Childminder demands I stop breastfeeding

[Acr07]

Hi, I'm after a bit of advice. I've been sending my daughter to the childminders since she was a year old. The childminder happens to be her auntie as well. I've breastfed since birth and she in now 3.5 years old. Yes I know she's probably too old but she only has it at night before bed. Doesn't demand it at the childminders or anything. But today, she has said I NEED to stop as they're trying to teach her how to be more grown up and they associate BF with being a baby. Surely it's our choice when she's ready to stop, and nobody else's business of it isn't affecting her day to day? I've said that she will stop in hwr own time, but she keeps saying it needs to be now. She is my partner SIL and even though I've said something, she doesn't listen. Can she demand I stop?

I can't believe this comment! How could a childminder say that a one year old is "too attached"?!?! 😂 Of course they're attached, they're one ffs! 🤦🏼‍♀️

I wouldn't want someone so judgemental and inappropriate looking after my child.

Globally there is a huge range of BF-ing behaviour, your CM/SIL sounds like she isn't suitable for the role, not knowledgeable enough about child-rearing.

Please could you explain why it is 'too old'? What (scientifically) makes 3.5 too old?

So, why is it some 18 month olds are biologically ready but others not until 7 according to this thread? Can some 18 month olds process calcium etc more efficiently than 7 year olds..?

I gave my oldest his last breastfeed the day he started school. After school, in his uniform. And?

Where I found the information that bf is the biological norm that all mammals have evolved and is species-specific? I think it's taught in Y1 science.

Or the up to ~7yo, literally any reputable bf information source e.g. le leche, NCT, NHS, WHO, NIH, ABM, etc.

I've never personally known an 18 month old who doesn't have any milk (or plant based replacement) at all. There's nothing wrong with weaning when it's right for you, but if you wean prematurely then your baby or toddler will need a breastmilk replacement.

After age three is probably more emotional readiness or a parent and child both being happy to continue when they could just as easily stop. I could have easily weaned my child at three but I had no reason to.

Too old according to you… but it isn’t up to you and it’s a decision to be made between the daughter and mum. Have you thought that maybe her daughter doesn’t want to give up just yet? And her mum is happy to continue for now…it’s not hurting anyone.

Yes, just because you can stop without too much upset, doesn't mean you have to. I could have stopped bedtime stories earlier if I had wanted to but continued as long as we were both happy to continue.

You don't have to justify it!!!!

You're doing what you think is best. (Which I totally agree with.)
I couldn't leave my kids with someone who undermined their comfort like that, I'd worry what they were saying to them in my absence.

But equally most kids breastfeeding at 4 or 5 are also eating dairy. So the argument makes no sense. I think parents need to remember kids grow into adults. I’m not sure a grown man will be pleased to have memories of breastfeeding at 5.

Why would memories of bf be a problem? That's what breasts are for. Unless you think boobs are purely sex objects, it is not a problem whatsoever!

In western countries, dairy is commonly part of an adult diet, but it is not essential (or a fortified replacement). A child would eat dairy if that is part of the diet in their culture. I'm talking about replacing breastmilk, most five year olds would not drink the amount of milk that is given to a 12 month old baby as a breastmilk replacement.

Breastfeeding is age appropriate for young children, so if a child remembers then it is no different to remembering bedtime stories or cuddles in their parents' bed or sharing a bath with a sibling.

I have never heard of anyone say they should stop breastfeeding now because the child might think about it when they’re an adult. I’ve also not heard of anyone being upset at the memories of being breastfed. I don’t think they will give it a second thought and if they did, they will probably just remember the comfort, connection and love they felt rather than actually doing it.

I disagree. I think the vast majority of grown men would find it incredibly awkward and unnerving.

Only men, so this is 100% a you problem for thinking breasts are sexual.

Ok, so my 5ft 10 almost adult says 'what the fuck is wrong with that woman?'

Sounds like a misogynist.

I was referring to you as a woman. The word woman is not misogynistic.

It’s an issue you clearly have with extended breastfeeding, which you think others will have too.

It is when used in that context by a male.

I disagree

If you haven't replied yet I would tell her your son is mistaken and she isn't still breastfed. None of her business. Or tell her you are in the process of stopping. Then tell her you've stopped even though you are carrying on.

I have seen this attitude a lot with childminders and nursery workers (I used to be one) 'Oh the parent use a sling so they are extremely clingy' 'This one cries because she is breastfed' 'the parents never leave this one to cry it is a nightmare for me' etc etc I personally wouldn't want someone who believes doing these things makes children clingy looking after my child but that is up to you.

My early twenties DS when asked if he remembers says "No?"
Asked if he is traumatised and trying to forget he says why would it be a problem? It would be weird now ( well,duh!) but it's something that babies and small children do.