Why do some people feel that they must breastfeed at any cost?

[Moomin8]

I’ve got plenty of experience of both types of feeding - I breastfed two of my children until 2 years. They were great feeders - I had no problems.

My other two children for various reasons ended up having formula. One was 3 weeks early, severely jaundiced and my milk was slower to come in than it should. I didn’t want her going into hospital for uv therapy. The other couldn’t feed well and was eventually diagnosed with dyspraxia, later. She would get tired and not take enough bm.

Now, I see this lady on Instagram who has a 6 week old baby who weighs only 7 pounds and he was born at term weighing 6 pounds. He clearly is not thriving. Every time I see a picture of him I cringe. And his mother is about my age (40) and this is baby #6 for her.

I would be the first to say that breast IS best. But only if the child is thriving surely?

How can a baby make the necessary brain development in those early weeks if they aren’t picking up weight?

I know that society makes women feel like formula is evil. But sometimes I think it’s better than breastfeeding when the baby isn’t thriving.

Why are people so concerned about how you fed your baby for the first few months of their life? It has no long term impact and is a very small decision compared to the many others you make throughout your DC’s life’s. Deciding to ff was something I thought about for minimum amount of time - deciding about which schools they should go to or how they are taught good behaviour, potty training, good eating habits etc are far more important.

Parker231 completely agree with you

@Wolfgirrl I guess my whole problem with this thread is that I don’t believe those mothers who “watch their babies plunge down the weight charts” really exist. Some babies do lose weight when bf is getting established, but then it either works and they start gaining weight, or it doesn’t and they move on to formula. If a mother is neglecting her child and/or has mental health issues that’s completely separate and not relevant. But “normal” women want the best for their children, however they feed them. It’s just a straw man to say that there are these manic breastfeeding evangelists who are so obsessed with bf they’ll do it even if it kills them or their child. No one is like that in the real world.

@harrietm87

Just look up failing to thrive on mumsnet. So many posters writing how their baby isnt gaining weight, doctors have told them to put the baby on formula but they still dont want to, they're going to make another appt with the bf specialist etc etc. Theres loads of them.

@Wolfgirrl I’ve said it before and I will shamelessly say it again.

How can breastfeeding be so ‘natural’ when 8/10 women struggle so much, spend nights crying, are in excruciating pain to just get their baby a little bit of food.

I guess my whole problem with this thread is that I don’t believe those mothers who “watch their babies plunge down the weight charts” really exist. Some babies do lose weight when bf is getting established, but then it either works and they start gaining weight, or it doesn’t and they move on to formula

Yes, I think this is a good point. Certainly nobody on this thread has demonstrated anything like the militant attitude described.

In my case we managed to get bf established in hospital. First night home couldn't get a latch for hours and were really scared. DH went out first thing and bought bottles, formula and steriliser. While he was out DS latched, had a great feed and we never looked back. I would have been gutted not to be able to bf, it would have had a detrimental effect on my mental health but I would have done it and done it quickly if there wasnt an alternative.

I have other friends who persevered through tongue ties, bad latches, oral thrush, mastitis etc. Some moved to mixed feeding sooner than they had previously wanted, some moved entirely to formula with sadness but sensibly. None of them let their babies go hungry or their weight plummet or anything like that.

And I don't think any of them thought formula was poison any more than I do. It just wasnt the preference.

@DappledThings I would have been gutted not to be able to bf, it would have had a detrimental effect on my mental health

But why, why would you be gutted. Why do people feel if the don't BF they've failed etc. There is very little real difference.

For those who disagree on this if I put 5 people in front of you of any age could you tell me 100% who was BF or FF.

How can breastfeeding be so ‘natural’ when 8/10 women struggle so much, spend nights crying, are in excruciating pain to just get their baby a little bit of food

This is such a weird argument. Loads of stuff is painful but is "natural". Dying of coronavirus virus is natural (unless you believe Bill Gates cooked it up and released it via 5G obviously).

I think natural is just a really unhelpful word. I didn't want to breastfeed because it was "natural" and formula is "unnatural". I wanted to because it seemed like the obvious thing to do. Because I could and it was free and convenient and it turned out I really enjoyed it.

But why, why would you be gutted. Why do people feel if the don't BF they've failed etc. There is very little real difference

I just would have been! Not much logic to feelings. Wouldn't have felt I'd failed but disappointed I'd not been able to experience something I really wanted to. I just really liked it.

@Donttakeno where have you got the 8/10 figure from?

Also I think most women who bf find the first couple of weeks difficult (they’re doing something new at a difficult time in their lives), but then it either becomes really easy and pain free, or they stop.

