Why do some people feel that they must breastfeed at any cost?

[Moomin8]

I’ve got plenty of experience of both types of feeding - I breastfed two of my children until 2 years. They were great feeders - I had no problems.

My other two children for various reasons ended up having formula. One was 3 weeks early, severely jaundiced and my milk was slower to come in than it should. I didn’t want her going into hospital for uv therapy. The other couldn’t feed well and was eventually diagnosed with dyspraxia, later. She would get tired and not take enough bm.

Now, I see this lady on Instagram who has a 6 week old baby who weighs only 7 pounds and he was born at term weighing 6 pounds. He clearly is not thriving. Every time I see a picture of him I cringe. And his mother is about my age (40) and this is baby #6 for her.

I would be the first to say that breast IS best. But only if the child is thriving surely?

How can a baby make the necessary brain development in those early weeks if they aren’t picking up weight?

I know that society makes women feel like formula is evil. But sometimes I think it’s better than breastfeeding when the baby isn’t thriving.

Why can’t you be more caring?

Maybe because I have a 4 month old, and I would have been worried sick about her if she’d looked like that at 6 weeks. Maybe it is more of an emotive topic for me because I have such a young baby.

I care more about the fact that babies don’t have any say in how they are being cared for.

And I do totally agree with you that women spend a lot of time tearing each other down and that’s not fair I agree.

BUT there comes a point where you have to stop being blinkered about 100% ‘natural parenting’ when it isn’t benefitting your child.

I think you need to block this woman’s profile as it’s annoying you so much.

You are completely missing my points on purpose I feel.

'BUT there comes a point where you have to stop being blinkered about 100% ‘natural parenting’ when it isn’t benefitting your child.'

Totally agree op, I think it is easy to get swept up in all things natural and get tunnel vision.

@sauvignonblancplz I don't think op is saying the profile is annoying her but concerning her for the welfare of the child.

I’m not at all- you’ve no grounds to blame bfing you’re assuming.

If you think it’s neglect report it - then block the profile and don’t let it annoy you.

I don’t agree with anyone making those kinds of accusations about a stranger they see online . It’s ridiculous.

However I understand you’re frustrated yourself and probably quite stressed but I doubt this annoyance is helping you when you’re probably wrecked with your own baby.

I do think you’re coming across as mean and judgmental. However the situation we are all in makes us frustrated. Just because I don’t agree with you doesn’t mean I don’t understand where you are coming from.

I think tbh most people would think it was a feeding issue if seeing an underweight newborn. I'm sure op would ask if everything was okay if it was a friend but with a stranger on the internet might be abit difficult.

I'm not 'wrecked' with my own baby. She's probably the easiest baby I've ever had. Sounds like you're doing some assuming of your own @sauvignonblancplz

I don't think this woman is deliberately depriving her baby. She's misguided.

I started this thread because I think people need to realise that formula is not evil if you need to use it.

And a well fed, contented baby is the most important thing.

sauvignonblancplz I'm going to assume here that you are breastfeeding yourself or have done with with your baby/s and are maybe taking this a little personally. Breastfeeding is amazing if both mother and baby are happy and nobody is doubting that. Formula has its place and as op said there are certain occasions where it can prove to be the best choice, saying that isnt taking anything asah from breastfeeding that everyone knows is the better milk.

@Reginabambina you didn’t say she was middle class originally, you said she was educated (it’s not the same). That link you posted says that bf has some impact on bones but it’s not a problem for healthy women. This particular woman obviously wasn’t healthy and had other issues - those issues were the problem, not the bf. You could equally well say that people shouldn’t run because you know an anorexic who goes running and then was hospitalised for being underweight and malnourished. It’s always possible to find exceptions but for the vast majority of women bf doesn’t damage their health. In fact it’s been shown to reduce your chance of developing certain cancers (which people tend to forget when they get bogged down in which milk is better for the baby).

