Why do some people feel that they must breastfeed at any cost?

[Moomin8]

I’ve got plenty of experience of both types of feeding - I breastfed two of my children until 2 years. They were great feeders - I had no problems.

My other two children for various reasons ended up having formula. One was 3 weeks early, severely jaundiced and my milk was slower to come in than it should. I didn’t want her going into hospital for uv therapy. The other couldn’t feed well and was eventually diagnosed with dyspraxia, later. She would get tired and not take enough bm.

Now, I see this lady on Instagram who has a 6 week old baby who weighs only 7 pounds and he was born at term weighing 6 pounds. He clearly is not thriving. Every time I see a picture of him I cringe. And his mother is about my age (40) and this is baby #6 for her.

I would be the first to say that breast IS best. But only if the child is thriving surely?

How can a baby make the necessary brain development in those early weeks if they aren’t picking up weight?

I know that society makes women feel like formula is evil. But sometimes I think it’s better than breastfeeding when the baby isn’t thriving.

People on this thread have said that people pick up formula too quickly and don't allow breastfeeding to establish. I think that most people would want to make sure their baby was fed ASAP. DS dropped so much of his birth weight. Waiting it out just didn't feel like an option. He's a big baby, he needed a full belly.

@Wolfgirrl I completely agree with you. It’s basically what I was suggesting needs to happen too. For those who want it. I don’t think there are the resources for people to stay in hospital that long these days so there’s a patchwork of alternatives instead. Some are ok and some slip through the cracks. Some are left with huge guilt and regrets about it which is an awful shame.

That doesn’t mean I think we shouldn’t have formula or Caesarians for those who need them

Do you then think vaginal birth is “best” and there should be posters up saying so in ante-natal waiting rooms? Do you think women should only be able to elect a section if one is “needed”?

Often there is such emphasis on how hard establishing breastfeeding is, how its hellish those first few weeks etc, that it makes out that struggling is the norm, rather than something that needs help.

I'm not saying it should necessarily be effort free for everyone, but if the message about how its going to be difficult is repeated often enough, some women will think that babies that are not thriving, nipples that are bleeding, women that are in agony, is all a part of this 'difficult' journey. And yes, it can be, but it doesn't need to be, and often is because something isn't quite right!

I've ended up accidentally breastfeeding (long story), and physically I'm glad to say that its been easy. I'm sure many others are the same, or didn't have huge problems getting it started. And for me, I didn't even want to breastfeed (I was willing to do a bit the first few weeks but that was about it), no one in my family breastfed, I'd read very little about it. I don't mean that as a brag in any way, but just as illustration that sometimes it works fine, sometimes it doesn't.

If there was more an attitude of 'try it and see' but with an emphasis on it being really really ok to stop if you want to, or if its too uncomfortable or if its not working for mum and baby, that would be better than pushing boob at all cost, which seems to be the current approach.

For me, it's the antibodies in the breastmilk.
Highly unlikely scenario but totally plausible: If the virus that causes Covid19 mutates tomorrow and heavily affects children and babies, the can of formula in the cupboard won't be able to help the baby as much as breastmilk.

@AmeliaE and that is helpful how? Nobody wants their child to get ill but there's no need to do yourself in in case you may have been able to protect them by breastfeeding them.

@AmeliaE you could also put your child more at risk of catching it as you would have to maintain close contact therefore could pass it onto them... if FF someone else could do it.

Amelia yes i breastfed for immunity. 4 glorious years. Was worth persevering. If it didnt work i would have no problem FF.

When I had mine I really hoped I wouldn't have to bottle feed. I was petrified of having to make up bottles, sterilise them and getting it all wrong when tired etc. I only had ever seen a positive experience of breast feeding when I was younger. When I had D.C. there was a small amount of time where they were slow to gain weight. They had jaundice and I had to persuade them to feed and keep waking them. However this did pick up. I was pleased I didn't have to faff with bottles.

If your baby is already sick, you are not transmitting the bug to the baby, it might be the other way around!

I have not said that bf should be done no matter what. I said that for me, it is worth to try it. I've got a can of formula in case things go pear shaped.

@AmeliaE if baby is already sick they haven't got this 'protection'

Just to be clear for anyone reading, the nhs advice (Below) is that it’s fine to continue feeding through Covid. The truth is if you get Covid when breastfeeding your baby will have been exposed before you realise you have it. Giving them formula instead will be pointless and just ensure that they aren’t getting any antibodies, when there is a chance that they might through your breastmilk.