@DappledThings but people justify why they ‘have’ to breastfeed as it is natural.

I don’t justify I have to die of Coronavirus because it’s natural.. it’s a completely different argument.

but people justify why they ‘have’ to breastfeed as it is natural

The only place I've seen people using the "natural" argument tend to be the same ones who believe the aforementioned 5G bollocks as well. I think they are a small minority who are tied up in tons of other obsessive stuff. It's not a mainstream argument.

@HarrietM87 if you take the average of women in the last few BF threads there tends to be an average of 2/10 people who said it came naturally and easily to them. Of course this isn’t a scientific study but based on what people have been posting. Obviously if I had said 10/10 people I would’ve been jumped on as well so I couldn’t win there.

I don’t count something as just difficult when you have bleeding nipples, mental health issues etc. If you describes that at any other point you wouldn’t do scribe it as difficult would you

@Donttakeno some people prefer to get their vitamins from eating a balanced diet, some prefer to take supplements...both equally valid choices. It’s obviously more “natural” to get it from food. That doesn’t invalidate taking multivitamins. It’s just a choice. You don’t have to make the same choice as someone else if you don’t like it.

@DappledThings clearly you haven't experienced most BF Mumsnet threads or any Facebook groups or any healthcare leaflets then...

I felt like that because my family was judgemental and always said that anyone who doesn't breastfed is a failure etc... I eventually stopped as I had to do what's best for my baby and stop caring what anyone says!!

Ok @Donttakeno so you made it up 🤣

Every one has a different threshold for what they find difficult. Personally I really struggled the most with the lack of sleep when I had a newborn and that would have happened however I fed. Yes some women have some pain, some have awful pain, some have none. Some babies can’t latch at all, some latch badly etc etc. Some women are more relaxed and some are really stressed about whether their baby is getting enough. And babies can cry and scream and seem terribly distressed when really they can’t work out if they’re tired or hungry or neither. It’s for each person to decide if they want to start bf and if they do, whether they want to keep going. If someone is willing to keep feeding through bleeding nipples it’s not really your business.

See Harriet this attitude you have is why women have a fear if they say they don’t want to BF. Mums like you who constantly harp on about the benefits, that it’s worth it etc etc. If it’s not my business as to if someone continues to feed it’s not your business to say to that BF is more natural or better for babies.

clearly you haven't experienced most BF Mumsnet threads or any Facebook groups or any healthcare leaflets then

Definitely not been an argument I've really seen on MN. I read a crazy FB group for laughs which is all about "natural parenting" so obviously it's there but that's where the 5G stuff is too.

Healthcare leaflets is an interesting one. Not sure I've ever seen any. I have the decision about whether to try and bf or not about 10 seconds of headspace. So if I was ever given any info about it antenatal I would have just chucked it away. I knew I was going to do it anyway so didn't need to read anything about the benefits of it.

@DappledThings I'll see if I can find my leaflets from 9 months ago. Every one about feeding. Whether it be BF or FF said more than once that BF was the natural option.

MN is full of it. However I think a lot of the threads get taken down as it gets heated. One person had a thread called 'BF Nightmare' and the comments she got saying BF was natural and if you didn't do so you were poisoning your baby was horrific

One person had a thread called 'BF Nightmare' and the comments she got saying BF was natural and if you didn't do so you were poisoning your baby was horrific

That's awful. Nobody should be saying any such thing. It is ridiculous to be thinking it

No I think the breastfeeding nightmare thread was deleted because MN were suspicious about the posters motives. They had joined the day before and written two posts about topics that are known to divide MN. One about Being a stay at home parent and the other about a ‘breastfeeding nightmare’ when they hadn’t breastfed. My guess either a troll, journalist, or someone working for the formula industry. I think this thread is genuine but I’m often suspicious of threads that seek to deliberately ignite a ff/bf debate on here, it’s just a perfect platform for the formula industry to essentially advertise how great their products are, whilst simultaneously slagging off breastfeeding. There are particular usernames who are always there pushing odd ideas too, like giving formula to toddlers because it’s ‘specially formulated for their growing needs’ bla bla bla.

@Donttakeno I haven’t said one single thing about the benefits of breastfeeding...where on earth are you getting that from?! I’ve never said that bf is more natural or better for babies either. Are you maybe getting me mixed up with another poster?

@Peapod29 I agree with you about the formula industry btw. That’s why I was really questioning the motives of the OP.

To be fair, if I were in charge of an unscrupulous global mega business that’s wasn’t allowed to advertise through normal methods I’d probably create posts on large parenting forums too!