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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

So is it just me who has viscerally negative reactions to talk about breastfeeding 4 or 5 year olds

757 replies

TwigorTreat · 27/10/2007 18:46

Now look I know its different strokes for different folks and I am not judging anyone as I know logically that its fine and anyone who does is doing what they deem their very best for their own children.

But I am talking about a experiencing a sense of distaste that I cannot help. I do have a negative and almost physical reaction to the thought of breastfeeding my 3 year old let alone an older child. And I have discussed this before when it came to extending breastfeeding for my own child beyond 6 months and with the discussion was capable of making it past that psychological barrier to 11 months.

Perhaps the thought of having a reasonable discussion over this particular reaction is just a step too far for us on Mumsnet. But I thought I'd give it a go anyway .. what, with it being Saturday and all that.

Anyone who experiences the same sense of negativity will no doubt need to gulp down hard before adding to this discussion. Just as anyone who is on the 'other side of the fence' will need to take copious amounts of oxygen into their system to calm down before posting .. I hope both sides do though... it could be interesting and educational

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 28/10/2007 11:15

Oh while it is still in my head, I have had only ONE health professional ever make a positive comment about me breastfeeding ds to 2 years and beyond (as we all know this is what is recommended by the WHO)

this was a congratulatory remark made by my doctor, who is muslim, who said that the Koran recommended breastfeeding for 2 years, but that most women found it too physically difficult. So even her admiring comment was mixed with some mistaken prejudice about how difficult and onerous extended breastfeeding is

No other health professional ever supported me AFAICR, and many made me feel uncomfortable, odd, embarrassed and defensive about it.

FrannyandZooey · 28/10/2007 11:16

Nightynight that was brave to tell the midwives! Seems perfectly normal to me as well and a sensible thing for you both to have thought of.

HunkOLantern · 28/10/2007 11:18

Franny, it would be remiss of me not to mention the amazing comments I've had from HCPs about continuing to bf DS2. One practice nurse is particularly supportive and the women on the bf committee at the hospital I'm on have been very complimentary as well.

But I've had my fair share of shite too from HCPs - the GP who said to bf to 6m "if you must" and "but they bite!" (this when DS1 was 12mo).

I tend to mention it to any HCP I meet in a "I'm doing this and look how normal I am" fashion. Because I think it's important and I think it helps.

FrannyandZooey · 28/10/2007 11:21

I have had such bad experiences hunker, particularly with health visitors. One used to greet me across a crowded room of mothers with new babies by loudly shouting "you are not STILL breastfeeding that child, are you?"

FrannyandZooey · 28/10/2007 11:22

The funniest was a gp who on being told I was still breastfeeding so could not have X medication, looked at me, looked at the screen, looked at me again, looked at 3 year old ds sitting on my lap, and spluttered in complete bewilderment

"but, but - he does have OTHER food as well, doesn't he???"

knifewieldingtoddler · 28/10/2007 11:22

I suppose that people must excuse me bfing my 30 mo old in public because i am 'one of the natives'. I have yet been told anything by anyone about bfing her in public. (just occasionally now and she has never lifted my shirt up - but asked.)

HunkOLantern · 28/10/2007 11:23

Oh, I'm not denying there are some shitty HCPs out there (often HVs...). You know me well enough by now!

FrannyandZooey · 28/10/2007 11:25

Yes I am glad you have some balance to add to my crappy experiences

I just wanted to point out that breastfeeding any child other than a very young baby is not the lovely smug well supported experience that some people assume it is

demonaid · 28/10/2007 11:27

F&Z -- my midwife at my booking-in appointment for this pregnancy said "That's great!" when I said I was still bf DS (she did look surprised, but given it's unusual that's hardly to be wondered at). And I've not had any negative reactions from other medical professionals (haven't mentioned it to many, to be honest, but when they need to prescribe me something I mention it and they just look up whether it's safe or not (mind you, I suspect they don't look up how old DS is, and I don't generally have him with me)).

HunkOLantern · 28/10/2007 11:28

No, often far from it.

Heck, it's hard enough to get decent support for bfing a tiny baby, so why should it suddenly change when you're bfing an older child (something that clearly most people find creepy)?!

The women who've been supportive of me, they're very supportive of bf in general - they're on a committee trying to raise bf rates in the borough, after all. So it's not really surprising they've said nice things to me about it.

francagoestohollywood · 28/10/2007 11:30

(ahundredtimes: tickling [scratching even] backs has always been huge in my household!!!)

WitchesEverywhere · 28/10/2007 11:30

Franny. my HV told me I would never make it to 6 months exclusively breastfeeding, plus my DD would never learn to walk as I carried her "in that thing" That thing being a beautiful woven german wrap designed specifically for carrying babies.

