Did you choose to bottle feed and why?

[Alexandersmummy]

I am currently 40 wks + 5 days and want to bottle feed, as I did with my first but feel under increasing pressure to breast feed from midwife. I was just wondering if you bottle fed did you feel this pressure and how did you cope?
I know all the good reasons to breast feed but it's not for me, I feel uncomfy with it.
I'd really appreciate any comments!

FF has been proven to be less beneficial than BF, hence the amount of reccommended health guidelines on it.

It doesn't mean to say that FF is going to kill your child, it just means BF is better.

FF as a substitute is the best we have and an adequate feeding method for a newborn baby.

I FF my ds for all different reasons (sorry if this is long)
My DH never wanted children and although we both decided to have a baby i was worried as during the pregnancy he didn't show much interest. I didn't want hubby to feel left out when baby arrived so decided to FF and make him feel part of things. It helped dh bond with baby and there inseperable now
Another reason was i'm very big breasted and i read a really scary article once about a mother who was so tired she fell asleep while feeding a baby suffocated

These may seem like really selfish reasons but my son is happy, and fairly healthy (asthma)and i don't regret my choice

Thanks VS - yes BF is recommended, but as you also say FF is not harmful

I think the problem with the whole 'is FF harmful' debate is that it indicates you are doing something to harm your child, which of course, no mother wants to do!

It's a case of semantics really and sadly an FF/BF debate is always going to bring this about.

I think most of us know that to Bf is more beneficial to our baby, but no-one wants to be told by not doing it they are harming their children, so it needs to be worded very carefully.

Wording is important, I agree.

But breastfeeding has no health 'benefits'...it is the physiological norm for the species and to say it has 'benefits' is like saying breathing air has 'benefits' compared to needing an oxygen mask, or that walking with two legs has 'benefits' compared to using one.

Not breastfeeding has risks, and therefore the potential for harm. Every time someone states that breastfed babies have 'less risk' of something, or that they are 'protected from' something else, they mean that formula fed babies have a greater risk of the same things. In addition, powdered formula has specific risks because of not being sterile.

www.foodstandards.gov.uk/science/surveys/infantformula

www.kellymom.com/nutrition/milk/infant-formula.html

None of this 'sounds' very 'nice', but it is correct. It is not the only thing taken into account when people choose to formula feed out of preference. There may be other reasons for making this choice, and mothers may for their own reasons feel the health risks are worth running because of perceived benefits to them of using formula ...and I don't judge their reasons in any way, 'cos I can't see inside their heads or inside their lives!

This is not 'jumping' on ff mothers or 'bashing' formula or being 'unable to see some mothers prefer to formula feed' or being 'militant' or putting 'pressure' on. It's just responding to questions and misinformation on the thread.

I agree tiktok, I think it depends where you are looking at it from, words like benefits and harm are always going to be used in relative comparison to something else, so to say it is more beneficial if you are a BFer than a FFer would make sense iyswim.

It comes down to how the reader wants to read it in the end, but I think if we can agree bfing is better without saying formula is harmful then it's being careful with the wording, though I wish people would give as much respect to bfers as bfers seem to give to ffers wrt how they feel, some of the comments I;ve read about bfers lately are horrifying.

I think Sabire has done a grand job at discussing some important - but also very uncomfortable - issues regarding breastfeeding. And tiktok as always is a model of fairness to all points of view.

This thread started off as just a ff thread, then evolved - however, if ffers want to keep the thread for themselves, fair enough. This "us and them" attitude amkes me very sad though.

If anyone reading this thread is interested in the health aspects of breastfeeding and wants to talk about the available evidence, can I suggest that they start a new thread? I for one am happy to discuss these things til the cows come home, but not on this thread.

I can see lots of people didn't bother reading the op. She must be feeling GREAT now! Let's hope she was too bizzy havin her baby to read all those longwinded posts!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha - 'us and them' attitude welliemum? Didn't the op just ask for peoples thoughts on it - and other 'neutral' people made posts which were then hijacked by the militant brigade ? FF'ers are the ones being persecuted on here. Made to feel like second class citizens for the choices they make - often in very difficult circumstances. Isn't it only fair we have the right to support each other in an environment where we know we won't come up against some of the hurtful posts I have experienced ?

