Why do some people feel that they must breastfeed at any cost?

[Moomin8]

I’ve got plenty of experience of both types of feeding - I breastfed two of my children until 2 years. They were great feeders - I had no problems.

My other two children for various reasons ended up having formula. One was 3 weeks early, severely jaundiced and my milk was slower to come in than it should. I didn’t want her going into hospital for uv therapy. The other couldn’t feed well and was eventually diagnosed with dyspraxia, later. She would get tired and not take enough bm.

Now, I see this lady on Instagram who has a 6 week old baby who weighs only 7 pounds and he was born at term weighing 6 pounds. He clearly is not thriving. Every time I see a picture of him I cringe. And his mother is about my age (40) and this is baby #6 for her.

I would be the first to say that breast IS best. But only if the child is thriving surely?

How can a baby make the necessary brain development in those early weeks if they aren’t picking up weight?

I know that society makes women feel like formula is evil. But sometimes I think it’s better than breastfeeding when the baby isn’t thriving.

@twinkleprincess I agree with you, everyone should have support. Most people I know who ff used premade formula in the first few days while they were getting the hang of making it up - was that not an option for you?

Not really. It's how people are.
Society makes people feel bad for being fat, slim people are idolised etc, even though a very very large proportion of our population are fat.
It's a nasty human trait that a lot of us criticise behaviour/traits/decisions which we make ourselves.

@twinkleprincess I found it confusing at the start. Working out how much he was supposed to get. What to do with the bottles once they were sterile. Plus the perfect prep machines were discouraged by midwives so I don't have one of those. Trying to work out when a newborn might be hungry so you can have the kettle cooled in time was stressful.

I don’t know...I’ve just never met anyone in real life who cares much less judges how someone feeds their baby. There seem to be loads on mumsnet but I suspect most would never say anything in real life. And tbh if someone did judge me or comment on my feeding choices, unless it was immediate family I wouldn’t give a shit.

I think a lot of the time people fear and expect judgment and think when people are looking at them feeding their baby (whatever they’re doing) they must be judging them, when really they’re prob just being a bit nosy or want to have a look at a cute newborn.

@amazedmummy

Totally. So many different bottles, and formulas and teats, and does and don'ts, and following the instructions means making a bottle takes over 30m, but you're supposed to feed in demand and make each one up fresh. And things like feeding positions and angles are still relevant, how much/how frequently they feed often bear no resemblance to the info on the box (6 feeds a day - lol more like 12 to begin with). Working out how to go out with bottles.

And then many women are feeling v down about moving to formula if bf didn't work - they need emotional support perhaps.

Some women need a lot of support with FF. Some women don't. The same for boobs. Everyone deserves that support.

@Babyboomtastic well for example the box has volumes for a baby of x number of weeks or month. That's never fitted for DS because he was such a big baby. In fact the amount he has at each feed now at 5 months isn't even on the tin! Babies his size are generally weaned but he's only 5 months so he isn't. He also has reflux so feeding him upright is really important. Online research can only do so much. Also relying on things like Mumsnet etc for info means that sometimes it's not correct or it's out of date. I would have loved some extra help at the start. Once I switched to formula I was left to it. People only became interested again when I developed PND and even then it was only help for me not with feeding.

I don’t judge how someone feeds their baby. Because it doesn’t matter how. But it does matter if they aren’t getting any food.

This has been a godsend post for me. I have an 11 week old who hasn't been gaining weight properly... I've started to supplement with a couple of bottles of formula and he's starting to gain again... but I've been feeling so guilty, particularly given the enhanced need for immunity right now. The irony is that I had to formula feed my first and she is amazing - I was so convinced I'd be fine formula feeding again but have found the 'failure' to feed a real emotional rollercoaster again....
There is so much pressure to do things a certain way.... I feel guilty about having a csection first time around (I had severe pre-eclampsia and a breach baby) and guilty I needed ventouse and couldn't push the baby out 'naturally' this time...very grateful to read (most) of this post. Reminds me that this is mostly in my head and isn't reality....

@adag sounds like you're doing a great job. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Did you have any help with breastfeeding?

I wondered this when my twins were in hospital for 8.5 weeks (born at 30 weeks).

I expressed the whole time, but there's no way I could produce enough milk once they started drinking more - at first, they were lucky to keep 2.5mls down!!
So when I couldn't produce enough - the ward gave them nutriprem formula in ready made bottles. More than happy with this, and now out of hospital, they are solely having prescribed formula.

I wonder though if a lot of the pushing to breast feed is due to the cost on the NHS for babies in hospital and prescribed formulas like mine?