I have moved away from that area now, but I still illogically want to go back, just to find that HV and say...I did make it to 6 months, I'm still feeding and my worn baby walks just fine.

beautifuldays · 28/10/2007 11:33

HV's tend to be pretty useless with regard to breastfeeding, i remember my hv at my son's 1 year check saying you're not still feeding him are you? it's not good for you, and giving me all this information on how to stop - even though i told her i didn't want to stop and had no intentions of doing so

HunkOLantern · 28/10/2007 11:34

Can I just say that it's interesting that the "viscerally negative" reaction Twig feels was about bfing 4 and 5 year olds.

Interesting how mumblechum made it all about 2yos with her post.

demonaid · 28/10/2007 11:36

Haven't seen the health visitor since DS's 8-month check, mind you, so I have no idea what they'd think of it (she did seem remarkably sane and genuinely interested in cloth nappies and the Hug-a-bub, though, so I'm hopeful that she wouldn't be scandalised).

WitchesEverywhere · 28/10/2007 11:36

[quote]I wonder how many extended breastfeeding mums husbands or partners feel they're getting a raw deal sexually?

My DH is still laughing at this one. Is that the same rubbish as co-sleeping parents can't have sex either. (As someone who co-slept/side car'd with DH and DD for first 6 months.)

tori32 · 28/10/2007 11:37

Although I didn't manage to bf for past 6wks, my view of bf is that I don't consider toddler age to be extended bfeeding. I have reservations about anyone of school age/pre-school age (3yrs and over) feeding during the day in public. I don't feel its necessary and as someone else said, if they like breast milk then express. I would worry about the reactions of their friends if they found out, more about them being bullied about it. I am not saying it is just cause for bullying, just that children are cruel.

I don't think this is a helpful discussion and agree with other posts on why not.

HunkOLantern · 28/10/2007 11:41

Tori, I can't express breastmilk for my 21mo. I used to be able to - enough that I could donate it by the litre to prem babies - but my body makes it on demand now and a pump's not good enough at getting it out as it was. That's not to say there's nothing there - far from it.

To say "well, express then" demonstrates a lack of knowledge about how bf works, imo. A bfed older child is very unlikely to be content with milk from a bottle, not because they're getting some sort of "breast thrill" but because bf is never just about the milk, not at any age, imo.

WitchesEverywhere · 28/10/2007 11:49

QUOTE if they like breast milk then express

So before I leave my house, just for you, I should :-

: Locate sterliser
: Sterlise all pump and bottle stuff
: Pump for at least an hour to get enough milk for a small feed
: Clean the pump after use.
: Carry bottle of milk around until needed
: Locate place to heat up said bottle when my demand fed 'never waits for milk' child wants feeding.
: Ignore leaky uncomfortable breasts trigged by child crying and the fact that it is time to feed
: Get home clean bottle
: Resterlize bottle and pump
: Pump for another hour to remove milk, which I would of normally of emptied by nursing to relief swollen breasts
: Freeze pumped milk.
: Clean pump and bottles

OR I could just breastfeed.

Mmmm, now which one should I do ?

LittleBellaLugosi · 28/10/2007 11:49

Tori why woould other children bully them about this?

Unless of course, they had heard negative stuff from their parents.

MrsBadger · 28/10/2007 11:49

3yos get bullied for bfing?
[boggles]

FrannyandZooey · 28/10/2007 11:51

I don't think any of my 3 y o's nursery mates knew about him breastfeeding

am not sure why they would, I didn't pop in mid morning to breastfeed him while they were all having a snack

beautifuldays · 28/10/2007 12:15

this just demonstrates the complete lack of understanding htat breastfeeding a child of any age is about more than just nutrition. experssing milk and giving it to my child in a cup would not fulfil my child's needs. at all.

i am that people actually have these attitudes towards breastfeeding a child, whatever their age.

nappyaddict · 28/10/2007 12:19

franny - do you ever feed your 3 year old in public. if so have you ever got any negative looks/comments. i think many people stop because they think they will get these negative attitudes when in actual fact it just doesn't happen.

hercules1 · 28/10/2007 12:19

Ds was fed till 4 and went to nursery full time from the age of 3. He is now nearly 12 and he has never once been teased for this. I think someone said earlier in this thread that children tell each other everything. AS far as I know he has never mentioned it to his friends not because he would be embarrassed but because it would bore him and them. They dont discuss when they started walking, were out of nappies, where they in disposables or not.
I do know his best friend who has has known since he was also 4 was bf until 3. I know this through chatting with his mum. It really doesnt interest the two boys.

Knowing twig I know she wouldnt have meant for the daft posts about creepiness etc and feeding an adult being brought into this thread. What on earth has bf an adult got to do with breastfeeding a child? That shows perhaps more about that persons ishoos then anything else.