Why do some people feel that they must breastfeed at any cost?

[Moomin8]

I’ve got plenty of experience of both types of feeding - I breastfed two of my children until 2 years. They were great feeders - I had no problems.

My other two children for various reasons ended up having formula. One was 3 weeks early, severely jaundiced and my milk was slower to come in than it should. I didn’t want her going into hospital for uv therapy. The other couldn’t feed well and was eventually diagnosed with dyspraxia, later. She would get tired and not take enough bm.

Now, I see this lady on Instagram who has a 6 week old baby who weighs only 7 pounds and he was born at term weighing 6 pounds. He clearly is not thriving. Every time I see a picture of him I cringe. And his mother is about my age (40) and this is baby #6 for her.

I would be the first to say that breast IS best. But only if the child is thriving surely?

How can a baby make the necessary brain development in those early weeks if they aren’t picking up weight?

I know that society makes women feel like formula is evil. But sometimes I think it’s better than breastfeeding when the baby isn’t thriving.

@Babyboomtastic you’re putting words in my mouth and/or not reading my posts properly. I didn’t say that first milk and follow on milk were the same - I said the opposite in fact: “have adjusted the recipe slightly so it’s a different product, but no better” - so, just to be clear as you had trouble understanding before, it’s DIFFERENT (so they can market it and advertise it as such) but the differences provide NO BENEFITS to babies.

I find it baffling that anyone would take issue with someone suggesting that’s it’s a good idea to do your research about the thing you’re giving to your baby.

We still use first milk at 9 months however we weren't told by the HV not to use follow on we weren't told anything about it. We found out from a family friend.

As has been said I really feel they need a consistent approach that all women are aware of whether BF or FF as many women switch to FF after 6 months and if not told can fully understand why they'd go to follow on milk.

This is why I feel it's important for FF mums to get information and support

@twinkleprincess and everyone reading this thread, however you feed your babies the link that @Peapod29 posted (www.firststepsnutrition.org/)

is a really good source of advice and info. Unlike many things online it’s actually independent and the info is presented in a really clear way.

I used it when I was weaning my son and found it really helpful and informative about the transition to solids. It also helps explain a lot of the misleading advertising that goes into baby food (pouches and jars etc). It can be a total minefield for parents and I agree that what is needed is available impartial advice.

@HarrietM87 I have some issues with the bottle feeding resources. However it is a trait of all information sites and information booklets. For example the start 4 life guide is brilliant and very informative for new mums but they can't resist putting in about breastfeeding. It is not needed and an underhand tactic to remind FF mums they are not doing what they should be. (Attached picture)

@twinkleprincess are you saying you have some issues with the first steps stuff or start for life or both? I haven’t checked first steps in detail but I’d be surprised if they were plugging bf in the formula info. Happy to be proved wrong.

Start for Life is an NHS site though. You know that the NHS view is that bf is better than ff, and so you have to appreciate they will include that view in their materials. The section you posted is under the heading “restarting breastfeeding” so I guess if you have no intention of doing that there’s no need to read that bit. I know that the NHS wants me to exercise regularly and eat 5 fruit and veg a day but I often don’t do this and it doesn’t upset me when I see them
banging on about it.

@Peapod29 I was so glad I saw that documentary. I am exactly the person that would have wanted the best formula especially because I felt guilty for stopping breastfeeding but because of that I bought Alids own brand at less than £7 a tin. We're getting through 2 a week now so I definitely saved a few quid.

@HarrietM87 the link was from the first steps stuff to the start 4 life guide. So connected I guess but it's a very good guide none the less.

What happened to babies when a mother couldn't breastfeed before formula was available either another breast feeding mother fed them or they died.
I really wanted to breastfeed my daughter but just never produced enough milk so have to supplement with formula from early on. Tried all sorts to increase my supply could Express hardly anything. Had a stomach bug that complete killed my supply so at that point I gave up. Having done some research since it is probably my PCOS that stopped me getting pregnant that also cause problems with my milk supply.
If I ever manage to have another baby I might try breastfeeding again but will have no qualms about formula feeding if it doesn't work out I came home from a breastfeeding support group and cried for an hour we were both happier when I gave up.
One of my friends exclusively expressed for her first born for the first year and nea6deove herself mad in the process. Fed is most definitely best and the everyone can breastfeed is a lie.

@Essexgirlupnorth sorry to hear you had such a tough time with it

Your post is a good example of what I've been trying to put across on this thread - that breastfeeding, for some, simply isnt a 'keeping trying and you will succeed' thing.

And in some cases endless advisors, support groups etc just put more pressure on women to persevere and struggle because they feel they have to try everything before stopping.

I think intensive help should be provided in the first week or two, but if no results after that the mother should be encouraged to bottle feed, and shown how to make bottles up safely etc.

fedisbest.org/2017/01/accidentally-starving-my-baby-broke-my-heart-but-made-me-want-to-help-other-moms/

Here’s a blog where a mum opens up about what happened to her with before and after pictures of her little boy.

@Wolfgirrl re help - yes, actually lots both times, including paying for a lactation consultant. This time it's been particularly frustrating as everything looks good - latch, frequency, poo and wee output, duration, baby leaves breast comfortable etc etc. But he's gained no weight 😬 without formula.

