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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

So is it just me who has viscerally negative reactions to talk about breastfeeding 4 or 5 year olds

757 replies

TwigorTreat · 27/10/2007 18:46

Now look I know its different strokes for different folks and I am not judging anyone as I know logically that its fine and anyone who does is doing what they deem their very best for their own children.

But I am talking about a experiencing a sense of distaste that I cannot help. I do have a negative and almost physical reaction to the thought of breastfeeding my 3 year old let alone an older child. And I have discussed this before when it came to extending breastfeeding for my own child beyond 6 months and with the discussion was capable of making it past that psychological barrier to 11 months.

Perhaps the thought of having a reasonable discussion over this particular reaction is just a step too far for us on Mumsnet. But I thought I'd give it a go anyway .. what, with it being Saturday and all that.

Anyone who experiences the same sense of negativity will no doubt need to gulp down hard before adding to this discussion. Just as anyone who is on the 'other side of the fence' will need to take copious amounts of oxygen into their system to calm down before posting .. I hope both sides do though... it could be interesting and educational

OP posts:
popsycal · 29/10/2007 12:01

mDAATGOPKL

popsycal · 29/10/2007 12:01

argh

lissiethevampireslayer · 29/10/2007 12:02

i think thats quite common. you see other peoples children as older than they are, and, as franny says, you think that they should be more independant.

before i had ds i though ebf was a bit odd and lentil-weavery, and now (tho i didnt bf) i think its great. perfectly natural.

having said that i do think that primary school age children should be weaned. but thats my personal cut off

FioFio · 29/10/2007 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lissiethevampireslayer · 29/10/2007 12:03

lol fio, totally agree!

popsycal · 29/10/2007 12:03

Fio - DEFINITELY

oh god how do you stop a toddler eating play dough ffs

lissiethevampireslayer · 29/10/2007 12:11

dunno, but if you work it out, please pass it on!

ScaremyVile · 29/10/2007 12:15

Harpsi - this double standard you mention, where to express negative views on ffing is roundly criticised but not so when negative feelings re bfing are expressed - just doesn't exist.

There are, and always will be, people who feel comfortable in expressing negative thoughts on either of these choices - and there is, and always will be, people who will criticise the expression of these negative opinions. You must know that?

Also the comparison between criticism for someone who ffs their baby and this thread is a pretty tenuous one.

This thread is absolutely NOT questioning breastfeeding, but a certain aspect of it - the thread title cites 4 & 5 year olds. If someone started a thread stating their dislpeasure at the sight of a 4/5 yo still drinking milk from a baby bottle, that couldn't be seen as a dig at bottle feeding in general could it?

Anything that is not 'the norm' will always have its detractors or those who simply dont understand it as they have never been exposed to it. Challenge those thoughts, by all means - this thread has proved to be very enlightening and in the main paints a fantastically positive view of ebf, but dont claim it as yet another kick to the gut of breastfeeding, because that suggests that bfing is sacrosanct and should never, in any way, be questioned - personally, I feel nothing in this world should be above discussion....even if that means we invite the expression of pretty nasty and intolerant viewpoints such as the 'creepy' comment.

FrannyandZooey · 29/10/2007 12:19

I was one who objected to this thread, but as stated earlier, that wasn't because I think the subject is sacrosanct or can't be discussed

I felt the title and the OP were badly worded and I know Twig has apologised for that

I don't think anyone else has suggested this can't be discussed, just that as with any subject, other people's feelings should be considered

ScaremyVile · 29/10/2007 12:19
Bocoreepy · 29/10/2007 12:27

I don't have a problem with it being discussed, i think it's important that it is discussed. I have no problem at all with people not wanting to do it, saying it's not something they're comfortable doing, and even saying 'it's an odd thing to do - why do you do it?' I know that that's how lots of people feel so it's not exactly a shocker or offensive in the slightest.

The bit i find hard is the 'come over here if you think it's revolting / creepy / makes you sick etc' approach.

Original poster
TwigorTreat · 29/10/2007 12:28

and that's the approach you see is it Boco? [hmm....

OP posts:
lissiethevampireslayer · 29/10/2007 12:30

i read the op as "this is how i feel about it, how do you feel and why?" we have the same types of thread daily about weaning, ff, bf, fruitshoots etc

FrannyandZooey · 29/10/2007 12:34

No there were overtones of that to start with, that was what I picked up as well

I think quite a few of us did say we felt quite upset about it

things have moved on since then though

Bocoreepy · 29/10/2007 12:58

That is how i took it to start with Twig yes, that's what i reacted to - i started reading thinking this would be a list of people saying 'yes good OP, i also find it creepy' etc.

