'White women can't breastfeed'

[TheDevilWearsPrimark]

Feel free to be outraged as I am fuming about this.

My best friend has been struggling with breastfeeding her PFB. Her health visitor has referred her to a breastfeeding councilor, which I am pleased and amazed at as I was never offered anything like that.

She is worried that her DD is slightly dropping on the charts and under ill advised pressure from her mum who keeps suggesting she try formula.

I have just called her and she seemed really low. I tried to do my best to help, letting her know how it can be hard at first but it may well happen that it clicks into place and becomes the naturally easy thing we are led to believe it is. But then mentioned that something she overheard on the maternity ward has been troubling her.

She went to the loo late at night and overheard two midwives talking, one of whom had been really helpful in showing her how to correctly position and latch etc. They were laughing and one said 'These white women just can't breastfeed, they have lost their mothering instinct. I bet half these babies are on formula tomorrow'

I feel so sad that this has upset her so much. Personally I would be furious and would have let them know I heard them and given them a piece of my mind, but I understand why she didn't. It seems so horribly unprofessional, and even if they were joking around it is worrying that people in that position could have such an attitude.

Message withdrawn

kama that is true, and they do seem more comfortable about it. I often see black mothers on the bus or train with their baby in a sling openly feeding them.
However I also have a carribean friend who never even considered breastfeeding.

withcandchips, and others that have made that point. It is true that they did actually offer good support, which is important and seemingly fairly rare.

A couple of things strike me:

1. They obviously didn't intend to be overheard - no excuse for lack of discretion maybe, in a public area, but it's not like they said it to her face

1. In terms of "white" western culture, they have a point. It's not about mothering instinct but about how bf is not the norm in the UK at the moment [understatement]. They will have seen so many women struggle and give up with bf. The examples on this thread where posters have carried on with bf (and my own example with dd) are the minority, not the norm.

BF rates for babies over a couple of months old are terribly low in the UK.

what a coupke of comeplete fucking bitches
well I must be a black woman painted white then I have bbreastfed all three of my children very easily with a collective time of breastfeeding being 34 months

aaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhh nasty people

Not sure what i've been doing for the last 8 months then ...

I think that its innappropriate, unprofessional and disgusting!

That people weren't supposed to hear is totally irrelavant!
Somebody did hear and now their confidence is undermined

having taken a deep breathe and rethought
they were letting off steamn in private but stil not such a great thing for them to be thinking is right

An I really a minority??

but it wasn't private! private is the staff canteen, not the ward desk!

Now read whole thread. Agree pruners and morningpaper.

Yes, comments were insensitive and using the words "white women" is a bit ouch, but I think outrage and disgust is an OTT reaction tbh.

Sorry trinity, you are in a minority

I do think it's a real shame that OP's friend has been undermined by hearing this.

I found bf really hard from start to finish and I realise my reaction to this thread would have been totally different had I still been in the midst of it all, so I empathise.

It isn't just this comment though, her mum isn't helping at all. She even put formula and bottles in the trolley when she took her shopping at the weekend, and BF had to remove them and argue with her about it.

yes they probably shouldn't have said these things on the ward but imo it is completley unacceptable to disipline somebody for what they think if it has no bearing on what they actually do

"but I think outrage and disgust is an OTT reaction tbh."

I don't think so doggiesayswoof - i couldn't care less what they think as long as the help and support was being given (which it seems like it was) BUT what was said wasn't said in private - it was overheard when vulnerable women could hear. That is disgusting. Bf-ing a newborn is hard enough without listening to other peoples negative opinions

It was stupid of them to say it where patients could overhear but I bet they've heard far worse said about black people. It's a bit naive to think health professionals and teachers for that matter don't say the most appalling things about their patients/students when they think they can't be heard. I'm in no way condoning it but I'm not shocked or appalled.

If they had been discussing the low breastfeeding rates in Western culture, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

It is the laughter along with the phrase 'These white women just cant' breastfeed, they have lose their mothering instinct' that is not acceptable.

I know it was a private conversation, but in a ward full of patients. It was unprofessional and they need to realise that it had a consequence so they don't do it again.

Agree Janni. It was stupid and insensitive, but not outrageous digusting or appalling imo

bluenosesaint - I would reserve those reactions for bad patient care.

There is actually something farcical about trying to breasfeed in the early days when it just is not working. I remember alternating between tears and laughter myself when ds just wasn't taking it

LL, I'm sorry to be a pedant, (and this is slightly OT) but women who carry on with bf after 6 months are in a minority

here

From the 2000 Infant Feeding Survey:

"By the first stage of the survey, when
the babies were around four to ten weeks old, almost six in ten (58%) had switched
entirely to infant formula milk, and three-quarters (75%) were using infant formula milk
either entirely or in conjunction with breastmilk."

At six months, 34% of babies in England and Wales were still excl. bf, with Scotland at 40% and NI at 21%.

i would love to know how they gather these statistics i am pretty sure no one knew if i bf dd after 6 months. there dammed lies and statistics.

That doesn't surprise me. The midwives on my post natal ward were not very encouraging. One midwife told me that I may as well as give up now and save myself the hassle because it was obvious I didn't know what I was doing. She also told me that I took too long changing ds's nappy and that I wasn't a natural mother.

They shouldn't have said what they said in earshot of any of the women on the ward, but in this country breastfeeding is not seen as the norm alot of the time so they do have a valid point.

I am surprised at the number of people who think they have a valid point.

If they were overheard saying 'breastfeeding rates are shockingly low in this country. Most of these babies will end up on formula' I would agree they had a point.

But they didn't. They specifically mentioned 'white women', who they then went on to claim had 'lost their mothering instinct'.

And they were laughing.

I can't see how people are finding it acceptable.