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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

So is it just me who has viscerally negative reactions to talk about breastfeeding 4 or 5 year olds

757 replies

TwigorTreat · 27/10/2007 18:46

Now look I know its different strokes for different folks and I am not judging anyone as I know logically that its fine and anyone who does is doing what they deem their very best for their own children.

But I am talking about a experiencing a sense of distaste that I cannot help. I do have a negative and almost physical reaction to the thought of breastfeeding my 3 year old let alone an older child. And I have discussed this before when it came to extending breastfeeding for my own child beyond 6 months and with the discussion was capable of making it past that psychological barrier to 11 months.

Perhaps the thought of having a reasonable discussion over this particular reaction is just a step too far for us on Mumsnet. But I thought I'd give it a go anyway .. what, with it being Saturday and all that.

Anyone who experiences the same sense of negativity will no doubt need to gulp down hard before adding to this discussion. Just as anyone who is on the 'other side of the fence' will need to take copious amounts of oxygen into their system to calm down before posting .. I hope both sides do though... it could be interesting and educational

OP posts:
tori32 · 28/10/2007 22:48

Tired of repeating myself. What are the benefits of b/feeding a 5yo? Especially if its only in times of distress. What is wrong with a cuddle without a bf?

Again you are harping back to your 2yo which was not the issue, the being school age was the issue.

TheWickerCam · 28/10/2007 22:49

Out of interest, is anyone here breastfeeding a school child?

tori32 · 28/10/2007 22:50

harpsi I don't care if your child is 18 so long as I don't have to watch it

seeker · 28/10/2007 22:50

I just find the extremist points of view baffling. I fed my dd to 3 because we both wanted to. I don't thing that I was righter or more virtuous than someone who gave up earlier - or, indded than I was with my ds, who very determinedly gave up at 11 months (they do self wean at that age, whoever it was who said earlier that they don't). But I do thing that if a 7 year old needs to breast feed for comfort it is possible (not definite, but possible) that he or she has not explored other ways of comforting him or her self, and it might be a good idea to gently detach. I think that child rearing is where we are closest to other animals - and I don't think there is another mammal that doesn't discourage (sometimes with teeth!) the attempsd of an older offspring to feed. Do it if it's what suits your family, but don't expect everyone to agree. And I don't think it's reasonable to expect people who don't agree to shut up. Everyone has a point of view.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/10/2007 22:50

but why not a cuddle and a b/feed?

You arent answering. You are repeating yourself, but you arent answering.

Just saying that there are other ways. That's absolutely right - there are other ways.

But what makes one way more right than another - or one way right and one way wrong as you seem to be saying?

HunkOLantern · 28/10/2007 22:53

I don't mind people having opposite pov at all.

I object to them expressing it in terms that might inform somebody else's decision to bf in a negative fashion. Because what other women think does matter wrt bfing - it is a fragile choice, as I say - perhaps less so as the child gets older, but still then, especially if you have unsupportive family and friends.

harpsicorpsecarrier · 28/10/2007 22:54

tori - I am very tired of repeating myself too but I do find it very frustrating to continually repeat myself and try and respond reasonably to blind and ignorant prejudice.
I have no idea what would be the benefits because I haven't done it.
the benefits are a matter between the child and the mother concerned. I would not presume to get all sniffy and presume.
just because you did not do it, does not mean it does not have benefits.
your way is not the only way. other people choose to do things in different ways, that doesn't make them wrong. just different.

HunkOLantern · 28/10/2007 22:55

Lemonaid, pmsl at gangs of ebfers saying "please be polite about my choices" in a menacing fashion

Harpsi, exactly.

Tori, these hypothetical scenarios are pretty pointless really.

mumblechum · 28/10/2007 22:56

Good post, Seeker.

I had no idea this whole bf thing was such a massively big deal for so many people.

Back to the cosy world of Teenage and Secondary Education threads for me.

Bye.

harpsicorpsecarrier · 28/10/2007 22:57

"Just because someone hasn't breast fed or ext bf doesn't mean they didn't want to. It is offensive to those people who through no fault of their own were unable to continue."

argh! now tell me please what on earth in my post in any of my posts this relates to?

I haven't commented on anyone's choice or decision or reality of not bf!

demonaid · 28/10/2007 22:59

By tori32 on Sun 28-Oct-07 11:37:57
Although I didn't manage to bf for past 6wks, my view of bf is that I don't consider toddler age to be extended bfeeding. I have reservations about anyone of school age/pre-school age (3yrs and over) feeding during the day in public. I don't feel its necessary [...]