away*

I just felt it was my duty. I was a young mum, unplanned pregnancy, PND and regretted my life immensely. I felt the one thing I had control over and could do right was the feeding, I also believed the Virgin gut theory religiously back then (to the point I knew if I gave up I'd blame every stomach bug on myself!) it was relentless, I hated every minute of it, it did ruin those early months I have to say and exasperated PND, but I BF exclusively, no solids, both my kids until 6 months. I gave up a lot to do it, but I'd still do it all over again, even though I think the Virgin gut theory has been debunked I believe so passionately that breast milk is incredible and so superior to formula I just couldn't justify doing it any other way despite the impact on my mental health. I don't care what others do, but for me it was very important and an achievement I'm immensely proud of. I'm actually an incredibly laid back parent in every other way, was back to work full time at 9 months and certainly was not nor ever could conform to any kind of "trend" attachment parents types would hate the way I handled everything else!

@sauvignonblancplz I agree with you and I made similar comments earlier.

It’s easy to make assumptions and judgements from the outside when you don’t know the full facts. The OP comes across as very smug - she thinks she knows better than this woman (who seems to be a stranger to her) about how the woman should feed her baby. If the woman was ff and her baby wasn’t well, it wouldn’t be acceptable for people to say that she should bf because it’s healthier (I’m not saying that’s true just to be clear) so I don’t see why people think it’s fine when it’s the other way round.

@Moomin8 just be glad your own lovely baby is healthy and you’re happy.

@Yesterdayforgotten

Yes, thank you- that has been my point. Obviously breast milk is the most ideal. But only if it is helping your child gain weight. And it should not be at any cost. It can take a good 2-3 weeks to establish bf.

But after 6? Time to reassess and take head out if sand.

I’m not smug at all. The comments about magical boobs are the ones that are smug.

just be glad your own lovely baby is healthy and you’re happy.

Oh ok. Let’s all be blinkered about all the problems in society as long as our own children are ok

My experience is that I have delivered very 'well nourished' babies 8-10 lbers who were all ebf and all gradually sank down to the 25th centile over their first few months, some are late teens early twenties now and are still 25th centile and have always stayed 25th centile:) Me and DH are 25th centile! I do think that there are people whose babies are born fatter because of mums diet and settle to their genetic size in the first few months if that makes sense, hopefully this is the case for the baby first mentioned and he doesnt have any underlying health problems.

If the woman was ff and her baby wasn’t well, it wouldn’t be acceptable for people to say that she should bf because it’s healthier

Can you think of a time when this has happened? I suspect not.

You obviously think that a mothers feeding choice trumps the rights of the child and nobody should be concerned no matter what.

I disagree.

@stairgates

My bf children were the same as yours entirely.

In this case genetics is not the issue I feel.

@HarrietM87 I never said people in general shouldn’t breastfeed, I did it for years. I said she should have been advise not to instead of encouraged, even guilted into doing it when it was obviously going to cause her lasting health problems. The education point was more in reference to the fact that even someone well equipped to understand when not to breastfeed are susceptible. The middle class was implied by referencing her case.

'I just couldn't justify doing it any other way despite the impact on my mental health'

Mental health comes first imo

There is so much pressure on mums to breastfeed and it's at a time when you are likely to be sleep deprived and full of hormones. 2 of my babies were easy to breastfeed, 2 were a lot harder and 1 was impossible. I was anxious to do the "right" thing and one of my dc should have had formula much earlier. The breastfeeding peer supporter just kept on at me saying that breast is always best, cows milk is for baby cows etc. My baby who wasn't breastfed was in hospital last year and one of the junior doctors kept going on about the fact that he hadn't been breastfed and making me feel guilty. He was 6 years old!

@Moomin8 I can think of lots of times when this has happened. A friend was devastated recently when her 8 week old was admitted to hospital with an infection. A family member said if she’d bf then the baby prob wouldn’t have got ill. It was a disgraceful comment.

I dont think a mother’s feeding choice trumps her baby’s health. I’m questioning whether this is actually happening in the situation you’re describing. You don’t know that it is. The baby and mother will be being monitored by medical professionals who know more than you about it.

OP you havent been smug at all and I think it is too easy for labels like that to be throw around by some when why disagree.

they* not why! toddler currently using me as a climbing frame