingly presumptuous presumably due to the family connection - it’s a good time for you to assert your boundaries as this is your child, your rules and she isn’t at all too old.

norfolkbeaches · 04/04/2024 17:14

Of course she can't demand that you stop. However perhaps the line between childminder and Auntie is blurred and she used language in a way she might not have to other parents. If you are otherwise happy with the care provided I wouldn't change childminder as others have suggested, your child is very lucky to be cared for by a loving relative and it would be a shame to cause disruption to relationships and routine because of this. However I absolutely would not stop on her recommendation I'd just say, that's non negotiable, explain to DD it's not something just for babies but big girls too and ask SIL what else can we do to help DD feel / behave more grown up and ready for school etc.

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