Thread has disappeared. This is the one where I explain what I mean.

[weasleymum]

IMO

There is no BF mafia on MN.

There are people who are very strongly in favour of BF. They are right to be, it is better.

There are people who haven't BF and are upset and/or guilty. This is very sad.

But there is no mafia.

Night night all - have to go to bed

OK - there was a comment on that thread that I distinctly remember that went along the lines of "why should anyone's DH feel sad that he can't do anything to help stop his wife's pain with breastfeeding? That's like a woman being depressed because she can't pee standing up". And that was in response to some very heartfelt posts from women who struggled and struggled to breastfeed and whose husbands had to stand by and watch them in pain all day, every day. Very dismissive and hurtful IMO.

And that's the last example I'm giving. This thread is starting to get argumentative which I don't want.

Twinkle...am sure I remember that you tried extremely hard to bf, and had some massive problems...latch/tonguetie or that re3ynault syndrom...soemthing along those lines...not easily solvable...

I don't know actually HC - I guess I'm still a bit sensitive. It's just the feeling I got - stupid eh?

I think, all joking (and swearing) aside, that for some women who've ffed against their will (and there are MANY of them), because bf didn't work out for whatever reason, almost any discussion of bf will be upsetting, however blandly it's worded.

It would have devastated me, I am 100% sure of that, because for me, bf was something that was SO important to me. I am lucky that I gave it my all and it worked (I hesitate to say I'm "lucky" that I could breastfeed, because that implies that it was luck that was wholly responsible for it - and there was a lot to do with being forewarned what to expect, having a high pain threshold and much stubborness). I know others who've given their all (and had equal levels of stubborness, high pain tolerance and information beforehand), only for circumstances beyond their control (tongue tie, medication, etc, etc) to spell the end of bf.

It's not a competition - I don't feel I'm better than someone who didn't bfeed. I'm happy it worked for me and the boys, but that doesn't mean I'm smug about it. It does mean that I'd like to help other women to have that experience, to overcome doubts they might have about it, to enjoy it, to be fully informed, to be empowered and not be undermined by health professionals who are woefully misinformed about bfing because they don't see the normal course of a breastfeeding relationship often enough.

Hunker

btw..the last message wasn't so much in line with this thread, but more trying to sort things out in my head....

Yep - that's me. Undiagnosed tongue tie.

Interesting point, twinkle - because you're a mix feeder, but you seem to align yourself with FF-ers don't you? dd1 briefly had some formula top-ups so technically I'm a mix feeder too, but I don't think of it in that way.

The fact that there are these lines in the sand is sad in itself.

I'll read all the thread you linked, but no, am not going to read all the feeding threads since October. It's about proving something exists vs proving it doesn't, someone who's done philosophy more recently than me can explain it better I'm sure.

Hunker...totally

Message withdrawn

Nice to see you back Hunker.

but maybe if people that possibly are balmed of being that mafia that nazi could see how they come across, if not intentionally, cold maybe rethink tactics...remeber not everyone giving advice, no matter how wellmeaning, in a proffesional manner, we give it as a mum to mum...

Hey, TM, I wish I could stop you feeling bad about this.

Your baby had tongue tie and nobody knew. It's like having an undiagnosed broken leg and not being able to run the marathon - there's nothing you can do until it's diagnosed and by the time it is, it might be too close to the marathon to run it. Or something. Hmm. I should give up this analogy, right?! Sorry

You did brilliantly, you know that? Honestly.

Well since DS was 4.5 months I've been a formula feeder. Soon to stop hopefully.

I don't "align" myself with formula feeders at all. I personally can't understand anyone who formula feeds out of choice, but I try not to criticise them. I align myself (if at all) with others who end up formula feeding through no fault of their own and hate themselves for it.

I have been on a few formula feeding threads about making up bottles, safety issues etc. and have been banging on about contamination issues, importance of following guidelines, demand feeding, etc. etc. I don't feel I'm a formula feeder at heart at all. I'm just very keen to get across the message that not all formula feeding is out of choice, that's all.

Awesome post, Hunker.

It that Hunker or VVV? Hunker I think lol. Anyhow, I don't feel bad so much any more. I'm just sticking up for those who still do. That's how I see it anyway.

Malfoynomore, if people doing the blaming could actually read people's posts it'd help too.

I remember a particularly harsh "oh you evil bfer" rant from a poster on here when I posted about formula companies and their underhand tactics. I'd actually made if VERY clear I was talking about the companies, not the formula. But still I was slated for it.

Although I will say that everyone else on the thread went "wtf? that's not what she said At All!" which was nice.

Hunker

Kerrymum - I'm not sure it's for you to decide what "excuses" are or aren't "acceptable" IMHO.

I think, actually, twinklemegan, you've written some very eloquent posts on MN about having the choice taken away from you and about how you felt and still feel .

I think (subjectively) that fewer people post nowadays assuming that people always ff by choice, and I bet some of that is down to you.

I really hope that's true WM. If so, then the time spent burning the midnight oil might just have been worth it.

I think I remember the mentioned thread Hunker, and some alike, too...people really don't understand just how undermining the ff producers and teh adds, etc..are..but if you look at the whole smoking thing and how much it alreadya had dropped since fags were aloud on TVV ads...it's makes you think just how our subconscience can work, even without our permission....

I disagree very strongly, KerryMumbledore.

Each person's situation is so different that you just can't validly compare one person's reasons with another - let alone criticise them for it.

Comparing one person's pain with another's is a minefield for a start.

Hunker - I have just spent the evening on Facebook because MN has been rubbish since you left. I'm sorry, but there it is. (although i do see some lovelies on this thread ).

so either you Come Back or i'm orf to Facebook to bite people and turn them into zombies.

I'm glad i didn't see the other thread, because i'm sure i'd have disagreed with Everyone.