'White women can't breastfeed'

[TheDevilWearsPrimark]

Feel free to be outraged as I am fuming about this.

My best friend has been struggling with breastfeeding her PFB. Her health visitor has referred her to a breastfeeding councilor, which I am pleased and amazed at as I was never offered anything like that.

She is worried that her DD is slightly dropping on the charts and under ill advised pressure from her mum who keeps suggesting she try formula.

I have just called her and she seemed really low. I tried to do my best to help, letting her know how it can be hard at first but it may well happen that it clicks into place and becomes the naturally easy thing we are led to believe it is. But then mentioned that something she overheard on the maternity ward has been troubling her.

She went to the loo late at night and overheard two midwives talking, one of whom had been really helpful in showing her how to correctly position and latch etc. They were laughing and one said 'These white women just can't breastfeed, they have lost their mothering instinct. I bet half these babies are on formula tomorrow'

I feel so sad that this has upset her so much. Personally I would be furious and would have let them know I heard them and given them a piece of my mind, but I understand why she didn't. It seems so horribly unprofessional, and even if they were joking around it is worrying that people in that position could have such an attitude.

Make a complaint to the hospital - breastfeeding is hard enough without people who are supposed to be helping you making callous remarks!

and on her behalf.

Twinkie I said exactly that but she says she can't be bothered with the hassle, which is understandable really.

really?

I wonder what I was doing for the last 11 years

that's a comment about a society's views. And formula was pushed in the UK in the 60's and 70's as better than breastfeeding. So no doubt the midwives, let me guess they were from the West Indies or similar hot country, were commenting clumsily on the way our society has gone.

It's not a biological comment.

But yes I'd probably be really pissed off.

I'm a 'white woman' and breastfed succesfully for a long, long time.

But they were just talking to each other,she had already said they had been helpful to her, and you know what they say about evesdroppers

I was told once that white women with pale skin and red or blond hair hurt more when they breastfeed. As someone of this colour I seem to fit this description. I breastfed dd for 2.5 years and it never stopped hurting although at the end it was more discomfort than pain. With ds I bfed for 8 months and honestly the pain in the early weeks was sooooo bad it was worse than labour.

I read somewhere that the less melanin (sp?) in your skin the more it can hurt. Other experts think this is rubbish.

Having siad all that I think what your friend overheard was cruelty rather than scientific musings.

I would get her to make a complaint to the hospital.

You are right - it is worrying that people in professional positions can hold attitudes like this.

Even if they were 'only joking' a reprimand will hopefully make them reconsider their horrible attitude.

surely this kind of comment is a bit like us moaning about the correlation between the presence of a penis and the inability to stack the dishwasher on MN. - just their way of letting off steam.
I think i would rather have some moaning out of earshot and proper help than the reverse iyswim

i don't think she should complain. esp. if one of them had been really helpful. they were letting of steam in private. not a particularily pleasant or enlightened thing for them to be saying but i would let it go.

jumpingbeans that is true, but why say such a thing when they are on a busy ward and could be overheard by anyone?

I have offered to write a letter on her behalf but she isn't bothered. She has plenty of things on her mind right now.

Drosophila, is that really true!?

I agree Devil, I think it's dreadful to make these remarks in a public area. Very damaging to any new mother to hear their mothering skills criticised like that.

in a perfect world they would not say stuff like this but they are probably sick to death of bending over backwards to help women breastfeed and then watching them give up. i think they are just cynical midwifes.

Disgusted and appalled by these midwives. Please encourage her to speak to Head of Midwifery at the maternity unit. Mothering instinct and breastfeeding do not go hand in hand either IMO. Glad to hear she is being supported by a breastfeeding counsellor and getting the help she needs though.

What they probably meant was that in our culture women are not in a position where society views breastfeeding as 'normal'. Many shops restaurants etc still give women hassle about it.
If you grow up in a community where all women are openly feeding then not only would you feel more confident about it but you would get support from your family.

What these midwives have as a 'private' conversation is of no business to anyone else.
They are entitled to have their opinions as long as they remain professional and unbiased in their work.
I disagree somewhat with the 'white woman' thing though. I think it is about culture more than colour.

I also have huge nipples which DP likes but dd with a small mouth found them a handful.

Perhaps white women have bigger nipples???

but surely key is the point is that their attitudes did not stop them from giving proper and constructive help. If they had told the ops friend something on the lines that some people just find it difficult blah de blab and then heard these comments i would be more worried.

Message withdrawn

I disagree. They are laughing at patients and making references to their ability to mother based on race.

Just because they think no-one can hear it doesn't make it right. Somebody did hear and now their confidence has been undermined.

It's totally unprofessional.

It sounds like banter between midwives that wasn't meant to be overheard - I think outrage is an OTT response

Morningpaper, so what if you overheard a group of e.g white teachers laughing and saying black children are harder to teach.
Pure racism?