Breastfeeding when inconvenient for DH

[Runawayandsaveyourlife]

DH has always been pro breastfeeding.
But now that DC is 11 months old and I am back at work, he appears to see it as a big inconvenience.
For example, I can't express much and so I collect DC from nursery at around 4pm on work days so that I can feed her. DH is a teacher and DC goes to nursery term time only so he is taking care of her this week. He has planned some big days out with his parents and DCs. I've requested they come back for 3.30pm so that I can breastfeed her (she is going without breastmilk all day aside from her morning feed) and he is in a big sulk about having to come home "early." It makes me feel like I'm ruining their fun, but
A) I worry that she won't have had enough fluids and will need to feed.
B) I don't want to get too full.

I just need to vent really. It's all so convenient when he's not having to fork out on formula and not having to do the feeds, but being back in time for her feed isn't convenient for him. We can't give formula as a back-up, one off feed either as she is CMPA.

Funnily enough, it was my GP. Ds had reflux which eased when we started weaning (at 20 weeks, also under advice and guidance from gp and hv)
Ds stopped bf at 10 months, Was ok on formula for a few weeks then the reflux started to come back, they advised to switch to cows milk completely, ds didn’t like it so they offered this solution, and it worked!

@ThisMustBeMyDream, my point was that even if water, or whole milk, or oat milk, is the main drink for two days, it's still not her "main drink" if she continues to bf normally on all other days. I'm not arguing with the guidelines, I bf my daughter til she was 5 I also think if this is the hill the OP wants to die on then fine. I'm not trying to undermine the importance of breastfeeding in the slightest.

The GP should have referred you to the dietician then. So many GP's give out dated, unresearched information. It's quite scary really.
As a mother of a CMPI/soya intolerance child (with reflux), there is no way I'd have followed that advice!

Sorry, but I'm with your DH too. If baby was younger I'd definitely side with you, but now she doesn't really need that much milk and can have other foods etc instead if it's just a one off for them to have a day out. It would really frustrate me to be your DH and have my days with my child dictated to by having to be back for a feed that isn't really necessary (in my view).

Honestly, one feed of alternate liquid (water, water mixed with fresh fruit, oat milk) is not going to disrupt breastfeeding or compromise hydration or nutrition
. Cucumber and melon is a great idea (my boy loooooves melon). They say oat milk should not be main source of nutrition, one feed is not main source. My boy was fine, even when under the weather. Even when my bloody mil fed him orange juice ;). Even when he had formula and didn’t really drink it.

Oh and I call nonsense to the idea that breastfeeding is harmful.

I'm a mother of two both with CMPA & Soya allergies. Oat milk will be fine for one feed.
As others have said her routine dictates that she has a feed at 4. So she wants a feed at 4. You can break that cycle.

If I were DH I would say either you come to us or you wait.

I’d prefer to take my advice from a professional than some random on the internet

Your professional is giving outdated advice. You should research that.

Oh--sorry, it was "more than SIX feeds a day" not five that was associated with greater risk of anemia. Or, more than 600ml of formula.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2083241/

Breastmilk is a great food, but if older babies and toddlers are BFing too much they may not be eating enough solid food, which isn't good for them.

@evildog
I'm with you, as I previously stated regards @thismustbe the word 'guidelines' is just that a guide. Every child is different, 11/12 mths it's hardly advising for 6mths the same as 12mth.
Honestly the fruitcake you get on here; they're the only person to have a babeeeee 🙄

ThisMustBeMyDream I don’t actually care what you think tbh. This ‘outdated’ advice worked for my son. It’s not like I stuck a rusk in his bottle.

OP, I don't think you are getting fair responses here. I am not familar with CMPA, but I am with allergies and I think you are right to be worried.

to you and your daughter. I sucks she is so poorly sometimes.

That study is nearly 30 years old. I wish I had time to go through it all. I don't. But what I will say is that you can not accurately measure how much breast milk a child is having. 500-600mls of breastmilk, as the study equates to >6 BF per day is simply an arbitury figure. Impossible to know any degree of accuracy on their claims.

"So far she has been ok and the nursery have kept tabs on her nappies. I worry that DH won't do the same though or encourage enough drinks and high water content food."

I suppose he hasn't done much solo childcare yet, then, if you've recently returned to work? Obviously he does need to make sure she stays hydrated - and after you've pointed that out, I think you need to trust him to do it, really. The more he looks after her by himself the more he'll get used to that kind of thing.

I can see both sides here. If she is unwell and having more breast milk than solids, I think you should prioritise a 4pm feed over a long day out. But once she is better I don't see any reason why she couldn't cope for a bit longer.

