Did you choose to bottle feed and why?

[Alexandersmummy]

I am currently 40 wks + 5 days and want to bottle feed, as I did with my first but feel under increasing pressure to breast feed from midwife. I was just wondering if you bottle fed did you feel this pressure and how did you cope?
I know all the good reasons to breast feed but it's not for me, I feel uncomfy with it.
I'd really appreciate any comments!

Hi

How come you feel uncomfortable with it? HAve you had a previous negative experience with bf?

I didn't really think about how I would feed dd1

It wasn't until she was born and the midwife said about half hour later I should offer a feed that I actually realised what I was about to do (bf, by the way). So I suppose for me having no 'pressure' beforehand worked in my favour.

But for you I agree it might be worth talking about a bit in order to help you reach an informed decision

you want to bottle feed. you don't want to bf. Tell the mw you have made your decision and you don't want the subject to be discussed again. Unless there is part of you that wants to give bfing a go? If that's the case then there's loads of help for you on here

you're 40+5 - you've got enough to deal with right now including (I assume) the 'haven't you had that baby yet' phone calls

I wanted to breastfeed but it all went wrong - ds never got the hang of it, lost loads of weight, and it hurt and bled. After a couple of weeks a HV (very shamefacedly and almost whispering!) suggested that it would be OK if I wanted to bottlefeed - never have I felt so grateful to someone for a suggestion! But yes, masses of 'of course, I know you couldn't do it, but of course breast is best' stuff from friends and family and I felt very ashamed/embarrased to be bottle feeding which contributed to PND. Second time breast fed for about 3 months but didn't particularly enjoy it. If there's a third time I've made the decision to bottle feed, from choice, and sod em all!! And I'm really pro-breastfeeding, would encourage anyone to have a go, and was militant about it when pregnant with ds1...
Just do what feels right and tell people you've made your decision. But you probably will get crap, just need to be ready to deal with it!

I did. I've had breast reduction surgery and was anxious about the effect it would have on supply. I posted a thread on here about my fears and to ask for input but (understandably) no-one really knew what I was on about. I also went to a breastfeeding after reduction forum and it was full of women who were very intense about breastfeeding, and really giving themselves a hard time if they "failed". There was a lot of talk of supplementary at-breast feeding tubes, pumping furiously, and knocking back galacto-things to increase supply.

The overriding impression I got would be that in my situation to try breastfeeding would be to set myself up for a difficult time from the get-go. I'm quite a delicate flower, B is my first child, and I didn't want to risk PND. So I chose to bottlefeed, which I think on balance was the right decision at the time, although I do hope to breastfeed any future children, when hopefully all my wiring will have sorted itself out a bit more.

I didn't get a hard time from any health professionals. The only person who was really mean to me about it was a "friend", who I don't speak to any more.

Are you happy to discuss any further your reasons for being uncomfy with breastfeeding? I'm happy to explore that side of things with you, if you'd like to? Otherwise, I hope you get the support you're sadly not finding in RL on MN. I hope your baby makes an appearance soon - I know how tough it is to be overdue

Perhaps you need to spell it out to the midwife: "I've made my decision and I don't wish to discuss this any further"?

After all, her job is to support you, not push you into doing something you don't want to do.

AM - might be helpful for you to tell the midwife that what she prob thinks of as 'encouragement' is coming across as 'increasing pressure'.

Many women feel uncomfortable with breastfeeding, and they need to be listened to, and any questions answered without being put under pressure.

If you can, just keep an open mind about it - you might find you are more comfortable with the idea when the baby is here, and if you hold the baby skin to skin after birth, he/she might just do it without too much fuss, anyway

I chose to bottle-feed. I didnt have an adversion to breast feeding but just didn't want to do it. Id been told there was a possibility Id never have a baby so was determined my DH would get to do as much as me with regards to our lo - including feeding (yes I know theres expressing but not for me) and I can honestly say I have never regretted the decision. I was practically boo'd out out of ante-ntal class after listening to a half hour lecture on breast-feeding (willingly) we got a 5 minute presentation on breast feeding (because weasked) to sighs and tutting from everyone else in the room! We had to put our foot down with our midwife who constantly said "You'll find you do want to breast feedwhen lo is born" - and "theres no reason why you cant so you should". She didnt "approve" even when we did make it clwar that we had made oue decision but no longer tried to convince us we were wrong so you decide what you feel happiest about and stick with it. It isnt your midwife or peers who will be struggling at 2am!
Good luck hun x

NikkiSue - you mean a 5 min presentation on bottle feeding in the antenatal class? that's unusual and should not be done in a group situation - not considered good practice at all

See discussions on this on mumsnet.

The best help for you would have been to give you a one to one on the topic. And it would have been longer than 5 mins!

I bottle fed both times, mine are 10 yrs apart and my opinion didnt change. They can pressure you, but the only way to do it is to be firm, you dont have to excuse yourself for your decision. its not a crime to bottle feed, its a choice. i just smiled at my midewife and all the breast feeding wannabes at ante natal, that confused the hell out of them.

