how do you ask how someone is feeding their baby? or is it best not to?

[milkgoddess]

hi, yes i bumped into a really nice girl who lives on my street today, lovely wee new baby.we got chatting as i had my 8 month old with me, but i felt like i couldn't ask her if she was breastfeeding incase i upset her if she wasn't.
anyway my point is is there ever an acceptable way to ask or is it a bit rude ?

tiktok, you misunderstood: we were talking about virtual strangers, not family or friends, of course.

I am trying to imagine a male colleague showing "concern" about how my Bf is going lol

Sweeney, if the 'virtual stranger' is known enough to you to be able to say hello to and to comment in a friendly way about the fact they have a baby and you are chatting to them (as in the OP), then I stand by what I said - an open, neutral question about how the 'feeding is going' is just fine.

Frankly, I think this person (virtual stranger) is the one you'd be least likely to talk about the non-baby-related stuff to - the fact she has a baby is the ice-breaker, and you talk about other stuff when that ice is broken.

Doesn't the fact that so many people have posted here, some saying they would find it rude others saying it doesn't need to be, suggest to the op that this is indeed a bit of a contentious issue... and maybe she should steer clear of it. Do the invite round for a cuppa thing and then it can come up more naturally...

I too am in love with Sweeney Todd btw. Or Johnny Depp, I mean

I'm currently 34 weeks pg, and everyone and his dog that has seen me more than twice comments on when it's due, I know from experience they'll all ask about birth too, surely asking about feeding is just an extention of that?

Things in real life are never half as contentious as they are on MN!

thinking on it, the single biggest influence on my decision to bf, other than my mum and dp, was a male work friend whose partner had bf 2 kids to about...3ish? He was very pro it, very into making sure that bfding was possible in our waiting room (an advice centre, this was a bit of a potential issue tbh) and so forth. He also had vast reams of statistics as to why it was a good idea.

Bubbaluv, you are probably right! But I think the cup of tea thing would be nice anyway. i'm all for more cups of tea in the world... then we wouldn't have any wars or anything.

PuppyMonkey you are right The cup of tea is one of the best inventions in the world.
In this context, it is good because it provides the opportunity for the mum in question to relax, take breast or bottle out, and the curiosity of the neighbour would be satisfied without having to pop the question, look nosey etc.

Now cups of tea are certainly better in real life than on MN! Give me a cup of tea and you can ask me pretty much anything!

Hooray, we've solved the problem

hi.
just thought you might be interested in how it went, well i decided to go for the hows the feeding going line, and she said oh terrrible i don't think ive got enough milk, i asked her why she thought that, and she said because the baby wants feeding all the time. and she said she was planning on topping up with formula as thats what the hv advised her to do, as according to her hv " the baby should be satisfied on her milk by now" therefore she interrupted that to mean baby wasnt satisfied.
and her mother was onto her wanting to give the baby a bottle and telling her the baby wasn;t getting enough

anyway we had a lovely time nice fresh coffee and cake, ive lent her my swing pump which i was going to flog on ebay but she might as well borrow it first, and i was given her my ntc book on bf for beginers and some lanolin cream for the nips, and a fair few nappies and clothes that dd has grown out of.
and i had a chance to say that don't worry about how often they feed just feed whenever baby is hungry etc etc
and pointed out the numbers for the bf helpines and told her about baby cafe, but she said she didn't want to call a hlpline as she felt too silly.

she text me this am and said could she pop in, she's getting on great with the pump, shes been pumping at the weekend she said it actually shut her mother up for 5 mins which is always good, apprently her mother told her not to bf in front of her at her mothers house, and made her go upstairs its was only this new friend and her mum in her mothers house.
i thought that seemed quite horrible to do that to your daughter.

anyway, she said its been going a little easier over the weekend, anyway she invited me to her house this friday am for more cake and coffee[i told her cake is excellent for bf mothers!]. so really i think it went quite well, and i'm glad i asked her.

That's lovely news. You've helped someone - and her baby and made a new friend at the same time!

thats what i thought prettybird

nice having another new mum on the same street

Good for you mg .

Do reassure her that most women think that they don't have enough milk in the early days, but they nearly always do.

Well done milkgoddess!
Actually, tiktok, I know women can provide a good support network for each other and you don't have to be a bf counsellor to give advice but so often the network isn't there or if it is there, seems to be in the "give formula" camp. Milkgoddess' new friend is very lucky that milkgoddess is being more supportive than her Mum!

and at her mum

ps ive told her to sign up to MN pronto !!!

... and then she can see the debate that yuo wondering aobut talking to her had caused!

Lovely news, that's great milkgoddess, that you talked to her. Not so great that her mum and hv are being less than supportive.