It is tricky with CMPA though. My DS has it. He's been almost exclusively breastfed but I went back to work part-time and we gave him formula as a back-up for a while. The GP prescribed Neocate until he turned 1 but wouldn't prescribe it after that (even though nice guidelines say that babies with CMPA should have breast milk or hypoallergenic formula until 2). He's also allergic to soya so he can't have Alpro growing up milk. We ended up just giving him Oatly Barista on the days I was working (only 3 days a week). He still had plenty of breast milk the rest of the time, morning and evening on work days and on demand for the other 4 days a week!

Will your baby take a bottle? Could you ask your GP to prescribe some hypoallergenic formula as a back-up? If not could your DH just offer Oatly Barista?

I do think that if she is still poorly, then she probably shouldn't go out for the day anyway.

When you say baby won't take a bottle I have to say given your responses if you've not properly tried this more than a few times and with different bottles and teats.

Bf babies are used to softer teats and being able to control the flow more.

You need to experiment with different ones and the milk can either be expressed milk - again I'm not convinced you've really tried this properly - or an alternative milk suitable for your baby with her allergies considered, there are a few formulas for cmpa babies.

Her dad feeding her when you're not nearby will help as she won't sense/smell you and think she has a choice.

But I have to agree with pps that you seem to be rejecting all ideas as you just want things to continue as they are for your needs/convenience.

You have to let her dad parent too, he won't do things exactly as you do but unless you genuinely have reason to think he'll be neglectful you have to let him. You have to relax just a little.

She's his child too and from the sound of things he does love her and will look after her. Just because he's not taken the snacks you would have doesn't mean he can't get others while out.

You have to be more flexible.

I think this is far more about you feeling unready to not be the only one your daughter "needs" you really need to find a way to deal with that it's not healthy.

You do sound massively OTT to me but I am probably the opposite of you and pretty flexible. It obviously comes from a place of concern though and you just want what is best for your DD. It seems like you are having some difficult passing over the reigns to DH, which is also very common and it doesn’t help that she has been poorly. Ordinarily I would say you just have to let him crack on and oat mik is fine but if she hasn’t been well it would be sensible for him to aim to get home around the time the feed is due. We all have to adjust our holiday plans when the DC are sick. The bit was a bit of a drip feed though. When she is better though, you will have to let go and place some faith in DH to learn the ropes.

Surely at 11 months she doesn’t need a bottle?

I can't quite understand why your DH is apparently so unused to her needs and caring for her. If he's a teacher and she's 11 months then he was around at home for a big block of 6 weeks early in her life, and several holidays since. Did it not seem a good idea that he get at least a bit involved in this time?

My DD refused a bottle. She never got it. We spend over £100 on different brands etc and nothing worked.
I BF for 23 months but returned to work when she was 10ish months old.
We just went straight to a straw or cup

When you say you can't express much, what are you using to express?

Unless it's a hospital grade double electric pump, with photos of your child (or even better your child) in front of you and possibly some audio of a baby crying at the start .. it's possible you could express a lot more.

OP I’ve never been able to express either. My baby has only ever had milk directly from me. But I went back to work full time at 11 months and he just feeds morning and night.

If your baby is as ill as you say then she shouldn’t be going on outings anyway.

If you can’t trust your partner to look after her (or follow your instructions?) then that’s your problem, not the breast milk issue.

Reality is, she’s not going to starve or become ill/dehydrated if she has to wait an extra hour or two for some breast milk. You know this. She might be grizzly but you’re not the one who will have to deal with that. It will be good for your partner to have the chance to distract/soothe her.

Your baby will be with your DH and his parents therefore there will be I assume 3 people to ensure your LO has plenty to eat and drink. Honestly I wish my DH would suggest going out for a whole day with our DS!! Even if I'm out for 2 hrs without the baby he generally messages me and waits for me to come back and always uses BF as the reason. Sorry I've got nothing else to say apart from appreciate your DH and the fact he wants to spend time with your LO without you! Your baby will be fine!

Wow, I had to double check that you hadn’t posted this in AIBU! I am really shocked by how out of order people have been reading this thread. And what rigid ideas about how breastfeeding should be. It sounds like you feed responsively OP, and that is fine. As someone who gets mastitis easily too, I understand you not wishing to get too full breastfeeding is a symbiotic relationship and it is ok to want to gradually reduce for both your benefit. Those saying it’s no problem to miss a feed maybe aren’t that way prone. Just trust your instincts OP and discuss with your DH. Sounds like you’re doing a great job.