So is it just me who has viscerally negative reactions to talk about breastfeeding 4 or 5 year olds

[TwigorTreat]

Now look I know its different strokes for different folks and I am not judging anyone as I know logically that its fine and anyone who does is doing what they deem their very best for their own children.

But I am talking about a experiencing a sense of distaste that I cannot help. I do have a negative and almost physical reaction to the thought of breastfeeding my 3 year old let alone an older child. And I have discussed this before when it came to extending breastfeeding for my own child beyond 6 months and with the discussion was capable of making it past that psychological barrier to 11 months.

Perhaps the thought of having a reasonable discussion over this particular reaction is just a step too far for us on Mumsnet. But I thought I'd give it a go anyway .. what, with it being Saturday and all that.

Anyone who experiences the same sense of negativity will no doubt need to gulp down hard before adding to this discussion. Just as anyone who is on the 'other side of the fence' will need to take copious amounts of oxygen into their system to calm down before posting .. I hope both sides do though... it could be interesting and educational

Fiofio I can appreciate there are some differences with sn, if his chronological age is 8yrs, his emotional age may be a lot younger, in which case I could see why he wouldn't easily give it up, or how it may be the best thing to soothe with. It depends on comprehension.

by all means add me to your neurotic list Jeremy, I shall add you to my paranoid and delusional list we shall have to agree to disagree.
I think it is a no-brainer to say that women are emotionally involved in the way they feed their child, it is an emotional issue.
and there isn't some cut off point when it isn't emotional, I mean when your child is a preschooler it doesn't stop being emotional, far from it.

Hmm ok I am WELL late to this one

I am all hippy about extended breastfeeding but I saw someone not too long ago bfing a tall child in school uniform - he was 4.5 - and I found myself feeling much like the OP.

can we all agree
a) that there is a line somewhere between baby hood and adult hood where breasfeeding (like bottles and dummies) is a bit
b) that this line is dependent on the child and parents and not the same for everybody. I am a bit after 2/3 but this is just me
c) therfore no one has any right to make judgements on other peoples choices. Comments such as at 4 "children should be behaving as children not babies" are really not on-this is not a sausage roll or fruit shoot issue

yeah well get over it mp
witch and chips that about sums it up i think
I could add - if you have a reaction to someone's parenting (if you think that child is too old to be bf or too young to be given that bottle), then take that as an opportunity to reflect on yuor own reactions rather than to judge a situation you know dick all about.or start a thread on mumsnet

Just had an interesting comment from a really good friend of mine in the school yard. She asked whether ds2 was being sick with his croup and suggested that watering down his milk may help. So I said that would be a little it tricky. She looked a bit bemused. So I looked down at my chest and looked up again and said 'No taps'. She then said, with a smile 'You want to be stopping that now, you do'. So I asked 'Why'. She said he was getting a bit old for it. So I asked how it was different to her three and a half year old still having formula milk in a bottle 4 times a day including In Public. She said 'Ah. Point taken.'

Was rather amusing but rather telling....

It's also important to remember that we have no idea how many women are bf older children. I don't think anyone except dp and my mum knew I was feeding dd at 3 - it wasn't that I was secretive about it - it was just that she only fed early mornings and bed time so there was no reason for anyone to know.

Seeker same here.

My immediate family know and best friends know but I suspect some of them have forgotten or assume that I don't anymore. NOt that big a deal really is it.

My friend made me laugh today though

Wow - it has taken me all day (between work emails!) to read through this thread.
I am actually amazed it didn't kick off as I thought it would do, there have been some valid and interesting points.
Still bf-ing dd 19mo and yes, sometimes in public. Most of my friends and family know too I think and work must do as I have to express if I go to head office on a 4 day trip.
TBH when dd was born I never thought about a 'stop by xxx' target. All my targets were 'I want to try and make it to... 6 weeks, 6 months, 1 year then it just sort of stopped being an issue and we'll do it until we are both ready to give up.
For those of you who might have missed beautifuldays' link check out this about breastmilk and adult illness - I was amazed! - and it made me more determined to keep going as long as dd wants.www.sciencenews.org/articles/20061209/bob8.asp

See, this is where I dont really follow even my own thoughts on this.
Popsycal - you're friend still gives her 3.5 yo old formula? 4 times a day?
I do find that really strange, I honestly do and I'm sorry to anyone who does the same (feel free to put me in my place).
So, I (a paranoid and delusional ffer, find eff more questionable than ebf, but i cant say why it's different.
Maybe I'm assuming a far greater emotional benefit from the bfing than the ffing? But just as there are only a small amount (I'm guessing) of ebfers, cant there also be a small amount of ffers and their children who get the same enjoyment from ffing?
I dunno, I suppose we probably all have certain things other parents do that we just cant get our head around.
As with many issues, maybe there is no definitive right or wrong judgement, just entirely subjective viewpoints.