Thanks TikTok - luckily I'm fairly screwed on etc (well I was before baby brain anyway!) and had a good support network if needed but I was very peeved at the way we were made to feel like 2nd class parents-to-be. As it turns out Kieran had a very healthy appetite on the bottle, I was reassured knowing exactly what he was taking and it was great Roy helping out. And heres the shocker..... I have a beautiful well nourished, intelligent 18month old (despite the hintsthat I might "damage" my child!
Oh wel - one day things will change and bottle-feeders will be widely accepted and women will get the vote

You know, I'm not sure other people in IRL care, really really care, about other parents' decisions.

When dd1 was new, I had some conversations where I felt I was being criticised for doing something or other, only to find sometime later that the "criticising" person had no recollection of the conversation and no particular feelings about the issue in question either.

I suspect I'm not the only mother in history to imagine I was being judged when in fact it was just someone making polite conversation. We're all on a hair trigger in the early days.

The other thing I realised in retrospect was that when people did make overtly judgemental remarks, inevitably it would turn out that they were just being defensive about their own decisions. The people who were the most strident about how things ought to be done were the ones who were the least confident deep down. It was all about them, not me.

After realising all this I was much more chilled with dd2.

oh welliemum, well said . In those early weeks people make comments that you stew and stew about and then you realise it was all just noise.

Top top post.

i breast fed for 2 weeks after dd was born in december, and it was agonising and not filling her up at all despite her feeding literally for hours. and yes, she was definitely feeding. she would easily drain both breasts in a sitting

i would have switched to bottle feeding sooner but you're right, the pressure to breast feed is huge. in fact, when i was in the ward after giving birth, the doctor stood in the middle and gave us all a lecture on why we should be breast feeding

i suffered huge guilt, but i just couldn't get on with it - sore boobs, cracked nipples, baby crying non stop with hunger (ALL day long on christmas day!), plus i had to go and sit alone for hours to do it, which meant i was effectively the only one spending any waking time with our new baby

now i have a contented, fully fed baby and i'm glad i switched - despite knowing all the advantages of breast feeding. if i hadn't i'd be losing the plot by now

it's worth giving it a go just for the convenience if nothing else, but at the end of the day it's your choice. having a baby's about much more than how you feed it

"one day things will change and bottle-feeders will be widely accepted"

Only a minority of babies in the UK over 4 weeks are breastfed and a good third never get a single sip of their mum's milk.

It's worth remembering that when you start to think that there's a breastfeeding hegemony in this country - there isn't. The strength of the pro-breastfeeding message within the NHS is a reaction in part to the ubiquity of bottlefeeding in the UK. We've had decades of misinformation on the subject of breastfeeding and the poor midwives are doing their best to put some of this right. It's just hard for you if you're exposed to it and you really have no intention of being persuaded. If you won't breastfeed then simply tell the midwife and ask for it to be written on your notes. Your only responsibility is to your baby and to yourself to make an informed decision.

Alexandersmummy I wouldn't think you'd have any pressure to BF in hospital. Quite the opposite IME.

As you've decided what you want to do just say so. I'm sure no-one is going to have a go about it at all. But as a matter of interest why do you feel "uncomfy" with BF? Not having a go at all but I'm always interested to know why so many people don't want to BF and are convinced from the get go that they want to bottlefeed.

I've just been to the doctors and been kept waiting an hour, so ended up BF my 10 mo in the waiting room. Opposite was a woman with a very tiny baby and after I'd started feeding DD she also started to BF hers. After she'd gone another mum was talking to an old lady and said "that woman who was breast feeding" in a tone of disgust, as if she'd been urinating in front of us or something. Then she said "oh I couldn't do that. Just get my tits out in front of people. Yuk". (Can I say that I was sitting opposite her and saw NO tits!!!!!)

I said to DH on the way home that she'd said that in front of us but hadn't mentioned me and he said she obviously didn't notice what I was doing, despite having shown a lot of interest in my DD and getting her DS to give DD some of his chocolate. It just seems to be how women think, which is quite

It's a completely different matter if you've tried it and don't like it/ don't get on with it for whatever reason.

Just sounds funny reading about an "anti bottlefeeding culture" when it feels to me exactly the reverse.

evenhope, I agree. The very fact Alexandersmummy feels uncomfortable about breastfeeding is testimony to the fact that it is not wholly 'normal' to breastfeed in this country, and culturally and socially, bottle feeding is far more normal.

It may not feel this way, if a mum is the only one bottle feeding in a group of friends who are all breastfeeding. It may not feel this way if her midwife is discussing the health impact of infant feeding with her. In those particular circumstances, the bottle feeding mum may feel pressured.

But in just about every other situation, it is the breastfeeding mother who risks getting/overhearing stupid remarks, who risks being told to do it somewhere else, who risks being told her baby is too old for it, and who risks being undermined by the poor knowledge and training of healthcare professionals.