@adag I’m glad it has helped at least one person

That was why I posted about it because I think infant feeding is such an emotive issue that people end up giving themselves a hard time and not seeing the bigger picture.

I wish to hell I had formula fed dc 3. She was just not designed to bf without causing immense long term damage to my physical and subsequently mental health. I couldn't stop because a. every time I tried I got mastitis and b. I had been completely programmed by NCT to consider myself a failure as a mum if I didn't. It blighted my enjoyment of her baby hood.

I wonder though if a lot of the pushing to breast feed is due to the cost on the NHS for babies in hospital and prescribed formulas like mine?

Yes to some extent, all the NHS really care about is overall public health. It’s why we’re in lockdown right now, the risk of Covid to each individual is still small, but across the whole population that’s large numbers. The difference between a ff baby and b/f baby in the U.K. will be small, but in the context of the whole population the benefits of breastmilk such as less stomach infections and ear and throat infections add up. I would say it’s fairly vital to very prem babies though, for preventing NEC and such like. The cost of specialist formula and even normal formal is a total scandal. Quite frankly it’s a racket but I suppose no different to other drugs, the difference is it’s not actually a drug and the ingredients are exceptionally cheap. But that’s probably a discussion for another thread.

@Peapod29 can I ask what NEC is please?

Speminalium I'm pleased you mentioned the fact your baby wasnt designed to breastfeed. That's just it, they tell you all babies can/will prefer it. Dc1 actually didnt take to it well, he didnt like any of the many positions and would incredibly fussy and would only feed laying down which paid havoc with my back. He also wasnt a baby that liked to be worn and would snack all of the time (not just at cluster/growth spurts). He was never happier than when I weaned him off the breast.

was*

@Peapod29 less stomach infections and ear and throat infections add up.

NO. I've known BF babies have all these issues and more and FF not. Makes no difference at all

@Peapod29 found it, sorry. One of my twins was transferred to another hospital with bowel concerns, they were considering surgery. He was exclusively BF at that point though

Yesterday dc had tongue tie and a very high palate, meaning what looked like a great latch shredded me within days. NHS decided to wait and see before snipping and when it was done at c8 weeks it was too late . I got blebs which led to mastitis unless softened by soaking in Epsom salts for 15 m before each feed, piercing with a sterile needle then feeding, then massaging in oil and or vinegar. Except vinegar makes your nipples dissolve mid school run. It was barbaric and bloody inconvenient to fit round a school run! I got every expert opinion from NHS and private lactation consultants, tried and tried to stop, kept getting mastitis, begged the doctor for drugs to dry up my milk, didn't get any, and managed to eventually wean her at 18 months. It was the hardest time of my life and I wish I had never started feeding her. Dc4 on the other hand is a ruddy amazing feeder and has been a hugely healing experience.

Twinkle that’s completely anecdotal though. Equally I could say most the ff babies I’ve know have had at least one ear or tummy infection, and breastfed not. What’s proven beyond doubt is that breastfeeding does make a difference in the 1st year for stomach infections and ear and throat, and possibly sids risk but that is so tiny anyway. Although I always wonder how many of the extra stomach bugs ff babies get could be attributed to people making formula up wrongly, so I do think the nhs do themselves a disservice in not instructing on this. Arguing with this is just ignoring the science. What’s not ever been conclusively proven (for obvious reasons) is any long term benefits of breastmilk.

@Peapod29 even on the NHS website they discredit their own experiment.

'instead of relying on medical records, researchers asked mothers to remember in detail how many infections their babies had had and how severe the infections were. Second, only 91 of the 926 babies whose mothers took part were exclusively breastfed. This is a small number of babies on which to base the results.'

So it's not accurate nor was it a big enough sample size.

Usersouthcoast that must have been a very stressful time. I think breastmilk reduces the chance of NEC by a lot but doesn’t eradicate it completely. I think for premies they do try to use donor milk if mums isn’t available for very prem babies, but there really aren’t many milk banks in the U.K.

The thing about formula and stomach bugs is likely to do with not cleaning bottles well enough. Also at one time most people would make the formula only using cold water or storing in the fridge for 24 hours. Not that it hurts most babies but the risk is slightly elevated.

Twinkle, I’m not sure which study you are looking at but the lower incident of stomach infections is shown in every study and meta study on breastfeeding, it’s well established as pretty much the one main proven benefit so that alone means its within the NHS interest to promote it. For premature babies even more so. I believe that it’s the same for ear/throat but I may be wrong on that.

@Peapod29 the one that is promoted on the NHS website as the only in their words 'credible' source on this topic.