So is it just me who has viscerally negative reactions to talk about breastfeeding 4 or 5 year olds

[TwigorTreat]

Now look I know its different strokes for different folks and I am not judging anyone as I know logically that its fine and anyone who does is doing what they deem their very best for their own children.

But I am talking about a experiencing a sense of distaste that I cannot help. I do have a negative and almost physical reaction to the thought of breastfeeding my 3 year old let alone an older child. And I have discussed this before when it came to extending breastfeeding for my own child beyond 6 months and with the discussion was capable of making it past that psychological barrier to 11 months.

Perhaps the thought of having a reasonable discussion over this particular reaction is just a step too far for us on Mumsnet. But I thought I'd give it a go anyway .. what, with it being Saturday and all that.

Anyone who experiences the same sense of negativity will no doubt need to gulp down hard before adding to this discussion. Just as anyone who is on the 'other side of the fence' will need to take copious amounts of oxygen into their system to calm down before posting .. I hope both sides do though... it could be interesting and educational

I keep getting a tingling feeling like a let down while reading this thread

now that is a visceral reaction

yes I think you are confused about the eating cake all day bit

that is what the MOTHERS can do while breastfeeding, not the children

"a look of support and warmth without looking like a stalker" - if you succeed in doing that, Harpsi, tell me how

I must admit that sometimes when I see how little some people understand breastfeeding it makes me not want to bother to explain the same thing over and over in the hope of enlightening them somewhat.

honestly it is a fecking miracle that anyone bf in public in this country.
why would you? it isn't necassary - give them a bottle instead eh just in case you creep someone out.
what a messed up society we live in.

Herc, can you email me, please? Not sure I have your email address? hunkermunker at gmail dot com

sure will do.

I'll do it later as I have to go feed my children now. Not breastmilk. not cake or lollies but curry.

"I must admit that sometimes when I see how little some people understand breastfeeding it makes me not want to bother to explain the same thing over and over in the hope of enlightening them somewhat."

ah hercules I am SOOOOOOOOOO with you there.
still here we all are, eh?

it does make a difference though because right here, right now, are three people whose views on bf have made it esier for me to carry on and have the confidence.
so thanks ladeez.

no, I don't think that I have missed the point about self weaning. I fully realise that babies will self wean between 2-4.

Would you think it unusual to see a 7 year old feeding, for example?

Because if the asnwer is possibly yes (and nb I'm saying unusual here not abusive or anything like that) then I feel that getting people to be more understanding of longer term bf to the 4-5 point would be an easier proposition.

What we need to do is to address the realistic timing of the ending of BF, by education. What is needed is simply a better understanding of why normal weaning happens when it does. So women are not anti extended bf because of massive hangups, per se, but simply because we as a society fail to understand the normal physiology of bf.

I am passionate about supporting women to make the right choices for them, for their babies and their families. I can't not post, but it does get wearing and it does upset me when people post carelessly about bf.

interesting point MB .. awaits answer

TwigorTreat on Sun 28-Oct-07 12:47:27:

but why bf a 3yo upon picking them up at nursery? (my paraphrase)

Because she asks for it? Because she has always asked for it from when she first started and didn't take to solids till 10 month old?

Because from one day to the next, if she needed it yesterday she prob. needs it today and one day i noticed how heavy she was getting?

Because it is a way that she rebonds with me after not seeing me for 7 hrs or so? It calms her emotionally?

Because I am a tired and lazy feck come 4.30 pm and it is quicker to feed her than to 'let her wait'?

Because she would go into meltdown (not an exaggeration) and I would rather a quiet 20 min drive home?

Because she ate at 3 pm and come 4.30 she was peckish why would i let her wait till 5pm when she got home.

Not meaning to sound defensive, not feeling that way at all.

and finally, because I believe in teh philosophy of 'don't offer, don't refuse'.

In the last month, we have for the first time, gone home without feeding a few times as she hasn't asked.

QUOTE If a child didn't self wean, would there be a point where extended breast feeders would stop?

There is a natural time when ALL children lose the ability to latch on and hence can no longer physically breastfeed and I think that age is around 7 years old. But as PP have said most babies wean earlier between2 and 4 years old.

I have set no upper age limit on my daughter's nursing...I work on a day by day basis until one of us decides it is not working for us.

thank you toddler ...

I think it's unusual to see a child of two bfeeding, MB, in general "ooh, you don't see that very often" terms.

It doesn't bother me though. I am MORE bothered, far more bothered, seeing a new mum ffeeding a baby when I know for a fact that she wanted desperately to breastfeed.

A 7yo bfeeding? I'd be surprised, sure, because it's an unusual thing to see in the UK. But it wouldn't horrify me or fill me with revulsion. Because breastfeeding doesn't have the power to do that to me.

but mb, we are taking an awful lot for granted when we talk about what is "normal."
my ex h comes from one of these "traditional" cultures, and breastfeeding beyond 2 years old is as rare there as it is here.
There may be other traditional cultures where extended b'feeding is normal, but what I am saying is, that even among "traditional" cultures, there is no common standard.

no, i don't think that i am taking the UK as the sociatal norm. I do know that extended bf is the norm world wide. And if you look at my post you'll see that I don't mention 2 as a cut off.

the thing is though that if children are allowed to choose, then they choose to breastfeed until they don't need it any more, whatever age that may be. children choose to breastfeed, (although some mothers don't give their children that choice) so how can breastfeeding be solely for the benefit of the mother?

ask any breastfed child, and believe me you will realise it is primarily to the child's benefit, not the mother's.

oh and world-wide i think the average age that a child is breastfed until is 4

no, what I meant was, we are lectured often that in "traditional" societies children breastfeed up to 7 years old, therefore this must be the norm... in ex h's culture, this is not true and 1-2 is the norm afaik.

beautifuldays, where does that statistic come from?

now you're asking, i'm about 90% sure it was an article in the NCT magazine about a year ago, i remember reading it and being pleasantly surprised (i also remember it being published in a fairly reliable source)

incidentally, does anyone know what the Koran says about breastfeeding beyond 2? Is it that you should b'feed for 2 years, or a min of 2 years?

I'm sure that I have come across 4 as the world norm, from WHO literature, with a slight bias to BF boys for longer than girls (but that is v slight)