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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

So is it just me who has viscerally negative reactions to talk about breastfeeding 4 or 5 year olds

757 replies

TwigorTreat · 27/10/2007 18:46

Now look I know its different strokes for different folks and I am not judging anyone as I know logically that its fine and anyone who does is doing what they deem their very best for their own children.

But I am talking about a experiencing a sense of distaste that I cannot help. I do have a negative and almost physical reaction to the thought of breastfeeding my 3 year old let alone an older child. And I have discussed this before when it came to extending breastfeeding for my own child beyond 6 months and with the discussion was capable of making it past that psychological barrier to 11 months.

Perhaps the thought of having a reasonable discussion over this particular reaction is just a step too far for us on Mumsnet. But I thought I'd give it a go anyway .. what, with it being Saturday and all that.

Anyone who experiences the same sense of negativity will no doubt need to gulp down hard before adding to this discussion. Just as anyone who is on the 'other side of the fence' will need to take copious amounts of oxygen into their system to calm down before posting .. I hope both sides do though... it could be interesting and educational

OP posts:
mariamerryweather · 28/10/2007 22:23

I am a newbie - to mumsnet - and being a mother - my dd is 4 months old and ebf. I am already getting comments along the lines of 'shouldn't I be thinking about introducing solids' etc and I was seriously thinking about it. However, I love breastfeeding and so does dd and reading the experiences of the 'extended breastfeeders' (sorry to lump you all into one group) has really inspired me - how wonderful to think it can continue (and I hope it will for me) - and imo not 'creepy' at all.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/10/2007 22:24

CSWS - I've seen it and it's not pretty

In fact, I'm wondering whether the fish comment is what attracted cod here in the first place. You been searching on your name again coddy?

The sex comment was interesting - by mumblechum I think. It indicates how people struggle to disassociate their own sexuality with nature and nurture. Can't say it's ever made any difference to me or DP. He'll say he gets no more now (I've stopped) than he ever did

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/10/2007 22:26

oh thats lovely mariam.

Harpsi...is this --> ~~~~~~~= it?

HunkOLantern · 28/10/2007 22:27

Hello, CSWS.

Harpsi, the end of your tether is over there. Next to my marbles

MMW, it's really lovely to read posts like that Check out for more info about easy weaning if you are so inclined

harpsicorpsecarrier · 28/10/2007 22:27

oh there it is.
do you think mumblechum would be interested in full details of our sex lives?
or would that be too creepy

tori32 · 28/10/2007 22:28

By 'nothing useful to say, shut the fuck up' I presume you mean nothing that isn't supportive of extended bf .

Telling someone to 'shut the fuck up' isn't rude then

Everyone has their views and inevitably on MN there are more pro bf than ff/ indifferent people so it appears. (Or people are scared to join in for fear of attack from said people.)

The op started a discussion on this, to me that means a two way conversation with people from both sides of the fence. Funny how this debate has become very lob sided.

HunkOLantern · 28/10/2007 22:29

You first, Harpsi...

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/10/2007 22:30

At this point I feel compelled to mention that I have cystitis that has now travelled up to my kidney. It's farkig sore.

It's apparently from, well, you know [creepy]

So I'm MNing from my bed [freak]

TMI?????

I hope so

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/10/2007 22:31

Why is it okay to say anything unsupportive of b/feeding though? Especially when it is without any foundation?

tori32 · 28/10/2007 22:32

harpsi I think what you posted at 2219 is arrogant and ignorant. Just because someone hasn't breast fed or ext bf doesn't mean they didn't want to. It is offensive to those people who through no fault of their own were unable to continue.

HunkOLantern · 28/10/2007 22:33

Tori, there are a lot of eloquent, intelligent bfers on MN. Therefore the debate does often go a bit one-sided. I'm afraid I can't apologise for that though.

I'm not sure I like your insinuation that I'm anti ff. I'm SO not, you have no idea.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/10/2007 22:34

It is akin to saying "gay people make my skin crawl". Which is not what I think at all btw, but, as a comparison.....its a perfectly natural thing for a gay couple to be - well - gay. It's not okay to say such things in a place where that comment can be read over and over and over again, particularly when it is based only on that individuals own bias, ignorance and prejudice.

HunkOLantern · 28/10/2007 22:34

Tori, if women wanted to continue to bf, why would they be saying it was unnecessary?

demonaid · 28/10/2007 22:35

Yes, it's become very lopsided. It's all cod and mumblechum and co saying "breastfeeding a toddler is odd and creepy and mothers who do it probably have no sex life" and extended breastfeeders saying "you have a perfect right to think that way if you want but it's rude and unpleasant to say it to people you know breastfeed toddlers".

