So is it just me who has viscerally negative reactions to talk about breastfeeding 4 or 5 year olds

[TwigorTreat]

Now look I know its different strokes for different folks and I am not judging anyone as I know logically that its fine and anyone who does is doing what they deem their very best for their own children.

But I am talking about a experiencing a sense of distaste that I cannot help. I do have a negative and almost physical reaction to the thought of breastfeeding my 3 year old let alone an older child. And I have discussed this before when it came to extending breastfeeding for my own child beyond 6 months and with the discussion was capable of making it past that psychological barrier to 11 months.

Perhaps the thought of having a reasonable discussion over this particular reaction is just a step too far for us on Mumsnet. But I thought I'd give it a go anyway .. what, with it being Saturday and all that.

Anyone who experiences the same sense of negativity will no doubt need to gulp down hard before adding to this discussion. Just as anyone who is on the 'other side of the fence' will need to take copious amounts of oxygen into their system to calm down before posting .. I hope both sides do though... it could be interesting and educational

Twig "And I disagree that there is a fragility in breastfeeding when one gets beyond the early phase"

But threads like this can put women off even bothering with the early phase.

That's my point.

comfort vs nutrition and the older child.

Haven't read the whole thread.

My main problem with extended bf is that it just isn't necessary.

Once a child starts eating adult food at 4 or 6 months (whatever is the current fashion), then they'll eventually, by 12 months at the latest, be getting all the nutrients they need from that food and so bf is more for the mum's benefit than the child's.

nightynight i was talking about extended breastfeeding tho.

therre are countless emotional benefits to the child of extended breastfeeding. children are designed to be breastfed until they want to stop, give the choice this is what they choose to do.

and i find the rest of your post very unhelpful and irrelevant to this discussion.

I was an extended breastfeeder, but to be honest, if I was so unsure about doing it that a mild joke about it would have upset, distessed or hurt me, then I would have thought it wasn't the right for me.

But I don't think for a minute that it would put people off bf an infant. Why would it?

mumblechum of course it is necessary, breastfeeding is more then just calories ffs. why can't anyone see this.

babies/small children choose to breastfeed until when they choose to stop (usually between 2 and 7) if they are given that choice by their mothers.

nature wouldn't have designed it this way if it wasn't best for children

I wonder how many extended breastfeeding mums husbands or partners feel they're getting a raw deal sexually?

Nightnight, fine, that is your opinion then - I had presumed you wouldn't make such jokes if you knew people found them distasteful, but I see you aren't interested.

I would find breastfeeding ANY child except my own a strange thought - not sure what you are driving at by asking how I feel about breastfeeding someone else's 5 year old?

Mumblechum do you think most 1 year olds survive solely on food without any milk? I don't know of any 1 year olds who don't have milk as a large part of their diet.

Seeker it is a mistake to assume that your thoughts and feelings are the same for everyone. Most people find unsympathetic jokes about things that are important to them hurtful, I think.

mumblechum why does extended breastfeeding affect your sex life

Mumblechum what a really odd thing to wonder. What on earth do you mean?

i wonder why mumblechum thinks that having a happy sexlife and ebf are mutually exclusive?

Franny - obviously, I meant if the child was yours.
I would breastfeed any child - why do you find that odd? In the traditional societies, that are often quoted as support for extended breastfeeding, it is normal that if any mother can't breastfeed, others feed her baby for her.

Seeker just seen your second post - bitty style jokes in themselves don't put anyone off breastfeeding, of course, but they do add to the weight of anti-extended breastfeeding sentiments in our culture.

And what Franny said about there being precious little support for bfing an older child.

It's often the other way, with people pulling faces, going "ew! you're not bfing that great big child?!" and "you're like the natives" (I've had all these and I'm not even bfing a particularly "old" child) - and worse, calling it creepy, abusive.

My post last night was possibly overly emotional, but if you can't see that being SO critical of somebody else's parenting style is deeply offensive and likely to provoke profound, emotional responses - it's a fundamental thing, feeding your child.

