Childminder demands I stop breastfeeding

[Acr07]

Hi, I'm after a bit of advice. I've been sending my daughter to the childminders since she was a year old. The childminder happens to be her auntie as well. I've breastfed since birth and she in now 3.5 years old. Yes I know she's probably too old but she only has it at night before bed. Doesn't demand it at the childminders or anything. But today, she has said I NEED to stop as they're trying to teach her how to be more grown up and they associate BF with being a baby. Surely it's our choice when she's ready to stop, and nobody else's business of it isn't affecting her day to day? I've said that she will stop in hwr own time, but she keeps saying it needs to be now. She is my partner SIL and even though I've said something, she doesn't listen. Can she demand I stop?

First post you ask if she can demand you stop, like you weren’t sure, now you say you can’t believe her nerve and it’s none of her business?

she can’t demand as such but would she stop having her if you don’t comply? You are free to do as you want. She’s free to accept your decision- or not.

Tell her it's none of her business. She can't dictate when you choose to give up.

The CM is not free to decline a place due to bf. That would be illegal.

None of that will be relevant if a child is having a breastfeed before bed, no. No more than a child having a small glass of cows milk.

I expect a lot more mothers do extended bf than we realise, because they are probably like you just doing a feed before bed.

I think it's wonderful for her body and mind that you've kept it up this long. I hope you aren't discouraged by some of the ignorance on this thread by people thinking that it somehow hinders their development/ willingness to eat / ability to sleep. It does none of those things and it is really odd to think it does.

No of course she can’t.

Why do you, though?

Breastfeeding doesn't belong in that list as the other things are for babies and toddlers, while breastfeeding is normal for all young children.

I was just going to say say your daughter is hanging on to the bedtime feed because it is a comfort as she nods off to sleep. She probably isn't really getting any 'food' from it. What is wrong with people? If people haven't breastfed themselves they don't really understand what it is all about. It isn't only about eating it is much more than that. I have 3 children and I breastfed them all for a long time until about 3.5 it just tailed off naturally but it was always the night time one that was the last one to go which makes sense. If mine fell and hurt themselves etc. I would just quickly feed for even a few seconds as a comfort. I was at a concert with them and breastfeeding and someone said in a friendly way 'you will be sitting on his lap doing that soon'. I am positive it doesn't make any difference to what they eat during the day or that it makes her clingy or immature or any of the other nonsense talked about on here. As long as you are both happy tell them to mind their own business. I know it's hard when it is your first baby with so many people thinking they have the right to tell you what to do. When you have 3 or 4 more you will be telling them to fuck off!
How many 40 year olds do you see being breastfed - apart from David Walliams on that sketch on TV? it will naturally come to an end. People are so mean

I disagree. I know a lot of babies who have weaned themselves at 12-18 months. I have just finished bf DS who is 12 months, he has happily moved on to follow on milk with no screaming or meltdowns. I always wonder how grown men will feel when they have memories of being breastfed as 5 year olds, tbh.

It will if they are waking up constantly through the night to go and feed and not sleeping well because of it there sleep is disrupted and they are exhausted the next day. If they are just cuddled up sleep feeding it won't.

If your baby was biologically ready to wean he wouldn't need follow on milk, just food.

Of course he would. Everyone needs calcium in their diet, adults included. I will add its oat milk, not cow.

Your childminder has no right to demand you do anything.

Find a better childminder.

This is the problem with family childcare!

You might save money, but they overstep the mark.

Pay more and don't have the interference.

The “baby” is 3.5.

Cheese? Yoghurt?

Adults, and children past biological weaning age don't need milk or a plant based milk substitute. Follow on milk is a breastmilk replacement for children either not breastfed or weaned prematurely.

Then why do adults need calcium and take multivitamins? Should they still be being breastfed?

I'd ignore all posters who haven't breasted up to child age. They just won't get it and most people can't even begin to try if it's something they haven't done. However it is biological normal to be feeding at her age. I fed mine until 4 years old/just over. My daughter is super secure as a ten year old and has been for a while, I'm sure other things have way more impact on this than a bedtime breastfeed as a preschooler. I think we forget we are supposed to be an interdependent species and 3.5 years is nothing in terms of brain development which continues developing up to age 25+. Your childminder has no right to demand this.

Can you tell me where you found this information?

Adults can get calcium from a variety of foods. Dairy is not a necessity.

Hence DS having oat milk…

Judging by this she's perfectly capable of giving it up. 3.5 is too old.

Seems like it's you who doesn't want to give it up.

Dairy or a fortified plant based replacement is not necessary. If he was biologically ready to wean he could just eat sardines or many other calcium rich foods.

They're trying to teach a 3.5 year old how to be more grown up, fine. What's that got to do with her being breastfed though?! Unless she asked for it during the day, it really is not childminder's business as to what you do! Jfc Mums receive relentless judgement whatever they do, don't they? Breastfeed? Great but you'll need to stop by xyz time, otherwise you'll be judged. Don't breastfeed? You're awful and you should be. Not for too long though.
As PPs have said, I think you might need to find a new childminder. You're doing what is right for you and your child and that is nobody else's business.