But, of course, that's because there are more pro-bf than ff/indifferent people on MN. Of course. Yes indeedy. And people are scared to join in for fear of attack from all those breastfeeding mothers hanging around in gangs viciously saying "could you please refrain from telling me my parenting choices are weird and creepy".

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/10/2007 22:36

Tori - that's an interesting point that you make about them being unable to continue.

Because it applies to this whole discussion. Not just to those who formula fed from early days/weeks.

tori32 · 28/10/2007 22:37

The said bf 4 and 5 yo's, not bf per say. If you can tell me that there are worthy nutritional benefits from a five minute comfort feed once a day,as with some of the older children, I remain unconvinced. Comfort doesn't mean it has to be breast, there are lots of other ways to comfort a child of school age IMO.

mumblechum · 28/10/2007 22:38

OK OK, it seems I owe an apology for my question about how bf affects sex lives. For the record, this was a genuine question from someone who, as both dss were in special care for many weeks and therefore medically unable to bf, was curious.

I'm sorry to anyone who was offended.

I just wondered if mums who did extended bf felt that because they were perhaps emotionally more bound up with their babies than ff mums, didn't have enough passion left for their partners.

I'm making a hash of this.

This is the first and will definitely be the last time I've wandered onto the bf threads.

Sorry for any offence, now please stop throwing things at me.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/10/2007 22:39

It's a weird dichotomy.

I'm struggling to come to terms with it in fact.

So sad that mother's who couldnt b/feed should be empathised with (quite right).

But, at some bizarre cut off point, those who do manage to continue to b/feed, should not be empathised with.

Those who made it to 6 months and then stopped because of peer pressure and "creepy/weird" comments, shouldnt mind?

So bizarre.

tori32 · 28/10/2007 22:40

hunker they are not saying bf is unnecessary, just at 4 and 5 yo it isn't. As usual it always descends into us and them without any middle ground.

I for example am very pro bf until toddler age, but feel it is not something I can understand after that age, either from the mother or child perspective.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/10/2007 22:43

Tori - from this point on I refuse to say "extended". B/feeding my son, was b/feeding my son - whether he was 2 days old, or 2 years old.

I dont see what you need to be convinced about.

I'd very much like to know what you need convincing about. I'd like you to tell me why someone shouldnt b/feed their child - whatever their age.

Why shouldnt a child be b/fed?

TheYoungMurderer · 28/10/2007 22:44

Sorry, I've come late to this discussion and have only managed to read about half the thread.

Before I had children I too was of the "breast-is-best but only as long as middle-class people are comfortable with it ie up to about 6 months and then as soon as they can tell you they like it, it must be wrong" camp. Then, as beautifuldays said, I had a child and everything changed.

Now I am breast-feeding DS (18 months) and have no plans to stop until he's ready. It is part of our love for each other, why would I take away something that is so good for him, so comforting for him, and so easy for me? It would be like taking away his fruit and his comfort blanket all at one go.

But I do feel embarrassed, almost ashamed, sometimes. I won't bf him in public anymore, I don't talk to my friends about it, and when I recently met another mother who is still bfing her baby at 19 months I felt like we were fellow free-masons or something and we had a furtive conversation about it.

Now, my head tells me that I am not doing anything wrong, that only the Victorians believed that as soon as a child can express his enjoyment of something it must be WRONG and therefore needs to be STOPPED. Surely we've got past this?

And yet we haven't. And why do I continue to feel ashamed? Because of posts like Twig's, and all the other people out there who feel the same.

Sorry for the long post...

harpsicorpsecarrier · 28/10/2007 22:45

tori I was talking to cod.
you do keep telling me what my child needs.
I haven't said the first thing about you or your situation or your choices.
I wouldn't be so presumptuous.
you can continue to say it isn't "necessary" but I have no idea why you think you can comment on what is necessary for my child.
why do you think that?

Bocoreepy · 28/10/2007 22:45

I don't think ebfers want to be patted on the back by non ebfers at all. I don't look for that or need that at all.

Support from other people who are going through it or have been through it is useful and wonderful and a bonus of mn.

I don't expect anyone to be interested or impressed at all. I expect lots of people to thing - 'ebf is not for me, i wouldn't do it that way.' And that is fine too. I would have probably felt that way before trying it. Totally fine reaction.

What is not nice or helpful is hearing that it's disgusting or creepy or pointless, come over here anyone else whose stomach turns when they see it etc.

harpsicorpsecarrier · 28/10/2007 22:46

tori - make up your mind please.
first you say - anything over two.
then - anything over three.
then - no that's fine, I have always said only over four and five. please - when is it no longer necessary for me to feed my child? when have you decided I should stop?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/10/2007 22:47

Why is a cuddle better than a b/feed?

Why is a cuddle necessary and a b/feed not?