Can I breastfeed my baby if I have suspected or confirmed coronavirus?
Yes. There is currently no evidence to suggest that coronavirus can be transmitted through breast milk. The main risk of feeding your baby is the close contact between you and your baby. However, while babies and children can get the virus through close contact with someone that has it, the current evidence is they get far less severe symptoms than adults.

Current evidence suggests the benefits of breastfeeding outweigh any potential risks of your child getting the virus (through breast milk or by being in close contact) - however, this is your personal choice. If you have any concerns, you can discuss it with your midwife or health visitor (online or over the phone).

@Peapod29 also worth noting it says current evidence. Evidence was children weren't really effected by the virus with reports coming out now that is no longer the case.

Situation is constantly changing

But in essence breastfeeding will not stop your baby getting Covid

Twinkle possibly, however there is evidence to suggest that breastmilk can change to combat various infections in an infant even if a mother is asymptotic or not infected herself. I think this is fairly well established in research but what they don’t quite know is how this happens. They think that a signal is given through babies saliva. Again I stress that little is known really about breastmilk, and studies are often small.

Completely agree @twinkleprincess evidence is constantly changing and people shouldn’t feel they need to breastfeed to stop Covid-19. It does not stop your baby getting it at all and evidence so far shows it doesn’t offer any extra protection against it

No ones saying it will stop Covid. They are saying if you are already breastfeeding there is no need to stop because of Covid, that’s a very different thing. If you come down with Covid and are b/f or ff, your baby will have been exposed by the time you realise. Stopping b/feeding will not be beneficial in protecting baby, you are just Removing possibility of baby getting antibodies through milk.

I think I had to breastfeed to prove a point to myself. When I had my first I didn't even know if I was fully up for it or not.
I was from a non-breastfeeding family and I think it made my family feel uncomfortable that I was breastfeeding, for some reason this made me want to do it all the more.
Anyway I fed my first for 2 years and my second for 3 years and feel super proud of myself.

Pea i agree with you.

Mondeo well done you should be proud! Its very hard with an unsupportive family.

@CandyMan10

Thanks I think they thought I was weird. It wasn't 'normal' to them.
I wouldn't change it.

I was so lucky - never wanted to bf so ff from day one. Never has any guilt (what was there to be guilty about?) or pressure from anyone to bf. We had happy healthy babies and happy parents. My own wish was that the Perfect Prep machine should have been invented earlier - I’d have loved one and now give them as presents to friends when they become a new mum.

I think it's all bollox. I had a full epidural and felt nothing of the birth which was great and bottle fed my baby who slept like an absolute dream. I didn't enjoy breastfeeding feeding and gave up soon after the birth.
He's 36 now and a super fit marathon runner with a 1st in his degree and a masters and is a talented artist.
People put themselves through hell to conform to perfect mum standards and tie themselves up in knots. Even at 21 which is when I had him I thought it was ridiculous.

@MondeoFan Here is your gold star ⭐

Now, back to the actual topic 🙄

A lot of the first time mums I know regret leaving hospital so early. It seemed to be a bit of a badge if honour to go in, pop the baby out then leave as soon as you can stand. Some of them got readmitted or the babies started losing weight so they ended up having loads of appointments and getting really stressed. It's definitely worth trying to crack it for a week or two but if you're still seeing a specialist after that, you're probably going to more effort than it is worth in my opinion.

I also think the positives of bottle feeding should be discussed. For example other people being able to feed the baby so mum can rest, you dont have to give additional vitamin D, it is easier to monitor their intake etc. That would help reassure mums for whom breastfeeding didnt work out.

I remember when I took my baby into work the first thing out of my managers mouth was 'are you feeding her yourself' I said 'no' and she said 'well that's why you look so good then'. At the time I felt like wtf are you talking about I still have to get up in the night to feed the baby
Quite frankly I'm glad I'm out the baby stage and have a lovely little girl who is happy and healthy. It really doesn't matter how the baby is fed there's so much more to parenting.
I had an induced birth, happily accepted pain relief, bf for 3 days and then moved onto formula, baby slept through pretty much every night in her own room from 6 weeks and have no regrets
Ladies be proud of what you have done x

@Parker231 omg I loved the perfect prep machine absolute life saver