@Moomin8 - totally agree - the fact it's not okay to stop until you have tried everything is potentially damaging to mum and baby. It took a paediatrician to say to me in can't tell you this but feed the baby formula' to finally give in first time. I was feeding her formula through a tube taped to my breast to try to convince her to latch. While expressing for at least an hour in every 3, it was brutal for both of us.
Despite promising myself I'd be fine this time, getting off to what looked like a good start and then finding it still isn't really working has been much harder than expected tbh. Nearly 12 weeks on a 2-3he feeding schedule (he's too small to let him go any longer and he wouldn't anyway) with my 4 year old at home and a husband with Coronavirus so in bed for 4 weeks of it and now too exhausted from his recovery and trying to work to be able to do much. I'm broken!!!

Agree. I formula fed my first after a horrendous birth and breastfed my second although he did have formula for the first few weeks too as he was jaundiced. I'm
Still feeding him now at fifteen months, he will not stop. Can I see any difference between their development or health? No - in fact my little boy seems
To get every virus going.

@Essexgirlupnorth - yes, very similar to my experience. I thought it might be the medication I was on for dd birth (severe preeclampsia) and that she just didn't latch to trigger the supply coming in but second time hasn't really been much easier with no meds and a perfectly latching baby!

I have never expressed more than 2oz even leaving it for an hour or more... supplements, lactation cookies, endless porridge, hundreds of pounds on breast pumps... I've never formally been diagnosed with pcos but have a very irregular cycle so have always suspected it might be the underlying cause....

It's sad isn't it. I lost so much blood during the birth that my milk didn't come in when it should have, instead of just saying get a grip love and give your hungry baby formula, they gave me a pump to borrow and strict instructions to offer the breast, pump and repeat. Id never said I was set on BFing, and now id tell them where to shove the pump and buy some formula on the way home. When his weight carried on dropping, they said we can't give advice on artificial feeding. Now I'd tell them to fuck off, but at the time it made me feel like absolute crap. Even if id have said at the start I just don't want to, I find it outrageous the attitude they have towards it, no wonder some women feel deep rooted guilt for it. My HV said follow on is just money making and the same (I mean, it has more iron in) but it was also cheaper so I made the choice to use it at 6 months. No harm done.

It's not very joined up is it? Promoting BF but no attempt to identify women who are at increased risk of having problems and inconsistent and often unrealistic strategies for mothers having supply issues.

Hampsand

When his weight carried on dropping, they said we can't give advice on artificial feeding.

They can and they do!
You should have been given advice.
I was given a bag of ready mixed formula jars and teats when leaving the hospital. At home the community MW and HV and I went through exactly how much I should be feeding and how often.
I had a chart and everything!

Clearly it's quite damaging. To the mum! All the HV's I met were unhelpful. Formula was pushed on me and no support for breastfeeding. It was very poor. Poor support generally actually.

This thread is making me feel much better ! I'm feeling alot of pressure to breast feed my twins especially my sister who says 'breast is best 'and 'there is no reason why anyone can't breast feed ' she went to loads of classes had loads of support that I simply won't have ...
I want to breast feed them and I'll try my absolute best but I feel like I'm being made to feel guilty if it doesn't work out !

@whatdoyoudonow yes they should have, my whole postnatal experience healthcare wise was crap to be honest, now I would have pushed for support, but then when I was vulnerable I didn't have the energy. It is sad though they have to be reminded that they should be supporting every woman, this is from 2018: www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/health-44436686

Arthur and Jessie- breastfeeding is great, formula is great, and mixed feeding can be great too. As long as your twins are getting enough milk, they will be getting everything they need, however you feed them. You are important too, everyone has an opinion when they aren't the one struggling on, what is best for you will also be best for your twins.

I think what I've been concluding is that even if there are some benefits to being BF is that we should be questioning whether it's worth the guilt and misery piled on to mums who struggle with it. So many people, both BF and FF mums, are left with a fuck ton of emotional baggage over feeding. This isn't right.

Exactly SnuggyBuggy, I do think breastfeeding is great, if mums want to do it then there should be adequate support available to help them. Similarly, if a woman can't or just doesn't want to, there should still be support for formula, and not the constant breast is best trope that is trotted out. It isn't in all circumstances (there's sibling research that show extremely marginal benefits actually, but that's another debate), if the mother is severely struggling to BF and it is affecting her MH or physically, or if the baby is not recieveing enough milk then it's not best, not even close. It's a very linear view, and if midwives supported women whatever their choice, then I don't think there would be as much guilt. Some other women are knobs though, I was bottle feeding in a cafe and one handed out one of those 'thanks for BFing in public and helping to normalise it' before laughing and taking it back. I did have a few choice words I must say. Essentially BFing can be hard, people should be proud that they have accomplished it if that's what they wanted or could do, but not at the expense of FFIng.

Expressing can be difficult for some people. It's never as effective as having the baby on there. I found that to express anything I had to sit down in front of the tv and find something that made me laugh so I would relax enough for the let down to happen.

@Moomin8 you're right, expressing is hard, but like many people say about breast feeding it gets easier.

I exclusively expressed for 6 months, because eldest and I just couldn't get on with breast feeding, I found snuggles with baby (usually a feed followed by snuggles) caused my let down and then I just put a warm hot water bottle on my chest and that helped me to express. As time went on and I established a routine my body fell into a rhythm.

Agree with @SnuggyBuggy

I would encourage anyone with the 'every woman can breastfeed if they attend enough support groups' to read the accounts above.

It is not possible for everyone, and for a very minor benefit can seriously damage women's mental health and bonding time with their baby.

It simply isnt worth it.