Breastfeeding when inconvenient for DH

[Runawayandsaveyourlife]

DH has always been pro breastfeeding.
But now that DC is 11 months old and I am back at work, he appears to see it as a big inconvenience.
For example, I can't express much and so I collect DC from nursery at around 4pm on work days so that I can feed her. DH is a teacher and DC goes to nursery term time only so he is taking care of her this week. He has planned some big days out with his parents and DCs. I've requested they come back for 3.30pm so that I can breastfeed her (she is going without breastmilk all day aside from her morning feed) and he is in a big sulk about having to come home "early." It makes me feel like I'm ruining their fun, but
A) I worry that she won't have had enough fluids and will need to feed.
B) I don't want to get too full.

I just need to vent really. It's all so convenient when he's not having to fork out on formula and not having to do the feeds, but being back in time for her feed isn't convenient for him. We can't give formula as a back-up, one off feed either as she is CMPA.

DS is 22 mo and has no issues with other milk. I breastfeed him to sleep for his one nap during the day and for bedtime. He still feeds occasionally during the night for comfort.

He will wean himself off eventually.

Until then we are happy because he is happy. All our plans are made around his sleep and that is the way it is.

He goes for a nap at about 11am? Until about 1pm? But I get plenty of people giving me unsolicited advice about how to stop him falling asleep on the boob.

Dont bow down to pressure. You know what is right for your child. Your husband cannot flit from one side to the other. He encouraged you to bf and as such should still be doing so. What matters is your child needs, not the fact that he's inconvenienced!

But it’s also damaging a parental relationship by not being flexible. Op’s husband is as much a parent, and being told he can’t spend time with his own dd because of a rigid bf schedule when there are plenty of other perfectly acceptable options? It’s just going to lead to resentment and op’s dd will miss out on special time with her dad. I don’t think that’s fair at all.

Asking to have dd back at 4pm is not rigid.

If it was an issue then he shouldn't have encouraged and been on board with breastfeeding. The only reason hes objecting now is because he wants to spend time with his parents and DD. Totally valid to want that but unreasonable given that SD gets hungry at that time and can't be fed any other way.

At 11mo my DS was napping twice a day and feeding during those. We just had to sort our day according to the feeding times. It's just the way it is.

When he was cluster feeding and we wanted to go out, I'd Express. But OP cant do that. And her DD has dietary problems which dont allow her to have formula. What do you suggest she does? Suddenly takes away the breast? How's that going to go down?

I can see it is disappointing from the husbands point of view but at 11months it would be hard to switch to something else.

So he should have predicted that in 11 months time he wouldn’t be allowed to take his child out for the day because her mum said so? And so said “oh op you can’t breastfeed because of this!” What a ridiculous argument.

She can be fed quite easily lots of other ways. She manages at nursery. I’m sure op hasn’t banned all food and said she can only have bm as that would be child abuse, would it not?

I think at 11 months you can effectively treat them as if they are 1 in terms of having an occasional drink of oat milk. My DD was BF until she was 2, she had 2 days per week at nursery from 9 months (8-5) and managed fine on food and water (was a bottle and cup refuser, despite me sending breast milk in every day). I'd say she definitely substituted a 'feed' with volume of yogurt consumed, which is no different than having a drink of regular milk IMO. I'd just get your DH to offer her water, oat milk and maybe a soy or coconut yogurt? You will feel full but at this stage in the game you're not going to explode.

As mother to a CMPA toddler, I completely understand where you are coming from! It makes everything more difficult. I've only just stopped BF my CMPA DD now at 2.
Is your DD also soya free or can she tolerate soya? A CMPA formula probably isn't worth trying now, they taste vile and she probably wont tolerate it (I was told that by a dietician when DD was 9 months old) But try alpro growing up milk if she tolerates soya, my DD loves it. She wont drink cows milk now, even though shes completed the ladder, only likes alpro. At 11 months, for 1 drink a day and BF, it'll be fine.
If she doesn't like that, DH will have to put her needs first and bring her home. If she gets that upset, it wont be fun for either of them anyway.
11 months is still so little, but she does need to get used to other drinks. In the meantime she needs what nutrition you can get into her.

She's asking to have DD back by 3.30pm which as they are an hour away means finished their "day" out at 2.00pm... Which isn't much of a day out ... they must jointly be able to find a compromise surely

She has a soya allergy also.

Oh bloody hell!

Poor kid.

@mustard she manages at nursery because I am there to collect her again at 4pm. I'm just asking DH to be available at that time for her breastfeed as I usually would be.

She is not quite ready to lose that afternoon feed and has infact been feeding up to 5 times per day whilst she has been poorly- as encouraged by her doctor actually as breastmilk contains antibodies to help her healing.

Whole Oatly milk will be absolutely fine then. It’s for a few feeds. There isn’t a magic switch that flips on their first birthday that means they can suddenly drink milk.

Babies are not convenient 🤷🏻‍♀️ They have needs and you are the best placed to judge when she needs to be breastfed. I have no time for men suddenly deciding they know best about this stuff.

DH should suck it up and bring DD home at the time you specify.

This thread is dripfeed central.

Just don’t let him go op as you’re clearly not going to listen to any reasoning at all.

I actually didn't see the CMPA part or of course, I wouldn't have suggested whole milk but an alternative milk may be considered.

I want evidence that the doctor said she can’t have oat milk as a drink but has apparently ‘allowed it’ on cereal? I think Op is a bit batty and making things up now.

Regardless of CMPA and soya allergy, I too think YABU. I breastfed mine up to 3¹/² yrs, but if I wasn't available he learned to like water or had cucumber to chew on.

Plus, he hasn't packed that many water based foods. I've just messaged to ask what foods he has packed for their picnic- bread items mainly.

He has not had to get into the habit of feeding and watering her barely at all in the last 11months or so he does forget to offer extra water etc as he's so used to me providing all that care. This isn't to put him down or defend him actually, just a fact that he does forget to offer the extras when I'm not around as he hasn't had to until recently.

It almost sounds like you're trying to control everything and using the feed as a way of doing so. I would imagine her own father could keep her fed & watered for a day. I know every baby is different but my 9 month old hasn't had any daytime feeds for a month or so now, plenty of water and big milk feeds morning & bedtime.

Yabu. As pps all said.

he can pop to the shops whilst out though OP and buy some cucumbers etc can't he.

@teddybear wow. Google it if it's evidence you need. Im just a mum doing my bloody best. Or join one of the many CMPA groups online that I'm part of for your much needed evidence. I thought this was a support base, not intended for trying to catch people out and demand evidence, justifications and explanations. My intentions are to make sure she's well fed and hydrated- that's it. Oh and that I don't leak at work or get mastitis as I did when I first returned to work.

"He hasnt packed that many water based foods"? Christ alive. You are being really controlling and precious now. The absolute worst case scenario is she gets a bit grizzly . He'll cope and so will she!

He's her dad. Do you really not trust him to care for her? Has he shown in the past that he's likely to just not bother with her basic needs? If yes, then he shouldn't be caring for her at all. If no, then let him do it his way - and if she has one day out where she gets really grizzly at 3.30 he won't repeat it. Let him learn, just like you did.

^this.

Why not give him a chance to see how she manages coming back a little later? If she gets upset he will have to deal with it and can discuss a better plan for next time if needed.

Bloody hell. I'm clearly wasting my time.

Thanks anyway.

Your DD is getting more and more poorly with each post. Why didn't you tell us all this in your first post?

If she is unwell she shouldn't go on a day trip - with you or her father or anyone, just keep her home and offer her lots of breastmilk.