Did you choose to bottle feed and why?

[Alexandersmummy]

I am currently 40 wks + 5 days and want to bottle feed, as I did with my first but feel under increasing pressure to breast feed from midwife. I was just wondering if you bottle fed did you feel this pressure and how did you cope?
I know all the good reasons to breast feed but it's not for me, I feel uncomfy with it.
I'd really appreciate any comments!

sorry there were so many of you making negative comments I got mixed up...it was divastrop....she stated that my baby sleeeping through at 3 weeks was unhealthy

tiktok and sabire....I too find you both overpowering the way you put your point across

in my opinion ff was the best option for my baby as i would have been so unhappy bf...my sister felt the exact same but gave in to the constant pressure she felt and ended up with pnd (bf was a real struggle even with lots of help)which went on for months....this really affected her relationship with her baby, so for some mums ff is best for them and their baby....for some clearly not all. in the end of the day it comes down to choice.....and yes in my case i made a highly informed choice

If knowing facts is overpowering then I guess they must be

'knowing facts'....no shoving facts down peoples throats without listening to their personal circumstances and showing any understanding.......

Havent read sabires but tiktok has never ever shoved facts down peoples throats,ever.

Apparently hunker got leprosy from a fact once.....

becka, I am confident in my information, and I am well-practised in putting this across. I don't know why this should be seen as a 'power' thing - should I pretend to have less confidence in my information, and cultivate inarticulacy and hestitancy?? Please give me an example of where I am overpowering (sometimes being overpowering is a good thing....I guess you mean it in a negative sense of being oppressive).

I think it is making a massive assumption to link your sis's PND to breastfeeding in itself.

She was unhappy and gave into other people's opinions about what was 'best'. Difficulty in doing what you wantto do, and falling in with other people is a symptom of depression, not a cause of it. Feeling unable to stand up for yourself, unable to make your own choices is part of the low-self esteem that leads to depression.

For other people, it works the other way. They really want to breastfeed, but others try to make them formula feed (see current threads here). Someone who is already feeling low, and under-confident, may give in to these pressures.

There is nothing in what I do, or say, here or in RL, which should make you think I am in favour of oppressing people or pressurising them. There are many individual reasons why people choose one way of feeding rather than the other - and it's no one else's biz unless they want to discuss it. If someone posts to a talkboard, I think it is reasonable to assume they do

Well hercules she said "I am also aware of the important health impact that not breastfeeding can have on a baby, who has no choice in the matter!".....what do you call this???
thats my last word on the matter, this post was supposed to be about people's reasons for FF...I'm not interested in these arguments

I wanted to post about the PND but didn't know any facts so I'm glad you said that Tiktok, I can't see how someone feeling pressured to bf=PND.

I think it's called doing the best for your baby becka.

Just seen becka's subsequent post....'shoving facts down someone's throat' without showing understanding ????? Where?

You can't mean the post where I explain about the health risks of formula, and include in it a reference to my understanding that people may decide for their own reasons to accept these risks and formula feed for their own reasons, and how I do not judge them for it.

Where do I shove facts down people's throats?

Tiktok, Its not a massive assumption given she came to this opinion herself and feels v. strongly about it!!!!!!
That really is my last word because this is going nowhere, I was quite happy chatting to other ff about the reasons they chose (which is the title of the thread)...not this...

but breast and bottle feeding and the reason for doing them are interlinked and interwoven. it is all about infant nutrition, no?

it makes me incredibly saddened that posters such as Tiktok , Sabire and Hunker who are incredibly well learned about BF and trained and educated are dismissed as power hungry, debate stifling and oppressive. you would pay a lot of money for this advice in RL and it is being given for free out of the goodness of their hearts

i wish i had known all of this before i FF my children

you cannot discuss why you bottle fed without inherently saying something about breastfeeding IMO and vice versa

surely if you are comfortable with your decision to ff, you would not particualryl care about what is being said re FF or BF on this thread?

becka - and you think talking about the health effects of infant feeding, about which the baby has no choice, is overpowering and shoving facts down someone's throat....really? You really think that is a fact I am shoving....honestly?