I Bf'd for 6 weeks after my DS was born and didn't enjoy it at all. With any future babies, I will attempt to BF, maybe get some more help with it (although I had 'help' from BF counsellors & midwives last time and ...urm.it didn't help!). But if I feel the same way after a couple of weeks next time round, I'll switch to FF without a trace of guilt, and no MW or anyone else will be able to persuade me otherwise.

I chose to bottle feed dd2 as i had problems with dd1, nobody gave me advice or tried to help me breast feed dd1 .

If i have another (fingers crossed) i will try and breast feed and hopefully get the help i need.

i chose to bottle feed as women in my family have history of not producing milk

also was really ill through pregnancy got infection was in hospital for 3 weeks on meds so wasnt wise to breast feed anyway i felt better knowing what my ds was feeding

i would of liked to have experienced it but all reasons stated prevented me from doing so

he was never a sickly child didnt have any thing that breast feeding would prevent

do what you feel is best and do not feel pressured i was unable to breast feed and was sick of explaining myself to anyone when bottle feeding

we are given choices for a reason i didnt get one but was happy anyway never felt cheated ds fed well was a well child so thats the main thing i recovered well

I tried but wasn't successful for various reasons. Breastfeeding was encouraged by my antenatal midwife but in an informative rather than patronising way, our midwife encouraged us to "give it a go" as she said that we could always switch to bottles but would find it harder to switch to breast.

You have to do what you want to do and what you feel comfortable with. I'm in no position to give advice as I never managed to get past 2 weeks but I would say that unless you really hate the idea of breastfeeding that it is worth at least giving it a go. In my antenatal class there was only one woman who didn't want to breastfeed but she eventually decided to give it a go as she didn't want to be the odd one out and she found that she loved it even though she didn't initially want to try it, I think she ended up breastfeeding for over 6 months.

I gave up feeding my dd after 3 weeks of pure misery. She seemed to be getting enough but it hurt like hell on one side no matter what position I tried. I look back and realise I became more and more tense as it got near to when she'd wake up for a feed. When I woke up engorged one day it was the final straw. I'm pregnant again and won't even be trying to feed this time. It horrifies me that no matter which seat you sit in at my hospital ante natal clinic, theres a poster promoting breast feeding stuck in front of you - and never any support or advice for bottle feeders. I have even tried to find some sort of support group for women like me who felt guilty for stopping and just wanted to talk about that - but haven't been able to despite searching the net. Breast feeding suits some, but not all - and what is most important is that Mum is happy. I feel strongly I would have ended up with PND had I continued. It felt like a weight had been lifted when I stopped. My dd is healthy and happy - and I hope that with the new baby I'll cherish the first few weeks because I was an anxious zombie the first time. Good luck.

Looby - there are support groups. Try MOBI (google it) which is Mothers Overcoming Breastfeeding Issues.

It is horrible to suffer while trying to breastfeed - someone should have been able to help you. It should not beyond midwives and HVs to ensure a mother can breastfeed without hellish pain. I can understand that when you see posters for breastfeeding it must rub it in

What sort of support would be helpful for you vis a vis formula feeding? I agree with you - mothers who need to use formula are not able to get the info they want, but this is mainly because manufacturers don;t want you to have it!

Tiktok - thanks for directing me to this website - maybe I didn't put the right words into google when I looked I shall certainly check it out. My story was a long one and I didn't detail it all or it would have sent you all off to sleep - but in a rather large nutshell, my dd only fed for 5 mins one day when 40 on 1 side was the norm. I didn't know what to do on the next feed - whether to put her back on the same side (which after only 5 minutes couldn't have been emptied) or put her on the other side. A friend gave me a number for a local NCT breast feeding expert who wasn't in when I called and called me back 3 days later when I'd given up(consequently I hate the NCT). Anyway - I don't recall whether I put her back on the same side or what, but I obviously made the wrong decision because I woke up engorged. When a community midwife came out to me, she tried to squeeze my breast to release some milk and get dd latched on. It hurt so much and I had hated the last 3 weeks of feeding anyway - I begged her to stop and said I was giving up. She told me that if I wanted to stop feeding immediately rather than gradually , I shouldn't drink any water as if my milk was to dry up I shouldn't put more fluid in my body - and she instructed my DH to give me an ice cube if I was absolutely desperate. She told me to stay away from my dd - as her cry would stimulate my milk. I was in bed, alone 3 days straight with bad flu symptoms, thirsty as hell with my husband sleeping downstairs with dd. Sounds like hell eh ? And it was. This is why I get so mad about the pro breast feeding lot being so bloody evangelical. You can see what I hell I went through because I felt I should - when clearly it wasn't the right thing for me. Maybe I wasn't clear when I mentioned support for bottle feeders - what I should have said is that a womans right to choose should be encouraged. I shouldn't have to sit in hospital feeling like a failure when I see all these posters. Sorry for getting so worked up but this country is doing women a diservice by pushing this at them without adequate support. There needs to be a number you can call - day or night if you have a bf query - and you should be give it when in hospital. If there is one, I certainly wasn't told about it. Sorry for the long post and apologies to the alexandersmummy for hijacking this post !