Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breastfeeding when inconvenient for DH

149 replies

Runawayandsaveyourlife · 25/04/2019 10:29

DH has always been pro breastfeeding.
But now that DC is 11 months old and I am back at work, he appears to see it as a big inconvenience.
For example, I can't express much and so I collect DC from nursery at around 4pm on work days so that I can feed her. DH is a teacher and DC goes to nursery term time only so he is taking care of her this week. He has planned some big days out with his parents and DCs. I've requested they come back for 3.30pm so that I can breastfeed her (she is going without breastmilk all day aside from her morning feed) and he is in a big sulk about having to come home "early." It makes me feel like I'm ruining their fun, but
A) I worry that she won't have had enough fluids and will need to feed.
B) I don't want to get too full.

I just need to vent really. It's all so convenient when he's not having to fork out on formula and not having to do the feeds, but being back in time for her feed isn't convenient for him. We can't give formula as a back-up, one off feed either as she is CMPA.

OP posts:
MustardScreams · 25/04/2019 10:56

You can give high water content foods instead of water if a drink-refuser. Fruits, watermelon, cucumber, buy an ice lolly whilst out etc. It won’t do her any harm for a couple of days out.

Mrsjayy · 25/04/2019 10:56

Is CMPA an allergy to dairy?

BrutusMcDogface · 25/04/2019 10:56

A beaker of water and lots of watery foods like cucumber etc would keep her perfectly hydrated.

BrutusMcDogface · 25/04/2019 10:57

Omgosh, cross post! Great minds, Mustard !

bamb00 · 25/04/2019 10:58

I'm a natural term breastfeeder, but can see your husband's point here. Not about breastfeeding being inconvenient, but cutting their day short to get home for mid afternoon would be quite inconvenient. I'd just make it clear he needs to offer regular food and fluids, and I'm sure she'll get on just fine. Does she drink any alternative milks? My youngest likes a sippy cup of almond/hemp/coconut milk occasionally. I know it isn't a substitute or replacement for breastmilk, but will mean she have an alternative to water and should calm any worries about dehydration. My youngest didn't take to solids well until around 15 months, but when I went back to work pt she was 9 months, and my oh had to just keep offering solids and fluids and they got on just fine. She actually ate and drank far better when I wasn't around as she knew there wasn't a better offer of boob there! I'd leave as much milk as I could express from the day before (usually only a couple of ounces which she'd usually refuse) and he'd experiment with different foods and alternative milks. Found she liked really warm almond milk, and would usually drink an once or 2 from a straw or sippy cup, and that would keep her going until I got home. Still feeding her at almost 2 and a half so introducing alternative milks didn't affect her desire for bm. I'd just let them get on with it and see how they do. If she becomes inconsolable he'll quickly change his mind and bring her home. X

babysharkah · 25/04/2019 10:59

What's the point of the 4pm feed? You're being a little ridiculous. Why should he curtail all days out by 330?!

INeedNewShoes · 25/04/2019 10:59

I've just stopped BF my 23 month old DD.

I've never managed to produce much by expressing (3 sessions to get one bottle's worth) but I've managed not to let that mean that we couldn't be apart more than a few hours. I'd just plan ahead and fit in a few extra expressing sessions. Post 12m they can have cow's milk anyway (my DD is dairy free so has oat milk) so it's about to get easier.

I'm with your DH on this. I can see that it feels you're that BF is an obstacle to him spending time with the DC.

Mrsjayy · 25/04/2019 11:01

I meant to ask did you want to try on formula and your Dh got iffy about it?

bamb00 · 25/04/2019 11:04

Oh yes also agree with pp about the high water content food, we had to do this with dd1 as she wasn't keen on water at that age! Watermelon was always her favourite. Grapes (cut obviously) kiwi, cucumber, oranges, celery, all contain lots of water, and even dipping absorbent foods into water will help get enough fluids into her. We'd even add a few teaspoons of water to her dinner to make sure she was getting enough fluids as she'd always refuse to drink water.

Soubriquet · 25/04/2019 11:05

Sorry I agree with the above

Express the day before and let her drink from a cup/beaker

Then express yourself later on to stop from getting too full

If she won’t drink the milk without it being direct from the source, she can have high water content food.