of course I would when I am being personally attacked...see divastrops post,
and yes I am very comfortable with my decision to FF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is really nothing more to say to people who are clearly convinced I must have a chink of doubt!!!!!!! Or am uninformed!!!! etc etc etc
And no BF does not equal PND.....the series of problems she had with it made her depressed
final word, gone

Aw, becka, it's horrible for your sis, or anyone else, to have pnd. And she clearly recognises that what she felt was pressure from other people - understandable that when someone is depressed, they can't stand up to pressure. But the breastfeeding didn't cause the depression - breastfeeding (or doing anything else) when you really, really, don't want to do it, because of other people, is a symptom of depression.

Hunker munker - just to clarify - I did not assume that Sabire didn't do anything to change things - I asked her what she did...

Becka1 (plus LittleMissNorty et al) - I feel as strongly as you do about all this but we're going round in circles here and this thread is just getting boring. Suggest what we do is if we want to offer our SUPPORT to women about the choice to stop breastfeeding - or indeed not breastfeed at all - we post a thread and see what comes back. If anyone who can't just listen and sympathise without trying to persuade - however gently (Tiktok) or aggressively (Sabire) - we alert the others who might just want to be heard to how the threads will progress and post again. I'm so determind to offer the support that I never got - that I'd be willing to do this - as long as others supported. What do you think ?

Divastrop said she thought that sleeping 12 hours straight at 3 weeks old is unhealthy.

I have to say I think thats a long time for such a young baby. IMO, a 3 week old baby needs feeding at night. God, I can hardly go for 12 hours without food or drink, and I'm 26.

Looby, I have not ever, gently or not, tried to persuade someone to breastfeed, here or in Real Life....the most I have ever done is shared information, asked for clarification, and then asked someone if this might make them think again (in your case, because your support for bf was so poor - in fact in your case, I said I hoped you would think again, because you were sad about the experience you had!)

Some posters equate this with being overpowering, shoving facts down people's throats, acting as if I was promoting a religious cult........

If you want a thread for posters to show support for formula feeders, then this is fine - but this has been done in the past, and it has quickly led to ff doing things like

• denying any health impact of their choice
• sharing false information (like 'I am glad I use formula because that way I can eat what I like and drink alcohol' - as if this is not the case with bf)
• criticising breastfeeding mothers

Then other breastfeeding supporters come on and try to set the record straight!

Looby, you will also find that many formula feeding mothers will resent any idea that they want to be 'sympathised' with.....and unerstandably. If someone has made a choice they think is right for them, why would they want sympathy?

Try your new thread by all means, but don't say I didn't warn you

hi tiktok - have just been reading through our earlier posts and I wwant to reiterate that you have showed sympathy towards my situation - and I certainly felt grateful for that at the time. I dont think, however, it's accurate for you to say didn't try and persuade me. I'm the one you were talking to and I felt that you were, so are you trying to tell me how I feel ?

Despite me saying I felt I couldn't risk bf again because of how terrible it was the last time - you say you hope I'll consider it again. Yo don't see this as persuasion ? I do.

As for your comment about another thread NOT JUST for ff, but for women who switched to it bcause of their difficulties with bf - I certainly wouldn't support any criticism of bf mothers - because I am someone who is supportive of EITHER choice they make. If a mother believes their child is well and has thrived on ff, I don't see that as denying their choice has a health impact - they are simply commenting on their personal situation - with their child. As for sharing 'false information' and the example you give - again, people will post in relation to their own experience - and if someone says eating something has upset their childs stomach for example - that has been their experience - and I don't see it as your right to say that is 'false.

You and Sabire constantly talk facts and figures - but there are people in the equation too.

Tiktok - re your post as 3pm - I support peoples right to choose to feed their babies in whichever way they choose, but there are some women - like me - who have had bad experiences after bf and want to share them -and it is those people I offer sympathy to Please don't try and start an argument between me and people who have formula fed right from the start - thats their right and I support that.

What you're trying to do in your post is very low - and I can see right through it. Not like you !!