I don't see bfing as something that only babies do, therefore I'm not trying to keep DS2 as a baby. I like watching them grow and develop, I don't want to hurry on their development at a pace they find uncomfortable, but nor do I want to baby them.

I find it's often women who talk in baby voices to their DHs (vom) who talk about children having to be grown up. Oh, the irony

agree with scaremy, ds still has cow juice in a bottle at night, but not during the day and certainly not formula (too expensive fgs!) but i dont know why i am ok with ebf and not eff

lol I have opened a can of forumla worms here.

It is funny as my mate continually justifies why she gives her ds2 a bottle (new baby etc) and how she is relaxed about it all and she will let him give it up in his own time...... I have never even commented on it. NOne of my business and tbh I don't have any strong views on the matter. He won't be going to uni with his bottle of formula packed in his bag just as I have no plans to move in to te halls of residence with my ds2 for his bedtime 'night cap'

Breastfeeding beyond 1 year old is certainly not an attempt at trying to retain babyhood - lets clear that up right now. Nor is holding off on weaning to solids. Nor is having a child that doesnt start walking until they are 18 months old.

You may think that those are weak comparisons, but you need to remember that those who b/feed beyond 6 months are allowing their child to decide for themselves when they want to stop - that is it in a nutshell. In the same way that a baby decides it wants to pick up that chip from off of your dinner plate, the same way it decides to pull itself up on to the sofa to move in a different way around the room. The same way a child can decide it doesnt want nappies any more - my DD did this herself at 19 months - DS is in denial at 2.5 years .

I believe that a child's natural development will make it decide when enough is enough. We should trust that in our children. It is their "visceral" reaction. It has already been stated here that you cannot force a child or even a baby to b/feed. So to allow them to decide is kinder, IMO.

I honestly feel, having listened to the comments of those who have aired a distaste/aversion/dislike/lack of understanding of breastfeeding beyond the age of, say 2 years, that they will never know or understand unless they actually end up doing it themselves. There is no sudden realisation that you are b/feeding an older child. It just happens.

Tori - I would put it to you that if you made a point of not checking b/feeding against a calendar, you would indeed not feel uncomfortable about continuing to feed your child beyond 2/3 years - if your child wanted to. Particularly since having a second child is so very different.

I dont think the "gay" comparison was any more tenuous than the "i dont get b/feeding 4 or 5 years olds but it's a gut reaction so I can air it". IYKWIM?

Crikey that was longer than I intended.....

(typing here from my sick bed again.......)

oh yuk eff in public
noI don't much care about any of it.
as it happens (but probably not irrelevant) neither of my dds have had a "comfort object" (of course they have but it is attached to me but they have never had a special toy or stinky old blanket or anything.
I ownder if people who find ebf or eff offensive/odd would say the same things aobut letting a four year old take their blankie or special teddy to bed.
it isn't necessary
it is babyish
they should have grown out of it?

oh poor you QV

witch and chips, my problem with saying "can we all agree
a) that there is a line somewhere between baby hood and adult hood where breasfeeding (like bottles and dummies) is a bit " is that the way i see it, there is no 'line'. the 'line' is whenever the child decides they want to stop, and children generally self wean between 2 and 7. therefore there is no point where i would feel shocked by someone breastfeeding their child, whatever the age of the child.

thanks harpsi

I doubt it (re comfort blanket vs stinky boobs)

I think some folk are all truby king or not, iykwim?

I have only read the briefiest snippets of this thread but the title caught my eye.

I stopped BF DD at 6.5 months and I'm gutted, I got in such a pickle about doing it all right that I didn't relax and just enjoy it.

I really really wish I'd just carried on as she wanted to, makes me cry to think about it

Extended Bf feeding if you want to do it is a lovely thing and not unnatural or strange at all, good for lo and Mum IMO.

ok a few more things i wanted to add..

i don't think that extended breastfeeding is about keeping the child baby-like, because breastmilk is not only designed for babies. nature designed our children to have breastmilk until they personally no longer need it, be that age 1 or age 7. therefore breastfeeding isn't something that is baby-ish, it's a natural part of caring for a child.

interesting point re comfort blankets - my ds doen't ahve a comfort blanket,(bf til 2) the only other child i know who doesn't have a comfort toy or blanket was breastfed till she was 3 and i have had a discussion with the mum before about maybe children who are exbf don't need to attch them selves to a comfort item, because they are comforted by their mother's milk. not saying that's true, just an interesting idea.

also, i really don't like the term 'extended' breastfeeding, because that term itself implies that it is over and above 'normal' breastfeeding. as another poster suggested, maybe we should re-name it 'full-term' breastfeeding. i like that

Gawd, I have just read JackOLantern's 17.41 post, and the link says that breast milk kills lung cancer cells. How do you think people would feel about me breastfeeding my mother in public

i know it's amazing isn't it, that's why i posted the link - to show people that the beneits of breastfeeding are not merely nutritional, and not just for babies.

Oh pw

If I thought it would help you know, I'd express some and post it.