By tori32 on Sun 28-Oct-07 22:48:44
Tired of repeating myself. What are the benefits of b/feeding a 5yo? [...] Again you are harping back to your 2yo which was not the issue, the being school age was the issue.

This morning being a 3yo was an issue for you (which does impact those of us with 2yo who are rapidly approaching their third birthdays, which is why I remembered very distinctly that you'd said 3yrs and over in your original post). Have you genuinely changed your opinion in the last twelve hours, or is there something more confusing going on?

seeker · 28/10/2007 23:00

And as I said earlier - I think there is a world of difference between feeding an infant and feeding a child. it has been suggested on this thread that people shouldn't question ebf because it might put people off feeding an infant. It would be possible to argue that potential breast feeders are more likely to be put off by the thought that they have to do it for 5 years!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/10/2007 23:04

Seeker - that is only the case because b/feeding is not the social norm in this country.

B/feeding is not an awful terrible bind. Well, no more than any other aspect of rearing a child, anyway .

To single out b/feeding in that manner is simply an indication of how unacceptable b/feeding is seen in the first place.

TheWickerCam · 28/10/2007 23:04

Out of interest, is anyone here breastfeeding a school child?

harpsicorpsecarrier · 28/10/2007 23:05

actually tori I fed a three and a half year old.
when she was at preschool.
I really don't get your argument at all but I apologise for the shut the fuck up, that was tongue in cheek and not directed at you at all, and was a bit harsh ~I am sure if you thought it was for your benefit.
I am tired too too tired of listening to ignorant comments, I have had too many years of it and I am too jaded probably! I think these negative comments do have an effect on people bf at all (I know this from hearing many comments).
I should try not to get so riled about it, I know.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/10/2007 23:05

Oh, and I have duly noted the lack of sympathy for my sickly status....

fuckers.

HunkOLantern · 28/10/2007 23:06

It would be possible to argue that people are scared of the moon falling on their heads, so they don't go out at night.

I think that ebfers often say that they couldn't imagine bfeeding an older child when they were bfing their newborn, I know I couldn't. The thought that I'd do it for 6m without any other food for the DSs was pretty daunting. But if you take it one day at a time, it's fairly straightforward to get your head round (barring the dried-up husk moments you get during occasional feedathons!).

But talk of bfing being creepy (at any age) does put some women off starting at all. There have been threads on here from women who've had v negative comments made to them when they were pregnant about bfing (usually from mothers and mothers-in-law who ffed them/their DHs) that have put them off bfing. One recently had a woman who didn't want to bf and changed her mind due in no small part to those who've bf successfully posting to allay her concerns.

That's pretty special, I think.

HunkOLantern · 28/10/2007 23:07

Sorry, lovely - hope you feel better soon xx

HunkOLantern · 28/10/2007 23:08

Cam, no, I've said quite a few times on this thread and others that DS2 is 21mo.

seeker · 28/10/2007 23:09

Don't understand vvv - did I say that bf was an awful terrible bind? Didn't mean to if I did.

Sympathies with your sickly status, btw - seafood poisoning perhaps?

harpsicorpsecarrier · 28/10/2007 23:13

I know of two people on mn who did feed their children to school age. I know of someone else in RL who is doing so.
neither of my children go to school so no for me

harpsicorpsecarrier · 28/10/2007 23:13

oh yeah poor you QV

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/10/2007 23:13

Seeker - it was a response to your supposition "It would be possible to argue that potential breast feeders are more likely to be put off by the thought that they have to do it for 5 years! " I was just wanting to put it together with raising a child generally because it is a parenting choice like many other choices.

Not seafood poisoning.

To much prolonged sex can cause it, apparently

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/10/2007 23:15

Oh i know of someone with school age child still b/feeding. Was at DD's pre-school. Now at (different) primary.

beautifuldays · 28/10/2007 23:39

tori you said "Tired of repeating myself. What are the benefits of b/feeding a 5yo? Especially if its only in times of distress. What is wrong with a cuddle without a bf?"

well nothing is wrong with a cuddle. but nothing is wrong with a breastfeed either. tell me if i'm wrong but i think you find this so difficult to understand exbfding because you haven't done it. it's not a question of on their 4th birthday saying right from today it's only cuddles. why should women give up feeding their children if they don't want to and their children don't want to. i'm tired of repeating myself too. there are loads of benefits to breastfeeding a child, whatever their age. ask any 4year old who is breastfed, and they will tell you