As I said previously, I am new to Mumsnet and never dreamed I would come up against this sort of stuff ? Its a real shame. Especially for soon to be first time Mums who might access this site for guidance on whether to breast feed or not. Put yourself in most womens position Sabire. If you read this thread - and saw your posts - an authority on the subject (which most people aren't so through no fault of your own, you're different from them immediately) coupled with the martyrdom you keep telling us all about where you continued to feed through difficult times. V's - people like me who would encourage people to try it - but then sympathise if it doesn't work out and offer support about guilty feelings. Who do you think the average Mum on the street is going to be able to relate to ??? God forbid - if she goes with your advice and tries it, she sure as hell won't dare come back on here to try and talk it through with people - for fear of feeling worse when people like you tell them about how they 'struggled through' for the benfit of their lo !!!!!!!! You're alienating people Sabire. Can't you see ???? When people have had a shit time, they don't want to be told 'well I had a shit time too - but I just got on with it'. They want support.

I admire your passion - but you REALLY need to work on the way you convey your message.

And can I suggest - if you deny making personal attacks on people - who then refer you back to one of your previous threads and point out where you did - that you acknowledge that - instead of skipping onto something else.

There seems to be some assumption from people like you that everyone who makes the decision not to breasfeed or to stop early on has done so without all the facts ? And if they knew the facts (which you are happy to quote chapter and verse), they'd make an alternative decision ? Like your less militant comrade points out - she can't see inside our heads or inside our lives.

Can you tell me what you personally are doing to address the lack of adequate support for people struggling with breast feeding ? There have been so many references to it by Mums like me. This is where the real problem lies, so your passion would be better used in that direction instead of having a go at victims of a poor system.

"There seems to be some assumption from people like you that everyone who makes the decision not to breasfeed or to stop early on has done so without all the facts ?"

No - not everyone, but I think MANY people ARE very poorly informed about the differences between breastfeeding and formula feeding and the research into women's knowledge of the differences between breast and bottlefeeding supports this view.

And no - I don't think that even if all parents were given clear, evidence based information on this subject it would result in everyone choosing to initiate breastfeeding - of course not. Everyone would interpret this information and the risks according to their own world view - we all have our own comfort zones around risk taking behaviours when it comes to our children. Plus - the personal and social barriers to initiating breastfeeding are just too great for some women to overcome - in the presence of an alternative way of feeding their baby.

But as long as we maintain the illusion that the differences between bf and ff are minimal there'll never be any real, concerted pressure for the changes in education and maternity services that are necessary to help more mothers to breastfeed.

Me pointing out that I had a crap time but carried on wasn't to make the point 'you should have too' (though it was inevitable that it was going to be interpreted that way), but to make the point that difficulties with breastfeeding - social, emotional and physical - DON'T always mean that either you or your baby will be better off ff. I know too many mums who've struggled with bf but two years on have looked back and said 'it was REALLY worth it' to agree that the best response to breastfeeding problems or anxieties about beginning breastfeeding is always going to be either a) not to do it in the first place or b) to switch to bottlefeeding. It saddens me that the ONLY response people seem to get in relation to breastfeeding problems or anxieties is - well you don't have to do it do you? If you had anxieties or problems with any other normal bodily function you'd be offered counselling or medical support to overcome it. Why not with breastfeeding?

And personally what am I doing to improve the situation? Well I sit on the MSLC at our local hospital and feed back mothers experiences of breastfeeding support within the borough and suggest ways things could be improved. At a personal level I have also supported many friends through breastfeeding difficulties.

And I'm not 'having a go' at anyone!

However - I know that this thread has gone far, far from where it started and I appreciate that the comments I've made here are not 'supportive' in a personal sense - this is a support board after all. Apologies for this and I won't say anything more on this thread.

Perhaps if we want to discuss baby feeding generally and the issues that underpin it we ought to start a separate thread.

Sorry Loobie34, I went to clean the kitchen floor after my post(oh the joys of being a mum).

As for Sabire i don't give a monkey's what she or any other breastfeeding mum's thinks i did what was best me and my daughter (i.e she survived and is gaining weight and is happy).