As for the "well, by doing it at all, you're being superior" guff, for heavens sake!

And:

By TwigorTreat on Sat 27-Oct-07 19:36:28
I actually think that formula feeders on this site get given a hard time implicitly tbh

Where? I love the use of "implicitly" - it's a nice cop out - you can just go "oh, it's implied, it's veiled, but it's there". Whereas the extended bfers get long threads about how sodding creepy and disgusting they are. That's pretty explicit, no?

I totally agree with F&Z on this one.

Being told that someone feels viscerally negative about what you do, isn't a great starting point for a reasoned, unemotional discussion.

And it is an open invitation to all those other people on here who unlike you normally Twig, are not so diplomatic and are quite happy to call other mothers creepy and wierd. They're horrible and shouldn't be encouraged imo. I don't think this subject is sancrosanct and shouldn't be discussed, I think there's an interesting discussion to be had about why our culture is so hostile to breastfeeding in general, and particularly to breastfeeding any babies over about the age of 9 months, but you're not going to achieve a reasoned debate by starting off by insulting mothers and inviting others to do the same.

Oh Gawd, has it really taken page 10 of the discussion for that "more for the mother's benefit" crap to be rolled out?

It is a strange thought to me because it isn't what is usual in our culture and in my experience. I don't think there is anything wrong to breastfeed (consensually!) other people's children and I have discussed this possibility with friends. I think in many situations I would feel happy doing it. I expect I would still find it a little strange at first - strange is anything that we aren't used to, isn't it - I didn't mean it in a perjorative sense but in the sense of something I am not used to. Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable breastfeeding "any child", or someone else's 5 year old. I would have thought most people would feel the same? Maybe I am wrong.

Franny, bitty-style jokes DO put women off bfing small babies. Look at Dreena Spock woman and her hang-ups. She was talking about babies of 3 and 4 months old when she said about how offputting the men in her family found it when a woman "got them out" at the dinner table.

Mumblechum, I'll have to ask DH. I don't bf DS2 whilst I'm having sex though, in case you thought that...!

but franny, whether you like it or not (and clearly you dont), extended breastfeeding is controversial, even amongst committed breastfeeders.
Have I already said this? my interest in this subject is purely whether it would be suitable for my children or not.

"like the natives" what a disgusting comment on several levels .

sorry my last post was to Nightnight

I don't think it's a sacrosanct subject either, btw, despite what I posted last night.

I don't think framing it such as the title and OP were framed is likely to get to the bottom of your hang-ups though, Twiglett.

"but franny, whether you like it or not (and clearly you dont), extended breastfeeding is controversial, even amongst committed breastfeeders.
Have I already said this? my interest in this subject is purely whether it would be suitable for my children or not."

Nightynight, I really am sorry but I have lost the thread of our discussion. I am not sure to what post or what point this last post refers. This is quite a fast moving discussion with many cross posts and as I am having trouble following it, I am going to duck out and do something more relaxing for a little bit

franny - my sil fed my older baby once, at the hosp, to help get her milk supply going (her dd was premature). Caused a flutter among the midwives, but seemed perfectly normal to us lol.

Oooh, this has been a really interesting thread to read. I think I probably felt a bit like the OP to begin with if I'm honest, but reading the thread changed my mind a bit. I think it's just being confronted with something that is different from either what is the norm or what you did.

It is an emotional thing isn't it, and I thought the points about intimacy were lovely. I don't suppose it is nutritionally all that important in the first world to bf for four years is it?

I'm similar to Franca, I think. I bf all mine until about 14 months, and then thought I'd had enough and was happy to find new ways or/and other ways to bond and be intimate. It seemed to happen quite easily. I think that's okay. I tickle my 10 y-o ds's back at night now for instance. Things evolve and change at different points for different people don't they.

Anyway it's been very interesting, and made me think it through beyond my initial negative reaction, which is always a good thing.

yes its getting confusing isnt it