So is it just me who has viscerally negative reactions to talk about breastfeeding 4 or 5 year olds

[TwigorTreat]

Now look I know its different strokes for different folks and I am not judging anyone as I know logically that its fine and anyone who does is doing what they deem their very best for their own children.

But I am talking about a experiencing a sense of distaste that I cannot help. I do have a negative and almost physical reaction to the thought of breastfeeding my 3 year old let alone an older child. And I have discussed this before when it came to extending breastfeeding for my own child beyond 6 months and with the discussion was capable of making it past that psychological barrier to 11 months.

Perhaps the thought of having a reasonable discussion over this particular reaction is just a step too far for us on Mumsnet. But I thought I'd give it a go anyway .. what, with it being Saturday and all that.

Anyone who experiences the same sense of negativity will no doubt need to gulp down hard before adding to this discussion. Just as anyone who is on the 'other side of the fence' will need to take copious amounts of oxygen into their system to calm down before posting .. I hope both sides do though... it could be interesting and educational

There's a massive lack of bf knowledge in the public domain, I think. I'm trying to rectify it in my own small way [humble]

well if anyone did have any doubt that other people think we are weird and creepy then this thread has put that notion right to bed

I'd like to find a way to ask screamingsprout why she is doing it then if it is uncomfortable and she isn't enjoying it, in a way that is interested and not disapproving - I think speaking about her in the third person is perhaps not the way forward.

SS - I don't know how old your dc is, but if it isn't great for you, why not stop? Your dc will get vital and effective nutrients elsewhere, and you can and will have very intimate and bonding moments for ever and ever.

Or have I totally failed to understand EVERYTHING again?

unfortunatley i've got to go out, but before i do, i'd just like to share with you a comment from my dh on this thread.....

mrbeautifuldays - "why does it matter to anyone else whether mothers breastfeed their 4 year olds? it doesn't affect them in any way does it? and why are mothers so critical of other mums? i'd much rather see a 4year old being breastfed, than a 4 year old eating a mcdonalds"

i love my dh

also for those of you who think their are no 'benefits' to breastfeeding an older child - check out this about breastmilk and adult illness

ahundredtimes - yes, you have missed the point!!

Thought so . Sorry. I will read thread again.

hmmmm.

I fed my 2 year old (now 3.6) throughout my pregnancy with dd2 even though I physically was really not liking it because it was clearly so important to her,

I had really low supply and I suspect my milk tasted a bit odd because she would feed voraciously while clutching a sippy cup then down loads of water.

I think you do have a point 100x about it being about the mother because it is the mother who chooses to let the child carry on breastfeeding. Apart from stealth attacks while the mother is sleeping then there is no way that the child could continue to bf without the mothers consent.

I think though the phrase "about the mother" is normally applied in a loaded fashion suggesting a smothering or infantilising mother. This obv makes most ex bf very quick to repel such claims.

Message withdrawn

When you BF an older baby/child you can see how much they get from it emotionally.

If they are upset their heart rate slows, they stop crying instantly(yes becuase their mouth is full ) they close out everything else and then finish suckling and bounce off back to playing. They look sooo relaxed and happy.

They look forward to feeds they tell you that they enjoy it. It has very little to do with nutrition (that is a bonus imo).

For me I just thought "why would I take this away from her when she loves it, needs it so much".

I had got to a year it was just what we did. Then we got to 2 and she still loved it. Despite most kids weaning off the breast when you are pregnant she didn't. I wobbled at 3 when we were down to some mornings only and then thought what is the point of getting to this stage without cutting her off why do it now.

So we are in for self weaning. I think, at the moment anyway .

100x - as I posted a lot further down, I am really disliking bf ds1 atm, but am continuing because I feel he still needs it (picking up on another recurring theme of the thread, btw, there's a world of difference between something being a need and it being necessary) and I would like him to have the chance to self-wean. He asked for milk while I was putting him to bed tonight and I think he picked up on the fact that I didn't really want to give it But this is an ishoo for another thread - what I want to say is that bf (ds1 at least)I could certainly not be said to be 'about the mother' in my case. The implication of this phrase as it is often used is alo, IMO, one of selfishness - 'selfishness' being one of the most culturally censured qualities in women in general and mothers in particular.

Icarus - your post immediately below mine puts me to shame why am I finding it so difficult to give ds1 what he loves so much?

Think I will start a separate thread later.

Berolina do you have a new baby? Because I had severe issues with feeding dd1 when dd2 was very small. I might even have a thread about it I will look.

berolina i think tandem feeding must bring different issues, it is a big adjustment for all three of you.

icarus vv good description, even when it is super annoying and inconvenient i can see how happy and secure it makes him feel. awfully difficult to type though with giant toddler in lap.

yes, I have a 5 week old. Would love to read your thread if you find it.

At my wedding in the summer, dd2 was getting quite fractious at the reception. It was about 9.00pm and she's usually in bed by 7, plus it had been a big day. I took her to the toilet to give her a BF (only because I had to lift my entire dress up from the bottom), she only latched on for about 5 mins tops but when we went back outside she was happy for at least another 30 mins. I did this twice and got an extra hour from her before she fell asleep on my Mum.

It just works like magic if they're tired, hurt, grumpy - it is such an amazing mothering tool that I want to keep it for a while longer.

My dd2 self-weaned at 6 months when she had solid food. She did it beautifully by dropping one feed a day for a week, then another for a week, etc until she had cut them all out. My supply dropped alongside of this in a perfect match (no engorgement etc)

I wonder why she did it at that stage?

I think it is very unusual for a baby to self wean before about 18 months.

If i'm totally honest, another reason i do it is because i'm a bit lazy. Stopping would involve changing things that i don't particularly want to change right now. If dd is upset because she's tired and the world is all wrong, i know that a five minute cuddle in the chair and suddenly the world is fine again for her, she goes off all refreshed and pink. If i stop, i have to find new ways to do that and i can't always think of any. Far from being this draining thing, right now it's just easy.

But my dd did JoL. It was as though she had made a decision, I was surprised at how efficiently she did it

I'm convinced it was because the solid food I offered her was so delicious and nourishing (home-made of course)

I've just remembered, I sometimes hand express a bit of bm and give it to DS1 in a cup. Did it when he had tonsillitis, for instance. It's good stuff and he really likes it, which is nice