I think that it's very easy to become defensive no matter what side you bat for. Does that make sense? My dd (8mo) was bf for 6 weeks. I hated doing it and felt pressurised into doing it. Which meant that when I stared bottle feeding I now know that I did become defensive in my decision to switch. I knew from the beginning that I didn't want to bf, but found the pressure to do so from doctors, mw, hospital staff etc very overwhelming. As a new mum I felt like I just nodded along for an easier time. It made the first 6 weeks of dd's life quite a difficult time for me.

Switching to formula was the best choice I ever made. It meant that as a single mum the pressure was taken off of me to be the only one that could feed my daughter. She started to sleep through the night instantly. She was no longer crying after a feed, and was far more settled. I honestly believe that my daughter was permanantly hungry for her first 6 weeks of her life as she was definitley not getting enough food from me and was always unsettled.

I'm pro breastfeeding and think it's great that some mums want to do it, but from my experience found that medical staff really made you feel like crap for even considering to ff. And as a first time mum, I was certainly backed into a corner as I didn't have the voice to put my foot down. If I ever had another child, I know I would do and say what I wanted and what I felt was right for my child. Though I'm pro bf, I'm also pro ff. It's a womans choice to do what she wants imo, if you want to ff - fine, no questions asked. This is how it should be, ime, it's not.

Bf made me very uncomfortable. I wouldn't go out if I knew my daughter would need a feed as I hated the idea of getting my boobs out to feed her in public. I'm not even really a shy person either, I'll quite happily sunbathe topless on holiday Seeing women bf can make a lot of people feel uncomfortable though, especially those of an older generation. And I think that that can be forgotten sometimes.

I'll also add that I suffer from pnd. Have done from day 1, only started getting help for it a month ago. The way I felt about bf and some of the difficulties I had with doing it, are definite factors to my pnd imo. Was made to feel like s**t when I stopped bf, the pressure to do it in the first place, the pain it caused, bleading, cracked nipples, unsettled, crying baby for 6 weeks, feeling like a terrible mum because I couldn't settle my own baby because she was hungry etc. All factors to the crap way I felt/feel now.

For mums who want to ff, do it. If that's what you're comfortable with doing, go ahead. Same applies to mums who want to bf. I think there needs to be far more support for mums who ff instead of the bog standard 'well breastfeeding is what's best for them you know.......'

No, Looby, I wouldn't tell you what to feel...but I was the one not doing the persuading, so in the same way, I hope you'll not tell me what I was trying to do

I said 'I hope you'll think again about breastfeeding' in response to your situation where you described

• how miserable you'd been
• the crappy help you'd had
• the fact you had been unaware of health effects

If this was persuasion, then it was almost invisible I left it there when you explained again you felt it was too big a risk.

I don't know what you mean about a low motive. I am genuinely sharing what has happened before with 'support for formula feeders' threads. And people do post things about diet and alcohol, without ever having experienced breastfeeding, saying 'I am glad I can eat and drink what I want'. People do not just post in relation to their own experience, but they also post what they think they know about experiences in general (you must have noticed that!).

I am not trying to start a fight. FGS. I am pointing out that there is a philosophical difference between people who use formula when they planned to breastfeed, and feel really bad about it, and the ones who started formula from day one cheerfully and without any negative feelings at all. Another thing you must have noticed!

i called becka a troll because she claims to
a)be a doctor
and b) have had a baby who slept through the night from 3 weeks old,although in an earlier post she said she ff so her husband could do night feeds.i saw this as an inconstancy,as personally,if i hadn't been doing the night feeds myself,i would have been unaware at what age my babies slept through the night.

i cant imagine a doctor saying that ff is as good as bf under any circumstances.i think it has been a proven fact for many years that bf is superior.

alot of parents come to this site looking for advice and i think its dangerous for somebody to claim to be a medical professional and then post mis-information.

and gozillasbumcheek-yes i do have a problem with your boobs staying the same.i am actually,as mine got an each longer with each pregnancy despite ff.

an inch longer,that was meant to be