I just wish they could be as understanding of other mums needs and wishes as we are of them.

Sabire "And I'm not 'having a go' at anyone!"
You insinuated there was something wrong with my baby because she slept through from 3 weeks.....

This thread was about why mums chose to bottle feed and should have stayed that way

Looby, don't assume that people who post passionately about bf support aren't doing anything in real life to change things. Plenty of us are.

I'm sorry this thread turned into a bit of a bunfight. I posted early on, but have avoided the latter part of it because sometimes it doesn't matter what you say, people don't read it properly - I've been burnt like that too often in the past!

I am sorry the OP didn't come back at all, even before the thread kicked off as it did.

Alexandersmummy
Hope you had an ok birth and have settled with however you decided to feed your baby.

As you have stated:
"I know all the good reasons to breast feed but it's not for me, I feel uncomfy with it."

You have tried it and you know the reasons on why to BF so clearly you can make an informed choice on what YOU want to do and what works BEST for your family - be it BF or FF.

Enjoy your new baby.

Can I just say though, the OP did say "I'd really appreciate any comments" (my bold) which is why I posted when this thread was in its infancy, even though my post wasn't an "I've bottlefed" one.

Hunker, it is true that people read a lot of stuff into posts that is not intended! I see Sabire's posts as measured, polite and passionate, but others see them as 'militant'; one reason is partly because she used her own experience and it came out as a martyred benchmark for other people to compare themselves with......tip to Sabire: be careful with personal experience!

Looby sees her posts as a robust defence of people's choice to formula feed, and probably doesn't see that starting posts with 'Ha ha ha ha ha' and peppering them with !!!!!! sounds sneering and dismissive ...and contributes to an unhelpful divisiveness. Tip to Looby: read your posts out aloud and see how they 'sound'

My own posts have been misread too....and believe me, I try to be careful to use the right words. But if someone is hurt and regretful, or feels criticised, they become ultra-sensitive. And then start accusing people - like me! - of things they are not and did not say

Tiktok, if anybody on here writes measured posts and thinks about the impact they'll have on those reading them, it's you!

It's galling when you're taken out of context and your motives are well and truly mangled, though - I've had it happen to me and I was incandescent (about formula manufacturers, for one - with "I know you hate formula really, you disingenuous bitch" type posts).

Thanks, hunker, one does try......

In fact, your one further down this thread about bf benefits - I was writing a similar one, got sidetracked, came back to the thread and refreshed it (never, never post without doing that if I've been away for a while on a bf thread - you don't know what you're crossing posts with then!) - and there yours was, far better than the tangled web I was tying myself in knots over!

I chose to breastfeed from birth (more out of total ignorance as I didn't know you could feed a baby from a bottle , I did not know anyone who had a baby, didn't even know how to pick him up!). My friend had a baby shortly afterwards and she chose to bottlefeed from birth. I could never imagine saying anything negative to her about this as it's her baby and her choice! People force their views on you whether you breast feed or bottle feed. I was always being told to give up breast feeding by relatives when DS was only a few months old.

True crokky, I have had comments re:breastfeeding when I've been in public, sneering remarks made etc, I have never heard anyone that isn't a friend tell someone bottlefeeding that what they are doing is wrong, whereas with breastfeeding apparently the whole world is allowed a say on what you're doing.

You insinuated there was something wrong with my baby because she slept through from 3 weeks.....

No - I don't think I did. I've read back through my post and can't see where I've said anything that can be construed in this way. If you want to show me where...?

Sabire - you're right to question this. It was not you who mentioned the 3 week thing, but another poster altogether.

I expect you will get an apology

Still waiting for mine, though (for being told I was like a religious nutter!)

"My friend had a baby shortly afterwards and she chose to bottlefeed from birth. I could never imagine saying anything negative to her about this as it's her baby and her choice!"

I also have a good number of friends who haven't breastfed at all. I wouldn't occur to me to say anything negative about their choice either.

On the other hand, if I was sitting with my friend and a large group of other women discussing the issue of infant feeding, and someone came up with something like scottishmummy's comment on the health aspects - well if they offer that sort of opinion in public they can't then complain if someone challenges them on whether they've got their facts right, can they?