So is it just me who has viscerally negative reactions to talk about breastfeeding 4 or 5 year olds

[TwigorTreat]

Now look I know its different strokes for different folks and I am not judging anyone as I know logically that its fine and anyone who does is doing what they deem their very best for their own children.

But I am talking about a experiencing a sense of distaste that I cannot help. I do have a negative and almost physical reaction to the thought of breastfeeding my 3 year old let alone an older child. And I have discussed this before when it came to extending breastfeeding for my own child beyond 6 months and with the discussion was capable of making it past that psychological barrier to 11 months.

Perhaps the thought of having a reasonable discussion over this particular reaction is just a step too far for us on Mumsnet. But I thought I'd give it a go anyway .. what, with it being Saturday and all that.

Anyone who experiences the same sense of negativity will no doubt need to gulp down hard before adding to this discussion. Just as anyone who is on the 'other side of the fence' will need to take copious amounts of oxygen into their system to calm down before posting .. I hope both sides do though... it could be interesting and educational

Not saying you used the words creepy or abusive, btw.

"The trouble is that these debates always bring out people who are up in arms when anyone says something contrary to bf."

Was replying to this bit of your post - it's the language used when somebody says something contrary.

I love these "thin end of the wedge" arguments. How bizarre they really are.

Hunker, it wasn't my op. I have just said I find it hard to understand. I didn't say it was creepy at all.

The example was my way of asking when is a child too old?

The programme was on C4 I think, some months back and showed a girl of 9/10 yrs still going lifting mummys top up and having a bf where ever she was. That is something I personally find a bit odd.

sorry hunker x posts about the creepy bit.

sorry tori let me be perfectly clear I wasn't stating what I thought, I would certainly never be so rude, presumptuous,hurtful and arrogant as to make such offensive statements about another person's feeding choices.
I was trying to draw an analogy, to help you see from another person's point of view your statements might seem arrogant
it is not just that your reasoning doesn't stand up, it is that you don't have any reasoning, none at all. if you are saying that only babies need comfort then that is just silly, tbh.
and your point about a 12 year is just plain ludicrous. we are talking about children who self wean at between 2 and 4, generally speaking though some may go a bit further.

tori, did you actually see the programme? because that wasn't the situation in that programme at all.

And my point was that I find it a little odd at primary school age - 5,6,7 yr olds. I have said sooo many times that I view bf until toddler age completely normal.

Worries me that people have the idea that a 12 yo would come home and b/feed. Sorry, but that scenario says more about you than "extended" b/feeders.

no Tori you said past three:

By tori32 on Sun 28-Oct-07 11:37:57
Although I didn't manage to bf for past 6wks, my view of bf is that I don't consider toddler age to be extended bfeeding. I have reservations about anyone of school age/pre-school age (3yrs and over) feeding during the day in public.

That scenario didn't occur in the extended bf program that I saw. the oldest child was 9 iirc.

Most children grow out of it (those were the words of a 7yo I asked about her memories of bf, btw - she was 4 when she stopped and I asked her whether she remembered it, when I was bfing DS1, and if she could remember why she stopped - she shrugged and v blase said, "I grew out of it").

And I think that's the thing - if you have a healthy relationship with your child, they will grow out of it, usually long before they're 12 fgs.

The scenario in the ebf programme of which you speak was a younger child, iirc - think she was 8? She had a big sister who was jealous of the bf and she was, I think, using it as a "nyer-nyer, I can do this and get all of Mummy's time and attention and you can't" thing - I don't see the bf as the problem here, because I think that the younger sister would have been like that about ANYTHING!

Also, that little girl was losing her ability to do the correct bf "suck" and was MOST miffed about it, iirc.

But Tori is posing an interesting question - Harpsi, Hunker...is there no age at which you would NOT view breastfeeding as a positive?
And I understand your point that most will self-wean by 4, but this is not always the case, very rare I'm sure but people on this and another thread (which may have inspired this one?) have cited 7yo bfing, possibly 9 but dint hold me to that.....)

this is the quote from the woman on the Extraordinary BF programme
she wasn't "9 or 10" she had stopped before she was eight.

www.themothermagazine.co.uk/extraordinarybreastfeeding.html

"My family's story is simple. We chose to let our daughters wean themselves when they were ready. They both weaned at a similar age. Bethany was seven (despite stating on the documentary that she was five) and Eliza was a couple of months shy of her eighth birthday. Bethany drew huge media attention by the fact she requested to breastfeed for a 9th birthday present. The media played on her statement that breastmilk is better than a million melons. Better than mango, even"

what on earth any of that - i.e. children chossing to self wean when they are ready - has to do with the 12 year old in your head who decides to feed again for comfort is anyone's guess.

the fact that she exists in your head at all I would call very very worrying

www.themothermagazine.co.uk/extraordinarybreastfeeding.html

argh well if I can just calm down for a bit

I don't know of anyone in that situation and i think it would be impossible to judge without knowing about the whole relationship.
I think there is a natural progression of separation between mother and child.
I would think any eight year old still bf is either very detached frm the culture (probably HE and counter cultural) and has some social development issues.
but hard to say, in theory

breast fed ds till he was 3 and a half. breast fed all my babies but he was defo the longest. prob cos youngest. but know what you mean. never thought i would breast feed for that long.

It's all hypothetical situations though, JV. A child of 10 who still bfs, well, in isolation, that would be very unusual, as in "not usual". I would assume there was more to it than I knew and leave it at that, unless I was specifically being asked for advice by either the child or the mother.

You're asking me my opinion of a child doing something they're never likely to do, which is why it's so hard to answer.

As previously explained the scenario about a 12 yo was purely to see if you personally have a cut off point at which you think a child is too old to bf.

She doesn't exist in my head or otherwise. Ever heard of a hypothetical question?

It's utterly irrelevant though, that's my point.

You'll see from my last post I've heard of hypothetical situations (fgs).

But it's like asking me what I'd do if my arm suddenly fell off and fish jumped out of my ears. It's SO unlikely to happen that I have no way of knowing what I'd do.

Harpsi I have just read my post which you quoted and can see it reads that I don't entertain bf past 2. What I was actually saying was that I view bf up to 2 as normal and therefore not as extended bf. IYSWIM

My nephew is 5 and still in nappies at night. Never once (till now anyway) does anyone ask my sister how she feels about children being in nappies till they are 12 (nt children). Why? So obvious because she knows that unless there is a specific medical reason why, he wont be in nappies at the age of 12. How could she possibly answer a question about this without knowing whether there were any other reasons for him being in a nappy at that age.

Herc, quite.

Threads like this always end up with someone going "Yeah, but if your DS still wants feeding when he's 19 and has stubble, or 57 and smokes a pipe, what will you do?!"

[arm falls off]

[fish leap out of ears]

Shit. I am unprepared.

I was asked several times by my sister if I would still be feeding the kids when they were at University. Hilarious, I'm sure. Yet if I had shown any offence then I'd have been to be mad and looney.

If I asked her a similar question about her child and nappies she would be able to show her reaction openly.

That's because you're a "successful bfer" Herc - you're fair game [speaks from experience]