She will be fine

She is 11 months, not 11 weeks and it sounds like she’s self weaning anyway

ShabbyAbby · 25/04/2019 11:06

I would miss those feeds on those days so that they could have some fun days out. Maybe compromise on it not being consecutive days so you don't risk getting too engorged?

Countryslices · 25/04/2019 11:06

I'm going to go against the grain and agree with OP... although I'm glad to have seen some different / sensible perspectives and advice on this thread. I think BF can sometimes fall into its own routine and becomes more than just nourishing the child. It becomes such a strong bonding ritual that I'm currently being encouraged to drop breastfeeds (I've got an 8.5 month old who is an excellent eater) but selfishly I love to keep offering the breast (offering the breast does not stop my baby eating so I do it for comfort) Maybe OP doesn't feel ready (maybe this thread will show perspective) that an 11 month old will cope very well with just a morning and a bedtime feed?

Hollowvictory · 25/04/2019 11:07

@GMtobe true you cant force a child to breastfeed, but you can force it to come home at 3.30pm unnecessarily which is what the op wants to do.

TheVanguardSix · 25/04/2019 11:08

I totally agree with your DH.

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 25/04/2019 11:08

I think now you are back at work it would be a good time to allow your supply to adjust for morning and evening feeds.

You will both soon get used to the new routine. I did find that both mine did increase their night waking to (I suppose) make up for missing milk from me during the day, and I did sometimes offer the breast more at the w/e to increase my supply, but by 11 months your supply should be able to cope with changes like this.

I allowed both mine to wean off the breast themselves and worked full time. One was 3 and the other 4 years old. I did express for longer with DS1 but for DS2 I really couldn't be bothered so just fed him when I could.

ThatdamnMIL · 25/04/2019 11:09

CMPA = Cows Milk Protein Allergy

Bookworm4 · 25/04/2019 11:11

This is ridiculous, you go to the nursery to feed an 11 nth old? You sound very controlling no wonder DH is annoyed. No way would I do this, she hardly needs fed like a newborn, get a grip.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/04/2019 11:12

Would it not be easier for you to adjust her second feed to later any way? That way you;re not having to run out of work early to get to nursery to feed her urgently. If she's not having any other fluids inbetween breast feeds you need to get that seen to any way.

Goats milk for milk feed inbetween / when you choose to stop?

Original poster
Runawayandsaveyourlife · 25/04/2019 11:13

Just to reitorate:
I can't express much
Also:
-She barely drinks water from a beaker.
-Her nursery say they can tell she's desperate for a feed from around half past 3 onwards as she gets grizzly, but manages ok until that time.

  • She has been poorly on antibiotics and is refusing solid food a lot at the moment.
OP posts:
Soubriquet · 25/04/2019 11:14

Ok, with that drip feed, I can understand bringing her home

Have you started the milk ladder with her CMPA?

My ds was CMPA, and we started the milk ladder around 11 months. By 16 months, he had completed it and had outgrown his milk allergy.

bumblingbovine49 · 25/04/2019 11:14

Good grief. I breastfed DS until he was 2 years old. At 11 months I went back to work for 3 days a week and he was at a childminder those days from 8am to 6pm. I never fed him in that time and he rarely took any milk . I gave some to the childminder but he disliked any milk other than breast and didn't like a bottle. He did drink water from a cup and ate well including lots of cheese. He was FINE. An 11 month old does not need to breast feed in the day on the odd occasion if their mother is not there. They really don't

GMtoBe · 25/04/2019 11:15

@Hollowvictory good point. I agree it's completely unnecessary for her to be home early.

Bookworm4 · 25/04/2019 11:17

Have you tried a substitute formula? Sometimes dropping bf makes life easier on everyone and I would in this instance. I had to with my 3rd due to work/ his hunger etc, he adapted well(big lad now)

whyohwhyowhydididoit · 25/04/2019 11:17

You are being a bit U but I understand why. Weaning isn’t just about changing how a child is fed. It’s also about them becoming independent from the mother and that is challenging emotionally for both mother and child.

As others have said she will be fine to just drink water /expressed milk for a few hours. Also that 11 months is a good time to start doing just morning and night feeds for comfort as much as nutrition. This is a chance to try it out and see if it works for you and DD.

Hollowvictory · 25/04/2019 11:19

Huge drip feed 🙄