I think it's a good thread though, it's moved on a lot and i think it's been a really fascinating discussion.

When i say i don't like that approach i'm not directing that at you and this thread - just generally, in rl a friend can say to me 'why are you still feeding dd?' and i can explain and she can say 'i don't think i'd like to feed a 2 year old actually' and that's happened and it's fine.

A friend who says 'oh yuk that is gross, it's actually a bit revolting isn't it!' is being rude and there is no room for discussion there and if you are struggling with how confident you feel about bf then it can be hard to hear. I've had that too.

screamsprout · 29/10/2007 13:41

Re is this is a feminist issue? I don't see how alienating women from their bodies is a feminist thing to do?

popsycal · 29/10/2007 13:46

Screamsprout - I think the feminist thing is to do with. Man. My brain is not working to articulate it lol.

Wanting children but wanting the same perceieved freedom as a man. The whole 'mother in the kitchen; mistress in the bedroom' thing. And the implication by the media that Things Must Get Back To Normal as soon as possible. Hence Jordan. Hence the massive market for routine based child reaering books. Hence that hideous channel four programme.

The pressure on women to Get Back To Normal would be helped, I think, for better maternity conditions allowing mothers to be with their babies for longer. Norway has excellent breast feeding rates and extensive maternity leave IIRC......

EffiePerine · 29/10/2007 14:10

OK, so haven;t had the chance to read the whole thread but...

still bfing DS at 12 months and feeling pressure to stop, esp from DH. I'd like to carry on at least to 2 years (ideally morning and evening), but I am worried about other people's attitudes. And the idea that someone would find it distasteful, even if I rarely feed in public, is upsetting. Which probably means I am hormonal. But I feel sad about being pressured to stop because other people feel uncomfortable.,

Those who have bfd past a year, how did you cope with -ve comments?

popsycal · 29/10/2007 14:14

I rise above it.

Or if they ask when I will stop, I say 'SOmetime before he goes to university, I imagine'

OrmIrian · 29/10/2007 14:16

effie - I recall very very few negative comments TBH. And only from people in DH's family and from my mum (and she was only worried it would tire me out apparently). I chose to stop feeding him in public when he reached about 3yrs iirc. Maybe that shows that I'm not quite as open-minded about it all as I like to think? Still fed him night and evening although I'm discouraging even that now - he's 4. I was always discrete and I never allowed him to help himself when we were out - ie lift up my shirt.

My older 2 were also fed for quite a while but nothing like as long - 18m for DS#1 and 3yrs for DD. Again - no negative comments.

witchandchips · 29/10/2007 14:32

The issue of how much your biology should/does determine your identity is a feminst issue. By this i don't mean that a "good" feminist has to take one particular view but that it has to be something we all have to think about.

FioFio · 29/10/2007 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Blandmum · 29/10/2007 15:15

I dind't read the OP as 'I don't like it come and agree with me' at all. I think that it was a request for a reasonable debate on the issue.

tori32 · 29/10/2007 15:23

Ok I have slept on this and have evaluated my feelings.

Someone talked about a continuum of bf which I think is true. I used to be at the lower end in thinking 6mths was more than long enough. Personally I hope to feed my new ds/dd for 1-2 yrs so I have moved forward. I still don't wish to continue beyond 3yrs. My personal feelings.
I would certainly not make comments or give looks to people in rl if they chose to do so, its their business.

I think I personally feel that continuing after 3yrs is like trying to keep them as a baby. I don't have issues with bf, its the natural and best way to feed if you can do it. Hats of to all who are ebf. Its certainly not the sexual issue for me, just that by 4-5yrs children should be behaving as children not babies.

I also want to emphasise that I would be equally if I saw a 4-5yo being fed a bottle for the same reasons.

rahrahrahrahrah · 29/10/2007 15:36

tori32, you sum up my feelings exactly. I don't find it creepy or strange when I see people bfeeding a 3 year old but I kind of agree that on some level they may be doing it because they like the intimacy that comes with having a baby. I stopped bottle feeding ds before bed when he was about 15 months because he didn't need to have it any more and was young enough not to worry about giving it up and yet I really missed the intimacy of snuggling up with him and the way he looked into my face when he was feeding. If I have another child I hope to breasftfeed for around the same timescale as I ff ds and if I manage that I know that I will be reluctant to stop because it is such a lovely thing to do and kind of signals the end of babyhood.