Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

So is it just me who has viscerally negative reactions to talk about breastfeeding 4 or 5 year olds

757 replies

TwigorTreat · 27/10/2007 18:46

Now look I know its different strokes for different folks and I am not judging anyone as I know logically that its fine and anyone who does is doing what they deem their very best for their own children.

But I am talking about a experiencing a sense of distaste that I cannot help. I do have a negative and almost physical reaction to the thought of breastfeeding my 3 year old let alone an older child. And I have discussed this before when it came to extending breastfeeding for my own child beyond 6 months and with the discussion was capable of making it past that psychological barrier to 11 months.

Perhaps the thought of having a reasonable discussion over this particular reaction is just a step too far for us on Mumsnet. But I thought I'd give it a go anyway .. what, with it being Saturday and all that.

Anyone who experiences the same sense of negativity will no doubt need to gulp down hard before adding to this discussion. Just as anyone who is on the 'other side of the fence' will need to take copious amounts of oxygen into their system to calm down before posting .. I hope both sides do though... it could be interesting and educational

OP posts:
Blandmum · 28/10/2007 13:46

not sure NN other than knowing that the Koran is v bf positive in general

Nightynight · 28/10/2007 13:48

so where are all these breastfed 4 year olds then?

not in europe
not in america

sub-saharan africa?
china?
india?
south america?

europe and north america and the muslim countries (if it is 2 yrs) must cut teh average somewhat...so the rest must be higher than 4 years. In which countries is that? I am curious.

beautifuldays · 28/10/2007 13:49

unfortunatley although the koran is pro breastfeeding, in practice many muslim women don't breastfeed because they are not allowed to do so in front of men - even their own husbands/sons. in practice this means they have to go upstairs and feed on their own, which of course makes breastfeeding very hard, and impossible in public. most muslim women i know formula feed for this reason

Blandmum · 28/10/2007 13:50

beuatiful days, I'm surprised by that as I'm come across descriptions of women wearing hejab happily bf in public. I suppose it must vary from culture to culture

beautifuldays · 28/10/2007 13:50

scandinavia have very high rates of breastfeeding and bf toddlers/children. as do australasia, and at a guess africa

hercules1 · 28/10/2007 13:50

Mb, my point about missing the point wasnt directed at you but the person who compared it to not stopping them eating cake etc.

hercules1 · 28/10/2007 13:52

My dh is srilankan and was fed till 4. Now it's not so common there as people are trying to be like the west and as I said earlier they see bottledfeeding as more fashionable and modern.

Blandmum · 28/10/2007 13:52

intersting just found this

'It is of interest to note that most of the industrialized societies have artificial feeding as a socially acceptable norm, and according to W.H.O. the average age of being breastfed world wide is 4.5 years, this would indicate that there are many other societies balancing out that average by nursing their children to 9 years. * The Journal of the National Cancer Institute, 1999'

Nightynight · 28/10/2007 13:53

scandinavia and australasia excl. china is not a big population though.

even with sub-s africa thrown in. am still puzzled.

have got to go and do heavy maths with dd now, so am OFF.....

HunkOLantern · 28/10/2007 13:53

Herc, that's in no small part due to formula advertising, I bet. Look at the Philippines for recent evidence of that.

hercules1 · 28/10/2007 14:01

I inwardly cringe when people use the word "ta" instead of thankyou and teach their kids to use htis word. Completely irrational of course and my ishoo not theirs.

It comes from my mother telling me everytime we heard it that is was common and she couldnt stand it.

We arent born with this disgust. It starts by us being told something is disgusting, we then repeat these words in copy cat format and then internalise them so that they become a "natural" reaction.

My daughter doesnt flinch when she sees a big pile of dog poo as we have 3 dogs and it's always been a matter of fact for her. However her friends would as they have been told it's disgusting and after a while it becomes disgusting.

Our job as educated people is to recognise our prejudices and work on our children so that hopefully they dont carry them on.

WitchesEverywhere · 28/10/2007 14:15

Chart of breastfeeding rates in Africa, Asia and developing countries

WitchesEverywhere · 28/10/2007 14:16

Full Report Here very long though

WitchesEverywhere · 28/10/2007 14:19

By contrast look at these terrible low rates for breastfeeding in Britain.
www.nct.org.uk/breastfeeding/statistics.html#PartC

popsycal · 28/10/2007 14:35

Just caught up with the thread. Been at a tearingyourhairout soft play party with the boys.

Just read the sexual bit - the 'is it weirder to feed boys for longer' and the whole sexual bit to do with DH feeling left out.

This is the bit that bugs me most of all about the counter argument. I think it says a lot about a person if they want to make the whole thng sexual.

Blandmum · 28/10/2007 14:45

and there are many cultures where a boy is bf for longer as boys are more 'prized'.

the underlying culture does seem to have a massive effect on this issue, wherever you are in the world

tori32 · 28/10/2007 15:20

Witches, I have no doubt at all that those rates would be higher in reality. What we forget is that many women are HIV/AIDS positive and will not breast feed.
Many babies die early in infancy due to malnourishment i.e. for the mother to have a good milk supply an adequate diet is required. If this is not the case then the infant will not get enough milk, resulting in alternatives being used.
The rates are higher than the western societies because it is better than ff for them, due to contaminated water supplies. This would make ff unsafe in many cases. Also no easy sterilising options.
Breast feeding rates will possibly be higher and continue for longer in those countries because its the least expensive option and there could be a lack of available food, so milk is the best nourishment for the child.
None of these things apply i.e. necessity, in the western world.

The trouble is that these debates always bring out people who are up in arms when anyone says something contrary to bf. Many posters are not against bf per say or extended bf, but just cannot comprehend the need to bf until primary school and beyond.

Lots of you are saying 'so I cannot bf my 14mth old' etc.no that is not what this is about. yes nobody has issues at 14mths but they may have at 4yrs.

harpsicorpsecarrier · 28/10/2007 15:27

tori, I think you have a very bleak view of parenting, that we make choices based on what's "necessary"
do you only give your children what is necessary?
is that the only factor in your decision making?
if you problem about feeding a four year old is that is isn't necessary then I am very sorry but that doesn't really amount to a reason.
it isn't necessary to take my daughters out to see the farm animals this afternoon.
but they will get pleasure out of it and it will be fun. it will help their development, dh will enjoy it too.
it isn't necessary to cuddle my dd1 as often as she asks, but she likes it, it makes us both feel good, it helps her security
pleasure, fun, development, the need for stimulation and security and love - all of these things are what guide my parenting. not necessity.

screamsprout · 28/10/2007 15:35

I still b/feed ds (he was 3 this week) as he wants to still be fed at bedtimes. It's really that simple. When he wants to stop, we will stop.

I am 26w preg and I know that a lot of toddlers stop during the 2nd trimester or so. If he wants more milk when the baby is here and that helps him adjust, then fine.

I have a visceral reaction to bigotry, I'm not sure why, I just do.

harpsicorpsecarrier · 28/10/2007 15:36

oh and come to think of it, who are you to tell me or anyone what our children need?
isn't that just plain arrogant?

how about if I was to say to you:

"your child needed to bf until he was ready to self wean, that was what was necessary for his development and psychological well being.
I find the fact that you deprived him of that disgusting, distasteful, wrong and selfish parenting. you put your needs first and not his."

how does that sound to you?

screamsprout · 28/10/2007 15:38

Sorry, meant to say, I thought he may wean in the 2nd trimester, but he's showing no signs of stopping just yet.

I am not brave enough to feed him in public as I worry about the looks or comments I might get. Upsets me to think that if he were really upset and wanted milk, I might say no to him but that's often the adjustment you have to make if you don't quite go along with the view of the majority. Shame though.

beautifuldays · 28/10/2007 15:53

tori several points i have ishoos with in your last post -

  1. as harpsi said, it is not the job of a mother only to give her child what is necessary.

  2. "The rates are higher than the western societies because it is better than ff for them" err.. well yes, breastmilk is better than formula milk in all cases and societies, not just where there are water contamination problems

  3. "Breast feeding rates will possibly be higher and continue for longer in those countries because its the least expensive option and there could be a lack of available food, so milk is the best nourishment for the child" breasmilk is designed for babies and children, it is the perfect nutrition, no matter where in the world you live.

so your statement that none of this applies in the western world is wrong. it does apply. mothers breastfeed their 4year olds because they love them, because it is good for them and their children and because their children want them to. imo breastfeeding is necessary for my children.

tori32 · 28/10/2007 16:00

Harpsi I would say you are entitled to think what you like. I would know myself that my child is completely confident in all her relationships and is developmentally and intellectually brighter than most I know at her age. Your reasoning doesn't hold up.

As I have reitterated time and again I am completely for breastfeeding babies.
The comfort thing is just something I can't get to grips with at primary school age.
For people who say 'I'll let them stop when they like' brings back memories of the programme about it months ago. Scenario - child of 12yrs breaks up with first boyfriend, comes home heart broken and gets a breast feed Would that be normal and right? After all she wanted it and needed comfort.

tori32 · 28/10/2007 16:02

Yet again its descended into Tori being anti breast feeding. I don't know how many times in one thread I can say that this is not the case. Does anyone ever read all of a post?

HunkOLantern · 28/10/2007 16:03

Tori, it's the language used for me. I don't tell anyone else their perfectly ordinary parenting choices are "creepy" or "abusive"

What programme and what 12yo?

Swipe left for the next trending thread